Dating is mega hard

[Omei]

I feel like giving up on finding someone I want someone I can depend on but every date I have its clearly shows just how little guys try most of the dates are late or cancel the moment before I just don't get it when they're the ones asking me out I feel like im the only one who makes an effort.

 

Its a drag .

 

For example this guy asked me out on a date we agreed for two pm today (my only day off this week) he knows im a single mom and work most of the week and weekend today was the only time I had free, I wake up this morning tired wishing I could sleep in till noon but I know I have my date so I haul outta bed eat, shower get all dressed up and during this were texting its still a go he mentions in our conversations he likes to stay up late 1-2 pm......makes me wonder if he has a job I don't know but tells me he stayed up real late with his friends and is very tired we keep talking and just as I finish getting ready and hes to pick me up in 30 mins he says hes still in bed too tired and lets hang out later or a different day.

 

I pretty much told him we wernt gonna work as im someone who has to set time aside in order to make things work and I cant do random best of luck.

 

I really wanted to say **** you loser

 

Like really who asks a girl out on a date and then cancels so he can nap because he had too much fun last night

 

Whatever.

 

This isnt the first time either like guys say a wack of stuff to you but never follow through

 

Dating is a total mental drain and it shouldn't be I feel like im the only one who makes effort and im not even the one asking :-/

Edited May 24, 2015 by Omei

[wb1988]

I don't mean to be rude but you're a single mom, what do you expect?

 

If the guy cancels then 9/10 he only wanted sex from you, and right before the date he wacked off to porn which killed his desire to meet up with you (at least for a few hours).

If he keeps asking but then cancels again and again then 10/10 the above is true.

Edited May 24, 2015 by wb1988

[carhill]

First meetings can be tough as strangers generally have zero to little investment, especially if little rapport has been established prior to a first meeting. Text and electronic interaction can be quite impersonal.

 

The guy sounds like a typical young guy and his prerogatives trump any commitment to another. Try being his boss (I have)

 

Do what I do; fire them and move on. Lots of guys out there. One will match up.

[DoesntGetIt]

I feel like there should be indications ahead of time that a person is likely to be like this.

 

 

I've never had anyone cancel/not show up on a date. I am a guy though and I get the feeling women do this less than men do. Still, I've avoided dates with people who I've thought to be flaky or not really interested because it just wouldn't be worth the time and effort.

[TunaCat]

I don't mean to be rude but you're a single mom, what do you expect?

 

You can't possibly be saying that just because she's a single mom she doesn't deserve respect?

 

She expects to be treated with respect just like any other woman or man would expect.

[Peachland]

I feel like there should be indications ahead of time that a person is likely to be like this.

 

 

I've never had anyone cancel/not show up on a date. I am a guy though and I get the feeling women do this less than men do. Still, I've avoided dates with people who I've thought to be flaky or not really interested because it just wouldn't be worth the time and effort.

 

I agree with this poster. I'm a divorced mom with children and I've never had a guy flake out right before the 1st date. I'm super picky about who I go out with you so I tend to filter out the people that are not serious.

 

That doesn't mean that don't turn flaky after we start dating but at least they show up for the 1st date.

[barcode88]

I think in general if you have baggage it's a lot harder.... Kids, divorce, are a few big ones.

 

Being in the single never married, no kids category gives you a lot more mileage.

[dyna85]

I think in general if you have baggage it's a lot harder.... Kids, divorce, are a few big ones.

 

Being in the single never married, no kids category gives you a lot more mileage.

 

I don't get the purpose of this comment. We all have baggage, emotional or otherwise. To say someone who is single has 'more mileage' is offensive. 'More mileage' in what sense?

 

Pretty sure there are plenty of people out there with kids who have ended up finding respectable partners.

 

In fact, my best friend's sister has four kids and has been dating someone for over a year. Meanwhile, I am in my late twenties with no kids and single.

 

There is someone for everyone out there.

 

OP, don't let the bad eggs discourage you. Just keep it moving forward and keep the faith.

 

Best thing is not to harp on idiocy that can't be explained... like this guy's ignorant behavior for cancelling last minute.

[barcode88]

I don't get the purpose of this comment. We all have baggage, emotional or otherwise. To say someone who is single has 'more mileage' is offensive. 'More mileage' in what sense?

 

Pretty sure there are plenty of people out there with kids who have ended up finding respectable partners.

 

In fact, my best friend's sister has four kids and has been dating someone for over a year. Meanwhile, I am in my late twenties with no kids and single.

 

There is someone for everyone out there.

 

OP, don't let the bad eggs discourage you. Just keep it moving forward and keep the faith.

 

Best thing is not to harp on idiocy that can't be explained... like this guy's ignorant behavior for cancelling last minute.

 

Well I prefer to date someone who has never married and has no kids. Pretty sure most people my age (26) are in the same boat. I want to marry a girl and have it be both of our first times being married, and our kids together to be our own.

 

I'm sure someone my age with kids has a lot more trouble finding someone.

 

I don't think its mean or unfair, just everyone is looking for something different. But when you're single and never married you have more likely matches. That doesn't mean if you have kids there is no one out there for you - of course there is!

[Gaeta]

I am sorry Omei that part of online dating really sucks and I feel your disappointment as I do a lot of online myself. The secret is to move fast from these flakes and to not give them (and their poor attitude) any attention and any 'thinking time', make it go poof as if it never happened. I know easier said than done but believe me, after numerous disappoints, when something like that happens to me I don't even think about it anymore after lunch time.

 

When you start online dating you have to accept the fact it will be hard, there will be disappointments and often you will feel like you've just been wasting your time till, one day out of the blue, this great guy will show up and everything from there will be effortless.

[alphamale]

everything in life is hard

[dyna85]

Well I prefer to date someone who has never married and has no kids. Pretty sure most people my age (26) are in the same boat. I want to marry a girl and have it be both of our first times being married, and our kids together to be our own.

 

Well, it's cool that your preference is to date someone who hasn't married before and has no kids, but saying that those types of people have 'more mileage' is rude and callous, particularly when the OP, who has a kid, is venting her frustration and seeking support.

 

It just was an insensitive comment in my book.

[Elam]

Maybe you should consider dating single fathers. Or men who are divorced but with children. They're more likely to be understandable about your situation. Men without children, most of them don't want to deal with someone else's kids, regardless of how attractive the single mother might be.

 

Like really who asks a girl out on a date and then cancels so he can nap because he had too much fun last night

 

Someone who isn't attracted to you. If I had a date with Jennifer Lawrence I'd be darn sure to attend to it even if I had been shot 5 minutes before the established hour of the date.

[loveweary11]

I think in general if you have baggage it's a lot harder.... Kids, divorce, are a few big ones.

 

Being in the single never married, no kids category gives you a lot more mileage.

 

The most odd thing I've found is that being divorced and having no kids doesn't slow me down one bit.

 

Nobody cares when I say I used to be married.

[Omei]

Well I prefer to date someone who has never married and has no kids. Pretty sure most people my age (26) are in the same boat. I want to marry a girl and have it be both of our first times being married, and our kids together to be our own.

 

I'm sure someone my age with kids has a lot more trouble finding someone.

 

I don't think its mean or unfair, just everyone is looking for something different. But when you're single and never married you have more likely matches. That doesn't mean if you have kids there is no one out there for you - of course there is!

 

 

Actually most of the men ive dated are a few years my younger never had kids and those relationships have lasted years.

 

I notice its always the same few men on these forms that think woman that have kids are somehow people to be avoided it's a highly ignorant way of thinking if anything woman with children are more mature and less selfish in relationships because they already know how to put someone before themselves.

[jay1983]

How old are you love?

[LostOne1]

I feel like giving up on finding someone I want someone I can depend on but every date I have its clearly shows just how little guys try most of the dates are late or cancel the moment before I just don't get it when they're the ones asking me out I feel like im the only one who makes an effort.

 

Its a drag .

 

For example this guy asked me out on a date we agreed for two pm today (my only day off this week) he knows im a single mom and work most of the week and weekend today was the only time I had free, I wake up this morning tired wishing I could sleep in till noon but I know I have my date so I haul outta bed eat, shower get all dressed up and during this were texting its still a go he mentions in our conversations he likes to stay up late 1-2 pm......makes me wonder if he has a job I don't know but tells me he stayed up real late with his friends and is very tired we keep talking and just as I finish getting ready and hes to pick me up in 30 mins he says hes still in bed too tired and lets hang out later or a different day.

 

I pretty much told him we wernt gonna work as im someone who has to set time aside in order to make things work and I cant do random best of luck.

 

I really wanted to say **** you loser

 

Like really who asks a girl out on a date and then cancels so he can nap because he had too much fun last night

 

Whatever.

 

This isnt the first time either like guys say a wack of stuff to you but never follow through

 

Dating is a total mental drain and it shouldn't be I feel like im the only one who makes effort and im not even the one asking :-/

I'm a guy... and I go through the same **** you do.

 

Women pull this **** too all the time. Either, they say they want to meet up. Then need to reschedule, but then they never give another date or time.

 

Or some women show up for a free meal or outing, because they are bored and got nothing better to do.

 

I know how you feel about giving up. This happened to me last year around the same time. I gave up for the rest of the year and tried again this year.... to be honest almost the same ****.

 

Except now with more confidence, I am able to get MANY more dates. But, I'm also find a higher flake ratio now.

 

I think I might have to wait till my early 30's to find women who are more serious. These women in their late 20's just aren't cutting it for me.

[Omei]

How old are you love?

 

28

 

 

What I found shocking about this date was he was very into me all the way up till our date but to move it later on in the day because you're feeling tired because you partied too much the night before to me was the lamest excuse ever, for a guy who was saying he wanted to start up a family and find his life partner this screamed to me he didn't have any indication of what that type of life is like which is the life I have now.

[jay1983]

Actually most of the men ive dated are a few years my younger never had kids and those relationships have lasted years.

 

I notice its always the same few men on these forms that think woman that have kids are somehow people to be avoided it's a highly ignorant way of thinking if anything woman with children are more mature and less selfish in relationships because they already know how to put someone before themselves.

 

They're trying to help you out. I have a kid myself and I've seen numerous women on here say they wouldn't date someone with kids and I understand why, I don't hold that against them.

 

If dating is going well, then this wouldn't be an issue, but that doesn't seem to be the case, so............

[jay1983]

28

 

 

What I found shocking about this date was he was very into me all the way up till our date but to move it later on in the day because you're feeling tired because you partied too much the night before to me was the lamest excuse ever, for a guy who was saying he wanted to start up a family and find his life partner this screamed to me he didn't have any indication of what that type of life is like which is the life I have now.

 

Well the ugly part of this is that he want a family, but unsure if you're the one he wants that with.

[Omei]

They're trying to help you out. I have a kid myself and I've seen numerous women on here say they wouldn't date someone with kids and I understand why, I don't hold that against them.

 

If dating is going well, then this wouldn't be an issue, but that doesn't seem to be the case, so............

I mean he was willing to meet up a different day but why would I want too after that?

 

Ive gotten tons of dates just not one I want to be with, this date however I felt deserved a rant because of how lame the reasoning was he asked me out again but why would I want too after that

 

In general tho I find most people hardly follow up with the things they've agreed too unless its family.

 

I guess I am very frustrated this is my first time not being in a long term relationship before I was lucky enough to have them just fall into place each after the other.

 

But this time I am being mega picky because I don't want to settle.

 

I find the quality of people in general not just men woman too really suck lol it feels way different now near 30 than it did when I was in my teens and early 20's people felt so much more open.

 

 

 

Anyway the whole guys don't wanna date girls who have kids thing is totally irrelevant in my posts since im usually talking about guys who have already asked me out on that date with this knowledge in hand, if the guys im dating had issues with me having a daughter they wouldn't be asking me out.

Edited May 24, 2015 by Omei

[jay1983]

I'm a guy... and I go through the same **** you do.

 

Women pull this **** too all the time. Either, they say they want to meet up. Then need to reschedule, but then they never give another date or time.

 

Or some women show up for a free meal or outing, because they are bored and got nothing better to do.

 

I know how you feel about giving up. This happened to me last year around the same time. I gave up for the rest of the year and tried again this year.... to be honest almost the same ****.

 

Except now with more confidence, I am able to get MANY more dates. But, I'm also find a higher flake ratio now.

I think I might have to wait till my early 30's to find women who are more serious. These women in their late 20's just aren't cutting it for me.

 

Me too, but I'm 32 now and getting the same. I might start dating women in their 40's.

[Omei]

I don't mean to be rude but you're a single mom, what do you expect?

 

If the guy cancels then 9/10 he only wanted sex from you, and right before the date he wacked off to porn which killed his desire to meet up with you (at least for a few hours).

If he keeps asking but then cancels again and again then 10/10 the above is true.

 

 

I try my hardest to not think men are this shallow

 

When I agree to a date its after they know im looking for something serious and sex wont be involved right away I try my best to only select men who are looking for the same thing.

 

Tho of course they could be spewing lines in hopes it will lead to a lay but I come across very clear in what I want so if they were to go on a date with me with something else in mind they are wasting their own time because I don't push over and cave.

Edited May 24, 2015 by Omei

[Popsicle]

First meetings can be tough as strangers generally have zero to little investment, especially if little rapport has been established prior to a first meeting. Text and electronic interaction can be quite impersonal.

 

The guy sounds like a typical young guy and his prerogatives trump any commitment to another. Try being his boss (I have)

 

Do what I do; fire them and move on. Lots of guys out there. One will match up.

 

This.

 

And this is why I don't enjoy online dating either. It feels contrived.

 

The only benefit I see (and it's a big one) to OLD is that it's one of the only places where you can fairly successfully isolate the single men from the taken men. This is the only thing that makes me try it.

[Omei]

To be fair I made my rant because I was truly disappointed we had an ass load in common and I was pretty thrilled to meet the guy.