singa Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 Okay, I know people have asked this before, but I just don't get how strip clubs are okay (well lap dances) and not considered cheating. I mean take away the location and the money and what do you have a half naked woman rubbing her body all over a man who is suppose to be in a committed relationship. Before I ramble on too much, my basic situation is this- I have a great boyfriend and we've been together for 1 1/2 years and outside of getting lap dances at strip clubs I know he never has cheated on me nor would he, but he occassionally goes to strip clubs with the boys (ie- trips away, bachelor parties, guys from work...) So no he isn't a frequent visitor and yes I give him credit for that. I do realize he can't be the wuss who can't go so I don't have a problem with him going, but I do have a problem with lap dances. I have friends who tell me it's no big deal, but I don't get it, like I said it's a naked woman rubbing herself on my boyfriend- somehow I don't think men would appreciate it if their wife or girlfriend went out and did exactly what they did. Can someone please make me feel okay with lap dances or tell me I'm not crazy? Link to post Share on other sites
rainbowspots Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 Personally, i would flip if my boyfriend got a lap dance. That's something intimate that should be reserved for both of you, together. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 Speaking as a guy, I can't say definitively that lap dances are cheating. That said, however, they're way too close for comfort. At least, that's how I see them. And even though I went to strip clubs while I was married, I never had one. My explanation to my friends was that it was too much like infidelity. Little did I know that TBXW had cheated on me numerous times. We're divorcing. After I moved out I went to Vegas with some friends and got multiple lap dances, guilt free. At least one of us retained their integrity during the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
feeling silly Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 I believe there are different degrees of cheating..........varying from not cheating at all to "he's a dead man". So, I think you have to decide what you are able to handle as far as your man and other women. We've all caught them turning their heads when an attractive woman walks by, possibly noticed that certain conversations are more flurtatious than others. Some don't mind at all if their man is out on the dance floor busting a move (quite close) with another woman. Then of course there are extreme cases in my opinion, where couples are very "open minded" and chose to share eachother with one or more people outside the relationship. I think you need to decide how much you are willing to handle. If you are truely bothered by him getting lap dances from half naked woman he should definately respect that. Now me on the other hand, I'm a bit more vindictive. I would go to a night club where men are all over the female audience and have photos taken.......then ACCIDENTLY leave the photo on the kitchen table.......LOL.....then see what happens! Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 If i am in a relationship with a girl that I care about then I don't really have the desire to go to strip clubs. They are kind of lame anyway. But really I don't think its that big of a deal if a women gives you man a lap dance once in a while. On the other hand, it is kind of immature. We are all a bot insecure when it comes to our lovers and other people, I can understand that. On the other hand, perhaps you have some trust issues. If your man is immature enough to get lap dances eventhough he is in a secure, satisfying relationship then maybe you worried about your man getting a 'happy ending'. Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 If i am in a relationship with a girl that I care about then I don't really have the desire to go to strip clubs. They are kind of lame anyway. But really I don't think its that big of a deal if a women gives you man a lap dance once in a while. On the other hand, it is kind of immature. We are all a bot insecure when it comes to our lovers and other people, I can understand that. On the other hand, perhaps you have some trust issues. If your man is immature enough to get lap dances eventhough he is in a secure, satisfying relationship then maybe you worried about your man getting a 'happy ending'. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 If I was with a girl, and she didn't mind, I'd get a lapdance. Hell, there are girls out there who would go WITH me. And if I was with a girl who DIDN'T want me to get a lapdance, I would respect that and not do it. But I don't think I'd go for a girl who wouldn't let me go to a stripclub in general. I don't want a girl who will LET me do anything. So to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
Charley Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 If you feel the need to have other women all over you topless/naked to turn you on or whatever that is in a way showing your 'girlfriend' that she is not hot enough in ur eyes... or doesnt turn you on by herself... i dunno. I would take it that way if my b/f had lapdances. why would you feel the need to go see other naked girls if you were in love??? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 To me a lap dance is not technically cheating, but it would be enough to kick my bf's ass if he got it without my permission and/or not in my presence. I don't see why any woman should *force herself to be comfortable* with her SO getting a lap dance. She either is okay with it, or she is not. Link to post Share on other sites
deesgirl Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 Singa, it's cheating to me. Prostitutes are paid also, that doesn't mean they aren't cheating if they go to one. Link to post Share on other sites
feeling silly Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 Originally posted by Pyrannaste I don't see why any woman should *force herself to be comfortable* with her SO getting a lap dance. She either is okay with it, or she is not. I absolutely agree. Singa, you don't have to feel ok with it. If you aren't comfortable with your SO recieving lap dances then talk to him about it. If he's as great as you say he is.....he'll understand. Then offer up a lap dance of your own The problem with these situations is that the woman is left wondering WHY her man would want to be involved with another woman in such a provacative way. Any men out there who would like to explain why? Link to post Share on other sites
sally1530 Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 he had to have the stripper at the bachloer party, we fought for months on where the "line" was..... we finally came to no licking, touching or sex.... but the fact that he wouldnt respect my wishes on not having a stripper because I thought it was cheating, ended up in the end killing our engagement and the wedding is off.... he thought it was a trust issue we had.... well I found out a month before our wedding, 2 weeks before the bachloer party that he was looking for sex online at lavalife.... our entire relationship of a year and 1/2.... it makes me sick to think men think its okay for stippers, porn and online chatting with gals.... its disrespectful and says to the girl that she isnt enough.... Link to post Share on other sites
InmannRoshi Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 A local radio station was holding a contest for people getting married over the summer. On the premise that most bachelorette parties are lame, they were offering to sponser a bachelorette party to callers and were offering a venue, catering, open bar and male strippers (and they were promising a wild time). Men were calling into the station pleading their case as to why their fiance should win the bachelorette party. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 Strip clubs and lap dances are "bad boyfriend behavior" in my book. An absolute deal-breaker. It doesn't matter whether he's paying for his outside sexual romps, or getting it for free...I prefer my relationships to be with grown-ups and not horney frat boys. NOT saying that I wouldn't allow my partner to do whatever he pleased...I refuse to try and control anyone's behavior except my own. Given that, I would make my own choice to exit the relationship PRONTO. My life, I can live it however I want too! Link to post Share on other sites
Pyrannaste Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 Originally posted by InmannRoshi A local radio station was holding a contest for people getting married over the summer. On the premise that most bachelorette parties are lame, they were offering to sponser a bachelorette party to callers and were offering a venue, catering, open bar and male strippers (and they were promising a wild time). Men were calling into the station pleading their case as to why their fiance should win the bachelorette party. This is out of dire and malevolent curiosity. Did any single one of those men say anything like "oh, c'on! let her win that bachelorette party, so she'll *have* to have it and I'll be able to get a party mydelf and have female strippes without her nagging"? I'm anyway sure most of those guys were thoughtful and just wanted their soon-to-be-wives to enjoy themselves. Cool. Link to post Share on other sites
shortbus74 Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 would you ever consider going to a strip club yourself and getting a lap dance? Speaking from experience.... the girls are there for the money... not a honey.... Just a thought.................. Link to post Share on other sites
InmannRoshi Posted May 18, 2004 Share Posted May 18, 2004 Originally posted by Pyrannaste This is out of dire and malevolent curiosity. Did any single one of those men say anything like "oh, c'on! let her win that bachelorette party, so she'll *have* to have it and I'll be able to get a party mydelf and have female strippes without her nagging"? I'm anyway sure most of those guys were thoughtful and just wanted their soon-to-be-wives to enjoy themselves. Cool. There was a guy on there expressing guilt, because his fiance was new to the city and didn't have many friends locally, while he had lived in town for a long time and was expecting a huge turnout for his bachelor party. He claimed if the radio station could front the bill for the party, then maybe she could afford to fly a few of her buddies into town on a discount airline ticket for the event. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 My ex-boyfriend (notice I said EX) also went to strip clubs (behind my back) knowing full and well that I did not think it was appropriate at all. Men will either respect your wishes or they won't - and for those who won't - F**K 'EM. Going to strip clubs IS immature. Its something, that someone else mentioned earlier, is for horny frat boys or dirty old perverted men. Neither of these sound very appealing for a boyfriend. If he is hellbent on going to strip clubs, know that he probably WILL go no matter what you say. If there is something that I have learned in my life it is this: you cannot control other peoples behavior. If he wants to go so bad, he will go just won't let you know about it. You need to look at what kind of boyfriend you have and if that is what you really want in your life. There are plenty of decent guys out there who do NOT like strip clubs and think it is disgusting and a waste of time and money. Maybe one of these more highly evolved members of the male species would be more for you. Let the women who don't care what their boyfriends do or see be with these pervs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author singa Posted May 19, 2004 Author Share Posted May 19, 2004 Originally posted by shortbus74 would you ever consider going to a strip club yourself and getting a lap dance? Speaking from experience.... the girls are there for the money... not a honey.... Just a thought.................. I thought about it. He wants to take me so I'll see that nothing is going on, but I still think it's a naked girl rubbing on my guy (ie- cheating). I'll probably go and at least see what's going on, but I don't think seeing it first hand will change my mind, but you never know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author singa Posted May 19, 2004 Author Share Posted May 19, 2004 Originally posted by capitald If i am in a relationship with a girl that I care about then I don't really have the desire to go to strip clubs. They are kind of lame anyway. But really I don't think its that big of a deal if a women gives you man a lap dance once in a while. On the other hand, it is kind of immature. We are all a bot insecure when it comes to our lovers and other people, I can understand that. On the other hand, perhaps you have some trust issues. If your man is immature enough to get lap dances eventhough he is in a secure, satisfying relationship then maybe you worried about your man getting a 'happy ending'. I don't have trust issues. I really do trust him and don't worry about him getting a 'happy ending'. I just don't like the fact that he's getting a happy beginning (ie- the lap dance). When it comes to flesh and blood it's my job to start him up not some 1/2 naked chick after his money. Link to post Share on other sites
dreaming4ever Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 You should really check out the thread I started a little while ago about strip clubs and how I think they're cheating. I got TONS of replies....so you should be able to find lots of answers there....good luck...and yes i think it's cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
ladyangel Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 I personally do not consider going to strip clubs and getting dances to be cheating, as long as it's only a dance and nothing more. I have gone with my husband to clubs, watched him get dances, and have gotten some myself. Live a little! If you go with him, then you don't have to sit at home and worry about him. Link to post Share on other sites
InmannRoshi Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 I think going to stripclubs can be very cathartic for some guys. Especially if you're a guy who has low self esteem. Contrary to self help publishing industry and daytime blabber shows, women don't own the copyright to having low self esteem just yet. If you're first reaction around women is to retreat or recoil, especially around overt women, you could do a lot worse than going to a stripclub and letting a hot girl slather you with attention. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 Yeah, Inmann, but that's bogus 'attention' - bought and paid for. You'd do better spending the money on a few self-help books or a therapy session to battle the self-esteem demon. BTW, I don't think it's that women want to have the copyright to low self-esteem, rather that many men would rather chew their own arms off than admit that they have low self-esteem. I don't blame the men; it's still a world that insists on regarding men who admit to feelings as unmanly Link to post Share on other sites
HT_Nut Posted May 19, 2004 Share Posted May 19, 2004 I feel relationships are as personal and unique as the people in them. Some things can be ok for one relationship, but not another. To make rules based on what I think the society "norm" is, would, I think, limit the the relationship. I think couples should do anything that makes them happy as long as they are BOTH comfortable with it. For me personally, my test is: Would I do this if my partner were sitting right next to me? And, would my partner be bothered by it? If the answer to either one of those is yes, then don't do it. If your partner does anyway and knows it bothers you; then find another partner. The one you have has no respect for you or your feelings. Trust me, if they don't respect your feelings now, they won't later either. JMHO Danny Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts