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Should she be excited?


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 4th October 2017, 6:52 PM   #16
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I agree with you that makes more sense. He needs to heal and get over things not to figure out why things are done in a certain way. Women can be confusing at times. We men are no different. There are no rules in place to say that woman are suppose to go with you every where you go out too. You don;'t have to drag them with you either. This is not the cave men times.. He needs to relax and think about things before he ever dates again!
Agreed! People are so confusing sometimes. Trying to figure them all out on paper and devising a strategy is just going to make you more confused. You just have to run out on that battlefield and wing it xD
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Old 4th October 2017, 7:18 PM   #17
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Agreed! People are so confusing sometimes. Trying to figure them all out on paper and devising a strategy is just going to make you more confused. You just have to run out on that battlefield and wing it xD
Yh ur right. Im trying to find a rule so i dont get hurt again.
Its just hurtful some of the things women do or dont do or say etc.
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Old 4th October 2017, 7:52 PM   #18
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Iíve gone through and read some of your old threads. It seems like you need to stop thinking there is some kind of dating rule book you have to abide by. No two relationships are the same. No two women are the same. It seeems unhealthy to me to obsess over previous experiences gone wrong or to overanalyze these hypothetical dating situations.
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Old 4th October 2017, 8:05 PM   #19
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Yh ur right. Im trying to find a rule so i dont get hurt again.
Its just hurtful some of the things women do or dont do or say etc.
The only rule you need to obey to is how you feel.

With your ex you started feeling bad as soon as she started playing games with you. You should have listenned to your instinct and drop her right there and then. Instead you ignored your little voice, you ignored all of our warnings and you endured months of bad treatments from her.

So here is the only rule: Listen to your gut feeling!!
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Old 4th October 2017, 8:31 PM   #20
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Gaeta is right. The only rule is to follow your gut feeling. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

And there isn't anything you can do to protect yourself from getting hurt. We all get hurt from time to time - it's part of life. The secret is having sufficient resilience so that you can bounce back after the hurt.
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Old 5th October 2017, 5:13 AM   #21
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Gaeta is right. The only rule is to follow your gut feeling. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

And there isn't anything you can do to protect yourself from getting hurt. We all get hurt from time to time - it's part of life. The secret is having sufficient resilience so that you can bounce back after the hurt.
Im just really hurt by things she said or did or didnt do and how she made me feel. So hurt for someone i made sure was special and made feel secure.
My best girl mate told me i should make a girl im dating feel special and not make her feel insecure.
Like for example i asked her on a third date to a nice dinner. I asked if she was free on his day . She replied with "can do". That was hurtful.
If a guy responded that to you girls how would u feel?

She even once said that she didnt want me to get her car wash together as i would do something annoying like put my arm around her. That was really hurtful. My arm js not annoying i tried to tell her.
Is it the same feeling you girls get if a man said thhe samw thing to you or am i just a pussy?
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Old 5th October 2017, 7:31 AM   #22
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There are no rules. Logic won't protect your heart next time you risk trusting a woman.

As a generalization yes, your SO should be excited to spend time with you. That doesn't mean you are joined at the hip. It can mean compromise.

One of my EXs loved to fish. I hate fish. I'd go occasionally & read a book in the sun.

I love the beach. DH thinks it's torture. We don't go to the beach together very often. His failure to sit in the sun with me for hours on end doesn't mean our marriage is in jeopardy.
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Old 5th October 2017, 7:54 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by fred123 View Post
Im just really hurt by things she said or did or didnt do and how she made me feel. So hurt for someone i made sure was special and made feel secure.
My best girl mate told me i should make a girl im dating feel special and not make her feel insecure.
Like for example i asked her on a third date to a nice dinner. I asked if she was free on his day . She replied with "can do". That was hurtful.
If a guy responded that to you girls how would u feel?

She even once said that she didnt want me to get her car wash together as i would do something annoying like put my arm around her. That was really hurtful. My arm js not annoying i tried to tell her.
Is it the same feeling you girls get if a man said thhe samw thing to you or am i just a pussy?
You missed the forest for the trees on this girlfriend. Red flags abounded with her. She consistently made it clear she wasn't interested. You can't expect a woman to be excited and enthusiastic about everything you want to do, but her statement of not wanting you to put your arm around her in public is a real problem.

No, I would not want to go to the carwash with you...I think you can manage that on your own. Do you expect your girlfriend to be joined at the hip with you at all times?

"Can do" seems a bit flippant, but I wouldn't worry about it too much if it was the *only issue*, and a small discussion on communication can go a long way, but stockpiling a seemingly flippant comment on top of other signals of non-interest, this comment is a bigger issue. You had lots of signals you refused to see.

I understand you're trying to get your bearings on what's normal, and I think you need to try to not take one thing as a sign of doom, but do pay attention to multiple behaviors that suggest non-interest. She seemed rather slow and uninterested in spending time with you, had better things to do, and avoided any PDA...I can't remember what else, but it was a conglomeration of "YOU didn't take the hint and move on." It's sad she couldn't/didn't just tell you and led you on, but it happens.
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Old 5th October 2017, 9:13 AM   #24
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Originally Posted by fred123 View Post
Im just really hurt by things she said or did or didnt do and how she made me feel. So hurt for someone i made sure was special and made feel secure.
My best girl mate told me i should make a girl im dating feel special and not make her feel insecure.
Like for example i asked her on a third date to a nice dinner. I asked if she was free on his day . She replied with "can do". That was hurtful.
If a guy responded that to you girls how would u feel?

She even once said that she didnt want me to get her car wash together as i would do something annoying like put my arm around her. That was really hurtful. My arm js not annoying i tried to tell her.
Is it the same feeling you girls get if a man said thhe samw thing to you or am i just a pussy?
And how did that feel to be treated like this? Bad right? Yes it would feel hurtful to me too and it would feel hurtful to a lot of people too.

That's not the point though. It's not about how people would feel, it's about how YOU feel. if YOU feel bad in a relationship you end it.

You need to trust how YOU feel, it's YOUR life it's not ours, it's not people's life, it's YOURS so YOU get to decide what feels good or not. Do you get that?
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Old 5th October 2017, 9:37 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by MajesticUnicorn View Post
Iíve gone through and read some of your old threads. It seems like you need to stop thinking there is some kind of dating rule book you have to abide by. No two relationships are the same. No two women are the same. It seeems unhealthy to me to obsess over previous experiences gone wrong or to overanalyze these hypothetical dating situations.
This this and this. There is a category of men - usually socially awkward, usually spent a lot of time on WoW or other RPG's, usually shy, usually sexually frustrated, who really REALLY want to turn dating into a guaranteed math equation, like their calculus class. Sort of Sheldon with a sex drive, so to speak.

That isn's how it works.
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Old 5th October 2017, 1:50 PM   #26
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And how did that feel to be treated like this? Bad right? Yes it would feel hurtful to me too and it would feel hurtful to a lot of people too.

That's not the point though. It's not about how people would feel, it's about how YOU feel. if YOU feel bad in a relationship you end it.

You need to trust how YOU feel, it's YOUR life it's not ours, it's not people's life, it's YOURS so YOU get to decide what feels good or not. Do you get that?
I was scared and am scared to feel how i feel. I felt that it comes across needy and desparate and pathetic. I would tell her how id feel in a certai situation and shed play it down and make me feel crap for mentioning it.

I wanna give a couple of examples. One time we were sitting at the gym cafe downstairs and talking. She was my girlfriend at the time. A tennis coach walked past us and she stared at him with a smile for 30 secs as he walked past. It was so obvious and blatant. I felt hurt cos i was sitting opposite her and felt a bit disrespected and also she has never looked that way at m3 before and i wish she did. I told her this via text a few hours after and she replied
" there is good eye candy and you can stare just like there is also good eye candy for you also fred. I do like you a lot"

Another example my girlfriend had a spare ticket to a tennis event and posted it on facebook who wanted to go with her. People replied on the status. I wrote ' take me ♡".
She then messaged me saying she saw i wrote that. She didnt like it or respond to it. She told me that people saw that i wrote it and that she didnt really like it because she never did this kind of lovey dovey stuff with her ex and he never wrote on her wall like that"
I felt really hurt. I didnt know what i did wrong. I then ended up deleting her on facebook because i thought wats the point if i cant write or comment on her wall. She then messaged me saying that her friend thought i was childish for deleting her on facebook.

Please give me advice opinions on this. Cos i had no idea what to do or feel or react
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Old 5th October 2017, 1:53 PM   #27
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:face palm: She was clearly mistreating you. You knew it! You chose to ignore it. Just don't ignore it next time.
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Old 5th October 2017, 2:00 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by fred123 View Post
Please give me advice opinions on this. Cos i had no idea what to do or feel or react
You were feeling disrespected and unimportant that's how you felt. We don't chose to feel something, we feel - period.

Like I said, when you are in a relationship and it does not feel good you end it. You don't wait for it to feel wrong for 7 months, if it feels bad a few times and it doesn't change over 1-2 months you end it.

How you should have reacted? You should have broke up with her.

You really really need to start TRUSTING YOURSELF. Trust how you feel. If it feels bad then drop it ! don't ask yourself what other people would have done. Just do it!
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Old 5th October 2017, 2:00 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by fred123 View Post
I was scared and am scared to feel how i feel. I felt that it comes across needy and desparate and pathetic. I would tell her how id feel in a certai situation and shed play it down and make me feel crap for mentioning it.

I wanna give a couple of examples. One time we were sitting at the gym cafe downstairs and talking. She was my girlfriend at the time. A tennis coach walked past us and she stared at him with a smile for 30 secs as he walked past. It was so obvious and blatant. I felt hurt cos i was sitting opposite her and felt a bit disrespected and also she has never looked that way at m3 before and i wish she did. I told her this via text a few hours after and she replied
" there is good eye candy and you can stare just like there is also good eye candy for you also fred. I do like you a lot"

Another example my girlfriend had a spare ticket to a tennis event and posted it on facebook who wanted to go with her. People replied on the status. I wrote ' take me ♡".
She then messaged me saying she saw i wrote that. She didnt like it or respond to it. She told me that people saw that i wrote it and that she didnt really like it because she never did this kind of lovey dovey stuff with her ex and he never wrote on her wall like that"
I felt really hurt. I didnt know what i did wrong. I then ended up deleting her on facebook because i thought wats the point if i cant write or comment on her wall. She then messaged me saying that her friend thought i was childish for deleting her on facebook.

Please give me advice opinions on this. Cos i had no idea what to do or feel or react
What is needy and desperate about the whole thing is that you stay in a relationship with someone who makes you feel bad / isn't that into you.
When someone continually makes you wonder if they really like you, you don't do silly things like delete them off facebook and continue dating them, you delete them from your life.
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Old 5th October 2017, 2:29 PM   #30
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Fred123 you need to learn to trust yourself & your feelings. You knew you were being disrespected but you kept trying to convince yourself that because she was sleeping with you that she must like you.


In the future don't discuss deep feelings especially hurt feelings via text.


When somebody hurts your feelings repeatedly break up with them.
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