Lied to

[underpants]

I'm so pissed off.

 

I haven't dated anyone in years. I took a really long break and then I met someone.

 

He presented himself to me as a single father of one child. Did I take him for his word?

 

No, I like to think I'm a smart lady so I did research him, google, facebook, even online records. Found nothing to scare me away.

I don't even find him that attractive, but he seemed so nice, and yes, I needed to get laid.

 

So we had a fling and it was wonderful. Should I have waited months to get to know him? I had that thought, but then again I've known people for years and they have still lied or treated me poorly. So I took a chance. At some point you have to take the chance.

 

A couple of months later and his phone became broken and I was like awww hell.

 

Then I did a psycho search, because people hate it when you just stop calling us without letting us know. Gawd.

 

This guy has a family with like 1, 2, 3, 4....ahhhhhh!!!!!!! children and cheated on his partner who has a different last name.

 

I'm so angry that people get away with this. I don't want to destroy someone's family. I should have been given the option to say no thank you. When you misrepresent yourself to others you take everyone's choices away and that is so super not fair.

 

I don't think she knows. With that her choice is also taken away. That sucks too. That really sucks.

 

I never, ever, ever want to see this person again in my life. What pisses me off is that is probably exactly what he is praying for, and he gets away with it.

 

I'm really questioning humanity.

[sb129]

Underpants- hi!

 

What a total f***tard. He DESERVES to get busted big time.

 

I can totally understand why you are p*ssed and losing faith in humanity- but at least you aren't the poor woman married to him.

[sb129]

I would be tempted to take some kind of revenge in this instance.

[underpants]

Thanks sb,

 

I hope all is well in your world.

 

Oh, I've written the letter and used the kindest and most genuine words I can muster. I've been there and actually cut friends out that knew and didn't tell me.

 

However, I'm struggling.

 

A. I do not want to be killed.

 

B. I do not want to be forced to swallow someone else's lie.

 

C. I'm afraid of what that makes me if I don't let her know.

 

D. All pissed off again.

[Goodbye]

Why would you be killed?

[sb129]

THanks, I just had baby number 2, so am pretty much housebound at the moment!

 

Is your safety genuinely at risk? If so, then thats your number one priority I guess.

You couldn't let her know anonymously?

 

But I understand your dilemma, because why SHOULD that dirtbag be allowed to get away with that appalling behaviour when you are now grappling with YOUR conscience.

[BetrayedH]

Unless you have a bona fide reason to be concerned for your safety, I think the best thing you could do is to let his SO know that she can make an informed decision about how to move forward with her life. She could be being exposed to STDs, could be thinking about marrying or having children with this guy.

 

Evil triumphs when good men do nothing.

[underpants]

right on sb. You rock.

 

I don't know, why I feel like my safety might be at risk.

 

Confrontation and denial can be strange animals. Clearly I know nothing about these people. In many cases the betrayed partner may want to blame the person who had no freaking idea. However, of all my friends all but 2 said they would want to know. Of the 2 that didn't one is a cheater so whatev', the other said it has to be my fault somehow and that hurts.

 

Of course if (No, when, because he will do this again with someone else) she finds out later then I suck for not saying anything now.

 

I am the bad guy even though I didn't know and would have never ever agreed to such a thing. He had to lie to attract me. Sucks to be him.

 

This is so darn stupid. This is what lying does. So stupid.

[sb129]

If I was the W, I would want to know too.

 

Sooner- before it happened again.

 

I'm so mad for you what a complete piece of scum.

[Praying4Peace]

If you do tell her, please be as specific as possible and enclose any and all evidence for once and for all and tell her you have NO desire to be with him..he's all hers to deal with.

 

She deserves to make an informed decision but that's sometimes hard when the cheating H is making up all sorts of crap and uninforming her.

 

He will tell her that you are psycho, jealous that he broke it off with you after his little "i was feeling broken' fling, that you want to destroy them, that you've been threatening to out him because he won't see you, blah blah blah.

 

I'd do it too if I were you.

[underpants]

Unless you have a bona fide reason to be concerned for your safety, I think the best thing you could do is to let his SO know that she can make an informed decision about how to move forward with her life. She could be being exposed to STDs, could be thinking about marrying or having children with this guy.

 

Evil triumphs when good men do nothing.

 

I agree with all of this.

 

In your darkest moments you find out who you are.

 

I want to be good.

[underpants]

If you do tell her, please be as specific as possible and enclose any and all evidence for once and for all and tell her you have NO desire to be with him..he's all hers to deal with.

 

She deserves to make an informed decision but that's sometimes hard when the cheating H is making up all sorts of crap and uninforming her.

 

He will tell her that you are psycho, jealous that he broke it off with you after his little "i was feeling broken' fling, that you want to destroy them, that you've been threatening to out him because he won't see you, blah blah blah.

 

I'd do it too if I were you.

 

Yeah, he is a liar. Scum of the earth kind of lying.

 

That is what makes me want to bolt, but I can't stand that. These people should really find their own playground.

 

I can do this anon, but honestly the big part of me wants to say here is what happened (without graphic detail, that is hurtful), and here is my phone number if you have any further questions.

 

Hell, I just don't know.

[BetrayedH]

I can do this anon, but honestly the big part of me wants to say here is what happened (without graphic detail, that is hurtful), and here is my phone number if you have any further questions.

 

This is a smart path. Unfortunately, doing it anonymously gives her no chance to follow up with questions to confirm what's really happened. These kinds of liars are known to lie, deny, minimize, and lie some more. Even after being busted, they will "gaslight" their spouse into thinking that they're crazy (or you're crazy or both). Then even if some truth is known, they will only admit to what is known for sure (and maybe just one tidbit more so you think you know everything). If you find out more, they say, "Yeah, sorry, I didn't want to hurt you. NOW you know everything." That's called, "trickle truth." It's hogwash and dispicable.

 

I would advise you to wash your hands of such a person entirely except that there is an on-going victim here. And you're likely to be the only real hope for her to actually hear the truth. If you're going to do it, don't do it halfway.

 

The ethical thing to do becomes more obvious the longer you look at it. The real problem is that it takes courage. See what you can do to find it. My gut says that you're the kind of person that can't wash their hands and walk away without it eating you up, or you wouldn't be here.

 

Good luck to you and I'm sorry you're in such a crappy position.

Edited May 19, 2013 by BetrayedH

[ComingInHot]

underpants,

Oh geeez! I'm SO sorry this happened To You.

This is one of this Infidelity stitches where you are just as much the victim as his W. You are Not to blame here!! This guy reeks of immorality.

 

You said your first inclination is to Run, get the HE$$ away from the scumag and I Don't blame you.

I'd like you to rethink telling his BW*

Why?

Think of what he has already done to you once. Who knows how many times he has already done this to his W OR how many more times he will do this to her!!

 

You may be the One person who can put an end to MM's games* turn this awful experience into something good maybe...

[underpants]

Thanks everyone I really appreciate you taking the time to advise me.

 

Like I said the letter has been written. I have revised it a few times and read it to some friends to see how they would handle it.

 

I have to say there seems to be a do it anon cheer from my friends, but then they say that it is pretty courageous to let her know who I am and how to contact me. I think it deflates the whole 'who is she' energy and she can focus that energy where it should be focused. Or I could have to buy new tires or something....hope not.

 

I'm not so worried about her, I might be a little worried about him.

 

Cheaters do tend to be real cowards at their core, so I'll take the gamble.

 

The thing now is the delivery. I foolishly did send him a last text when I found out. I immediately regretted it. It was a "Who is name?" I was angry and I tipped him off.

 

So I imagine he is checking the mail, and doing a little damage control. I doubt this is his first rodeo.

 

I have one shot to navigate how to get her this information.

 

I've consulted a Scorpio, as I find they are the best resource in this department.

[ComingInHot]

underpants wrote, " I've consulted a Scorpio, as I find they are the best resource in this department."

 

Yes. Yes you did.

your welcome*lol*

[underpants]

I mean, how do you bypass the liar, and deliver the news gently.

 

There is no way, this is a bomb. An awesome truth bomb, but gawd?

[ComingInHot]

underpants, I think you've done a great job of it here so far*

 

Anonymous email, share quickly the truth:

You were dating a man. He began acting "weird".

You got suspicious. You checked him out deeper only to find he was M w/children!

You were mortified beyond belief.

Broke it off immediately. Show a couple "solid" pieces of evidence (that MM cannot refute)

Tell her you just want to move ahead w/your life w/out any distraction or what you see fit.

[underpants]

A plan has been formulated.

 

Thank you all.

[bambiwboone]

Wow, that is terrible. I am sorry this happened to you. I agree with you on questioning humanity.

[underpants]

I'm getting there.

 

My immediate reaction is to clear the air and let everyone know the truth. However, there is a ...hey I just discovered I slept with your partner last week and a genuine, you should know this. It is all the same to me, although I get it.

 

So, I'm sitting on the truth for now. I hate that.

 

I'm giving the distance of time to be certain and for certainty to become clear that this is for the right reasons.

 

This planet is whack.

[Art_Critic]

I'm getting there.

 

My immediate reaction is to clear the air and let everyone know the truth. However, there is a ...hey I just discovered I slept with your partner last week and a genuine, you should know this. It is all the same to me, although I get it.

 

So, I'm sitting on the truth for now. I hate that.

 

I'm giving the distance of time to be certain and for certainty to become clear that this is for the right reasons.

 

This planet is whack.

 

Hi Unders...the guy sucks.. since you are already on a set plan then use the truth in case you need a plan b, if he won't leave you alone or says bad things about you to friends...

[underpants]

Hi Unders...the guy sucks.. since you are already on a set plan then use the truth in case you need a plan b, if he won't leave you alone or says bad things about you to friends...

 

Yay Art!!!

 

Yea he is scum. The more I dig, the more I find and I just don't want to know anymore. I can't believe I tried to try again to get this. Gawd.

 

She is an ongoing victim and of course before I move along she should know the truth. So much easier to do this when you are not involved.

 

I don't understand the plan B.

[Art_Critic]

I don't understand the plan B.

 

If he resurfaces and won't leave you alone, then use the truth or if he starts rumors about you, since you have friends in common?? then he might do that.. then use the truth.

[underpants]

If he resurfaces and won't leave you alone, then use the truth or if he starts rumors about you, since you have friends in common?? then he might do that.. then use the truth.

 

I'm only about the truth. What is the point otherwise? We have no friends in common, and I've told all mine and they are holding pitch forks at bay.

 

It really is just a matter of when I deliver this and how far away I get.

 

I could care less, but when you get knocked for a loop, you look back and see someone else kicked in the stomach so you gotta ...try.

 

So sad.