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Marry your Affair?


Marriage & Life Partnerships Debunking the old-ball-and-chain stereotype one couple at a time.

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Old 28th March 2012, 8:16 PM   #1
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Marry your Affair?

I know the odds are that people who have an affair and end up marrying the other person and are HAPPY are not going to be on this board. But maybe some are.

I know there are consequences to A's and even if you end up together, there will likely be some lingering issues.

But who here did marry or intends to marry their OW/OM/MM/MW and is still together?

Not seeking advice..just starting a topic I'm curious about.

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Old 28th March 2012, 11:49 PM   #2
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I married my affair and we've been together for close to 20 years now (and I was her affair).

We are both extremely happy together and I certainly don't regret having the affair for a single minute. I'm sure my wife would say the same.
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Old 29th March 2012, 3:22 AM   #3
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It can happen, yes. I have known a few such relationships, but as far as I can recall in these cases we are talking about the marriage having been dead for some while. I am not saying anything here about right/wrong etc, but reading posts on this site I am often surprised by the black/white thinking on the subject of affairs. Having said that I appreciate it's a very emotive subject, and of course those who have been betrayed are hurting and those that are betraying are justifying, I guess. However, the fact is affairs happen, and they happen often. This does not make all those involved bad people, and I think to view them as such causes us to perhaps miss aspects of human relations which we can learn from and grow.

Just recently I was informed that a headmaster I know is divorcing his wife and moving in with a lady who has been a colleague for some years. Of course, I don't know how the STB ex-wife feels about this, and I have every respect for that naturally, but the point is the marriage is over for him. Why make a fool out of himself and her by pretending it's not?

So yes, it can happen. Affairs are relationships, after all. True, they come with a set of ready-made hurdles as do some other types of relationships, but if both parties are of the same intention, they can lead to long-term happiness.
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Old 29th March 2012, 7:02 AM   #4
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I married my affair and we've been together for close to 20 years now (and I was her affair).

We are both extremely happy together and I certainly don't regret having the affair for a single minute. I'm sure my wife would say the same.
How long did you keep the affair secret? Just curious because I've read that the shorter the time of deception and the more honesty one brings to the situation, telling the betrayed spouse, introducing the AP to others, the more likely the affair can turn into a healthy, lasting relationship. The case I know of personally worked this way. Others on LS have described a year or more of deception and plans to always keep how they met secret from family and friends, but it remains to be seen (in their cases) whether this works or not.
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Old 29th March 2012, 7:21 AM   #5
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"When you marry your Mistress, you create a job opportunity."

Sir James Goldsmith - upon having just married his then mistress, Lady Annabel Birley in 1978.


He promptly embarked on an affair with an aristocratic Frenchwoman, Laure Boulay de la Meurthe which lasted until his death, in 1997, aged 64.
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Old 29th March 2012, 8:14 AM   #6
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How long did you keep the affair secret? Just curious because I've read that the shorter the time of deception and the more honesty one brings to the situation, telling the betrayed spouse, introducing the AP to others, the more likely the affair can turn into a healthy, lasting relationship. The case I know of personally worked this way. Others on LS have described a year or more of deception and plans to always keep how they met secret from family and friends, but it remains to be seen (in their cases) whether this works or not.
Our affair went on for a little over a year before we both left our marriages.
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Old 29th March 2012, 9:23 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by KeepMeInMind View Post
I know the odds are that people who have an affair and end up marrying the other person and are HAPPY are not going to be on this board. But maybe some are.

I know there are consequences to A's and even if you end up together, there will likely be some lingering issues.

But who here did marry or intends to marry their OW/OM/MM/MW and is still together?

Not seeking advice..just starting a topic I'm curious about.
We married, and are still happily together.
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Old 29th March 2012, 9:34 AM   #8
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Would you guys mind posting details regarding the A? Every A is different.
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Old 29th March 2012, 10:49 AM   #9
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I married my AP , and we have been very happy, all things considered. She has grown remarkably as a person since her days as a trophy wife, or it would not have happened. BTW we are expecting in June!!
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Old 29th March 2012, 10:57 AM   #10
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My STBXW and I had an A for about a year before she got D and we got M. We've been together for 18 years. It was great for 15 years, then she got involved in multiple A's. We are getting D for that, an many other reasons.
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Old 29th March 2012, 11:04 AM   #11
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I'm really sorry to hear that.
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Old 29th March 2012, 11:07 AM   #12
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The problem with this subject is that it's hard to find people willing to be open about what actually happened. The fact is many As end up in happy Ms, just like many many people end up in bad Ms.

I know a few couples who have married after having an A. Forget about the ones I know. Prince Charles and Camilla are a very good example. I think Faith Hill and Tim McGraw too. It really depends on the kind of people involved, how they handled falling for someone else while committed and whether it was true love or not.

Affair partners in Ms have the same issues as non-A partners in Ms. They still have to deal with kids from a previous M, the ex-partner, etc. Oh yeah, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. See...there are some examples we can give that defy logic to those of us on the outside.
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Old 29th March 2012, 11:19 AM   #13
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I think Garth Brooks was seeing or at least very emotionally involved with Trisha before he divorced his ex. All that I can find is that they "started dating" when he filed. They'd been recording music together for years. I think a strong tie like that is hard to replicate.
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Old 29th March 2012, 12:20 PM   #14
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My sister has been married to her affair partner for 15 years now.

They only had an affair for about 1 year before leaving their Xspouses.
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Old 29th March 2012, 1:26 PM   #15
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I married my AP , and we have been very happy, all things considered. She has grown remarkably as a person since her days as a trophy wife, or it would not have happened. BTW we are expecting in June!!
Awww, congrats JJ
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