Girl rescheduled date - is it already over?

[Sunyata]

Sorry for posting three topics about the same date process with the same girl. But I'm figuring out dating for the first time, so I guess I'm anxious like a high school kid would be.

 

After the first date I had to ask twice to meet again. The first time I asked was not assertive or with a specific place and time and she did not respond. As soon as I suggested a place and time she responded and we scheduled a second date.

 

Fast forward three days to the day of the actual date, and she says it will not work out and asked if we could reschedule. I said sure, and asked if she could do tomorrow. She said tomorrow would work much better and that she was very sorry.

 

I'm assuming there is nearly 150% chance that she'll cancel tomorrow too? Since I have no self-esteem and am dissociated human I assume there's no reason she want to see me again, I'm no fun. But setting that aside I'd like to challenge, or who knows, maybe she does like me… Maybe we can get along. The figure if she really liked me she would be telling me and would not be engaging in these short texts planning to meet up.

Edited May 4, 2015 by Sunyata

[JS84]

If she cancels again you have your answer and don't waste your time anymore. If the date does happen, just try to enjoy yourself.

[Ambivalence]

I have no self-esteem and am dissociated human

 

Here's your larger problem. Go meet more women and build that self-esteem and you will be much more attractive.

 

When you schedule a date, make it as soon as possible. Say: I'm meeting you here, at this time, and it's going to be super fun. Assert yourself, be playful and dominant.

 

Try not to text or call her too much with needless chit-chat, but occasionally throw out things like "Ready for our date on Tuesday?" Always text an hour beforehand as well.

 

Best of luck. Remember that YOU ARE ENOUGH.

[Methodical]

Here's your larger problem. Go meet more women and build that self-esteem and you will be much more attractive.

 

When you schedule a date, make it as soon as possible. Say: I'm meeting you here, at this time, and it's going to be super fun. Assert yourself, be playful and dominant.

 

Try not to text or call her too much with needless chit-chat, but occasionally throw out things like "Ready for our date on Tuesday?" Always text an hour beforehand as well.

 

Best of luck. Remember that YOU ARE ENOUGH.

 

Don't do this! You'll come across as a controlling and arrogant jerk. There's no way I'd entertain the idea of a second date if you TOLD me what we were going to do. UM...NO.

 

There's nothing wrong with being confident in yourself... Ask her out with some conviction, in other words, don't act like a scared pup cowering down in the corner because you fear rejection.

[Ambivalence]

Don't do this! You'll come across as a controlling and arrogant jerk. There's no way I'd entertain the idea of a second date if you TOLD me what we were going to do. UM...NO.

 

There's nothing wrong with being confident in yourself... Ask her out with some conviction, in other words, don't act like a scared pup cowering down in the corner because you fear rejection.

 

On a superficial level it may seem like that, but in the field that's what women respond to most. It's not be an "controlling and arrogant jerk;" it's being honest, direct, and masculine. Which in turn is both attractive and nice.

 

The worst thing you can do is utilize "permission seeking." Never, ever. Don't say "So do you wanna maybe do this on Tuesday?" Say: "Hey. Let's do this on Tuesday."

[Sunyata]

I definitely want to text her again tomorrow morning I think, something somewhat confident. Our first date she did so with me.

[Methodical]

Amb.

There will be some ladies, besides myself, chime in. I doubt I'm the only one who would be put off by the approach you're suggesting.

 

Sometimes things legitimately come up and rescheduling is necessary. OP, I think she is interest.

Edited May 4, 2015 by Methodical

[Ambivalence]

Because of mood-congruent memory you think that you would not be attracted/turned on by it, but statistically speaking, it's just what "works."

 

Of course I don't know you on a personal level so you might be an anomaly, but please don't try to block this guy from having a healthy relationship because of it.

 

Granted, it may literally just be a scheduling issue. Let's hope that's the case.

Edited May 5, 2015 by Ambivalence

[Sunyata]

Amb.

There will be some ladies, besides myself, chime in. I doubt I'm the only one who would be put off by the approach you're suggesting.

 

Sometimes things legitimately come up and rescheduling is necessary. OP, I think she is interest.

 

 

Thanks. The idea that she may be interested makes me feel warm.

[Methodical]

Because of mood-congruent memory you think that you would not be attracted/turned on by it, but statistically speaking, it's just what "works."

 

Of course I don't know you on a personal level so you might be an anomaly, but please don't try to block this guy from having a healthy relationship because of it.

 

Granted, it may literally just be a scheduling issue. Let's hope that's the case.

 

LOL...case in point, you *assume* you know why I would be attracted to your approach...a mood-congruent memory is laughable. I'm not a statistic, I'm a woman and like to be treated as such. A do appreciate confidence, but I'm not receptive to a man telling me I'm gonna meet him at so and so (as tho I have no say so), at such-and-such time (no regard for my schedule), and I'm gonna love it.

[Methodical]

Fast forward three days to the day of the actual date, and she says it will not work out and asked if we could reschedule. I said sure, and asked if she could do tomorrow. She said tomorrow would work much better and that she was very sorry.

 

You actually moved the date forward and she said yes! That's Great!!

[Methodical]

LOL...case in point, you *assume* you know why I wouldn't be attracted to your approach...a mood-congruent memory is laughable. I'm not a statistic, I'm a woman and like to be treated as such. A do appreciate confidence, but I'm not receptive to a man telling me I'm gonna meet him at so and so (as tho I have no say so), at such-and-such time (no regard for my schedule), and I'm gonna love it.

 

Wouldn't

[Ambivalence]

LOL...case in point, you *assume* you know why I would be attracted to your approach...a mood-congruent memory is laughable. I'm not a statistic, I'm a woman and like to be treated as such. A do appreciate confidence, but I'm not receptive to a man telling me I'm gonna meet him at so and so (as tho I have no say so), at such-and-such time (no regard for my schedule), and I'm gonna love it.

 

I "assume" because it's been tested in-field and it works.

 

Everyone is a statistic. You can hypothesize as much as you want but it all comes down to reality versus delusion.

 

Obviously, unless the guy is extremely socially retarded he's going to make sure that the logistics are right and that it works for both of you (most importantly that the woman is actually interested).

[Sunyata]

You actually moved the date forward and she said yes! That's Great!!

 

 

Not exactly. The date was scheduled for today and we rescheduled for tomorrow.

[Ambivalence]

Not exactly. The date was scheduled for today and we rescheduled for tomorrow.

 

This is what I like to hear!

Are you at all worried that she might flake? That is not show up?

[Methodical]

IObviously, unless the guy is extremely socially retarded he's going to make sure that the logistics are right and that it works for both of you (most importantly that the woman is actually interested).

 

 

Yes, I agree with making sure the logistics are right and is interested. She has say-so with this scenario.

[Sunyata]

This is what I like to hear!

Are you at all worried that she might flake? That is not show up?

 

Definitely. I also worry too much (about everything) and wish we could have met tonight since most places have Happy Hour all night long. I don't want to foot the whole bill the second ate. But perhaps these are not things to worry about if my priorities and interests are right. I need to meditate and learn not to see every little detail of life as potentially catastrophic.

 

In any case, yeah, since she didn't respond the first time I asked her out, then canceled and re-scheduled, I'm worried she is just the type that can't let me down. I feel like we'll get together tomorrow night, though! Hopefully I'm right!

[Ambivalence]

Definitely. I also worry too much (about everything) and wish we could have met tonight since most places have Happy Hour all night long. I don't want to foot the whole bill the second ate. But perhaps these are not things to worry about if my priorities and interests are right. I need to meditate and learn not to see every little detail of life as potentially catastrophic.

 

In any case, yeah, since she didn't respond the first time I asked her out, then canceled and re-scheduled, I'm worried she is just the type that can't let me down. I feel like we'll get together tomorrow night, though! Hopefully I'm right!

 

Meditation is incredibly useful and I'm glad you do it.

Here's what you have to do. Hear me out.

1. Text her an hour before your date and say "I'm going to be running a little late" or something along those lines. If she's going to flake, she will tell you at this time so you're won't have to be sitting alone at your date.

2. Choose whether or not to show up late.

 

Are you going to a restaurant or just out to get drinks?

[Sunyata]

Restaurant but keeping it casual probably. Maybe I'll try to think of a cheaper place now that plans have changed.

 

I don't think its a good idea to stage these elaborate set-ups of purposely being late. I can text her something else earlier in the day. I don't think she'll stand me up. That is just a ****ty thing to do.

 

I figure I'll say something like "Hey! Looking forward to tonight. 7:30, right?" or something like that, in the early afternoon. I'll also propose the change of venue then if I decide on that.

[Ambivalence]

Restaurant but keeping it casual probably. Maybe I'll try to think of a cheaper place now that plans have changed.

 

I don't think its a good idea to stage these elaborate set-ups of purposely being late. I can text her something else earlier in the day. I don't think she'll stand me up. That is just a ****ty thing to do.

 

In my experience the best thing to do is not going "out to eat." I would say get drinks at night or coffee in the morning/afternoon. There's a few reasons for this, but again, it's 100% your choice and everything's best learned from firsthand experience. Same thing with the "elaborate setup."

 

In the end setting up a date is trivial.

 

Definitely keep it casual! Good luck!

[Sunyata]

In my experience the best thing to do is not going "out to eat." I would say get drinks at night or coffee in the morning/afternoon. There's a few reasons for this, but again, it's 100% your choice and everything's best learned from firsthand experience. Same thing with the "elaborate setup."

 

In the end setting up a date is trivial.

 

Definitely keep it casual! Good luck!

 

I dunno. It seemed to work well for the first date, though I spent a little more than I wanted to. But the food + drinks kept us busy talking for 2 1/4 hours, which isn't bad for a Wednesday night. I proposed coffee for the second date originally and told her to "let me know," and that's when I did not hear back. We both work during the week and weekend dates are usually (in my limited experience and intuition) considered a 2nd-level date.

[Ambivalence]

I dunno. It seemed to work well for the first date, though I spent a little more than I wanted to. But the food + drinks kept us busy talking for 2 1/4 hours, which isn't bad for a Wednesday night. I proposed coffee for the second date originally and told her to "let me know," and that's when I did not hear back. We both work during the week and weekend dates are usually (in my limited experience and intuition) considered a 2nd-level date.

 

Generally if you spend too much you'll get labeled as a "provider" and not a "lover," but if you show enough value as a man it's not going to matter much.

 

I actually follow the 20-minute rule for my dates, as long as they're 20 minutes, it's good. Obviously this isn't practical for dinner, 2.25 hours is fine

 

Always be asking "when can I see you again," and don't let things stagnate over the phone. Physical attraction is more powerful than anything you can imagine.

 

And remember to be the guy who she'll feel the need to come back to.

[Sunyata]

Anyone else? I feel like two people each posted 10 times in this thread (which is okay, I appreciate it!)

[SunnySide0418]

I'm curious why you say you don't want to "foot the whole bill"? You expect her to pay??? You're the man - you pay. I wouldn't expect her to offer to pick something up until down the line.

[Sunyata]

I'm curious why you say you don't want to "foot the whole bill"? You expect her to pay??? You're the man - you pay. I wouldn't expect her to offer to pick something up until down the line.

 

I don't expect her to pay all of it. You think I should pay until it becomes a regular thing and not as much exploring waters with each other? We aren't going to cheap cute places. But perhaps that's because I'm most familiar with her neighborhood since I used to live there, and I don't want to suggest a date that requires that she drive yet