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I threw away my future


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

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Old 11th October 2013, 8:44 PM   #16
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Why did you cheat if you loved him so much. As someone who had the same thing happen to me I'm just curious. Why would you allow yourself to do it? My wife did the same thing and is SO remorseful. So why do it? I just don't understand.
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Old 12th October 2013, 12:11 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by Chi townD View Post
He may be able to forgive you as a person. But, as a girlfriend?....I think you crossed a line with him.
No, I know we won't ever be in any form of relationship. He was beyond disappointed when he found out and the last time we spoke. You know for several seconds, I really thought we would work it out, he seemed to hesitate, wasn't yelling at me nor calling me names (I would have deserved that but he didn't) but then nope. He end up saying You gave me no choice, you did it yourself, as much as L would want to I can't trust you anymore.
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Look, I'm not trying to be mean about this, I just want you to understand the facts. You hurt him badly, and that kind of pain just doesn't shut off like a light switch.
I know. I hurt him in the worst way possible by cheating. I threw it all away for nothing.
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Learn from this. If you ever enter into a new relationship and if you TRUELY love that other person, remember what happened. Is this other guy worth losing the person you love over? Is 30 minutes to an hour of being selfish worth destroying the person you love?
It wasn't worth it. I screwed up. I wish I would take it all back.
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Old 12th October 2013, 12:23 AM   #18
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I'm with you on this one. If she's avoiding sharing the whole version on an online forum, I can't imagine the embarrassment she placed on her ex bf (or more??). He probably feels a lot worst than she's feeling on this forum.
What's really the point of stating the whole complete version? I cheated and indeed humiliated him in the worst way possible. I hurt him deeply and he doesn't deserve me. Words can't explain the terrible sadness I'm feeling in having done this to the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I got what many women, even many female friends always dream about; they all would ask me how to get a man that commits; I got it and still blew it.
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One thing I caught is the OP said it was more than a relationship they had, she put the word ''future'' in this thread, she mentioned about apologizing to his parents and posted this here on:
Marriageable men?

Does this mean the OP was engaged to that man?
Wow that was very fast guess. It is correct indeed.
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OP follow this advice. Don't get involve in another relationship unless you get to the bottom of this and fix yourself completely.
No, I don't want to get into another relationship yet. I'm still mourning over this, my own stupidity. Everyone was happy for me, for us and I threw all over. I let everyone down. They thought highly of me and for me to have to tell them why he left, it was shocking to them.
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Old 12th October 2013, 12:33 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by Sadman2011 View Post
Why did you cheat if you loved him so much. As someone who had the same thing happen to me I'm just curious. Why would you allow yourself to do it? My wife did the same thing and is SO remorseful. So why do it? I just don't understand.
Issues, stupidity, selfishness, etc.

One way I can describe what happened during this destructive path that led to losing him is: you decide to temporarily shut down your brain and continue to carry on (though you do feel very guilty afterward, you're also fighting with a part of you that say ''Ignorance is bliss, what they don't know won't hurt them''). You know it's wrong but you become too much involved in it that it becomes an addiction and you don't stop until it's too late. Reality finally wakes you up and you realized what you lost.
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Old 12th October 2013, 12:43 AM   #20
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Have you written this out in a letter to him (with no expectation)? You sound extremely remorseful. Maybe he could forgive, in time.
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Old 12th October 2013, 12:52 AM   #21
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I like the OP's title " I threw away my future".....Well then by golly Live in the present and start making positive behavior changes...

Discreet Honesty can be had. Be direct, be truthful and keep it responsible.

And silly one...stop throwing things away ....recycle your future, that's the cool thing about it, you get to choose which way to improve it
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Old 12th October 2013, 1:00 AM   #22
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Have you written this out in a letter to him (with no expectation)?
The only letter I wrote to him was that day, in which I explained to him how I would regret this for years, that I don't expect to be taken back and told him he can call me when he wants to, that I wouldn't mind being just friends. Then I explained how I was going to work on myself and wished him the best.

He replied back and it was very short. In it he just said to work on myself and how we really can't be together anymore. Considering what I did to him and how hurt he was, he still conducted himself. Usually one that cheats expects to be yelled at, get a ''Get the hell out of my life'' reply but he didn't do that. It was enough for me to hear the tremble in his voice or disappointment in his face as he was still trying to normally talk to me that I really destroyed him.
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You sound extremely remorseful. Maybe he could forgive, in time.
Having him as friend would be enough for me.
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Old 12th October 2013, 1:08 AM   #23
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I like the OP's title " I threw away my future".....Well then by golly Live in the present and start making positive behavior changes...
That was my way of saying how I threw away the life I would've had with him; having him in my life; the one that loved and trusted me.
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Old 12th October 2013, 1:58 AM   #24
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So...out of curiosity...why did you cheat?

What made you respond to this other guy's advances?

When you were doing all this didn't it occur to you it was wrong?

Would you have confessed had you not been caught?
__________________
You'll thank me for saying that later.
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Old 12th October 2013, 5:10 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by lollipopspot View Post
Have you written this out in a letter to him (with no expectation)? You sound extremely remorseful. Maybe he could forgive, in time.
Being remorseful really doesn't mean much to most guys. Since they aren't married and don't have kids together there is no reason for either of them to go through the pain and drama of trying to reconcile. She cheated, he dumped her. Done. Learn from it and move on.
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Old 12th October 2013, 10:17 AM   #26
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So...out of curiosity...why did you cheat?
It all started when he wasn't available all the time as his workplace demanded double shifts, we had a couple of arguments lately, my past issues regarding my early years (certain memories I tried blocking) and sickness in my family. If you combine all that, I was in such a horrible mindset but it still doesn't excuse what I did to him. In the end it's all about being selfish and only thinking about yourself in that moment. I have no excuse.
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What made you respond to this other guy's advances?
I was escaping from reality in that moment and it starting to become an addiction.
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When you were doing all this didn't it occur to you it was wrong?
I was feeling guilty afterward but also fighting with the guilt. I was in a total mess.
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Would you have confessed had you not been caught?
My mind wasn't even thinking logically by then. I don't know if I would have.

Last edited by AlteredStarrling; 12th October 2013 at 10:19 AM..
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Old 12th October 2013, 10:31 AM   #27
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If I am in a relationship that has the potential of becoming serious I always ask. The worst thing you could do if asked is lie. Have you put yourself into counseling? You need to find out why you allowed yourself the approval to cheat, why you felt entitled? Was it a one time thing, did it happen for a period of time, was it with a friend of his, did he walk in on you? If he walked in on you in the middle of the act the chances of him forgiving you are zero to none, you never get those images out of your mind. Get help so this never happens again.
This is my earlier post to you, the why is very important because if your willing to cheat on someone your engaged to, if you don't get to the root cause, you'll cheat on someone your married to. You said it happened twice but there had to be a lead time that you perused him or he perused you, most woman I have known need something meaningful before they allow sex to happen. Were you in a relationship with other man? Did your friend facilitate your affair because they worked with him? If you avoid my "he walked in on you in the middle of the act" comment here, how will you ever honestly deal with it in a future relationship? I will never meet you and your affair will never effect me or my future, just trying to give you a betrayed spouse's point of view, you need to be honest with the people here if you really want their help. Some will jump all over you because they feel your ex fiancÚs pain and humiliation, they can feel the hit his manhood took from your infidelity. Take what information you find beneficial to your situation and use it to help you both get through this let the rest of it slide.

Most never expect to get caught but they always do one way or another because you know what you did and in the end you cheated yourself, your family, his family, and all of your friends. Infidelity hurts more than the three in the triangle, it hurts everyone that loves you. Your first step is to get help so you never make the same mistake, your ex will see this as a positive step and a true sign of remorse. Don't miss your next appointment, be truthful.
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Old 12th October 2013, 10:35 AM   #28
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Being remorseful really doesn't mean much to most guys.
I know but just wanted for him to know I take full blame for the cheating and I feel his hurt.
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Old 12th October 2013, 10:55 AM   #29
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Originally Posted by AlteredStarrling View Post
Issues, stupidity, selfishness, etc.

One way I can describe what happened during this destructive path that led to losing him is: you decide to temporarily shut down your brain and continue to carry on (though you do feel very guilty afterward, you're also fighting with a part of you that say ''Ignorance is bliss, what they don't know won't hurt them''). You know it's wrong but you become too much involved in it that it becomes an addiction and you don't stop until it's too late. Reality finally wakes you up and you realized what you lost.

This is called compartmentalization, you put your real life in a little safe box while you chase the fantasy. You learned to do this while you were young and suffering through your abuse( unconscious psychological mechanism used to avoid mental discomfort caused by a person having conflicting values or beliefs). You knew what you were doing was wrong and it caused you conflict. You need to deal with your FOO(family of origin) issues or no future relationship will work. Your self destructing.
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Old 12th October 2013, 11:06 AM   #30
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aliveagain you're very insightful. It's like you seem to know slightly more than what I've posted and I have never been to this site before nor on any online forum. I'm impressed.
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