mysteryscape Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 I'm looking at the profile of a woman I might really get interested in, rare for me, we have exchanged a few messages, she logs on and we both have the IM clouds on, we message back and forth, she tells me she is answering messages (not mine!) Is there a message here? OKC seems to try to make everyone know what everyone is up to, does this drive anyone else crazy? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 I'm looking at the profile of a woman I might really get interested in, rare for me, we have exchanged a few messages, she logs on and we both have the IM clouds on, we message back and forth, she tells me she is answering messages (not mine!) Is there a message here? OKC seems to try to make everyone know what everyone is up to, does this drive anyone else crazy? Nope, try another profile or go out, find someone you're attracted to, and ask her out. Go to a bar/restaurant, go bowling, go golfing, go to the bookstore. Get off of the computer chair and get out there. If you have time to spent at the computer combing through tons of BS, you have time to go out. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Out of the nearly 150 profiles I've looked through, decided I liked them, and then messaged them with my clever charm, I've only received about 10 or so replies. I've even had women "like" me and they haven't ever messaged me back, which gets frustrating as what's the point? Out of the 10 or so girls I've been chatting with, more than half stopped replying at some point in the conversation for seemingly no reason, despite me being very charming and clever again. Out of the (less than) 5 or so conversations I've been having where they still message regularly, I've only gotten one of their numbers. I've been talking to this girl a lot and we even call each other and have conversations over the phone. We're set to go out soon. Moral of the story is I pimped myself out like nobody's business to even get one (ONE!) potential match on this site. The problem is girls on OKCupid (especially the very attractive ones who seem genuinely nice) get tons and TONS of messages from guys like you and me. They can afford the luxury of being choosy with who they reply to. And if they decide to actually reply to you, they get to then later decide "oh he's not worth my time after all." It really sucks that it works like this but there you go. Don't get so caught up with rejection on this thing. It's going to happen a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysteryscape Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 Thanks, I should add, I'm in an older category, but the women seem just as flaky. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Nope, try another profile or go out, find someone you're attracted to, and ask her out. Go to a bar/restaurant, go bowling, go golfing, go to the bookstore. Get off of the computer chair and get out there. If you have time to spent at the computer combing through tons of BS, you have time to go out. A guy going bowling by himself. That's not weird at all, haha. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
slizl Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Welcome to online dating, where even the top 10% of men get a 10% responce rate.... Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 I'm 100% transparent with prospects about communications and dates with other prospects, as I feel this is only fair and honest. But it seems they always feel snubbed by it, as you do as well. I think she's just trying to be open about what she's doing. If you appreciate that approach, proceed. If not, disengage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 A guy going bowling by himself. That's not weird at all, haha. Join a bowling league. Join a golf league. YOu meet tons of people that way. Both men and women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysteryscape Posted October 30, 2014 Author Share Posted October 30, 2014 Ruby, recently you said Welcome back! Multi-dating isn't for me. It doesn't feel right to me to pick up and compare men like apples in the produce section. I prefer to meet someone, see if there's any potential, then continue if so and discontinue if not. I think it's OK for people to go on a few early dates with a few different people, but I think it starts to get sleazy when they mix in sexual activity while multi-dating - unless everyone is 100% in the know and at peace with it, which I think is almost nonexistent. Does that fit with what you said here, especially the first part about the produce section? (lol!) Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Join a bowling league. Join a golf league. YOu meet tons of people that way. Both men and women. What about the thing about going to a restaurant for dinner? LOL! I can't imagine sitting alone at a table eating a meal and looking around at all the other gorgeous single women sitting by themselves at their own tables An organized group activity is good though. A bowling league or team of some sort where you meet other strangers and hang out. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 30, 2014 Share Posted October 30, 2014 Does that fit with what you said here, especially the first part about the produce section? (lol!) Yes. I correspond with several men at the same time to assess compatibility and determine whether I want to meet any of them. Then once I go on the date, I either continue dating him (only), or if there's no connection, move on to planning another first date/meet. If men ask me how it's going on the site, I'm honest about messaging with a few different people, etc. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 she tells me she is answering messages (not mine!) Is there a message here? Yes...it means she is weighing her options, and you don't seem to be the cutest of them all. When the cutest gets to 3rd base and dumps her, then she will come running back to you that she has kept in her back pocket. The key right off the bat is to dump / end communication once you get that feeling of head games / ignore. Some of these people are so oblivious to the fact that you can see that they are engaged in a "chat". Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 What about the thing about going to a restaurant for dinner? LOL! I can't imagine sitting alone at a table eating a meal and looking around at all the other gorgeous single women sitting by themselves at their own tables An organized group activity is good though. A bowling league or team of some sort where you meet other strangers and hang out. Oh, heck yeah. I go out by myself alone sometimes. I'll talk to someone else who is alone, man or woman. One time I did strike up a conversation with a woman and we had a great time. She eventually said, hey, you know, my brother is a great guy. You should meet. I gave her my number and he called me. We had a cup of coffee, went out 3 times, had a great time. But, he was offered a transfer to California, 3000 miles it too much space Link to post Share on other sites
J21 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 I'm looking at the profile of a woman I might really get interested in, rare for me, we have exchanged a few messages, she logs on and we both have the IM clouds on, we message back and forth, she tells me she is answering messages (not mine!) Is there a message here? OKC seems to try to make everyone know what everyone is up to, does this drive anyone else crazy? No offense, and I don't mean to be harsh but let's look at the reality here: 1) You guy aren't dating 2) You guys haven't even met! Why does what she do/does any of your concern? She owes you no obligation and is free to message anyone as you are too. You shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket as she probably has other prospects. That's how OLD is man, uphill climb for the man (most of the time). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 No offense, and I don't mean to be harsh but let's look at the reality here: 1) You guy aren't dating 2) You guys haven't even met! Why does what she do/does any of your concern? She owes you no obligation and is free to message anyone as you are too. You shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket as she probably has other prospects. That's how OLD is man, uphill climb for the man (most of the time). Ah....I was under the impression that they've met. You are right in your analysis. @OP....It's open season for her as mentioned here. She can be chatting to / banging a different guy every night. You have to ask yourself if you care enough to want to join the queue. Link to post Share on other sites
Sunfire73 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Why don't you do the same? What if she's not your type? Do you want her to be tied only to you? You should be doing the same. That's why you need to meet up quickly if there's interest so you can move forward or on to the next. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 That's why you need to meet up quickly if there's interest so you can move forward or on to the next. True....unfortunately most women aren't mentally ready, and only use the messages received as a self esteem boost. Additionally, some are just looking for pen pals. Your cue...once you suggest taking it offline and meeting, and they say "no/not yet"...you should move on pronto. Time waits for nobody, is of the essence and is money. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysteryscape Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 just telling my reaction to what she volunteered -- "answering messages" -- when we were on the IM. I was surprised my reaction so negative -- but it is what it is. The whole OLD business -- that's what it seems like, the meat market goes online! -- seems very cold, so much that I don't know that it's worth it. Perhaps, as so many of the other posters say, and so many online articles, OLD is a waste of time. I have a married woman friend who says it sounds wretched, she could never do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysteryscape Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 Why don't you do the same? What if she's not your type? Do you want her to be tied only to you? You should be doing the same. That's why you need to meet up quickly if there's interest so you can move forward or on to the next. sunfire -- Oh, I'm not saying I don't do the same! And I don't like doing it myself, it feels sleazy, even at the etalk stage, to say nothing of actually dating. Really though, it's not easy to find people I'm really interested in nearby on OKC (and I live in a metropolitan area). I tend to only get interested in one (at most) at a time, or in others who are too far away. So maybe I invest way more in it than I should -- but I'm thinking that if the worth of the investment is so little, why am I bothering at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 So maybe I invest way more in it than I should -- but I'm thinking that if the worth of the investment is so little, why am I bothering at all? Not everyone is going to end up finding "that person" in their backyard unfortunately, and as you alluded to in your post, perhaps you should start looking elsewhere e.g. the gym, local groups, grocery store, walmart, library etc Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysteryscape Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 I'm 100% transparent with prospects about communications and dates with other prospects, as I feel this is only fair and honest. But it seems they always feel snubbed by it, as you do as well. I think she's just trying to be open about what she's doing. If you appreciate that approach, proceed. If not, disengage. ruby, interesting that you say they "always feels snubbed" when you tell them, even if you haven't met up yet. Do you always tell them or do you wait for them to ask? I've found that if I just upfront tell someone I've been messaging with that I'm interested in someone else, they are totally turned off. You seem to try very hard to follow rules that are in line with your ethics, but still feelings get hurt or at least rubbed the wrong way. Maybe OLD is just not for everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 ruby, interesting that you say they "always feels snubbed" when you tell them, even if you haven't met up yet. Do you always tell them or do you wait for them to ask? I've found that if I just upfront tell someone I've been messaging with that I'm interested in someone else, they are totally turned off. I wait for them to ask or bring it up. I assume it's obvious we might both be corresponding with more than one person at a time. I'll log in after a few days and have messages waiting. So I stay on the site for 15-20 minutes communicating with any of those that are online. If the messages are particularly good and we seem to be on a similar wavelength, I might give him my number so we can text, or even plan to talk on the phone and see about meeting. Then usually once I have a phone call and plan a first meeting, I pretty much stop using the site. Maybe OLD is just not for everyone. I think if you're having such negative thoughts and feelings about it, as you seem to be, you should probably take a break. For me, sometimes it's fun, sometimes it seems tedious. When it's not fun anymore, I just log out and stay away for a while. Often while visiting the site, I think, "OK, it's time for me to go out and do stuff so I can meet some of these men the old-fashioned way!" Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysteryscape Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 I think I'm going to move on from her, I just do not have a good feeling about what transpired. Anyhow, I have asked someone else to go to a concert in a couple of weeks, there's a dinner party tomorrow where I will meet at least 4 new very attractive women. Why yuk around with OLD? Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Oh, heck yeah. I go out by myself alone sometimes. I'll talk to someone else who is alone, man or woman. One time I did strike up a conversation with a woman and we had a great time. She eventually said, hey, you know, my brother is a great guy. You should meet. I gave her my number and he called me. We had a cup of coffee, went out 3 times, had a great time. But, he was offered a transfer to California, 3000 miles it too much space You're a brave woman lol. I can't say that I've ever seen a person sitting alone at a restaurant. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I can't say that I've ever seen a person sitting alone at a restaurant. Not afraid to say that I've done this more times than I can count. And without pulling out my phone too. Link to post Share on other sites
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