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Girlfriend of two years kissed an ex boyfriend


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 14th February 2017, 4:45 PM   #1
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Girlfriend of two years kissed an ex boyfriend

I honestly can't believe I'm writing this as it hit me out of the blue this morning and I am still in phase one of shock to be honest.

My girlfriend was away a work function a few weeks ago where an ex boyfriend who is now married was there and they got talking and drinking. He ended up insisting to walk her back to her room (who she was sharing with another girl) and then kissed her to which she says she stopped it, but then he tried again and she admitted letting this happen for 10 seconds or so. She cut it off and said she loves me and shouldn't be doing this, he tried more but she got into her room and that was that.

So she sat on this for a week not knowing what to do, they guy has zero links to me or her (lives in a different country) and I would never have found out at all if she didn't confess I suppose. She has been crying non stop and telling me how much she regrets, how she want to spend all her life with me etc etc and that she will do anything to make this work.

My head and heart are all over the place, I love her so much and I would like to think this was a dumb mistake, and in all honesty I know how being really drunk can mess up judgement, though not using this as an excuse, I suppose I don't want to end this, but I just don't know what to do.

Should I give her a second chance or not?
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Old 14th February 2017, 4:49 PM   #2
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To me cheating is a huge sign of unhappiness in a relationship but that is the rule, of course there are exceptions to every rule. If she shows any other sign of being untrustworthy or unhappy in the relationship then I would say it is time to move on.
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Old 14th February 2017, 4:53 PM   #3
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She doesn't have enough discipline when she drinks to know when to not get so drunk that she can't stand in her truth. Perhaps it's time for her to stop drinking if it's leading her to do things she then sits on for a week crying her eyes out over.

I don't consider what she did cheating, but I do consider it a gross lapse in judgment and proof that she should stop drinking.
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Old 14th February 2017, 4:53 PM   #4
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Yes, you should give her another chance.


She stopped him. She told you.


He's in another country. Be happy she is honest.


Find a way to work through this.
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Old 14th February 2017, 5:06 PM   #5
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It was good she told you about it, shows that she honestly feels bad, is honest with you and wants to try to make things right.

Also from how you described that she described it, kinda sounds like the guy was drunk and forced himself on her. Sure it takes 2 to kiss, but she told him to stop and he kept doing it (sexual assult). This guy is also married and a huge drunken D to be doing that. Sounds like your gf was also taken advantage of by him while she was drunk.

I wouldn't break up with her over this. She was upfront and honest and obviously feels bad. This jerk also lives in another country, I'd be more upset with the guy who forced his drunk married self on my gf.
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Old 14th February 2017, 5:07 PM   #6
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Did you know this ex was going to be attending this business gathering before she told you all this?
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Old 14th February 2017, 5:08 PM   #7
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Unfortunately, drinking is no excuse.
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Old 14th February 2017, 5:19 PM   #8
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She didn't wakeup that morning and said, I'm going to get so intoxicated and let my ex kiss me.

When people are enjoying themselves, they don't realize how much alcohol they have consumed until they stand up to leave. I know there are times I have drank only a few and felt the effects like I had way more. So it's possible she wasn't drinking to the point you would call "irresponsible". She trusted him, and thought it would be ok to not be walking alone to her room anyways. He forced himself onto her, and in a flash she realized what was taking place and put a stop to it. She's lucky she go away from him, and it could have turned into something more sinister on his part, turning into a rape.

I agree, she feels horrible, but has taken responsibility for her actions and came clean about it. Visibly she is very remorseful. I think you should give her another chance. I would not label her as a cheater. It was a lesson learned.
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Old 14th February 2017, 8:01 PM   #9
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Thanks so much guys.

No she didn't know this guy would be there and yes drinking is no excuse, though a lot of drink does effect you to a certain extent!

I am happy though to hear thoughts along what I was thinking, I know she has done a bad thing in kissing the guy for ten seconds or so, but for the most part I know she didn't initiate any of it and certainly didn't want it to happen.

She is still, as we speak, in a lot of stress and crying her heart out in the next room, but I really feel I should give her another chance also. Not as I'm feeling sorry for her in such pain (though I am) but we have such a great relationship I think its just worth another chance.

I will have a hard time getting over that she kissed the guy for a short period of time and I know she might have been more forceful to say no but thats me. I just hope I can get over this.

Thinking to just basically banish the whole thing to the depths of earth and never talk of it again, would you think that would be the best option going forward?
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Old 14th February 2017, 8:09 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Davidh22 View Post
I honestly can't believe I'm writing this as it hit me out of the blue this morning and I am still in phase one of shock to be honest.

My girlfriend was away a work function a few weeks ago where an ex boyfriend who is now married was there and they got talking and drinking. He ended up insisting to walk her back to her room (who she was sharing with another girl) and then kissed her to which she says she stopped it, but then he tried again and she admitted letting this happen for 10 seconds or so. She cut it off and said she loves me and shouldn't be doing this, he tried more but she got into her room and that was that.

So she sat on this for a week not knowing what to do, they guy has zero links to me or her (lives in a different country) and I would never have found out at all if she didn't confess I suppose. She has been crying non stop and telling me how much she regrets, how she want to spend all her life with me etc etc and that she will do anything to make this work.

My head and heart are all over the place, I love her so much and I would like to think this was a dumb mistake, and in all honesty I know how being really drunk can mess up judgement, though not using this as an excuse, I suppose I don't want to end this, but I just don't know what to do.

Should I give her a second chance or not?
Please be advised that rarely does somebody get the actual true story the first time around.

Sitting on it for a week shows more of a knack for hoping it goes away as opposed to feeling very awful about it.

You say this guy has zero links to you, then if that is the case why even say anything to you at all? If she had a week to sit on it she would ave been just as eager to never tell you. If I were you I would wonder if someone perhaps saw it or knew about it and threatened to tell you if she didn't, nd you gt the PG version of it in hopes she could stem the tide.

Again, people expose themselves usually not out of guilt, but as a means to get out ahead of something for fear of somebody spilling the beans on them. Again, a week of keeping her mouth shut and all of a sudden she admits to a kiss? I would not be buying that. Especially with drinking involved.


I would be very suspicious given how she went about it that it ended with a 10 second kiss. You only know what she told you. You weren't there.
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Old 14th February 2017, 8:12 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Davidh22 View Post

She is still, as we speak, in a lot of stress and crying her heart out in the next room
.

Which would tell me there was a little more to the story that you don't quite know and may never know.

Continue this relationship at your own peril.
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Old 14th February 2017, 8:51 PM   #12
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Honestly, it sounds a bit off. I mean she stops him the first time then he goes for it again and then a third attempt? These things are like textbooks, it takes several attempts to get it right. Even when confessing there tends to be a degree of minimizing. If I had to bet, I would say it was more of a make out session then a short kiss.
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Old 14th February 2017, 9:19 PM   #13
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Probably more happen than just a kiss. I think deep down........you do too Davidh
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Old 14th February 2017, 11:22 PM   #14
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I would be on guard. As posters have said, alcohol is no excuse.

Given how she described the suspicious situation and the three attempts, she is probably crying more over the fear and shame of being labelled and her own confusion then losing YOU. I hope that's not the case and I'm wrong.

If your spidey senses start tingling as things play out and you feel she isnt on the level, then NEXT her.
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Old 15th February 2017, 12:31 AM   #15
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If what she says is true (and when these things happen I really doubt the full story is told from the start) then maybe she deserves a second chance.

But you guys really need to have a conversation about boundaries and what she's willing to do to make sure nothing like this happens again.
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