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My girlfriend kissed another guy (or he kissed her I guess..) and other complications


Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy Being unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.

Old 5th January 2011, 2:58 AM   #1
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My girlfriend kissed another guy (or he kissed her I guess..) and other complications

OKAY - sorry for the length....

So my girlfriend and I had an argument on new years and she went to hang out with her friends (two of whom are boys that I always felt like they maybe flirted). In any case, she ends up drinking a bunch and hanging out there all night because we argued and wanted to have some space.

Next day we meet up to kinda settle the dispute and move on. In passing she mentions that one of her friends kissed her on the cheek. I didn't like that so I told her about what I think about her guy friends and about how this shows that they are flirting and all. In any case, we talked for a bit and it was all okay. She decided she would distance herself from them.

Two days later - she calls me and tells me she wants to break up. She tells me it is for the same reason we argued about before New years and she thought a lot and decided it wasnt going to be ok. For me this was a huge shock. Since then it seemed we were going to work it out and move on and her attitude changed suddenly.

Naturally, I didn't understand so I probed her and I asked her what happened. She was crying a lot and said that the guy didnt just kiss her on the cheek but on the lips and tried to sleep with her and was kinda touching her. She said she didn't go any further but she said that she enjoyed it - she says that because she enjoyed it its not right to stay with me. She feels that we argue too much and I'm not always nice enough to her and thats why she liked this guys attention all along and liked his kiss.

She also said she doesnt want to stay with someone who doesnt appreciate her to the point where she looks to other guys for attention. Essentially she blames the situation on me. Partially, I can see her point - sometimes on certain things in life I can be an ass. Im far from a romantic and I don't always show her how much I love her. She feels I dont give her enough atttention. BUT at the same time I am completely confused now because I feel hurt by her having kissed someone else like this.

This has turned out to be kind of a soap opera I know...in any case we spoke further and after a week we talked. She said she told the guy she cant be friends with him b/c its wrong that he made a move on her and also said she wont hang with him anymore. She says she's sorry for messing with me and wants to be back together but only if I give her more attention.

Now we've been taking it slowly the past week and it's going okay - I'm trying to be attentive in the future but i still feel like she doesnt understand how much the kiss thing hurt me. I dont think she knows that if something like this happens again then I cant be with her.

Lastly, she keeps apologizing for hurting me (ambiguously she says hurting me but implying for wanting to break up with me but not necessarily for the kiss). She blames the kiss on the guy and alcohol and my lack of giving attention to her. She apologizes constantly though for wanting to break up about this...she apologizes so much it makes suspicious that it was more than a kiss too but I dont know if thats me just being paranoid.

YOUR THOUGHTS PLEASE!
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Old 5th January 2011, 3:03 AM   #2
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Also, to clarify, we've been together for 2 yrs and I love her very much. She has some wonderful qualities; I dont want to lose her.
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Old 5th January 2011, 4:23 AM   #3
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it's over. I'm currently on the receiving end of another guy's gf. He would rather play Halo than spend time with her. He frequently threatens to kick her out of the house. The only reason she stays for the time being is because he makes good money, he's "safe" and she is afraid of getting hurt by guys.

not much you can do. Sure you might pay more attention for a while, but then you will slip back into your old habits, and she will wander again.
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Old 5th January 2011, 5:00 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by camrond View Post
YOUR THOUGHTS PLEASE!
I don't normally say this, but based on her lies, and the instant desire to break up... I'd say they did more than just kiss. Either way she is a cheat and you need to dump her.

Had the guy just kissed her and made a move she would have told you the honest truth first, because she would have no shame or fear.

However, she lied to you about the kiss on the cheek to test the waters and see how accepting you would be. Had you not objected to it she would probably have not felt very guilty about cheating. To her that would be like you saying you don't care.

Once you strongly objected she told you another lie that was closer to the truth, and make the choice to break up. Again... if she was telling you the truth... she would not have tried to break up with you in advance of your reaction. Because by telling you her guilt would be assuaged. However, since she is most likely not telling the truth... she had to break up with you and then if you fight to get her back... that is basically you accepting the lie and thus assuaging her guilt.
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Old 5th January 2011, 6:16 AM   #5
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Originally Posted by Untouchable_Fire View Post
I'd say they did more than just kiss. Either way she is a cheat and you need to dump her.
Yes agree 100%.

You're getting what's called the trickle truth.
First it was a kiss on the cheek.
Then you find out it was a kiss on the lips.
Then you find out it was "kinda" touching her.
Then you find out she enjoyed it.
Believe me, there is a lot more to this story that she still hasn't told you.

She is a cheat and a liar. She is trying to blame you for her infidelity. Do not be convinced by her attempts at manipulation. She is the cheater, there is never any justification for cheating, if you didn't show her enough attention then she should talk to you about it.
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Old 5th January 2011, 12:55 PM   #6
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OK, here's the real translation of what occurred:

-GF's kiss was actually something much more. She probably had sex with him. Every time a person tells their SO "it was only a kiss", means there's much more to the story. See how it went from a "kiss on the cheek", to a full kiss. I'd bet the farm she did the nasty with this dude.
-GF's feelings changed and she wanted to break up because the she and the other dude were, or did, hook up again.
GF decides she's no longer confused, sorry for messing with your head, and now doesn't want to be broke up. Equates to the other dude tossed her to the curb, now she wants to come back to her back up plan. How does it feel to be 2nd string?

Dude she needs to stay gone. If you get back with her she WILL do this again. I promise you that.
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Old 5th January 2011, 10:48 PM   #7
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I agree that it was probably more than just a kiss. She is trying to blame you and she will soon try an make everything like it was before. Dump her and be on your way. Let her know that you don't believe her trickle down truth and hopefully you will realize that she will never tell you the entire truth
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Old 5th January 2011, 10:52 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by jadedone View Post
it's over. I'm currently on the receiving end of another guy's gf. He would rather play Halo than spend time with her. He frequently threatens to kick her out of the house. The only reason she stays for the time being is because he makes good money, he's "safe" and she is afraid of getting hurt by guys.

not much you can do. Sure you might pay more attention for a while, but then you will slip back into your old habits, and she will wander again.


Dude you really shouldn't be giving advice. You want to believe that your girl is messing around with you because she doesn't want her bf. You also want to believe that she doesn't want him because he plays Halo. The truth is she messing with you because she is selfish and slutty. If she had to pick point blank she would pick her bf. Never believe a cheater who cheats and sticks with their SO


How do I know this? Your story is no different from thousands of others. Its cute that you think she will eventually leave for you but you are just her selfish pleasure. If her bf broke up with she would be devastated
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Old 5th January 2011, 11:04 PM   #9
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It is very immature to get drunk and make out with some other guy just because of an argument, even if you are a bit of a jerk sometimes. She should have behaved herself and cooled off and addressed the problem later.
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Old 6th January 2011, 1:44 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by lkjh View Post
Dude you really shouldn't be giving advice. You want to believe that your girl is messing around with you because she doesn't want her bf. You also want to believe that she doesn't want him because he plays Halo. The truth is she messing with you because she is selfish and slutty. If she had to pick point blank she would pick her bf. Never believe a cheater who cheats and sticks with their SO


How do I know this? Your story is no different from thousands of others. Its cute that you think she will eventually leave for you but you are just her selfish pleasure. If her bf broke up with she would be devastated

I have no illusions, and I don't consider her my girl. I'm a distraction for her. If she actually leaves her bf or is kicked out, that may or may not work to my benefit, but trust me I'm not waiting around for that.
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Old 6th January 2011, 5:07 AM   #11
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thanks for your guys' inputs -

Well, in short....this **** ****ing sucks.

From what I can deduce - I AM second string at this point.

She blames me for this, also denies that its her doing (this is all implied, she wont have a direct conversation thats honest about this).

I had to login to her email, without her knowing, to see what she writes to her friend to get honesty out of her. She didnt do more than kiss him first of all. It was just a kiss apparently and she prevented him fom getting into her pants - awesome.....I guess....

But she lies in saying that she immediately didnt wanna be friends with him anymore. Far as I can tell she kinda let it sink in over the next few days that she might have rather been with him. I think I am second string, whether its my fault or not. She lied about not being physically attracted to this friend from the beginning as well - directly lied about it as in : "No i dont think he's attractive" to me and "i think he's really cute" to her friend. All her apologies are I think because deep down she honestly feels guilty about getting into this while still supposedly my girlfriend.

The tell-tale fact is that the night we argued and this happened -I actually told her i would change things and fix it but hours later SHE still decided to give me the emotional middle finger by drinking with this dude.

At this point I duno wtf to do. She wanted to dump ME for ****s sake I feel useless. I know I can get another girlfriend, I've always been more succesful than her at getting sex etc from the opposite sex but I dunno wtf to do, i love her for many reasons other than this obviously.

I donno what to do still...

- she lied about the kiss thing
- she lied about telling him not to contact her immediately after
- she hung out a lot with a guy she was attracted to and lied about that
- she ditched me and went and got drunk with him after I tried to fix it after our argument
- she takes zero responsiblity and blames my treatment of her
- she threatens to dump me and probably would have if the other dude was willing to dump his gf and commit to her

WHAT THE ****
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Old 6th January 2011, 5:10 AM   #12
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also at this point she basically wants me to be her bitch and treat her awesome without even taking any responsibility for this business with this other dude.
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Old 6th January 2011, 5:58 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by camrond View Post
I donno what to do still...

- she lied about the kiss thing
- she lied about telling him not to contact her immediately after
- she hung out a lot with a guy she was attracted to and lied about that
- she ditched me and went and got drunk with him after I tried to fix it after our argument
- she takes zero responsiblity and blames my treatment of her
- she threatens to dump me and probably would have if the other dude was willing to dump his gf and commit to her
You don't know what to do after all that? I'll tell you. Man the hell up and ditch the witch. If you don't, it will happen again. Playing second string means that she'll leave you as soon as someone better comes along.

Do not believe her sh#t that it's your fault. It's totally her fault. Dump her and move on dude, as everyone in this thread has advised. seriously we know what we're talking about

Regarding the emails, she is a serial liar, she can lie to your face so she can also lie to her girlfriends.......

Last edited by PegNosePete; 6th January 2011 at 6:00 AM..
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Old 6th January 2011, 6:28 AM   #14
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Girls want to dump. Not be the dumpee.

Agree with her, tell her that you are not willing to go out with a user! But leave -NC means no contact. Her niceness to you is her currency.

Charm is deceptive, find honesty!
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Old 6th January 2011, 1:14 PM   #15
 
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After finding out all that new shyt, I think the answer is a lot clearer. Dump her.

Firstly, despite supposedly "coming clean", you still haven't gotten the whole truth from her. I.e. she's still lying to you.

Secondly, the additional stuff you've learned suggests that you're right -- you are "second string" to her right now. She doesn't actively want to be with you; she's just afraid to lose you. Big difference. You're safe to her, a known quantity, good enough for now till she sorts out what she wants. Which means that if you stay with her, you'll continue to be "second string". Which isn't fair to you.

She's going to dump you eventually anyway, or cheat on you again. Or both. Be proactive and save both of you a lot of wasted time.
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