Why do cheating wives remain in their marriage?

[caribou]

I thought the conventional wisdom was that men typically cheat simply because they have the opportunity whereas women cheat when there is something seriously wrong in the relationship. If that is the case, why do women stay in what they view as a broken marriage? Take my marriage for instance - no kids, wife has her own money, wife is cheating. Why stay married?

[samspade]

The answer: $$$

 

A woman who gets away with cheating while still reaping the benefits of her provider has hit the jackpot - especially if she gets knocked up by the man she's cheating with.

[Samantha0905]

I thought the conventional wisdom was that men typically cheat simply because they have the opportunity whereas women cheat when there is something seriously wrong in the relationship. If that is the case, why do women stay in what they view as a broken marriage? Take my marriage for instance - no kids, wife has her own money, wife is cheating. Why stay married?

 

Beats me in your case, but with me there are all sorts of reasons -- long term marriage, adult children, sense of family, sense of responsibility/morality, etc. I'm not cheating any longer, but I did. Not proud of it.

[Doing it Since '78]

The truth Bro, all women at some level want to, desire to, and dream of being a whore. They dont want respect, or admiration. They want there hair pulled, they want the money shot in the eye, etc, etc. If at some point you refused to treat your mate in such a way, she would look for it elsewhere. Now of course this doesnt apply to every woman on the planet, and to be honest the ones it doesnt apply to are probably being tied up right now by the husbands, or havent been caught sleeping around yet.

 

Every moment you treated your wife like a "good " girl was more than likely a moment she wanted to be treated like a slut. If she wanted to be treated like a queen, why would she cheat "down" with lesser?

[reboot]

Interesting question. I doubt anyone here has any good answers though.

[reboot]

The truth Bro, all women at some level want to, desire to, and dream of being a whore. They dont want respect, or admiration. They want there hair pulled, they want the money shot in the eye, etc, etc. If at some point you refused to treat your mate in such a way, she would look for it elsewhere. Now of course this doesnt apply to every woman on the planet, and to be honest the ones it doesnt apply to are probably being tied up right now by the husbands, or havent been caught sleeping around yet.

 

Every moment you treated your wife like a "good " girl was more than likely a moment she wanted to be treated like a slut. If she wanted to be treated like a queen, why would she cheat "down" with lesser?

 

Wow. I'm really sorry some woman treated you so terribly that you formed this opinion of women. That's sad.

[Doing it Since '78]

Wow. I'm really sorry some woman treated you so terribly that you formed this opinion of women. That's sad.

 

Not sad to me bro, you dont see any element in truth to what I wrote? Now that is sad

[reboot]

I'm sure there are women out there like that. I've never had the (dis)pleasure of getting close to any of them.

[carhill]

Why stay married?

 

In no particular order:

 

1 Guilt

 

2 Children

 

3 Money

 

4 Social status

 

5 Fear

 

IME, as an OM or confidant, the most common are 2 and 5. Specifically, wrt #5, fear of 'starting over' and fear of 'being alone'.

 

Going through a divorce after a protracted period of instability, as well as listening to female friends, I can opine that *some* women can be quite pragmatic and compartmentalize their escape 'plan' from their everyday lives. They're very methodical and business-like, to the point that I admire them for their cold pragmatism. I actually learned from their experiences when concocting 'plan B' for my divorce, an alternative, cold, methodology, if amicable didn't fly. Fortunately, I didn't have to become that kind of person to divorce.

 

Also, I've known a small number of cheating wives (less than 10) who stay in their M's because they and their husbands are 'equals', meaning they both have had/are having affairs. Both parties are getting their needs met elsewhere, preserving the status quo.

 

I will say, excepting very few instances, the men choose to not participate in MC. Interesting that I did and we D'd and they didn't and the women remain in the M's. Perhaps lack of clear communication and clarity also contribute. Issues remaining a bit nebulous keeps them in the game. IDK. Hope it works out for you (from your other thread). Personally, I'd have her served at work and then, with that shock on her plate, suggest MC as an alternative to D.

[NoIDidn't]

I've gotta go with money and not having the kids (if any) know why their family was turned upside down (but I think you said you don't have kids).

 

A rich OM usually spells a divorce in the future. A poor or not as well-off as the BH OM usually means she is going to stay married indefinitely.

 

Of course this is JMO. As a woman.

[Just a stone's throw]

I thought the conventional wisdom was that men typically cheat simply because they have the opportunity whereas women cheat when there is something seriously wrong in the relationship. If that is the case, why do women stay in what they view as a broken marriage? Take my marriage for instance - no kids, wife has her own money, wife is cheating. Why stay married?

 

I cheated. I am not cheating and no longer wish to cheat. I chose to cheat because I found out I could. We had a strong physical connection and the allure of risk and doing something bad was attractive to me. I felt that my H had a level of disrespect for me and my family which I was never able to address with him. I do not find cheating attractive any longer. I am choosing to be with the man I love and work on our marriage. I have been able to discuss the respect issues with him and maybe in a way had this affair as a sort of revenge, a disrespect tit-for-tat though I'm pretty sure mine trumped any disrespect he ever had for me. No, I have not chosen to confess the affair. That has been well documented elsewhere but am consistent in my intent to end it and be the best wife I can be moving forward.

 

I do not want to D my H though I realize that I am taking a huge chance in not telling him that if he were to ever find out that would likely be the outcome and I accept that. I can make my own money, friends, life. I appreciate what he offers to my life and would rather be with him than without him.

 

JAST

[bentnotbroken]

The truth Bro, all women at some level want to, desire to, and dream of being a whore. They dont want respect, or admiration. They want there hair pulled, they want the money shot in the eye, etc, etc. If at some point you refused to treat your mate in such a way, she would look for it elsewhere. Now of course this doesnt apply to every woman on the planet, and to be honest the ones it doesnt apply to are probably being tied up right now by the husbands, or havent been caught sleeping around yet.

 

Every moment you treated your wife like a "good " girl was more than likely a moment she wanted to be treated like a slut. If she wanted to be treated like a queen, why would she cheat "down" with lesser?

 

 

This is the biggest load of horse crap:mad: Pull my hair and you get your balls handed to you on plate along with your spine and your voice box. I am a queen whether a man treats my that way or not. As long as I treat myself that way and carry myself in that manner. Sheesh....

[sally4sara]

This is the biggest load of horse crap:mad: Pull my hair and you get your balls handed to you on plate along with your spine and your voice box. I am a queen whether a man treats my that way or not. As long as I treat myself that way and carry myself in that manner. Sheesh....

 

Some new member to add to the ignore list?

 

I think so!

[Mimolicious]

Question is: Why not??? If you get away with something, why not continue to do it?

 

The real question is: Why are you still with her? If you kicked her to the curb then she wouldn't be "staying" much.

[Owl]

I cheated. I am not cheating and no longer wish to cheat. I chose to cheat because I found out I could. We had a strong physical connection and the allure of risk and doing something bad was attractive to me. I felt that my H had a level of disrespect for me and my family which I was never able to address with him. I do not find cheating attractive any longer. I am choosing to be with the man I love and work on our marriage. I have been able to discuss the respect issues with him and maybe in a way had this affair as a sort of revenge, a disrespect tit-for-tat though I'm pretty sure mine trumped any disrespect he ever had for me. No, I have not chosen to confess the affair. That has been well documented elsewhere but am consistent in my intent to end it and be the best wife I can be moving forward.

 

I do not want to D my H though I realize that I am taking a huge chance in not telling him that if he were to ever find out that would likely be the outcome and I accept that. I can make my own money, friends, life. I appreciate what he offers to my life and would rather be with him than without him.

 

JAST

 

Here's the best answer you're gonna get (besides Mimi's equal but less explanative one).

 

Why shouldn't she cheat and stay married?

 

She's not suffering ANY consequence for doing so.

 

She's happily having some of her wants/needs met by you, and some met by others.

 

And right now, there are no repercussions for her to do so...or not enough for her to want to change.

 

And the situation will remain that way until something changes the equation...either the benefits of cheating become less, or the repercussions for cheating become greater.

 

That simple.

[Mimolicious]

The truth Bro, all women at some level want to, desire to, and dream of being a whore. They dont want respect, or admiration. They want there hair pulled, they want the money shot in the eye, etc, etc. If at some point you refused to treat your mate in such a way, she would look for it elsewhere. Now of course this doesnt apply to every woman on the planet, and to be honest the ones it doesnt apply to are probably being tied up right now by the husbands, or havent been caught sleeping around yet.

 

Every moment you treated your wife like a "good " girl was more than likely a moment she wanted to be treated like a slut. If she wanted to be treated like a queen, why would she cheat "down" with lesser?

 

The truth BRO- you have never had an encounter with a real woman. Whatever!

[Doing it Since '78]

This is the biggest load of horse crap:mad: Pull my hair and you get your balls handed to you on plate along with your spine and your voice box. I am a queen whether a man treats my that way or not. As long as I treat myself that way and carry myself in that manner. Sheesh....

 

How do you think the OW was able to get your WS?

[Doing it Since '78]

I cheated. I am not cheating and no longer wish to cheat. I chose to cheat because I found out I could. We had a strong physical connection and the allure of risk and doing something bad was attractive to me. I felt that my H had a level of disrespect for me and my family which I was never able to address with him. I do not find cheating attractive any longer. I am choosing to be with the man I love and work on our marriage. I have been able to discuss the respect issues with him and maybe in a way had this affair as a sort of revenge, a disrespect tit-for-tat though I'm pretty sure mine trumped any disrespect he ever had for me. No, I have not chosen to confess the affair. That has been well documented elsewhere but am consistent in my intent to end it and be the best wife I can be moving forward.

 

I do not want to D my H though I realize that I am taking a huge chance in not telling him that if he were to ever find out that would likely be the outcome and I accept that. I can make my own money, friends, life. I appreciate what he offers to my life and would rather be with him than without him.

 

JAST

 

So in other words, you felt the need to be bad/a whore? No disrespect intended

[Doing it Since '78]

The truth BRO- you have never had an encounter with a real woman. Whatever!

 

When you hear WW discuss the passion/sex was so great, etc, I can almost gurantee the OM DID NOT take her "good girl" statuts into consideration. It was not sweet lovemaking, I bet it was animilastic, and degrading. How else could some WS revel in the coldness and viciousness towards the BS after a D-Day? Sadomasochistic (sp) behavior is who they are, and the thrill of inflicting pain is just as much as high as receiving it. I think on some level, the majority of WW actually beleive they deserve whatever treatment the get from OM

[Mimolicious]

When you hear WW discuss the passion/sex was so great' date=' etc, I can almost gurantee the OM DID NOT take her "good girl" statuts into consideration. It was not sweet lovemaking, I bet it was animilastic, and degrading. How else could some WS revel in the coldness and viciousness towards the BS after a D-Day? Sadomasochistic (sp) behavior is who they are, and the thrill of inflicting pain is just as much as high as receiving it. I think on some level, the majority of WW actually beleive they deserve whatever treatment the get from OM[/quote']

 

 

Ok, if you say so.

[Samantha0905]

In no particular order:

 

1 Guilt

 

2 Children

 

3 Money

 

4 Social status

 

5 Fear

 

IME, as an OM or confidant, the most common are 2 and 5. Specifically, wrt #5, fear of 'starting over' and fear of 'being alone'.

 

Going through a divorce after a protracted period of instability, as well as listening to female friends, I can opine that *some* women can be quite pragmatic and compartmentalize their escape 'plan' from their everyday lives. They're very methodical and business-like, to the point that I admire them for their cold pragmatism. I actually learned from their experiences when concocting 'plan B' for my divorce, an alternative, cold, methodology, if amicable didn't fly. Fortunately, I didn't have to become that kind of person to divorce.

 

Also, I've known a small number of cheating wives (less than 10) who stay in their M's because they and their husbands are 'equals', meaning they both have had/are having affairs. Both parties are getting their needs met elsewhere, preserving the status quo.

 

I will say, excepting very few instances, the men choose to not participate in MC. Interesting that I did and we D'd and they didn't and the women remain in the M's. Perhaps lack of clear communication and clarity also contribute. Issues remaining a bit nebulous keeps them in the game. IDK. Hope it works out for you (from your other thread). Personally, I'd have her served at work and then, with that shock on her plate, suggest MC as an alternative to D.

 

Pretty good post. I agree with you.

 

When you hear WW discuss the passion/sex was so great' date=' etc, I can almost gurantee the OM DID NOT take her "good girl" statuts into consideration. It was not sweet lovemaking, I bet it was animilastic, and degrading. How else could some WS revel in the coldness and viciousness towards the BS after a D-Day? Sadomasochistic (sp) behavior is who they are, and the thrill of inflicting pain is just as much as high as receiving it. I think on some level, the majority of WW actually beleive they deserve whatever treatment the get from OM[/quote']

 

Just because a lover is passionate, does not mean the sex was degrading.

 

LOL @ your whore comment. Wow. Hate women?

[Doing it Since '78]

Pretty good post. I agree with you.

 

 

 

Just because a lover is passionate, does not mean the sex was degrading.

 

LOL @ your whore comment. Wow. Hate women?

 

Not at all I love women, and they love me back! However as a former WS Samantha, did you not feel bad/dirty cheating on your BS? Was that not part of the "thrill", no offense BTW

[bentnotbroken]

How do you think the OW was able to get your WS?

 

 

First you assume she got him. He was the one who did the pursuing as I can only wonder if he were the one in all his liaisons. Since he is NPD..I would say yes.

[rewe4reel]

When you hear WW discuss the passion/sex was so great' date=' etc, I can almost gurantee the OM DID NOT take her "good girl" statuts into consideration. It was not sweet lovemaking, I bet it was animilastic, and degrading. How else could some WS revel in the coldness and viciousness towards the BS after a D-Day? Sadomasochistic (sp) behavior is who they are, and the thrill of inflicting pain is just as much as high as receiving it. I think on some level, the majority of WW actually beleive they deserve whatever treatment the get from OM[/quote']

 

 

Doing It,

 

I just am posting to let you know that I completely agree with everything that you're saying ITT. LOL at all the bashing you've been getting for posting the obvious. (I guess it's not obvious to those who would rather believe otherwise.)

 

I guess maybe the only possible disagreement I might have is your assertion that the ladies like to get it in the eye. That stings too much. Otherwise you get an "A+."

[Doing it Since '78]

First you assume she got him. He was the one who did the pursuing as I can only wonder if he were the one in all his liaisons. Since he is NPD..I would say yes.

 

What is NPD? Sorry, excuse my net lingo ignorance