JiltedJane Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 So I recently started dating an old crush of mine from college. Both of us are in our 30s, established, have the same values and generally want the same things within the same time period. We've been on 3, technically 4, dates. The first two were 7-8 hours each, the third/fourth was 25 hours. There was no sex on any of these occasions. I like to wait until I'm in an established relationship and he verbalized respecting that. Everyday for the next week, he kept texting me telling me how much he likes me and how he can't wait to see me. He even said he told his sister about us. We had plans for the weekend, but he had to cancel because of family. We made plans for Monday. Two days went by before i texted asking if we were still on for Monday. He replied 8 hours later saying " No, I got some bad news and don't. cant do social right now.. i'm sorry.. I'll get back to you in a few days." What does this situation seem like to everyone? Am I getting blown off or could this be legit? If I'm getting blown off, I feel very led on considering the events leading up to this. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 It could be legit, wait and see if he does what he says, and contacts you in a few days to make new plans. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JiltedJane Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 it's been two days Granted, we were never big texters to begin with, esp him during work hours.. Link to post Share on other sites
dancingsunflowers80 Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Hang in there! Give it some time. Blessings to you, mommato2lilmonkeys Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 not blowing you off. sounds legit. might be tragedy in the family Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Since you didn't specify what the bad news is, we don't know. Did he find a ding in his car or did he find out that a close family member is dying? Each of those will have different recovery periods. I'd text back -- Sorry you got bad news. Is there anything I can do to help? I'd be happy to provide an ear if you need somebody to listen. Then back off to see what kind of response you get. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JiltedJane Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 He didn't specify what the news was i texted back something to the effect of " hope everythings ok, keep me updated" but got nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 " No, I got some bad news and don't. cant do social right now.. i'm sorry.. I'll get back to you in a few days." I would say that sounds like pretty bad news. I'd give him a few days. The tone of that suggests something pretty heavy Link to post Share on other sites
Author JiltedJane Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 So i got messages from him late last night first one said "everything is ok, i hope you don't feel like i'm avoiding you" along with asking how my weekend went i then replied it was good and that i'm here if he needs anything and he replied " thanks. you know i'm not an *******, i'm just acting like one." On the surface this seems positive, but no definite plans for future have been made. Opinions............? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 It's a baby step forward, more positive then negative. Depending on what happened, he may need a bit more time to get his bearing. Give it another week. Then you reach out with a concrete plan. If that doesn't move this forward, give up. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Those are NOT the messages I would have expected from someone who had to rush off to the bedside of his seriously ill parent (say). Or even someone rushing to the body shop to get some serious dents in his car repaired. They sound more like the vaguely guilty response of someone who was off doing something you'd object to, if you knew what it was. The ball was in his court to provide you the actual facts such as "sick parent", "layoff scare", "childhood friend in serious accident" or whatever. But he didn't give you any....ANY!!!......info at all. i then replied it was good and that i'm here if he needs anything.... I (myself) would not have said that. Because it makes it seem like you accept the blowoff and lack of info. This is the second time he's cancelled on short notice with non-explanations: first time was "family", second time was "bad news". I would not be inclined to another date unless he came forward with some solid info. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 no definite plans for future have been made. Don't contact him, just wait for him to asks you about some specific plans for the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JiltedJane Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 I just don't understand why he would enthusiastically lead me on till the last minute. It seems cruel Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I understand "emergencies" and things coming up, etc. but, he now has had the chance a few times to say "hey, sorry, I am dealing with a work thing that is taking over my life" or "a friend is in a bad situation and I am helping him out, I will be in touch soon" or "I am just stressed out and need to unplug" or whatever... Instead, he is leaving you hanging, and he is joking about it... If I were in your shoes I would probably walk away and not think about him and if he contacted me again (well, if a girl contacted me again) I probably would ask them to explain themselves given even more time had passed by then. Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 i've noticed everyone on these forums is really quick to say "walk away", this is because they aren't the one with feelings involved. its so easy to tell someone to "cut and run" when you have no vested emotions and don't know the individuals involved. to OP... C'mon and give the guy a break. he's said he's not avoiding you, just unavailable to hang out at the moment. Don't overthink it. Stay positive and assume he just isn't free to meet up with you. Or who knows... it could be anything from a herpes flare up to an ex-GF who gets domestically abused... but just because he doesn't share the details doesn't mean you should be concerned. be patient and have a little faith 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I just don't understand why he would enthusiastically lead me on till the last minute. It seems cruel A monkey wrench got thrown at him by life. He's trying to juggle that & you. Stop making it harder for him. Live your life. Assume he'll call next week. Leave it at that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JiltedJane Posted May 21, 2015 Author Share Posted May 21, 2015 (edited) At this point it's been 2 days since I heard from him last. 4 since the incident happened. I'm accepting the fact that this is his weird version of the slow fade but doesn't want me to hate him or think of him poorly. However, what should I do when/if I hear from him again and it's the final B.O. I don't want to come across as a pushover, but I don't want to seem like a psychotic bitch either. Edited May 21, 2015 by JiltedJane Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 I'd ask in general terms what the issue was. If you get a legit answer, move forward. If it sounds fishy say "You clearly don't have enough time in your life to date now; let's just forget it." And you move on. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 However, what should I do when/if I hear from him again I would see if he's interested in making specific plans for another date or not. If so, meet him and ask in general terms what's going on in his life, and if he has time for a GF at the moment. If he doesn't make specific plans then move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JiltedJane Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 Okay so to update everybody...i got blown off. Or at least I think I did. After two weeks of making plans with me, then blowing me off last minute, i got a lengthy three part text telling me that they like me, but they need to get their priorities straight before they can think of dating anyone, I deserve better, etc etc . I was told though to "please not write me off. I already feel a sense of regret". Love in your 30s.....total **** show........ Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Okay so to update everybody...i got blown off. Or at least I think I did. After two weeks of making plans with me, then blowing me off last minute, i got a lengthy three part text telling me that they like me, but they need to get their priorities straight before they can think of dating anyone, I deserve better, etc etc . I was told though to "please not write me off. I already feel a sense of regret". Love in your 30s.....total **** show........ BS. He is dating someone else and you are on the back burner. If that relationsip doesn't work out, he wants the option of seeing you again. At least until he meets another chick he is really into, then you're on the back burner again. DON'T be his back burner girl! Ignore the text, block him and go no contact. Sorry.. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 I was told though to "please not write me off. I already feel a sense of regret". Write him off. Do not feel any regret. Love in your 30s.....total **** show........ Just like teens, 20's, 40's and 50's then. Learn and move on - next time don't allow yourself to be mucked around. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Write him off. Do not feel any regret. Just like teens, 20's, 40's and 50's then. Learn and move on - next time don't allow yourself to be mucked around. He rejected her as an immature "****" test to gauge her interest and see if she would chase him because he didn't have the gonads to to actually go on a date with her to find out the right way. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 He rejected her as an immature "****" test to gauge her interest and see if she would chase him because he didn't have the gonads to to actually go on a date with her to find out the right way. Interesting spin Red. Problem with that theory though is that when they first started dating, he DID manage to go out on FOUR dates with her, so obviously the guy has no problem showing up for dates...when he wants to! Then he stopped wanting to and started stringing her along. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Interesting spin Red. Problem with that theory though is that when they first started dating, he DID manage to go out on FOUR dates with her, so obviously the guy has no problem showing up for dates...when he wants to! I missed the four dates part . . . either way, he's playing games and she won't play Good for her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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