Cant tell if Im being blown off by her

[Sdives]

I asked the girl out for coffee ( lame I know ). I was sure she was interested but now I'm not so sure. She said yes in person. I messaged her the next day and her reply was " It will be in a week or so, I'm crammed and the moment for a little bit, but I wil know when Im free".

 

There was no maybe or anything, the first part she gives a counter and says " It will be in a week" so she did give a time frame but her saying she will "let me know" isn't great. If it was totally negative would she say something else? it's confusing to me

 

once again I was near certain she was down. She didn't hesitate at all when I asked in person.

 

going to lay low for a bit,

is it hard to get? is it not interested? now what?

 

I can't tell for sure, but if it was rejection why would she say It will be in a week or so? That's a time frame it sounds definitive

 

Exact quote is Below :

 

"It'll have to be some time in the next week or so, I'm super crammed with lots going on in the next little bit so I'll let ya kno when I'm free!"

[mbee]

Who knows, this varies from person to person. She's probably just uncertain about how she feels. I've done this before, and relatively recently.

 

I just met my current boyfriend, who I was immediately into. However, I knew to keep dating guys no matter how I felt. As things got more serious with my current boyfriend, I started being more wishy washy with guys in the way this girl. Once he asked me to be his boyfriend, I told them all that I'd met someone else.

 

Other reasons I've done.

 

I wasn't sure if I liked the guy. I actually had a busy week and figured I'd deal with it once time freed up.

 

I was interested in a date with the day but had really important activities pending (a close friend's birthday, family get together, things where my friends/family were disorganized and couldn't confirm a date soon enough). I'd rather wait a week than have to pick a date and cancel (and make it look like I'm blowing a guy off when I'm not)

 

In no scenario would this happen if I 100% liked a guy. I've been really busy before, and I'd pick a date well in advance for that guy. She's just not into you YET, but who knows, she might be. Don't blow any opportunities by getting upset or insecure about it. Ask her out in a week and see what happens. Until you have a date, you can't really expect her to know how she feels about you.

 

Dating is tough, no doubt, but assume best case scenario. Until you go on a date with her, don't get upset if she doesn't seem 100% into it.

 

By the way, her response was very positive. Again doesn't mean she likes you, which is okay. Just means she's open to going on a date with you and needs time to work out her schedule.

[Sdives]

Who knows, this varies from person to person. She's probably just uncertain about how she feels. I've done this before, and relatively recently.

 

I just met my current boyfriend, who I was immediately into. However, I knew to keep dating guys no matter how I felt. As things got more serious with my current boyfriend, I started being more wishy washy with guys in the way this girl. Once he asked me to be his boyfriend, I told them all that I'd met someone else.

 

Other reasons I've done.

 

I wasn't sure if I liked the guy. I actually had a busy week and figured I'd deal with it once time freed up.

 

I was interested in a date with the day but had really important activities pending (a close friend's birthday, family get together, things where my friends/family were disorganized and couldn't confirm a date soon enough). I'd rather wait a week than have to pick a date and cancel (and make it look like I'm blowing a guy off when I'm not)

 

In no scenario would this happen if I 100% liked a guy. I've been really busy before, and I'd pick a date well in advance for that guy. She's just not into you YET, but who knows, she might be. Don't blow any opportunities by getting upset or insecure about it. Ask her out in a week and see what happens. Until you have a date, you can't really expect her to know how she feels about you.

 

Dating is tough, no doubt, but assume best case scenario. Until you go on a date with her, don't get upset if she doesn't seem 100% into it.

 

By the way, her response was very positive. Again doesn't mean she likes you, which is okay. Just means she's open to going on a date with you and needs time to work out her schedule.

 

 

Why do you think its positive? other suggested she's unsure, that could be. We hardly know each other . I make small talk with her in the gym.

 

Coffee was the best option and she steered it to coffee and confirmed that. Like I couldnt suggest alcohol that wouldn't work.. I could tell. She said yes immediately, no hesitation

 

I felt totally sure she was into me on some level all signs were there.

 

The inclusion of information about the end of the busy period sounds to me like she was inviting me to try again then.Possibly?

Edited November 4, 2016 by Sdives

[mbee]

Why do you think its positive? other suggested she's unsure, that could be. We hardly know each other . I make small talk with her in the gym.

 

Coffee was the best option and she steered it to coffee and confirmed that. Like I couldnt suggest alcohol that wouldn't work.. I could tell. She said yes immediately, no hesitation

 

I felt totally sure she was into me on some level all signs were there.

 

The inclusion of information about the end of the busy period sounds to me like she was inviting me to try again then.Possibly?

 

It's positive because she agreed, told you she was busy for a week, and will follow you up then. If she doesn't follow up with her. If she's wishy washy in a week, then move on. If not, enjoy the date.

 

It's not worth overanalyzing and assuming the worst. She barely knows you and you barely know her. Just follow up with her in a week. Go into it with a lighthearted attitude before you mess up a dating opportunity before you even have it.

[Sdives]

It's positive because she agreed, told you she was busy for a week, and will follow you up then. If she doesn't follow up with her. If she's wishy washy in a week, then move on. If not, enjoy the date.

 

It's not worth overanalyzing and assuming the worst. She barely knows you and you barely know her. Just follow up with her in a week. Go into it with a lighthearted attitude before you mess up a dating opportunity before you even have it.

 

Ok I may wait two weeks and make casual chat in the gym. I intend to be lighthearted. I'll give her space , maybe it was too soon. Maybe she needs more comfort. The end of the busy period was a good sign rather than her just being busy.

[Sdives]

I will follow up either way and not wait for her, I'll be proactive

[Sdives]

It's positive because she agreed, told you she was busy for a week, and will follow you up then. If she doesn't follow up with her. If she's wishy washy in a week, then move on. If not, enjoy the date.

 

It's not worth overanalyzing and assuming the worst. She barely knows you and you barely know her. Just follow up with her in a week. Go into it with a lighthearted attitude before you mess up a dating opportunity before you even have it.

 

Not to be a pest here, but when you mean "she agreed" is that from the email or her saying yes in person?

[smackie9]

She has your number she will let you know if she is interested. In the meantime, you go out on other dates with other women. If you don't hear from her you just brush it off and carry on. Stop making a big deal out of it or you will drive yourself crazy.....it's not worth the worry.

[TheTraveler]

She has your number she will let you know if she is interested. In the meantime, you go out on other dates with other women. If you don't hear from her you just brush it off and carry on. Stop making a big deal out of it or you will drive yourself crazy.....it's not worth the worry.

 

He created a thread on a message board. He's going to wait the week.

[Toodaloo]

Its a blow off.

 

She was probably a bit shocked and taken aback when you asked so said yes because you seem like a great guy but on second thoughts probably doesn't fancy you enough to prioritize you right now.

 

Leave it and let her get back to you. If she really is interested but really busy she will come back to you in a couple of weeks. If not then she will not bother. I suspect if you go quiet you will not hear from her. If you keep contacting her you run the risk of being friendzoned or wasting time trying to get her to come out when all she does is blow you off.

 

Save your ego and confidence for another day and let this one go.

[Sdives]

It could be yes, Im going to hold off for a while and maybe not do anything. I dont think She'll engage me. I may gauge her small talk wise then see what happens

[IfonlyIknew]

I'll let ya know = cop-out

[ChatroomHero]

That's a blow off the way I see it. She didn't have to reject you and she pushed it off for basically an indefinite amount of time. The only thing you should do is let it go and be pleasantly surprised if she follows up in a week.

 

Honestly I'm not psychic, but I see a crazy busy schedule for her with work, family, car problems...next week. Just because someone enthusiastically says "yes" means very little. Every time I have had someone interested that was in fact busy, they were adamant about setting a tentative time for that next week, either to call to determine a day or an actual day to meet. If she was interested she wouldn't leave it so open ended. "Call me Tuesday after 5 when I know my schedule"..."add me on facebook, we can message there..."

 

By leaving it open ended she does not have to do a hard rejection. Next week either you'll have let it go or she'll have "been so busy she forgot"...basically she pushed off the confrontation for another 7 days or more.

 

If she calls you or follows up, perfect. If she says she'll let you know next week and doesn't let you know...what more would she have to say?

[ChatroomHero]

It could be yes, Im going to hold off for a while and maybe not do anything. I dont think She'll engage me. I may gauge her small talk wise then see what happens

I will say that is the best approach as far as you are concerned in my experience...if you try to follow up or bring it up or ask her about next week, or if next week you initiate...you'll be stuck wondering if any excuses are valid and where you actually stand.

 

If you just sit back knowing the ball is in her court you'll know for certain if she is interested. If she follows through, interested. If she doesn't, not interested. If you act first with the ball in her court, you'll take away your chance to determine her actual interest.

 

Her following through=interest and respect for you.

Her not following through=Not interested.

[Sdives]

That's a blow off the way I see it. She didn't have to reject you and she pushed it off for basically an indefinite amount of time. The only thing you should do is let it go and be pleasantly surprised if she follows up in a week.

 

Honestly I'm not psychic, but I see a crazy busy schedule for her with work, family, car problems...next week. Just because someone enthusiastically says "yes" means very little. Every time I have had someone interested that was in fact busy, they were adamant about setting a tentative time for that next week, either to call to determine a day or an actual day to meet. If she was interested she wouldn't leave it so open ended. "Call me Tuesday after 5 when I know my schedule"..."add me on facebook, we can message there..."

 

By leaving it open ended she does not have to do a hard rejection. Next week either you'll have let it go or she'll have "been so busy she forgot"...basically she pushed off the confrontation for another 7 days or more.

 

If she calls you or follows up, perfect. If she says she'll let you know next week and doesn't let you know...what more would she have to say?

 

 

I don't know her well enough to know what she does with her time. It might be true sometimes, she's not working at the gym for days. I worked 342 days of 365 last year. I don't watch TV I don't go to the movies. I rarely have time to go out , I want to change that fact. I know she works fulltime or close too. She may have school I don't know .

 

 

She didn't push it back indefinite, she said "sometime in a week or so"

 

If she was rejecting me why would she say "It will be sometime in the next week". That implies it will happen ( we'll see). She didn't say " maybe". The quote above is exactly what she said. She could have said she busy and end it there. I've heard that before. She has somewhat of a counter, she might not know what day, I wouldn't know what day.

 

What do you think about me talking to her in person as she works in the gym and then see how she responds? if I feel its ok then ask again. If she's cold in person, then I will abort mission and not ask again. maybe she's not comfortable yet? as in I am too much of a stranger still. Like I need to be more familiar first.

 

 

I wont get into the backstory, I was next to 100% sure she was down, this result makes no sense to me.

[Sdives]

I will say that is the best approach as far as you are concerned in my experience...if you try to follow up or bring it up or ask her about next week, or if next week you initiate...you'll be stuck wondering if any excuses are valid and where you actually stand.

 

If you just sit back knowing the ball is in her court you'll know for certain if she is interested. If she follows through, interested. If she doesn't, not interested. If you act first with the ball in her court, you'll take away your chance to determine her actual interest.

 

Her following through=interest and respect for you.

Her not following through=Not interested.

 

 

 

I'm going to keep being friendly in person and she how she responds and act like nothing happened Not bring it up at all. She might not get back to me either way, we don't know each other that well.

 

 

She never said maybe, she did give a time frame for me. Is she saying no? or not yet? by saying for a bit she will busy implies it will end and maybe then. Regardless I'm not going to push it. It maybe to early for her.

[TheTraveler]

She's not that interested in you... Go find someone else

[Sdives]

She's not that interested in you... Go find someone else

 

 

 

I'm not totally convinced yet. Honestly I was very sure she has interest. I have been watching it for too long. Like months. When she first showed up she would look at me constantly and various other things in our talks.

 

 

I'm not waiting around but I will pull back for a bit then see what happens. I will talk to her in person and see what happens.

[TheTraveler]

I'm not totally convinced yet. Honestly I was very sure she has interest. I have been watching it for too long. Like months. When she first showed up she would look at me constantly and various other things in our talks.

 

 

I'm not waiting around but I will pull back for a bit then see what happens. I will talk to her in person and see what happens.

 

There's nothing to talk about. She said she'll let you know.

[Sdives]

There's nothing to talk about. She said she'll let you know.

 

No I mean in general, I'm not going to bring it up at all. Im going to go back to small talk and act like it never happened

[ChatroomHero]

No I mean in general, I'm not going to bring it up at all. Im going to go back to small talk and act like it never happened

 

I tend to find anything but a definite yes is a no.

[Sdives]

I tend to find anything but a definite yes is a no.

 

 

 

That could be but I cant expect her to say any old day without confirming or having an idea what her schedule will be like. She may not even know.

[Sdives]

By the way, her response was very positive. Again doesn't mean she likes you, which is okay. Just means she's open to going on a date with you and needs time to work out her schedule.

 

 

You don't think it sounds like a lie? I mean based on our in person interactions I felt super confident about it. Maybe she is busy? Maybe she wants to get to know me more first?

 

I'll try to follow up int he coming two weeks. I don't feel appropriate to ask just yet. Im going to talk with her in person like we always do in the gym and see how that goes first.

[ChatroomHero]

By all means don't give up, just be normal.

 

If she avoids you, doesn't small talk as much or is in a rush when you say hi, it might tell you something. Either way I think it comes down to if she follows up, she's interested, if she doesn't she hopes the request just kind of goes away.

 

If she doesn't follow up you can analyze it to death, she still smiles, says hi, seems interested.. .but at the end of the day if she is interested she will go out with you, if she is not she won't follow up, always be busy, always have a polite excuse that keeps you guessing.

[Sdives]

By all means don't give up, just be normal.

 

If she avoids you, doesn't small talk as much or is in a rush when you say hi, it might tell you something. Either way I think it comes down to if she follows up, she's interested, if she doesn't she hopes the request just kind of goes away.

 

If she doesn't follow up you can analyze it to death, she still smiles, says hi, seems interested.. .but at the end of the day if she is interested she will go out with you, if she is not she won't follow up, always be busy, always have a polite excuse that keeps you guessing.

 

Im asking all these questions as I was near certain it would go over fine based on our interactions for the past while. My thinking is that its possible I need more familiarity first.

 

I wouldn't have asked If I thought she wasn't interested I would have walked along time ago.

 

I feel that its been put on hold rather than outright rejection.