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GF Vacation to Italy - How to Control My Jealousy?


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 5th July 2017, 12:56 PM   #1
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GF Vacation to Italy - How to Control My Jealousy?

A little backstory. We were college sweethearts 20+ years ago. Got in bad marriages, reconnected recently and now both going thru divorces. We've been very serious and we want to spend rest of our lives together.


She is a very attractive 43 year old. She teaches yoga and has an incredible body plus she has a certain enhancement guys like. She has been asked out by 20-something aged guys. She turns heads when we go out.


Well one of her yoga students asked her to go to Italy for her corporate job and some of this lady's co-workers who live in Italy are going to show them around. This lady is married and a couple months pregnant. My gf said the lady didn't invite her H bc he is stick in the mud and she would have more fun with my gf. She asked my opinion if she should go and I said it is great opportunity but that we could go there in a couple years. She has decided to go. I do get jealous but want her to have fun. I trust her 1000% not to do anything.


Well it now comes out that a couple of the lady's co-workers who are guys invited them to spend the weekend at a sea side villa. I assume just the 4 of them. Now her friend is married and pregnant and her co workers won't be trying to get her into bed but I imagine these guys are going to be trying to get my gf into bed the whole time. I know my gf won't do anything. Her friend is early 30s so I am guessing these guys are around the same age. I am 45 for reference. But she does have flirty nature even tho she doesn't realize it and she also dresses provocatively to show off her assets. It makes me so jealous these guys are going to be staying with her and unless they are gay, will be trying to score with her.


Do I put my foot down about saying no to the seaside villa invite? I have a feeling it is already part of the travel arrangements so they would have to figure something else out.
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Old 5th July 2017, 1:16 PM   #2
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Jealousy is a self fulfilling prophecy. If your gf is gonna cheat she's gonna cheat. Nothing you can do.

Is that what you want? I've seen it time and time again. Guys think they can control women and put their foot down. It has the opposite effect.

If you try to control her you will cause the very thing you fear - she will leave you for another man. Jealousy is insecurity and very unattractive. You have to love in such a way that she feels free. And that will make her love you more.

So just keep your mouth shut and don't push her away. She's got guys falling all over her and has a great body. Do you think she wants a guy who tells her what she can and cannot do or a guy who tries to treat her like a parent would treat a child? Or a man who is confident that bough to know he is her best option?

Te her to have a great time and that you love her and look forward to ravishing her when she gets back.

Again, you can only push her away acting the way you are acting. I don't think that's what you want.
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Old 5th July 2017, 1:25 PM   #3
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Put your foot down? You don't have a leg to stand on here. First if she's still going through a divorce, she's still married. You are at best her BF, not her husband, not her father & not her jailer. She's free to vacation wherever she likes with whomever she pleases. If you don't' like her choices break up with her but don't try to control her.


If these men are co workers, they can easily flirt with her & hook up with her at home.


Bottom line, you trust her or you don't
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Old 5th July 2017, 1:28 PM   #4
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I do fear that I might push her away if I try to control her. She can be independent.


But I struggle with is where is the line a committed partner cannot cross? Would you let your partner go away for the weekend and stay with the opposite sex and that you did not know them? That is crossing the line in my book. It certainly gives the wrong appearance of how committed she is.
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Old 5th July 2017, 1:31 PM   #5
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If these men are co workers, they can easily flirt with her & hook up with her at home.


Bottom line, you trust her or you don't
They are not my gf's co workers. They are co workers of the girl who invited my gf. This friend works for a Fortune 100 international company. I imagine these guys are alpha males to the core since that is probably a requirement at that company.


I do trust her but I don't like the situation. So I guess you'd let your partner have a weekend away with the opposite sex?
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Old 5th July 2017, 1:42 PM   #6
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I wouldn't be crazy about it & I would express my opinion / share my fears but I wouldn't try to tell him what he could & could not do.


Before I met my now husband I had a planed a summer vacation trip with a large group of friends, of both genders. We had done this in the past . . . a lot of people sleeping in a relatively small space but all singles got their own beds or shared with a same sex friend. I was "assigned" the queen pull out sofa bed with a childhood female friend. These trips were never about hankey pankey -- just beach, a few drinks & fun. This trip had been planned for a while before I met DH but occurred 3 weeks after I met him. I went. He didn't say one word. Had he attempted to tell me I couldn't go, I would have dumped him in a heart beat.


I had also planned a New Years' Eve cruise sharing a cabin with a female friend. Other male friends were coming in their own cabins, not to mention all the other people who would be on the sailing. Over the summer as I got to know DH, I didn't mention the cruise because it was a long way away & I had no reason to know we'd still be together. By about October I realized the relationship was going some where. By then I couldn't get out of the cruise but the vessel was also sold out so DH could not come. He said he understood; he was envious of the men who'd see me in a bikini & was sorry he wouldn't get to kiss me at midnight but I went on the cruise. We spoke once or twice while I was away. I came home. We carried on & eventually got married.


If she's an honorable person this trip is about Italy not cheating on you. Do discuss your concerns about these guys' behaviors & how she'll handle it but be confident in her feelings for you. Do be vigilant. Watch for signs of infidelity but have enough confidence to show you trust her.
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Old 5th July 2017, 1:59 PM   #7
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She went on cruise with younger wild cousin and I told her I trust her and have fun. This cruise was planned before we got together. It was during spring break week too.


I do trust her. I know she won't do anything. Its the fact that she's is going to be staying with strange guys. Also the fact that we have missed out on so much travel together and we both said how much we want to travel together. Part of me thinks it is a tad disrespectful to me to consider staying with strange men. I would never in a million years consider that if roles were reversed.

I did express my concerns but she never said what she was going to do about the weekend stay at the villa. She reassured me that she is one girl I don't need to worry about cheating. I believe her.
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Old 5th July 2017, 2:01 PM   #8
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OP: Do you think part of the reason you're insecure is that both of you cheated on your spouses to be together?
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Old 5th July 2017, 2:15 PM   #9
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OP: Do you think part of the reason you're insecure is that both of you cheated on your spouses to be together?


No I don't. She asked for divorce before we even reconnected. Her marriage was long over in her mind.


I've always been a little insecure. Probably goes back to college dating years.


Moreso I admit I like control. Not controlling her every move but not being able to control the situation with her across the globe and guys hitting on her constantly. The thought of guys hitting on her drives me crazy.
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Old 5th July 2017, 2:22 PM   #10
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I do fear that I might push her away if I try to control her. She can be independent.


But I struggle with is where is the line a committed partner cannot cross? Would you let your partner go away for the weekend and stay with the opposite sex and that you did not know them? That is crossing the line in my book. It certainly gives the wrong appearance of how committed she is.
You can let her know how you feel about it. It it's her decision on how to proceed.

If you feel she is crossing a line then you end things. You can't tell her what to do or not do.

But I feel like you are being irrational as you trust her but get jealous of guys looking. If you get a Ferrari people are gonna look. That's reality.

Personally I would not be ok if they are sharing a room (not sure if that is the case). I wouldn't tell her what to do - I would just end things as she crossed my boundaries.
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Old 5th July 2017, 3:26 PM   #11
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If you actually do trust her, then just trust her. At most, I think you can tell her that you're a little uncomfortable with the villa trip with other men, but you trust that nothing will happen, and that she'll tell you all about it when she returns. Then shut up and leave it alone.
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Old 5th July 2017, 3:26 PM   #12
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Ask her if the roles were reversed how would she feel about you staying with some sweet, young, honeys alone on a pleasure cruise ship without her? If she gets all noble on you and says she wouldn't have a problem with it, then do it. Remember, a healthy relationship is based on equality. Right now, she is in the driver's seat, having pulled this stunt on you twice, and relying on your nobility, and fear of being accused of being 'controlling', so she could have her way. If you do nothing, this is just going to be a prelude of your future. Eventually, she will be going on GNO's with her single friends, and taking a 10 day girls - only cruise to the Cayman Islands while assuring you that no one is touching her hot bod but you. You giving her a taste of her own medicine will let her know that you are not a push over, and she needs to respect you, but in a loving, non-argumentative way. DONT be the guy that she reminds to 'feed the pets, change the oil on the car, and pay the bills on time', while she is heading out the door for her latest 'adventure'.
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Old 5th July 2017, 3:33 PM   #13
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Bottom line....it's not appropriate. Just sitting here thinking.... if my husband did the same thing, I would be putting my foot down. And I know he would feel the same way if the tables were turned. I would never do such a thing even if we were just dating.....all girls yes, do it about once a year, but never have there been guys ever involved. We might go to a couple of clubs, but seriously....sharing a villa with two strange guys? NOT.
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Old 5th July 2017, 3:40 PM   #14
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Ask her if the roles were reversed how would she feel about you staying with some sweet, young, honeys alone on a pleasure cruise ship without her? If she gets all noble on you and says she wouldn't have a problem with it, then do it. Remember, a healthy relationship is based on equality.

Funny you mention that. She told me Friday she decided to go to Italy via text. We were together Saturday and I said I might go to all inclusive in cancun by myself. Mostly just to gauge her reaction. She didn't get upset but kept making comments in joking manner the whole weekend about how my trip was going to be with her, not by myself. She admitted she gets jealous.
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Old 5th July 2017, 3:58 PM   #15
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She has decided to go. I do get jealous but want her to have fun. I trust her 1000% not to do anything.


Well it now comes out that a couple of the lady's co-workers who are guys invited them to spend the weekend at a sea side villa. I assume just the 4 of them. Now her friend is married and pregnant and her co workers won't be trying to get her into bed but I imagine these guys are going to be trying to get my gf into bed the whole time. I know my gf won't do anything.

Do I put my foot down about saying no to the seaside villa invite? I have a feeling it is already part of the travel arrangements so they would have to figure something else out.

Hmm...you don't sound like someone who trusts his girlfriend 1000% not to do something stupid.

Unless she's given you reason to worry you better find a way to snap out of it and check yourself.

Jealousy, especially when it causes you to 'put your foot down' on matters concerning her will almost assuredly land you a pink slip.
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