The safety Net

[Phoenician]

After a long time , 18 years of rocky marriage and many incidences of getting very close to Divorce ; I want to share a great experience ,crossing my middle age crisis .

 

Briefly , I am an HD person , married to a great women who is LD , and eventually become selfish lazy barbie .

 

I want to share my success story , of keeping my marriage ,it is a continuous process ; earn the love of my wife again , and a happy family of 3 kids .

 

 

having Invested a lot in this relation , a man consider divorce as losing , and losing is not an easy thing to accept.

 

 

I advise every person to benefit from my experiencewhen in same position ,though it is not ethical 100% , but it is not really breaking vows.

[Phoenician]

In my religion and social habits around me , the definition of betrayal is having PIV ,ie when an intercourse happens ; today , the definition of cheating is becoming more and more complex , when even a desire could be considered as EA .

 

my words could seem odd to some , but for me indulging in a minor sin is much more better than destroying a family .

 

I created my own back yard , where the rules of friendship with benefits are very accurate to me , no room of error , no PIV , no getting drunk and loosing control , however I am playing on the edge , having a nice time .

 

Don't believe that honesty in such situation is better ; and no one can be in my shoes and attack me that I should be loyal and shut down completly my desires .

 

I go parties , enjoy my time ,go out and have fun , but never sleep with another women ;

 

maybe because I don't want to sleep with another women , I just want to make a validation of my desires in my middle age crisis.

 

Invited my wife many times to go out with the group , a bunch of couples and singles from my school (20 yrs back !); she did it couple of times , but was not really comfortable ; but at the same time ,over time she is getting confidence that that's it , all what we do is dancing , getting crazy , with nothing shameful.

 

after few years ,this group became the safety net of my marriage , they are very loyal , great friends and push me always to strengthen my marriage even the ladies who mess up with me ! because they want the same ...

 

The existence of those loyal friends are doing great improvement to my marriage wife , for example yesterday we had a great picnic with families ,

they show her the image as is , let's have decent fun when family is there , a bit more naughty when we are singles .

 

my advise to you is to find such a safety net , a group of great friends , where boundaries are defined , yet there is a room for fun .

 

 

I dance ,drink a little , joke , even cuddle with them since few years , we know a lot about each other , but deeply secretly respected being mature enough , I don't feel anymore in need of just sex , I need empathy .

 

 

The great rule of having a lot of fun , but not really sex - though it is a risky situation - is saving my marriage .

 

And gradually my wife is becoming better , she has too , because deep inside herself she knows that if she doesn't she is pushing me further to the edge of infedility ; but i never show it as a threat or as an intended action .

 

I advise those who were in my situation to do the same ; build a safety net with loyal friends ; who are mature enough .

 

it can reach anywhere , from just funny friendship ; to even open marriage in case it is the best option .

 

All what I want to say is that , life is not black and white , to save a marriage , one has to be flexible and catch the edge of every hope , and if the choice is between a miserable honest life for the HD person or a destoryed family , then little bit of rounded corners is a better choice;

 

lie a bit if you are not going to really cheat , because in few years , your T level will go down again , and your family will become again the number one aim in your life .

 

If you suppress yourself , you will explode one day , and if you face everything with a borderline personality you will end up with a broken family .

 

live your life , be flexible , and enjoy both , call me having the cake and eating it too ; it is better than a miserable family just because I want more intimacy .

[bathtub-row]

There's no question that it's a very big deal to divorce when kids are involved. I say that all of us need to be less judgmental of those who stay or leave. Sometimes situations are so intolerable that a person just can't stay. Sometimes people find ways to stay and deal with the intolerable. I think you need to do what works for you while still feeling good about your choices. I think that's all any of us can do.