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-   -   Wife bringing random guys in house with our son (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/642383-wife-bringing-random-guys-house-our-son)

What-2-Do 10th November 2017 5:48 PM

Wife bringing random guys in house with our son
 
I'm going thru a divorce and I moved out and we have shared custody with our only son. He is 9 years old. Anyways, my wife is keeping our house and the divorce isn't finalized. My son reached out to me saying that "mommy has guys over the house when I go to bed." I have no idea who these guys are and I really don't give a crap who she's sleeping with but I feel she is potentially putting my son in danger.

Is there any action I can take with regards to this? I technically still own the house and I clearly don't want my son waking up and finding different men in the house esp. when I have no idea who the hell they are?

Marc878 10th November 2017 6:49 PM

Not much you can do. You shouldn't have moved out.

BaileyB 10th November 2017 8:23 PM

Well, we knew before you separated that your wife was not a devoted mother, manipulative, and spiteful. So, what about this situation really surprises you?

Perhaps, this is her response to the fact that you cheated on her and you are currently dating a woman half your age.

All you can do is talk to her and try to convince her to put her son's best interest ahead of her own... You shouldn't have to do that, but...

basil67 10th November 2017 8:54 PM

Can you go for custody? Or even 50/50 custody and limit his time with these guys?

CautiouslyOptimistic 10th November 2017 8:55 PM

This poor kid :(. How often does he sleep at your home so she can have some adult time without him there?

MJJean 11th November 2017 3:23 PM

Speak to your lawyer. In my state, sometimes the court will order "no unrelated adults of the opposite sex" are to stay the night in the home while the children are in residence. If you're concerned she lacks the judgement to only allow safe men into the house, you could try for that.

However, be aware that the rule would also apply to you. So, you'd be unable to have female friends stay over when you have the kids.

Also understand that there are loopholes big enough to drive a truck through. To skirt the rules, divorcing or divorced people will have their SO come over early in the morning and leave after midnight, but so long as they didn't sleep over, the rules have been observed.

And, lastly, some people will hastily marry rather than be separated every night by court order. Some of those marriages are obviously ill advised and the relationship may have ended on it's own much earlier if the order hadn't forced their hands.

What-2-Do 11th November 2017 6:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CautiouslyOptimistic (Post 7463830)
This poor kid :(. How often does he sleep at your home so she can have some adult time without him there?

He stays with me Tuesdays and Thursdays and every-other weekend from Friday to Sunday night.

I hate this woman more than words can describe at this point. I never in a million years would have ever thought she would be this way.

She took out a restraining order on me a few weeks ago and so I went to my lawyer about it and he basically shook his head. She has initiated every bit of conversation and it's only been thru Text message. My lawyer looked it over and said she had no basis. Once she found out I wouldn't be able to see my son during the order and that I went to a lawyer she immediately dropped the order.

Now, she says she got it not because she ever felt in danger or threatened but that she felt upset.

CautiouslyOptimistic 11th November 2017 6:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by What-2-Do (Post 7464500)
He stays with me Tuesdays and Thursdays and every-other weekend from Friday to Sunday night.

I hate this woman more than words can describe at this point. I never in a million years would have ever thought she would be this way.

She took out a restraining order on me a few weeks ago and so I went to my lawyer about it and he basically shook his head. She has initiated every bit of conversation and it's only been thru Text message. My lawyer looked it over and said she had no basis. Once she found out I wouldn't be able to see my son during the order and that I went to a lawyer she immediately dropped the order.

Now, she says she got it not because she ever felt in danger or threatened but that she felt upset.

Can ya blame her?

Marc878 11th November 2017 7:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by What-2-Do (Post 7464500)
He stays with me Tuesdays and Thursdays and every-other weekend from Friday to Sunday night.

I hate this woman more than words can describe at this point. I never in a million years would have ever thought she would be this way.

She took out a restraining order on me a few weeks ago and so I went to my lawyer about it and he basically shook his head. She has initiated every bit of conversation and it's only been thru Text message. My lawyer looked it over and said she had no basis. Once she found out I wouldn't be able to see my son during the order and that I went to a lawyer she immediately dropped the order.

Now, she says she got it not because she ever felt in danger or threatened but that she felt upset.

Typical cheater ploy. Nothing unusual until they have to prove it

MJJean 11th November 2017 7:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marc878 (Post 7464532)
Typical cheater ploy. Nothing unusual until they have to prove it

OP's or his wife's behavior? IIRC, he had an affair with a much younger woman then left his wife to be with said woman.

grays 11th November 2017 8:05 PM

My ex left me for another woman, too. If he ever tried to come back and tell me I cant **** who I want when I want, Id tell him that was the price of the p*ssy. He no longer has any right to question what I'm doing unless I've put our children in danger. It doesn't sound to me like you have any reason to think she's done that.

CautiouslyOptimistic 11th November 2017 8:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by grays (Post 7464547)
My ex left me for another woman, too. If he ever tried to come back and tell me I cant **** who I want when I want, Id tell him that was the price of the p*ssy. He no longer has any right to question what I'm doing unless I've put our children in danger. It doesn't sound to me like you have any reason to think she's done that.

The hypocrisy is astounding.

Maraud3r 11th November 2017 8:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by grays (Post 7464547)
I'm doing unless I've put our children in danger. It doesn't sound to me like you have any reason to think she's done that.

Except that seems to be what this is about. If the nine year old is noticing a string of various men coming and going then it might put him at danger. If he'd had a parade of woman marching in and out it'd be the same.

grays 12th November 2017 3:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maraud3r (Post 7464561)
Except that seems to be what this is about. If the nine year old is noticing a string of various men coming and going then it might put him at danger. If he'd had a parade of woman marching in and out it'd be the same.

What's the danger??? I wouldnt ever want to make my children uncomfortable so I wouldn't do tjis. But there's a big difference between uncomfortable and dangerous. This mom has made a decision that each of these guys (and I dont think we know if its two or 20) is ok to be around her child and as his parent that's her prerogative.

elaine567 12th November 2017 4:41 AM

It is just one of the problems faced when you cheat and leave your wife in a mess and run out on your child, for the joys of a younger woman...
YOU cannot have your cake and eat it.
You left your wife and now she can date/sleep with/get engaged to/marry whoever she likes.

She will have a hard enough job coming to terms with you deserting her, I do not think it is your place to make her life any harder than no doubt it is.


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