She showed every positive sign on our dates, but hasn't replied to my date request?

[amazonrambo]

I met this girl on Plenty of fish who is 28, I'm 24. She acts younger than her age suggests, a fun and quirky personality. We messaged a little bit, I got her number then we arranged a date. She got a little bit funny with the date being in the city as she doesn't like driving into there and the trains had strikes, so I persisted and offered somewhere outside of it.

 

We met and she hugged me and linked arms with me, which suddenly turned into holding hands. She was very vibrant with me, reaching into my back pocket to put/take her phone out, playing footsy with me and making a lot of sexual innuendos. There was a lot of physical contact and we kissed, you could sense the sexual chemistry between us.

 

After the first date she thanked me and I made plans for your second. She told me she was working the two days I mentioned but offered no counter date right away, but then told me her free days.

 

We met up for the second date and held hands again. We went to bowling and I joked saying if she beat me at bowling, she might not see me again due to the embarrassment. She said she hopes she loses as she wants to see me again on my week off next week.

 

We got a coffee and stood outside flirting. I got her to close her eyes and put her hand out and gave her this giraffe keyring (as it's her favourite animal) and it put a big smile on her face.

 

As we were bowling and I was sat down, she was stood up and put her legs around mine getting very close to me in a kinky way. I felt like this wasn't the place as it was a public area and I held her and pushed her back a little feeling a bit uncomfortable and joking saying was her turn at bowling. She said "aww you rejected me :(" and pretended to act sad around me for ten minutes. She then lightened up, but I could sense that throughout the rest of the date maybe she was a little disappointed I did that.

 

When we went for something to eat, we held hands, played footsie and she was being very sexual with me though.

 

Then we left for the train station and we waited for my taxi as I had work. We got close and she kept playing around with my coat, we kissed. As I walked to the taxi she stopped me and we kissed again and said goodbye.

 

Anyway, here are the text messages that happened after our date:

 

http://i.imgur.com/HXhc8W2.png

 

Usually if she doesn't respond late in the day, she messages the following morning but she hasn't this time. We had two fantastic dates but not sure what the course of action is now? She plays hard to get a lot but I seem to find that if you persist with her then it works out. Last time when I asked if she was free at 7 I got no reply so I started a fresh conversation the next day and she accepted my date.

 

I was thinking of sending something like "Guess I'm going to have to take my favourite gal Doris to this amazing thing I had planned instead" or "You can say no if you want, I'll live with it I'll have to take my favourite gal Doris out instead!" (an inside joke we had)

 

What should I do from this point on? Thanks

[Art_Critic]

She plays hard to get a lot

 

IMO...doesn't seem like it.. she was ripe for the picking

 

You haven't done anything wrong, ask her again but have plans for what you will do.. and if you go out with her again you might want to make your move on her.. IMO you could have had sex with her and maybe she is thinking you are never going to try anything.

[amazonrambo]

IMO...doesn't seem like it.. she was ripe for the picking

 

You haven't done anything wrong, ask her again but have plans for what you will do.. and if you go out with her again you might want to make your move on her.. IMO you could have had sex with her and maybe she is thinking you are never going to try anything.

 

So I should say hey, let's do this, etc on Tuesday at 3pm? (maybe insert a joke). There was definitely no chance of sex with her as she knew I had work straight after. If there was a third date then maybe as I would have the full day free.

[amazonrambo]

Meh, tried calling her then I sent a second message about the activity, day/time and place along with a joke. Still no response.

 

I was tempted to just send her a message on POF saying that I'm guessing your silence means you don't want this etc and good luck with the future.. But then I realised that's too much to contact her as two texts and a phone call is enough already, she's bound to have got one of them.

 

Sure it was only two dates but it's annoying how much interests we shared in common and how much we clicked, only to have her just disappear.. Maybe she just wanted the attention and sure her personality fits mine greatly but I need someone who's going to be committed..

 

At least she has that giraffe keyring I got her (unless it's been thrown away) so that'll remind her of me at least and I'll just back off and use POF to message other girls.

[smackie9]

You did do something wrong.....you weren't crawling all over her and she wanted it bad. She expected you to move at a fast pace or she was just interested in getting slammed.

 

I think she found someone else to slam her.

[coolheadal]

It happens you had a girl that was ready for more you choose the safe route. Safe would be right if you had dated a woman that was thinking the same. Just don't contact this girl again. If you do just shows your weak. If she ever contacts you again you play the upper hand. Mean the ball is in your park. Right now the ball is in hers. Do not contact her again. Even if you have to go out on other dates with other women which you should do in any case. This girl sounded like causal sex partner, not someone serious for a relationship which you were doing for bowling an etc.. You both are still strangers no matter what you think in your head!

[amazonrambo]

It happens you had a girl that was ready for more you choose the safe route. Safe would be right if you had dated a woman that was thinking the same. Just don't contact this girl again. If you do just shows your weak. If she ever contacts you again you play the upper hand. Mean the ball is in your park. Right now the ball is in hers. Do not contact her again. Even if you have to go out on other dates with other women which you should do in any case. This girl sounded like causal sex partner, not someone serious for a relationship which you were doing for bowling an etc.. You both are still strangers no matter what you think in your head!

 

Yeah I'm not contacting her now, her loss. I'm looking for someone who is playful but to take it steady with. She was quick to link arms with me on the first date, although I was fine holding hands.

 

She made a lot of sexual references, like when we were in the restaurant she said stuff like "I bet you'd like it if I opened my legs" etc, quite kinky things. Even on the first date, she had a rack of ribs and was sucking on one in a seductive way, even the balloon she got given to her, she was making sexual references by stroking it like it was a dick.

 

She's 28 and I'm 24, I kind of was expecting her to be more mature. You'd honestly guess she was like 19-21.

 

On our second date, she made it hugely clear she wanted to see me again as these were her words. We talked about gaming and she mentioned she was getting some guy over who knows IT to help fix her computer, at the time I thought maybe she was trying to make me jealous. She plays hard to get a lot and hardly reaches out unless I do. She got me to come close to her and was about to kiss me then teased me and said later you can. But we kissed a few times.

 

Anyway I'm someone who likes to get to know a girl first at a steady pace and eventually get into a large amount of physical contact with them down the line. To me, she made our first date feel like the 10th. I liked how comfortable I was with her though.. and I REALLY want to send her something on POF saying I guess your silence means you don't want to pursue things, good luck with future, etc but I know after two texts and a phone call it's a bad idea..

 

Plus there was 20 miles between us, I think down the line that might have gotten a bit too much. Might have worked if she was good at communicating over text. Sure I took a while to respond, but told her it was because I work a lot and I prefer face to face contact.. But she didn't give me anything to go on over text anyway like questions.

Edited March 26, 2017 by amazonrambo

[amazonrambo]

A couple of odd things I picked up on from the 1st and 2nd date was she mentioned she was diabetic and pulled out her kit under the table to inject herself, in a restaurant. Guess she could have taken her bag to the toilet.

 

She also told me she had a giraffe toy and gave it the same name as her ex because it took away those negative feelings and gave the name positive ones instead (who she was with for 4 years, married 10 months to).

 

When I took my phone out to check the time, she did make a comment saying "I bet that's all your lady friends messaging you" and earlier in the week when I was on POF at 2am, she text me going "you're on pof quite late!!".

 

On the second date, when I said I closed my POF account as I was too focused on work and just wanted to get to know her, she joked saying she was quite high maintenance and would want to have seen me a lot in my free time.

 

She did use her phone on intervals to text (her best friend or her mum, she says) and did apologise but it would seem rude.

 

I guess at the time I didn't see how bad those things were as we seemed to click, so I overlooked it.

[act00]

You are obviously both on different pages, so move on.

 

I find it rather judgmental, though, that you think her linking her arm around yours on the first date is wrong. Her suggestive sexual innuendo, sure, but linking arms? That is pretty innocent, and a gentleman will offer his arm to escort a lady.

 

How many dates do you have to have before you think it's okay to show affection? There's another thread where someone is worried that upon date three, there has been nothing. Someone else said that a girl was ready to dump the relationship because the guy hadn't made a move, and it was the 4th or 5th date, just barely in time. Do you have a high level of judgement when a girl shows any affection on the first or second date? Linking arms? Would you have been offended and think less of a woman if they hold your hand first, make the move to hold your hand first, on a first or second date? You were okay with kissing, but linking arms is an issue?

 

This woman seems incompatible. I would be really turned off if a guy behaved in such a way with a lot of sexual innuendo, whether the 1st date or 20th. It's really immature.

 

It sounds like you two had a good time, got some kisses, and it was fun. I appreciate your desire to keep things slow and steady. It seems you are both really not compatible, and her behavior with being very sexually suggestive and then backing off and playing hard to get is very confusing, and I think you can do better.

[amazonrambo]

You are obviously both on different pages, so move on.

 

I find it rather judgmental, though, that you think her linking her arm around yours on the first date is wrong. Her suggestive sexual innuendo, sure, but linking arms? That is pretty innocent, and a gentleman will offer his arm to escort a lady.

 

How many dates do you have to have before you think it's okay to show affection? There's another thread where someone is worried that upon date three, there has been nothing. Someone else said that a girl was ready to dump the relationship because the guy hadn't made a move, and it was the 4th or 5th date, just barely in time. Do you have a high level of judgement when a girl shows any affection on the first or second date? Linking arms? Would you have been offended and think less of a woman if they hold your hand first, make the move to hold your hand first, on a first or second date? You were okay with kissing, but linking arms is an issue?

 

This woman seems incompatible. I would be really turned off if a guy behaved in such a way with a lot of sexual innuendo, whether the 1st date or 20th. It's really immature.

 

It sounds like you two had a good time, got some kisses, and it was fun. I appreciate your desire to keep things slow and steady. It seems you are both really not compatible, and her behavior with being very sexually suggestive and then backing off and playing hard to get is very confusing, and I think you can do better.

 

I don't think the arm linking is wrong as she did ask me at the time, I just thought it was a bit forward to what I'd been used to. I'd usually wait until date 3 or 4 for hand holding, etc. I didn't think any less of her, it did make me comfy and got rid of the nerves on the date.

 

I usually kiss at the end of the first date though.

 

This woman seems incompatible. I would be really turned off if a guy behaved in such a way with a lot of sexual innuendo, whether the 1st date or 20th. It's really immature.

 

How do you mean? The fact that she was using a lot of sexual innuendos made her seem immature? As this was the impression I was getting from her. I was going along with it but was thinking that she wasn't acting her age, more 19/20 than 28.. She got sexually close to me at bowling and it was busy, I felt a bit uncomfortable thinking this wasn't the time.. but had it been back at her place or somewhere private I'd have been all for it.

 

Yeah I agree with you. Annoyingly our personality and interests seemed to match, but she was always sexually suggestive in public with me and I felt like this is something you should be doing with me in private, not here..

 

Even her tone of voice was very sexually suggestive, kind of like I was dating a stripper or something.

 

Like Coolheadal says, she seemed like she was wanting a sexual partner than a relationship, even though her dating profile said otherwise.

 

Funnily enough, we did actually talk on OKCupid LAST summer, but I stopped replying because the conversation was one sided lol. So maybe I should have seen it coming.

 

She also has her own place with a nice car and her job is a radiographer. Somehow I wonder how she could afford to live on her own which begs the question, maybe she is still married and not divorced like she says? Her credit card had her marriage name which said "Mrs" on it when she paid for our dinner, but she told me she was still sorting the papers out to get her name changed back on her financial records.

[amazonrambo]

wrong. she played hard to get

 

She did this a lot on first date like teasing me to get close and going for the kiss but pulling away telling me later.

 

She'd take 1-3 hours to reply, but then so would I to match her.. but then I was also at work. If I replied late evening, she'd wait until early morning sometimes. She even ignored my date request one time, until the next day I started fresh with a funny joke and got her out. Guess maybe I should have restarted the conversation fresh without asking her out?

 

On the second date I attempted to hold her hand after bowling after "guiding her away" when she got sexually too close, but she played hard to get by telling me "nope you rejected me before!". I acted not bothered and was like "alright then, to think I gave you my giraffe keyring" and she said okay that was nice i really liked that and went to hold my hand.

 

Figured if she is playing hard to get, maybe I should just not act bothered like I did when she didn't accept my hand.

 

Doubt she'll contact me again, so I'm moving on. It says a LOT if her interest has turned off that quickly and doesn't bother getting in touch, I deserve a better woman.

[act00]

How is a kiss okay but touching, arm holding is not?

 

Or are you just turned off that a woman makes the first move and <gasp> touches your arm first? Because you think arm-holding should occur on date 4? But kissing is totally okay - ??? Kissing is far more intimate than arm holding. I don't get it.

 

You seem highly judgmental. Whether or not this woman is immature, she picked up on it, and it doesn't surprise me she's really not interested in pursuing the relationship further.

 

I appreciate avoiding a lot of PDA, and I appreciate your quality in taking things slow, but I don't agree with your personal list of behavior as you check off each box. It's as if you feel the fact she had the gall to touch your arm makes her a tramp. But kissing is okay. She sucks on a rib suggestively and fondles a balloon, you still want to see her, but how forward of her to link your arm with hers.

 

You are a confusing individual.

[TheTraveler]

You did do something wrong.....you weren't crawling all over her and she wanted it bad. She expected you to move at a fast pace or she was just interested in getting slammed.

 

I think she found someone else to slam her.

 

Yes it's what I think. Some women just want to bang instantly rather than go through the dating process

[amazonrambo]

How is a kiss okay but touching, arm holding is not?

 

Or are you just turned off that a woman makes the first move and <gasp> touches your arm first? Because you think arm-holding should occur on date 4? But kissing is totally okay - ??? Kissing is far more intimate than arm holding. I don't get it.

 

You seem highly judgmental. Whether or not this woman is immature, she picked up on it, and it doesn't surprise me she's really not interested in pursuing the relationship further.

 

I appreciate avoiding a lot of PDA, and I appreciate your quality in taking things slow, but I don't agree with your personal list of behavior as you check off each box. It's as if you feel the fact she had the gall to touch your arm makes her a tramp. But kissing is okay. She sucks on a rib suggestively and fondles a balloon, you still want to see her, but how forward of her to link your arm with hers.

 

You are a confusing individual.

 

I didn't say it was wrong, I just didn't expect it so early on. I've never held hands with a girl on a first date but I have made physical contact and kissed on them. I guess in my early days of dating in the past I've tried to hold a girls hand and they said it was too soon or refused.

 

I'm fine with a girl touching my arm, I just never expect to hold a girls hand so early on.

 

I was never judgmental in person with her, I enjoyed her company/had a laugh and was highly disappointed she stopped replying to me. It's only until now that I've had time to reflect today that I thought maybe the "injecting herself" on first date at a table might be seen as bad (as I mentioned that before in another thread, and various replies asked did she actually do that?).

 

I accepted those things and was happy to continue seeing her, hence I asked her out again.

 

Never said her linking arms with me was bad, I just haven't had that happen to me before because girls have said it was TOO SOON to when I attempted, even though they accepted my kiss on a first date. I had no problems and was quite happy she did that at the time, it's just something I've never experienced from a girl before as they've always taken their time rather than being upfront.

[amazonrambo]

When you say PDA do you mean "pathelogical demand avoidance"?

 

Because I had no trouble with her making physical contact with me, just she got a bit too kinky when I was sat down at bowling and she was stood up, her legs either side of mine with her crotch close to me, and I guided her by the waist because we was in a public area and thought it was inappropriate. After that she was stood next to me stroking my head, which I was perfectly fine with.

[act00]

When you say PDA do you mean "pathelogical demand avoidance"?

 

Because I had no trouble with her making physical contact with me, just she got a bit too kinky when I was sat down at bowling and she was stood up, her legs either side of mine with her crotch close to me, and I guided her by the waist because we was in a public area and thought it was inappropriate. After that she was stood next to me stroking my head, which I was perfectly fine with.

 

PDA=public display of affection.

[coolheadal]

A couple of odd things I picked up on from the 1st and 2nd date was she mentioned she was diabetic and pulled out her kit under the table to inject herself, in a restaurant. Guess she could have taken her bag to the toilet.

 

She also told me she had a giraffe toy and gave it the same name as her ex because it took away those negative feelings and gave the name positive ones instead (who she was with for 4 years, married 10 months to).

 

When I took my phone out to check the time, she did make a comment saying "I bet that's all your lady friends messaging you" and earlier in the week when I was on POF at 2am, she text me going "you're on pof quite late!!".

 

On the second date, when I said I closed my POF account as I was too focused on work and just wanted to get to know her, she joked saying she was quite high maintenance and would want to have seen me a lot in my free time.

 

She did use her phone on intervals to text (her best friend or her mum, she says) and did apologise but it would seem rude.

 

I guess at the time I didn't see how bad those things were as we seemed to click, so I overlooked it.

 

She's out of your league. This is not the sort of woman you want, and if you do your in for a lot of hassle with her. She's damaged and only wants sex on the first date. She's kinky, teasing, flirting and down right undressing you. Really what many could resist all those moves. But you did! So you knew what you was dealing with. Sex addict, she needs the sex now and you pulled back on her. Sure now she's moved on to the next guy who is welling to give it up quicker than you would or wouldn't have. The blood testing in public she's just testing her sugar. I know woman like that does that a lot too. It had told her you really need to do that in the bathroom not in public not on my bed. If eat healthier you wouldn't be worried about your sugar. But that's beside the point. Listen you learn a lesson here this woman not for you. If you want her just not going to be a relationship you really want. She's never going to change her playful ways. She knows what she wants....

[act00]

Sh

 

<snip>

 

The blood testing in public she's just testing her sugar. I know woman like that does that a lot too. It had told her you really need to do that in the bathroom not in public not on my bed. If eat healthier you wouldn't be worried about your sugar. But that's beside the point. Listen you learn a lesson here this woman not for you. If you want her just not going to be a relationship you really want. She's never going to change her playful ways. She knows what she wants....

 

You are way off base on diabetes. Certainly a healthy diet is KEY, but many are STILL insulin dependent and even if not insulin dependent, they have to test their sugars, and given her young age, I wonder if she is a type 1, which means she is insulin dependent by no fault of her own, and constant monitoring of sugars is necessary.

 

Why would someone want to sugar test in a germ-infested bathroom? Eat your dinner in a public bathroom and get back to me on that one.

 

I have known diabetics who can very discretely do what they need to do; you don't even notice. This woman seems to want to draw attention to herself, so she put on a display with her sugar testing and injection.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Wow, I see this so often with men but not with women! Once in a while, though, it for sure happens. The person is on the make so she is careful to go overboard on how you two have sooo much in common and blah blah. She gives vague hints about the future to make you think it's "safe" to give up the goods because surely this girl won't run off. I'm just surprised she didn't "jokingly" say she wanted to have your babies. She even kino'd you.

 

She wanted to get some so she bombed you like crazy. Then when she tried to "close" you said no. So poof, she was gone.

 

She just wanted "it." All the rest was contrived crap to get you to feel an attachment fast so you would give her what she wanted. You feel you lost out on someone you truly clicked with but you never did click. She just paid attention and jumped to agree that she loved everything you loved and so on. This is not an unusual M.O. at all. As I said, I'm just surprised to see a girl do it...but then again, why not....these little tricks don't exactly take a rocket scientist to figure out and there's no reason they should he the exclusive domain of one gender, I suppose. Horny is horny.

 

I feel bad for you, but be glad you didn't get more attached. You didn't lose out on a great girl because you never knew who she actually was anyway. Move on. So sorry about this.

[amazonrambo]

Wow, I see this so often with men but not with women! Once in a while, though, it for sure happens. The person is on the make so she is careful to go overboard on how you two have sooo much in common and blah blah. She gives vague hints about the future to make you think it's "safe" to give up the goods because surely this girl won't run off. I'm just surprised she didn't "jokingly" say she wanted to have your babies. She even kino'd you.

 

She wanted to get some so she bombed you like crazy. Then when she tried to "close" you said no. So poof, she was gone.

 

She just wanted "it." All the rest was contrived crap to get you to feel an attachment fast so you would give her what she wanted. You feel you lost out on someone you truly clicked with but you never did click. She just paid attention and jumped to agree that she loved everything you loved and so on. This is not an unusual M.O. at all. As I said, I'm just surprised to see a girl do it...but then again, why not....these little tricks don't exactly take a rocket scientist to figure out and there's no reason they should he the exclusive domain of one gender, I suppose. Horny is horny.

 

I feel bad for you, but be glad you didn't get more attached. You didn't lose out on a great girl because you never knew who she actually was anyway. Move on. So sorry about this.

 

There's no way we could have had sex anyway because she lived 15 miles from the city centre and I had to be at work late afternoon.

[amazonrambo]

She replied 6 hours after my phone call and second text saying "Hey sorry I missed your call. Been out with my mum all day. I'm not sure what days I can do this week, the days I'm not working I promised my family i would go out with them cause they are off for the week x".

 

I feel like that's just an excuse and is a rejection because she was so keen to make plans with me when we were together and hoped we'd see each other again. Kind of wish she just said she doesn't see me that way, would have made it easier to understand.

 

Thinking of replying back "Hey, no problem.. And you don't have to make excuses if you're not interested in pursuing things further, kind of the impression I'm getting from you. But if I'm wrong, let me know and we'll do something. I'd like to continue getting to know you x"

 

What do you think?

[coolheadal]

You are way off base on diabetes. Certainly a healthy diet is KEY, but many are STILL insulin dependent and even if not insulin dependent, they have to test their sugars, and given her young age, I wonder if she is a type 1, which means she is insulin dependent by no fault of her own, and constant monitoring of sugars is necessary.

 

Why would someone want to sugar test in a germ-infested bathroom? Eat your dinner in a public bathroom and get back to me on that one.

 

I have known diabetics who can very discretely do what they need to do; you don't even notice. This woman seems to want to draw attention to herself, so she put on a display with her sugar testing and injection.

 

What I am way off base with the insulin, coming from a medical family background. I don't see how you can say that. I know a women I met and dated that uses insulin way too much and got both boost and quick boost shots. She's over weight, I don't prejudge her I just try to teach her to lose those extra pounds and she can get off the insulin kick.

 

Germ infested bathroom I am talking about in my house, my house is clean here. She needs to use the bathroom to test the blood. I told her you test way to much. Levels are high because she's eating things she shouldn't be. I am sure you know how to monitor yourself.

 

I don't know why you bringing up this but again no matter what everyone has some sort of medical issue. If they do or don't.

[CaliforniaGirl]

There's no way we could have had sex anyway because she lived 15 miles from the city centre and I had to be at work late afternoon.

 

She had a way/place or she wouldn't have been sucking ribs and jacking off balloons in front of you and asking if you wanted to see her spread her legs.

 

And she was expecting you to tell work to go stag it and call in with some lame excuse tomorrow if you REALLY wanted her.

 

You didn't go for it and she's on to the next one.

 

You haven't lost a thing. Give your time and attention to a woman who deserves it from you.

[amazonrambo]

She had a way/place or she wouldn't have been sucking ribs and jacking off balloons in front of you and asking if you wanted to see her spread her legs.

 

And she was expecting you to tell work to go stag it and call in with some lame excuse tomorrow if you REALLY wanted her.

 

You didn't go for it and she's on to the next one.

 

You haven't lost a thing. Give your time and attention to a woman who deserves it from you.

 

No real man ditches his main priority, being work, on date 2 to a girl he hardly knows. If she was my girlfriend then yes.

 

Anyway I'll be pursuing other girls and probably get in touch this one at the weekend restarting a conversation and see if she's free again, I'll either get the busy excuse or it was legit. I'm guessing it was an excuse because on Thursday she was all up for seeing me this week.

[amazonrambo]

And she was expecting you to tell work to go stag it and call in with some lame excuse tomorrow if you REALLY wanted her.

 

Just to note, the only time I had free that week was early Thursday. She had an appointment at 11am and could only meet at 1pm. I had to leave at 4pm for work at 4:30pm. If I had the rest of the day off we'd have got closer and probably gone back to hers, but she knew we only had 3 hours together because I made that clear.