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I promised not to snoop again, but I REALLY want to confront her!


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 20th September 2017, 12:43 PM   #16
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Redhead does offer good advice. Unfortunately she glossed over the fact that you have already done many things that compromised the relationship. You trying to subtly ask Qs here is just you testing your GF trying to get her to trip up.


I really don't see this ending well.


Good luck. Your GF is going to need it.
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Old 20th September 2017, 12:45 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
Redhead does offer good advice. Unfortunately she glossed over the fact that you have already done many things that compromised the relationship. You trying to subtly ask Qs here is just you testing your GF trying to get her to trip up.


I really don't see this ending well.


Good luck. Your GF is going to need it.
I agree. And given your suspicious, controlling, and obsessive nature, I predict that you will dissect, analyze, and obsess over whatever she says, looking for something nefarious.

You mentioned you knew you needed to work on yourself. I'd suggest prioritizing THAT over trying to trip up your girlfriend.
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Old 20th September 2017, 1:03 PM   #18
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Sorry but you are being a total jerk....making her "dress appropriately, keeping her away from "dangerous places, snooping in her phone..." you are insecure and controlling. You can't handle someone like her, and you are fooling yourself this is going to last. She will dump you soon enough if once she figure out what you are trying to do. Tisk tisk.

I dating someone like you.....it makes me sick thinking about it, because I put up with it for 2 years. I hope she turns out smarter than I was.
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Old 20th September 2017, 4:14 PM   #19
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[]

OP, I would suggest counseling.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 21st September 2017 at 1:17 PM.. Reason: Topical content
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Old 20th September 2017, 5:13 PM   #20
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OP,

It really is this simple.

Your relationship is pretty much over. The Post Mortem just hasn't been written by either one of you.

You will never trust her no matter what she does, and she is just waiting for an excuse to have someone who does not seem to be so jealous right now, sweep her off her feet.

The thing is, that if she is as smokin hot as you say she is, it will never matter whether she loves you or not. She will ALWAYS have orbiters, and you will be always jealous to the point of making a fool out of yourself.

I can understand the snooping if in fact you have found something the first or even the second time.

What happened is that right now CJ is an unknown quantity to her. You are a known quantity with uneven quality. She already knows your act. She is just getting to know CJ. You'll never compete with it and you'll drive yourself crazy trying.

Maybe in later years down the road you 2 can find each other again. But for now, I think this relationship is toast.

So move on, get some life experience with some other girls and apply what you learn to yourself down the road.

Nothing, save physical abuse, will send a woman running into the arms of another man, like insane and misplaced jealousy.Even if you have justification it just does not matter to a woman at that age. It is not going to get any better. Move on before you do something really stupid.

Take it from me. I am the poster boy for making poor choices in dispute resolution with the opposite sex. So I am trying to be as diplomatic as possible.

It's over. move on.
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Old 20th September 2017, 8:50 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post

<snip>

As for you trying to tell her where she can go -- to avoid places you consider "dangerous" -- and how to dress "more appropriately", of course she thinks you are controlling & she feels like a prisoner. That is how you are treating her. If you are so bent on controlling the women you date, convert to some repressive religion. In modern America you don't get a say. If her behavior bothers you, date somebody else but stop thinking you are entitled to tell her how to behave. You are not her father; you are not her jailer & if you can't learn to love, respect & trust her you will shortly be her EX BF. Frankly, now that she's off at a new school & out of your clutches as she experiences more of the world, I don't see your relationship lasting through this school year.
So true, D0nnivain. I have certainly had past relationships where it's such a breath of fresh air when they're NOT around. It may take awhile to notice, but you find yourself resentful that you have to take him along as a couple and you can't wiggle out of it. You feel relief if he has another obligation. You pretend you're disappointed but inside you're leaping for joy. How do you get out without him? Lots of "girls' nights," "study groups," or "work things," or anything that he cannot attend for whatever reason..."Oh, sorry you have to work." She's tasting freedom and she's going to like it, and if she's not sure just yet, when she's back home, and she's back to being stifled and monitored, it will start to become clear. The OP needs to make some changes, pronto, but unfortunately, the damage may be irreparable at this point.
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Old 20th September 2017, 10:14 PM   #22
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Thx for all of your honest replies, but I would like to make something clear. I really love my gf and I donít want to control her or make her my prisoner. Like I said, I know Iím a very controlling person, I think it has a lot to do with my history of playing sports and having to compete a lot, and I also know Iím a jealous person, which I think has to do with being cheated on by my first gf at the age of 14 (I almost killed myself), but I am working on changing things. In fact, thatís why Iím here. Iím trying to get some advice on how to fix things, and Iím already trying what someone here suggested.

I never wanted to start telling her where to go or with whom, or how to dress. But sometimes she acts really naively, and I feel it's my duty to protect her from getting into a bad situation. She likes to think she can always be in control of things, but I know that's not possible when you have a super hot chick half-naked around a bunch of guys. Guys will take control to get what they want, especially if it's a girl as beautiful as my gf. I know, I'm a guy myself.
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Old 20th September 2017, 10:21 PM   #23
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It's not your duty to protect her. She's an adult. She can protect herself.

When you say "guys will take control to get what they want" are you suggesting that your GF is in danger of being raped? Because short of that you seem to have little faith in your GF or your fellow man

You claim that playing team sports made you a control freak. I say rubbish. Team sports should have taught you to rely on your teammates. In this relationship, your GF is your teammate. If you can't trust her to be faithful -- to pull her weight during the game of life -- you don't have much of a team.

If you truly want to change you need to confess to ALL of the surveillance & spying you did & get into therapy to figure out why you are like this. The ramification of that disclosure should be that she breaks up with you. Seriously, with the phone tracking & the snooping if she had a brain in her head she will be beyond pi$$ed at you. It's a lesson you will need to learn if you have any prayer of your next relationship being remotely healthy.

This isn't about you loving your GF. It's about you having a pathological need to control her. It's not healthy. It's certainly not loving or trusting.
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Old 20th September 2017, 11:01 PM   #24
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you snoop and you will continue to snoop
As for the message from the other guy, not much you can do
she can do whatever she pleases you know the truth leave at that
your next move is to figure what your going to do now
stay or leave or throw her out on her butt

in

2014 after Christmas I did just that.
live in gf was emotional cheating (messaging)
done behind my back I told her your leaving tomorrow on the next greyhound bus. Pack up your stuff now.. All internet will be shutdown in my house. But you see the LDR BF sent her a smart phone with euro sim card. She told him I know what's going on so he wanted to stay in touch with him. I could jam the cell phone as well but I am going that far. Best she leaves..
Got the ticket and drove her to the bus depot. Put her on bus contacted her friend in GA (women ex model). No hugs no kisses no goodbye she drove off in the bus..

in 2015
I got a hello message in my email from her..
How was I doing..
OMG really

Moved on after she left... NC still in effect..

That's my story you do what you have to do OP you can't control her you can't force her to be with you but you can force out of your house if your in hers you should pack up and leave. Do not spend your money on her lock down all accounts now change passwords and pin codes. ASAP.
Get the house keys anything you got her etc..

Good luck..
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Old 21st September 2017, 1:36 AM   #25
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This sounds like the fable about the boy who cried, "Wolf!"

When finally there was something that came close to appearing suspicious, it was too late. You've snooped twice and alienated her and pushed her away. She probably, and I speculate, just doesn't have the heart to breakup with you. I don't know. But, in my view you have 3 options:

1. Stick around and change your behavior immediately in the hope that she will see you've changed and start seeing you more often.

2. Stick it out only to find out in the coming weeks that she's seeing someone else.

3. Break up with her.

Confronting her at this point, even gently or indirectly, is going to destroy whatever is left of the relationship and you'll walk away as the "controlling ex", not that option #2 is any better for you.

That's just my opinion.
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Old 21st September 2017, 3:27 AM   #26
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I couldn't even finish reading you post, don't try and justify your controling, its time to grow up a little and stop being creepy.
Do you honestly think she is ever going to trust you again, I'm surprised she didn't break up with you the second time you were being creepy. You think a woman wants to be with a boy who snoops on her and controlling. You're insecure and that's something you need to work on alone.
What you need to do is grow up because woman don't really like a insecure guy that snoops and tells her what to where or where to go.you lost het already its just a matter of time before she tells you she needs a break. And to show her you are trying just except it cause there is nothing you can do to win her back.and that my friend is your own fault...my2cents
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Old 21st September 2017, 7:49 AM   #27
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I got this crazy idea for you, but hear me out.

The next time you see her, tell her that it seems that she is having a great time hanging out with her friends and that as long as sheís happy, youíre happy because you simply want whatever she feels is good for her.


Apologize to her for putting a lot of strain on the relationship by snooping. Tell her that you realize how wrong your behavior has been. And then wish her good luck and tell her that youíve always loved her and still do, but you feel itís best if you guys parted ways.


Sheíll either let you go or try to ask you to stay with her.


If she does let you leave her, thereís a chance she will come back in the near future seeing as you ó hypothetically for now ó ended things with her on a positive note and you showed that you have learned your lessson.


That could be your last hope scenario if you want her back in the future the way she used to be around you.


At least this way you leave a good impression that could increase your chances of her coming back to you if her next relationship doesnít work out.


Think it through.


Thatís my suggestion as a last ditch effort. Sometimes pulling away from someone makes them want you more.
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Old 21st September 2017, 12:11 PM   #28
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Sorry but she has already checked out. The damage has been done. She would rather spend time with her friends than with you and she invests A LOT more time talking to CJ than with talking to you. This relationship is already over and I think deep down that you already know this.
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Old 21st September 2017, 12:55 PM   #29
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I never wanted to start telling her where to go or with whom, or how to dress. But sometimes she acts really naively, and I feel it's my duty to protect her from getting into a bad situation. She likes to think she can always be in control of things, but I know that's not possible when you have a super hot chick half-naked around a bunch of guys. Guys will take control to get what they want, especially if it's a girl as beautiful as my gf. I know, I'm a guy myself.
Well if you really knew, then you would also know that you cannot force anyone to do anything unless you have a gun to their head.

So in essence you have been putting a figurative gun to her head for pretty much the entire relationship. And she got sick of the gun to her head and voted on the relationship with her feet.

Good for her.

[]You've had it, The relationship is way past over. You come off as a guy who will end up with a stalking charge in the not so distant future if you don't just accept this is over and move on.

[]

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 21st September 2017 at 1:11 PM.. Reason: Topical content
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Old 21st September 2017, 1:11 PM   #30
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Folks, thanks for the comments and opinions but this was a PBM so we'll leave your insight and Robert processed things out. Thread closed.
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