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GF Vacation to Italy - How to Control My Jealousy?


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 6th July 2017, 10:09 PM   #46
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Just saying - perhaps the two men in question are a couple?
Perhaps, but if that were the case then OP's girlfriend would have been told that. Because she could have instantly shut down any questioning from many if she had blurted out
"Oh Wookin, these two guys are GAY, according to my 'friend" so you don't have to worry about anything." She probably would have mentioned it multiple times if indeed that were the case

See, in most relationships, even entertaining this arrangement would at least beg a question from the GF.

It simply does not add up. Yoga Hottie never came out with anything like that. It would have been a great gaslighting tool.

So either she is the most naive traveler any of us have seen in a long time, or she has no fear of Wookin dumping her.

She can tell him anything and this "friend" would most certainly back it up. I mean she is going because her Hubby is a "stick n the mud". Wouldn't a romantic trip with your spouse to Italy, of all places be just the thing to get that stick in the mud out of the dirt?


Although by my own admission am a pessimist, I simply believe that the Girlfriend takes Wookin for granted and has no fear of losing anything,and perhaps gaining a new FWB along the way, and get to go to Italy, to boot!


Wookin, I can only say so much, and you must believe what it is you want to, but if this were my Girlfriend, and given I had been fed the same exact same conversation, I would say "
"Honey, I love you and you are more than welcome to go to that Villa for a weekend with two guys you have never met, and a "friend" who is leaving her husband behind.
Of course you are welcome to....just not as my girlfriend".
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Old 6th July 2017, 11:36 PM   #47
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Originally Posted by Wookin Pa Nub View Post
A little backstory. We were college sweethearts 20+ years ago. Got in bad marriages, reconnected recently and now both going thru divorces. We've been very serious and we want to spend rest of our lives together.


She is a very attractive 43 year old. She teaches yoga and has an incredible body plus she has a certain enhancement guys like. She has been asked out by 20-something aged guys. She turns heads when we go out.


Well one of her yoga students asked her to go to Italy for her corporate job and some of this lady's co-workers who live in Italy are going to show them around. This lady is married and a couple months pregnant. My gf said the lady didn't invite her H bc he is stick in the mud and she would have more fun with my gf. She asked my opinion if she should go and I said it is great opportunity but that we could go there in a couple years. She has decided to go. I do get jealous but want her to have fun. I trust her 1000% not to do anything.


Well it now comes out that a couple of the lady's co-workers who are guys invited them to spend the weekend at a sea side villa. I assume just the 4 of them. Now her friend is married and pregnant and her co workers won't be trying to get her into bed but I imagine these guys are going to be trying to get my gf into bed the whole time. I know my gf won't do anything. Her friend is early 30s so I am guessing these guys are around the same age. I am 45 for reference. But she does have flirty nature even tho she doesn't realize it and she also dresses provocatively to show off her assets. It makes me so jealous these guys are going to be staying with her and unless they are gay, will be trying to score with her.


Do I put my foot down about saying no to the seaside villa invite? I have a feeling it is already part of the travel arrangements so they would have to figure something else out.
If you tell her to not go she will resent you and lose attraction. Its normal to feel jealous and many men would not tolerate this situation at all especially at 45 years old.

You can learn a lot from her too though, if you find out that she goes on the trip and does something then you know she not for you.

There is nothing you can do to stop her whether she cheats there or not. All you can do is be the confident secure guy and wait for her to come back. You say you trust her so prove it to yourself and her. It is much easier said then done though. The other side is just flat out say you will not tolerate this and will end it and then stick to it.

I wish you the best.

Last edited by Joga_31; 6th July 2017 at 11:45 PM..
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Old 7th July 2017, 10:34 AM   #48
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Update:
I told her yesterday that her staying in seaside Villa with two guys is crossingthe line and I'd be hurt. She said she had already told her friend that she "prefers" not to do that and she would be uncomfortable. She then said she would talk to her friend and get it worked out. I said good.


A few hours later she said she was "rethinking" the Italy trip. Said she didn't want me to worry and be stressed the whole time. Again I am ok with her going. I want her to go for experience. My guess on her"rethinking" trip is the villa weekend is part of the package that she can't rearrange so she decided to cancel since I said that it crosses a line.


So after some back and forth last night she decided not to go. It was her decision. She called friend and friend was very upset. She said she hates disappointing friend but doesn't want to hurt me.


This morning I said I was feeling guilty that I was the reason for her not being able to go to Italy and that I want her to be comfortable with decision.


Now I read Italianjob's comment above about Italian men being persistent about getting sex and I wish I didn't give her out to change her mind by saying I felt guilty about it.
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Last edited by Wookin Pa Nub; 7th July 2017 at 10:39 AM..
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Old 7th July 2017, 10:46 AM   #49
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You see how communication plays a key role in relationships? Of course you are going to feel guilty BUT you did the right thing, and so did she.

Time to compromise. Make it up to her by planning a trip together to go to Italy in the future. To make it affordable, invite another couple to share accommodations.
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Old 7th July 2017, 10:56 AM   #50
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You see how communication plays a key role in relationships? Of course you are going to feel guilty BUT you did the right thing, and so did she.

Time to compromise. Make it up to her by planning a trip together to go to Italy in the future. To make it affordable, invite another couple to share accommodations.
I am still not sure her decision is final yet. We traded some texts but then she had to go teach yoga. She is really torn. She wants to go, she doesn't want to disappoint friend, she spent a lot on airline ticket (non refundable) but she doesn't want to hurt me.
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Old 7th July 2017, 11:37 AM   #51
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Originally Posted by Wookin Pa Nub View Post
I am still not sure her decision is final yet. We traded some texts but then she had to go teach yoga. She is really torn. She wants to go, she doesn't want to disappoint friend, she spent a lot on airline ticket (non refundable) but she doesn't want to hurt me.
Had an ex-girlfriend who fed me that same line (non refundable, didn't want to hurt me, cancelled, then changed her mind and went).

Found out 6 months later she hooked up with someone...

I'm all for a girls vacation with girlfriends, but no way would I be okay with a villa with two guys.

Something is not adding up. In my case, the indecision in herself about going was caused by her trying to decide if it was worth losing me over. In the end, it was, and she got to wear a cheater badge for the rest of her life. Great deal!

Last edited by frigginlost; 7th July 2017 at 11:41 AM..
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Old 7th July 2017, 12:59 PM   #52
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It seems odd that she's not comfortable with changing the villa arrangements, but feel comfortable to cancel and disappointing her friend. In this case communication between friends can solve it all.

She just has to say "My BF doesn't want me to sleep in a villa with other guys, so if I'm going, we have to change that". Case closed, problem solved. Why going round and round in circles?
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Old 7th July 2017, 1:13 PM   #53
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It sounds like she has a good head on her shoulders. She wanted to go to Italy with her female friend which is fine. When she learned that men she didn't know would be at the villa she expressed concerns. If the friend made it an all or nothing proposition, your GF picked you.


Try believing that she's an honorable person.
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Old 7th July 2017, 1:14 PM   #54
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Had an ex-girlfriend who fed me that same line (non refundable, didn't want to hurt me, cancelled, then changed her mind and went).

Found out 6 months later she hooked up with someone...

I'm all for a girls vacation with girlfriends, but no way would I be okay with a villa with two guys.

Something is not adding up. In my case, the indecision in herself about going was caused by her trying to decide if it was worth losing me over. In the end, it was, and she got to wear a cheater badge for the rest of her life. Great deal!
True. A girl who really loves and respects you would not even entertain the idea of spending a weekend in a villa with two guys.

I bet the "stick in the mud" husband doesn't know about the guys at all. It speaks volumes to the pregnant friend who thinks it's acceptable and also speaks to your gf thinking that the behavior is ok. Just because she is pregnant doesn't mean she won't cheat.

If the roles were reversed how would your gf feel about you spending a weekend with a married guy who invited two women who want to have sex along with you? I bet she wouldn't like it one bit.

Something seems fishy with this...
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Old 7th July 2017, 1:25 PM   #55
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I had the same thought.....I feel this is all about the friend and her intentions of having a hookup, but wanted it to look like a girls vaycay. I bet if the villa thing came up before tickets were bought, the GF would have np saying no. Her friend duped her.
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Old 7th July 2017, 1:59 PM   #56
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Originally Posted by Wookin Pa Nub View Post
Update:
I told her yesterday that her staying in seaside Villa with two guys is crossingthe line and I'd be hurt. She said she had already told her friend that she "prefers" not to do that and she would be uncomfortable. She then said she would talk to her friend and get it worked out. I said good.


A few hours later she said she was "rethinking" the Italy trip. Said she didn't want me to worry and be stressed the whole time. Again I am ok with her going. I want her to go for experience. My guess on her"rethinking" trip is the villa weekend is part of the package that she can't rearrange so she decided to cancel since I said that it crosses a line.


So after some back and forth last night she decided not to go. It was her decision. She called friend and friend was very upset. She said she hates disappointing friend but doesn't want to hurt me.


This morning I said I was feeling guilty that I was the reason for her not being able to go to Italy and that I want her to be comfortable with decision.


Now I read Italianjob's comment above about Italian men being persistent about getting sex and I wish I didn't give her out to change her mind by saying I felt guilty about it.
Well done!

I commend you for taking action. Even if you don't feel like you did anything other than muddy the waters, you have demonstrated to your GF that there are potential dealbreakers in your relationship.

BUT..and it's a big BUT...

Since you have taken a stance, be prepared to back it up. And in the coming days you may get browbeaten with cajoling, bargaining, etc from your GF.
It will be normal for this to happen, but allow her to sink or swim on the merit of her choice to not go. If she follows through and cancels that is fine, if she doesn't, that's fine too.

Again, do not be surprised if she or her "friend" tries to give you the "Lyndon Johnson Treatment" when it comes to this trip, In fact I'd be expecting it very soon.

Stay strong and stand firm
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Old 7th July 2017, 2:05 PM   #57
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Update:This morning I said I was feeling guilty that I was the reason for her not being able to go to Italy and that I want her to be comfortable with decision
Do not even go there. THAT, Wookin , is an invitation to cajolement of LBJ proportions. Do not initiate any more discussions on the subject. Just be aware of your GF's actions in the coming days and if they match up with her words to you
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Old 7th July 2017, 2:22 PM   #58
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Update 2 - It Keeps Getting Better


So her friend was terribly upset when my gf cancelled. They met for lunch today. Turns out her friend who is a couple months pregnant is contemplating divorce. Her husband is lazy and doesn't work. Sleeps all day. She has this corporate job and works a lot.


While she was in Italy last time about a month ago for work she met an Italian guy working on project with her. They went out for dinner and they kissed. They have been texting since. She wants to go back to Italy to see him and see if there's something to her relationship with this guy.


She told husband it is work trip. Supposedly my gf knew nothing about her friend's plan. My gf has decided she is not going.
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Old 7th July 2017, 2:24 PM   #59
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LBJ Treatment?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Space Ritual View Post
Do not even go there. THAT, Wookin , is an invitation to cajolement of LBJ proportions. Do not initiate any more discussions on the subject. Just be aware of your GF's actions in the coming days and if they match up with her words to you


What is LBJ Treatment?
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Old 7th July 2017, 2:25 PM   #60
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Originally Posted by Wookin Pa Nub View Post
Update 2 - It Keeps Getting Better

My gf has decided she is not going.

See your GF has appropriate boundaries. She may have questionable friends but she has integrity.


Be happy & calm down.


Do something to make it up to her. At least take her out for Italian during the time she would have been away.
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