We have been married for 4 years and we are both 26 years old. In the beginning of our second year, I have noticed that our sex life has dwindled to pretty much nothing at all. I asked her about this and she says she doesn't feel to be in the mood for sex anymore. She admits to me that in her past relationships, she had been more sexually aggressive than with me. We don't have any troubles in our marriage. We get along like best friends who are husband and wife. I have always treated her with dignity and respect since the first day I met her. Since we have gotten married, I try not to let the married life get "boring." I take her out on dates, give her surprises when she least suspects it, I give her time to herself on a weekly basis. I always let her know how I feel about in terms of my attraction towards her, so it's not that she doesn't feel wanted. She tells me that she still finds me extremely attractive. She is in shape and works out, so it's not a self-esteem or attraction issue. She is perfectly healthy and goes to all her check-ups , so I don't think it's a medical issue.
Everything about our relationship is fine except for the sex. I never force her and I don't want her to feel pressured to have sex with me. The last couple times that we have had sex, I could feel that she was forcing herself to do it just because of me. When we talk about it she tells me that she feels bad she doesn't want to have sex, and tells me that it's okay if I have sex with other women. I do not want to have sex with anyone but her and I will not do it even with her permission and I have told her this. Wanting to work things out, I proposed that we won't have sex unless she truly wants to because it is the intimacy that I want out of sex with her that I can't find with anyone else. She agrees to this idea. It has been almost 8 months since we have had sex. I love her more than anything so I will not leave her. But thinking that we are only 26 years old and our sex life is already like this, it's disheartening.
I don't think she is having an affair because she doesn't have the time to. I drive her to work and I pick her up as well everyday because we only have one car. She's one of the few people I know who still doesn't use a cell phone. I know all of her co-workers and I know that she doesn't have an attraction to any of them (she might find them annoying if anything). No other red flags that I can think of.
I really don't know what to tell you. Maybe there is some kind of issue going on with her that she is not telling you. Communication is the key, so hopefully you can get her to open up and tell you what may or may not be going on with her.
Well, understand that there is a percentage of women out there who do not like, need or want sex in their relationships and there is nothing medically or mentally/emotionally wrong with them. They just don't have the same chemical makeup in the brain that other people do that have higher libidos. Perhaps she is one of those 'bait and switch' women who come on strong until the deal is sealed and then settle into what is normal for them: ie, little or no sex. I would hate to think that your wife is this way, but there are women (and some men) out there who are like this. Plenty of them.
and tells me that it's okay if I have sex with other women. I do not want to have sex with anyone but her and I will not do it even with her permission and I have told her this. Wanting to work things out, I proposed that we won't have sex unless she truly wants to because it is the intimacy that I want out of sex with her that I can't find with anyone else. She agrees to this idea. It has been almost 8 months since we have had sex. I love her more than anything so I will not leave her. But thinking that we are only 26 years old and our sex life is already like this, it's disheartening.
Do not go have sex with another woman, even if she is giving you permission to do so. Honestly, something is really wrong with that - Makes me wonder if she is eyeing some guy SHE wants to have sex with to make her feel sexual again.
The bottomline is, somehow you two NEED to capture that lust and passion again. Whether you two watch porn together, do role playing in bed, you gotta spice it up and make it HOT.
The issue isn't love, she does love you, but without that intimacy, sexual bond between you two, it will ruin your marriage down the road. In 10-15 years could you imagine your wife not wanting to have sex with you? This is a reason why people end up in affairs.
How is fooling around and intimate touching without actual penetration? Is she all for that?
Alot of times that is called a bait and switch. She gave you sex upfront, Now that you wifed her, she can sit back and think she owns you and your not going anywhere.
Dude it's time to give her a reality check but still treat her with love.
Tell her she got a year or you will leave. You will do everything right. I mean clean the dishes, throw out the garbage. Workout hard at the gym, take care of the bills, romance her, wine, roses, chocolate, black silk sheets and Coochie eating with chocolate sauce.
You go all out for that entire year and make all the changes neccessary. If she doesnt or will not be romantic in any form or go to counciling or change for the better, then you leave!
Why stay with a person that doesnt show you any love back especially so early in the marriage, that right there screams a HUGE red flag!
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