Why do you need a big audience for your wedding?

[TeddyBeer]

Hi everyone!

 

I never understood the big fancy weddings, having to spend so much money on an occasion that to me feels very private, between two people who love each other deeply.

 

When I get married I could not care about how we are dressed, I just want him, me and someone who can officiate the marriage, because I feel it is a private moment between us where we promise each other our eternal love. Even with the officiant being the only one present, I would want to whisper our vows into each others ears.. because it is private and for us and us alone. I could not ever imagine to involve friends or family (although I do know that they would feel offended when I leave them out). Can anyone explain that to me? Why do you need everyone to be there for your marriage?

[TeddyBeer]

Also yes I am close to getting married.

[burnt]

Can anyone explain that to me? Why do you need everyone to be there for your marriage?

 

No, I cannot explain that to you, as I don't understand the reason myself either and have always wondered it myself too.

 

But I never did ask the question out loud because I know most people do want a big wedding with lots of expensive clothing, food, parting and show. I guess for some strange mysterious reason (to me) it's important to others, so I just respected the others' preferences and didn't' ask, in case my question offended anyone.

 

I always hated huge wedding parties (but then again I hate big parties in general).

I always thought that instead of having ONE very large celebration which costs so much money, why not save the money for day to day use after the marriage.

Isn't it a bit silly to have a grand wedding that lasts a single day and then whine about not having enough money after they get married?

 

(Sorry if my comment above offend anyone).

 

So, TeddyBeer, I'm glad you're brave enough to ask.

[d0nnivain]

By law you need 1 witness so it's can't just be you, him & the efficient.

 

 

I had a huge wedding (400 people) My parents wanted to throw a BIG party. It was fun to celebrate with everybody. We were so happy; we just wanted to share that with all of our friends & family. It was a joyous reason to get people from far & wide together.

 

 

If you don't want a big, wedding don't have one. It's a simple as that.

 

 

Do understand you will hurt people's feelings if you exclude them. Your parents especially want to see you start this next phase of your life.

[TeddyBeer]

By law you need 1 witness so it's can't just be you, him & the efficient.

That is stupid as f, but good to know thank you . One witness btw for both of us or per person?

 

 

I had a huge wedding (400 people) My parents wanted to throw a BIG party. It was fun to celebrate with everybody. We were so happy; we just wanted to share that with all of our friends & family. It was a joyous reason to get people from far & wide together.

Okay so what you are saying the wedding was an excuse for a big party? Also: wouldn't you have rather spend all that money on the honeymoon?

 

 

If you don't want a big, wedding don't have one. It's a simple as that.

We don't want that no

 

 

Do understand you will hurt people's feelings if you exclude them. Your parents especially want to see you start this next phase of your life.

Yes I realize that. My best friend already is planning our wedding and I told her I don't want her there and how our wedding will be.. her face it just broke my heart. But you can't just give up on your own wishes for other people. I do want to fly her over for my wedding yes she is my oldest and dearest friend but if I fly her over I need to fly my mother over and if I fly my mother over I need to fly my dad, sis, grandma, aunt and uncle over and the list never ends! And I think it is ridiculous to be depending on other people's needs for your own personal happiness! So I will not give into that non sense. It is our wedding and it is about me and him and no one else. As a matter of fact, no one even needs to know we are married either. Maybe that will save them some broken hearts!

[d0nnivain]

The party was important to my parents & they paid for it. We had a great HM.

 

 

Our wedding worked for us & reflected us as a couple. Yours should do the same.

 

 

I didn't initially realize that you were in the Netherlands. The witness rule is a US law. Check your country's laws.

[amaysngrace]

Wow with the way you sound they probably wouldn't want to be there anyway so no worries.

 

Happy Marriage since that seems like that may be all you've got.

[TeddyBeer]

No, I cannot explain that to you, as I don't understand the reason myself either and have always wondered it myself too.

 

But I never did ask the question out loud because I know most people do want a big wedding with lots of expensive clothing, food, parting and show. I guess for some strange mysterious reason (to me) it's important to others, so I just respected the others' preferences and didn't' ask, in case my question offended anyone.

 

I always hated huge wedding parties (but then again I hate big parties in general).

I always thought that instead of having ONE very large celebration which costs so much money, why not save the money for day to day use after the marriage.

Isn't it a bit silly to have a grand wedding that lasts a single day and then whine about not having enough money after they get married?

 

(Sorry if my comment above offend anyone).

 

So, TeddyBeer, I'm glad you're brave enough to ask.

 

Don't be sorry , good to see a like minded person since often I feel very lonely in this. Especially with girl friends. Showing me dresses, getting married big themselves, planning their weddings big big big (before boyfriends even have a clue really...), just awful to me. I told my boyfriend if you want to get married you can propose to me with a pink plastic ring on a dump. I honestly do not care. It is about us! Our personal, private promise to each other. It does not need to be fancy or big, it needs to be sincere. That's all I ever want.

[ufo8mycat]

the beauty of it is that you can have any sort of wedding you like!

 

Others having big parties is no reflection on your choice. Nor should you judge others for how they choose to celebrate.

[TeddyBeer]

Wow with the way you sound they probably wouldn't want to be there anyway so no worries.

 

Happy Marriage since that seems like that may be all you've got.

 

Wow, so much hate, how did you turn out this way? I could suggest a lot about you, but I am not a hateful person so I will just assume you did have a big fancy wedding and had the time of your life that day. And that is great for you, really and honestly! It is just not my style. For me it is just about me and him, and not anyone else. For me our love is a private thing, that I do not need nor want to share with everyone I know.

 

So keep your hating to yourself unless you have something meaningful to say, that would be great. Please and thanks.

[todreaminblue]

everyone has their own personal taste and what suits them best...and what they like or dont like isnt wrong but right for them....personally crowds make me uncomfortable so i am not the type to have a huge wedding.....but if the guy i was marrying wanted a huge gathering with all his friends and family...i would probably compromise....because i would want him to be happy....

 

what i really would love to believe as far as marriage goes is that like marries like.....small do ....marries small do.....smilin

 

to me however...it is more about the commitment and the years after the wedding day...than the actual wedding day.....like it is meant to be beautiful and all....but...the years after would be far more precious to me...the wedding day is the the start..so in my mind its not how you start...but how you travel and finish....

 

big or small wedding....its just the beginning.......deb

[TeddyBeer]

the beauty of it is that you can have any sort of wedding you like!

 

Others having big parties is no reflection on your choice. Nor should you judge others for how they choose to celebrate.

 

I understand and appreciate that. I just wonder why people always want to have a big wedding! Why do most people want to involve so many people on their special day? I don't know anyone that even had a small, what they call 'modest' wedding. Why is that? Why do people need a crowd? All I can think that is what is expected from people in current day society, it is just the way it is supposed to be. And I hope that that is not the reason.. my main question is:

 

What is it about getting married that people want to share so much with other people? Maybe also because people see marriage as some sort of accomplishment? But why would it be an accomplishment? I think I might just contest the entire institution of marriage. Well at least the way people think about it.

[basil67]

I understand and appreciate that. I just wonder why people always want to have a big wedding! Why do most people want to involve so many people on their special day? I don't know anyone that even had a small, what they call 'modest' wedding. Why is that? Why do people need a crowd? All I can think that is what is expected from people in current day society, it is just the way it is supposed to be. And I hope that that is not the reason.. my main question is:

 

What is it about getting married that people want to share so much with other people? Maybe also because people see marriage as some sort of accomplishment? But why would it be an accomplishment? I think I might just contest the entire institution of marriage. Well at least the way people think about it.

 

I hated the whole idea of a big wedding so much that I didn't get married, so I understand why you don't like the idea.

 

However, being cynical about those who do have a big wedding is not a good look. Enjoy your small wedding but don't judge those who don't make the same decision as you.

[SJS]

The only people at our wedding were us, our two witnesses, and the minister. Loved it! It was a destination wedding and we invited no one. Had a party with friends & family when we got home, so that way our parents were still a part of it. Nobody was offended.

 

Some people dream of the big fairytale day their entire lives so I can understand why some couples choose to have a big wedding, we just couldn't understand it for us.

[mrs rubble]

My ex and I got married with one witness each and a celebrant. I was happy with our decision at the time, but came to regret it later. My family were very understanding but his never forgave us for it and made life awful for us both afterwards.

We split after 6 years. I've now been engaged to my current man for 3 1/2 years and we are planning a wedding next February with 100 guests. Our family and friends are excited and happy for us.

[Mumbles]

I cant understand it either - its a social hangover I think ... much as marriage is to be perfectly honest with you, but thats a different conversation.

 

Putting on a big wedding is a huge financial burden for what is most usually going to be a new and not yet established couple. Even if the parents or other family members are lifting the heavy load for all or most of it, the question has to be asked ... wouldn't that money be better spent on a house down-payment or similar?

 

Its likely to be the most expensive single day of your life - where no assets are maintained afterwards.

 

My first marriage wasn't big, but it was expensive - lovely? Sure, enjoyed it thoroughly, but we spent the next X years paying off a house mortgage and that single days spend would have helped a lot in regards to that.

 

My second wedding was a registry office with a handful present and an intimate dinner with even less guests invited. Lovely, still enjoyed the day and it didn't create a burden for anyone - its worth thinking about.

[sandylee1]

Hi everyone!

 

I never understood the big fancy weddings, having to spend so much money on an occasion that to me feels very private, between two people who love each other deeply.

 

When I get married I could not care about how we are dressed, I just want him, me and someone who can officiate the marriage, because I feel it is a private moment between us where we promise each other our eternal love. Even with the officiant being the only one present, I would want to whisper our vows into each others ears.. because it is private and for us and us alone. I could not ever imagine to involve friends or family (although I do know that they would feel offended when I leave them out). Can anyone explain that to me? Why do you need everyone to be there for your marriage?

 

 

It's a case of personal choice really.. but I have 4 siblings..my husband has 5.... so family alone and spouses and kids make quite a crowd.

 

It's a special day in your life and I wanted to share it with friends and family. I also wanted to have a good time and a party as part of the celebration.

 

 

I met and was marrying the man I intend to spend the rest of my life with and I wanted those who love and care about me to witness our special day. One can't survive alone in this world.

It's not for everyone.. just like some people don't like having birthday parties too.

[stillafool]

 

What is it about getting married that people want to share so much with other people? Maybe also because people see marriage as some sort of accomplishment? But why would it be an accomplishment? I think I might just contest the entire institution of marriage. Well at least the way people think about it.

 

It is the start of a new family (because most people will assume they are going to have kids), and a celebration of love. Most people want their families and friends there to share and celebrate in the most important day in their life. It isn't written in stone so if you don't want anyone around that's okay to. I doubt anyone would judge you for that. It's just a matter of taste and desire. Like, I love chocolate ice cream and you may only eat vanilla.

[GunslingerRoland]

I think people gather together less and less all the time. Extended families used to gather weekly for family dinners. People used to have company over regularly for parties.

 

 

I don't think adults socialize nearly as much as they used to, and a wedding is one of the last few remnants of that left. It's your personal choice, of course to have a private wedding. But for me weddings are about more than just the couple, it's one of the last few big gatherings left in society.

[BettyDraper]

Hi everyone!

 

I never understood the big fancy weddings, having to spend so much money on an occasion that to me feels very private, between two people who love each other deeply.

 

When I get married I could not care about how we are dressed, I just want him, me and someone who can officiate the marriage, because I feel it is a private moment between us where we promise each other our eternal love. Even with the officiant being the only one present, I would want to whisper our vows into each others ears.. because it is private and for us and us alone. I could not ever imagine to involve friends or family (although I do know that they would feel offended when I leave them out). Can anyone explain that to me? Why do you need everyone to be there for your marriage?

 

Weddings are an opportunity to celebrate love and commitment with family and friends. Unfortunately, the Wedding Industrial Complex has made weddings a circus which are all about pretending to be rich and showing off. Women are fed this stupid idea that we need to be a princess for a day. Couples spend far too much time planning their wedding days when they should use that energy to think about the rest of their lives together.

 

I think huge fancy parties should be held when a couple has managed to stay married for a decade or more. It's much harder to have a long marriage than it is to begin one, especially in an age where most people just throw away marriage at the first hint of trouble. I've known about 8 couples who married five years ago like my husband and I. They had lavish weddings which cost over 25K and they aren't married anymore. My husband and I spent less than 6K and we're still married.

 

I tell my husband he's very lucky that I am not like most women in that respect. We eloped because our families were trying to force us to have a huge wedding and that's not what we wanted. Like you, we felt that a wedding should be a private and romantic moment. We dressed beautifully and married at a resort. We had a photographer and a videographer. We then spent another week at the same resort for our honeymoon.

[TeddyBeer]

I hated the whole idea of a big wedding so much that I didn't get married, so I understand why you don't like the idea.

 

However, being cynical about those who do have a big wedding is not a good look. Enjoy your small wedding but don't judge those who don't make the same decision as you.

I am not being cynical, I am questioning. Sorry if you take it that way, I don't mean it that way. I can be blunt. Well I am blunt. But it makes for better discussion most times so... .

 

Also, I do not know what the bible says about marriage, really. Religion can make a big difference maybe. I am an... well I think technically agnostic, I appreciate all religions and I think they all have their truths..

[TeddyBeer]

I cant understand it either - its a social hangover I think ... much as marriage is to be perfectly honest with you, but thats a different conversation.

Okay, yes I think this is cynical. I do think 9/10 couples are completely, painfully honest with each other. That couples on tv lie about everything, yes that is for fun and drama.

 

Putting on a big wedding is a huge financial burden for what is most usually going to be a new and not yet established couple. Even if the parents or other family members are lifting the heavy load for all or most of it, the question has to be asked ... wouldn't that money be better spent on a house down-payment or similar?

Yes I very much agree on that, but more than money: the work and stress around a wedding. I wouldn't go through that while I know I can have such a beautiful day with my man with no stress at all, just love and fun..

 

My first marriage wasn't big, but it was expensive - lovely? Sure, enjoyed it thoroughly, but we spent the next X years paying off a house mortgage and that single days spend would have helped a lot in regards to that.

Alright what I wonder here: would you have felt differently if you would still be married happily ever after? Maybe then it would all have been worth it? You also cannot answer this question I think, since it ended.

 

My second wedding was a registry office with a handful present and an intimate dinner with even less guests invited. Lovely, still enjoyed the day and it didn't create a burden for anyone - its worth thinking about.

Yes I would like that very much myself.. although preferably even without the handful.. But private and personal, definitely the way it should be I think.

[ShatteredLady]

My grandad always believed that big funerals were a complete & utter waste of money, particularly coffins. He was horrified when he found out how much they cost. He looked into it & found a Salvation Army cardboard box option!

 

As a FAMILY he ended-up with a 'proper' burial, in his favorite church. Instead of flowers we collected donations for the donkey sanctuary that he loved because there was a healthy donkey that led a little blind one around & helped it live.

 

Our wedding was medium sized in a beautiful church with all of our close family & friends. Traditionally weddings are the joining of 2 families AND yes! It was a great party.

 

My cousins eloped & married alone on a beach. They got such a hard time that they had a blessing in a church a year later

 

Do what you AND your husband want but I wouldn't upset my family.

Edited March 23, 2016 by ShatteredLady

[clia]

By law you need 1 witness so it's can't just be you, him & the efficient.

 

This isn't necessarily true, depending on where you get married. I got married in Hawaii and no witnesses were required.

 

 

I'm with you, OP! I did not want to get married in front of an audience, so it was me, my husband, our officiant, his wife (he asked if she could come!), and our photographer, on a beautiful beach. It was perfect and fantastic! I'm so glad it was just the two of us that day. We followed our ceremony with a beautiful private dinner overlooking the ocean. I enjoyed that so much more than I would've enjoyed a big reception after such a special event. (But be sure to hire a photographer!!! So worth it -- you will want those pictures of the two of you during the ceremony and such.)

 

Later on we threw a couple of parties to celebrate with our families. That way, we still got the party and to celebrate, but it was so much less stress and exhaustion than doing it on the same day we got married.

[sandylee1]

I am not being cynical, I am questioning. Sorry if you take it that way, I don't mean it that way. I can be blunt. Well I am blunt. But it makes for better discussion most times so... .

 

Also, I do not know what the bible says about marriage, really. Religion can make a big difference maybe. I am an... well I think technically agnostic, I appreciate all religions and I think they all have their truths..

 

It did appear that you were being critical of those who have big weddings.

 

Culture and religion play a part in the type of wedding people have as well. Certain people had to be part of our wedding.

 

Everyone has a vision of what sort of wedding they want...... well a lot of women do anyway ..... I wanted it to be a certain way and can't imagine having just a few people there.

 

I think a wedding of 50 people is small .... but it's what you want.

 

I'm not sure if you are solely talking about the number of people or the money spent on a wedding...... I think your view isn't the norm..but if it suits the two of you ....no problem.