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I had work event and he demanded text pics to prove my location.


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Old 29th June 2017, 11:05 PM   #1
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I had work event and he demanded text pics to prove my location.

Today I left for work a few hours out of town and my new husband got mad that I was staying at a hotel overnight. He accused me of going to meet a man.

He demanded I send text pictures immediately. Randomly to prove where I was. I was already sharing my location.

I told him after work I was going back to my room to eat room service and stay in. I didn't want to deal with his accusations. He says why? You aren't going out just cause you don't want me to go out. I said no! I just said I would eat in. I don't want more fights. He said yeah right. Why don't you just be honest and level with me. You are going out.

I said this is insanity. No. I said I'm eating in. That is it. Stop arguing.

He said yeah I had a big work presentation dinner tonight I passed up for you. Then you left And I should have gone. I said what dinner? He told me where and who was involved. I said that's odd. Who is the person who invited you. He "forgot". I said you didn't get an email? He said no. He was told in person. I said by who? He couldn't remember the name.

I called there tonight. There was no dinner for that company. I asked him he said the hostess would never know.

How do I deal with an accusatory significant other who tries to threaten me by saying he will go out without me because I am working.
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Old 30th June 2017, 12:34 AM   #2
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When a SO makes unfounded accusations, it's many times that they are projecting their own behaviors onto you. If he's accusing you of cheating, it might be because he is a cheater and is paranoid that you're turning the tables.
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Old 30th June 2017, 6:17 AM   #3
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Has he always been this controlling and demanding?

Seriously, it's called trust. he needs to trust that you are where you say you are. And really, you have the absolute right to go anywhere and do (almost) anything that you want to do. Watch out for this one, if this behavior continues, this is a BIG RED FLAG!
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Old 30th June 2017, 6:21 AM   #4
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That's awful! Has he behaved like this previously, or is this a once off? Has he got *any* reason whatsoever to doubt your intentions?

I'm not suggesting anything, but his behaviour seems very strange. There's definitely more going on. I agree that he could be projecting, like the other poster said.
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Old 30th June 2017, 7:08 AM   #5
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I'm sorry. His behavior is concerning. He's got to settle down. Like another comment, I'd be worried what's going on with him.

Maybe it's a miscommunication. If so, communicate with each other where you are as much as you can. When either of you are away from home, find some way to use technology to connect (Skype, telephone, texting, etc). Make it fun.

There is no situation that can't be turned into spice. If his mind is wondering into this area, try to understand it and turn it into something tantalizing.

The best scenario is, he's crazy about you and he fears losing you. That doesn't justify his behavior but the two of you can use that to both your benefits.

The best growth I've made in my life and my marriage cane out of the biggest fears I had.
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Old 30th June 2017, 8:08 AM   #6
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Can I ask how old you both are?

Was there an episode that caused him to lack trust?
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Old 30th June 2017, 8:46 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BetrayedH View Post
When a SO makes unfounded accusations, it's many times that they are projecting their own behaviors onto you. If he's accusing you of cheating, it might be because he is a cheater and is paranoid that you're turning the tables.
I have seen this story with many WS's before. Their own cheating
has made them paranoid.
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Old 30th June 2017, 8:46 AM   #8
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New husband?

Are you familiar with marriage annulment? look it up.
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Old 30th June 2017, 9:23 AM   #9
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This is not going to be a very fun marriage.
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Old 30th June 2017, 9:36 AM   #10
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Mariacha have you cheated on him before? Just asking because I don't know your background.
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Old 30th June 2017, 9:43 AM   #11
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Without trust you don't have a stable marriage. He thinks you are going to a work trip to cheat. You felt compelled to call the restaurant to check up on him.


Oh boy. Why did you two even marry?
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Old 30th June 2017, 10:06 AM   #12
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Yes — the background is rough. He was extremely controlling and possessive in the beginning. Here’s what happened — 3 months into the relationship everything was great. I was going through the final stages of a long divorce. He was very much my advocate.

I had hired a new lawyer and he wanted copies of texts. Well, I went back to work one day and he went into my computer to ‘download my texts for me’

He went through my entire file. He read all my texts between friends, guys — ex husband etc. During the time we were supposed to be exclusive — he saw that I had exchanged texts with a guy. I had seen him briefly before meeting my now husband.

I had said something like “thinking of you — how are you?” and had traded a few texts back and forth. He said something like “we need to get together” I said yeah - we should get the kids together sometime. (that’s how we met - he has a child my son’s age.) Anyway, at the end of the conversation he asked me to send a pic. I never did. He then said you should send one sexy or something like that. Again I didn’t reply.

My now husband went nuts. Accused me of cheating. CALLED the guy — told me he was done with me. Left and then came back and we talked it out and he said he was worried he could never trust me again. I was thinking the same thing about the fact he went through my stuff!

To this day — he has pictures saved on HIS computer from MY OLD PHONE of things i did from before I even met him — and guys i had texted etc.

It still makes my blood curl thinking about it now.

From there — I broke up with him several times because this behavior ensued. He accused me of everything under the sun. This was 3 YEARS ago.

So it started to impact my relationships even at work. One time a guy colleague had a dinner party at his town house. He invited some people from work and me. I couldn’t take my fiancé at the time. (this was 1 year ago) and I knew he would freak if I asked to go. So i lied and told him I was at the movies with my son, when I was really at this work party.

He followed me and accused me of sleeping with the guy. He also called HIM — and asked him a bunch of questions and left me then - saying he knew I slept with this guy. I didn’t! I never even touched him! Gross!

He is still convinced that I slept with the man. So — since we got back together the last time I have done EVERYTHING to show my location. Send pictures — whatever he asks. I am SUPER transparent — but it’s not enough.

Yesterday when I sent a picture of the people in my office — he said ‘who is that guy’ it was a co-worker’s husband. He was there to deliver A/V equipment. I told him that. He said “YEAH RIGHT!” I sent a pic of him carrying the equipment. He responded “yeah — you just want him — i’m sure”

It’s non stop insults. And he does this even when I am sitting next to him. It’s obviously worse now that I am out of his control.

Now, I do not believe he is currently cheating on me - but I found out AFTER we married that he cheated on his first wife. And left her when she was pregnant. He said they were in therapy and they tried to go on vacation to work things out. She got pregnant and then they still didn’t work. He says he didn’t cheat. But he just happened to start dating his ex’s good friend — 2 weeks after he moved out. AND his mother accidentally told me that he cheated on her.
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Old 30th June 2017, 10:07 AM   #13
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No i didn't check restaurant on HIM. I knew he was lying. He was manipulating me saying he didn't go to this dinner BECAUSE of me.

My gut said he didn't have a dinner at all. And I was right. It wasn't checking on him. It was checking to see if he made up the event to make me feel guilty and he did.

Quote:
Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
Without trust you don't have a stable marriage. He thinks you are going to a work trip to cheat. You felt compelled to call the restaurant to check up on him.


Oh boy. Why did you two even marry?
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Old 30th June 2017, 10:16 AM   #14
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I'm having a hard time figuring out if you're a victim of, or a volunteer for, your husband's insanity. All I know is that life is too short for this kind of horse****.


Me, I'd tell him that this crap ends, now. That you're happy to try to work through this in counseling, or if that won't work for him then divorce is fine, too, but that things will not continue as they are. And then stick to it and follow through.
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Old 30th June 2017, 10:18 AM   #15
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You have set yourself up for life in hell.
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