Most women want the man to make the first move

[Darren2013]

It would seem like most women hold to a traditional mindset that guys need to make the first move and ask them out.

 

Now this is assuming that she has an interest in the guy. Generally women will give signals to a guy to encourage him that yes there's an open door and move in but at the same time she doesn't want to make it too obvious because she may be testing him and want him to be a risk taker in asking her out.

 

Why is it important to women that the guy asks her out? Well one factor I will zero in on for this thread is that women usually are attracted to traits of a strong man. When a woman meets a guy he will either pass or fail the physical attraction test. Assuming he passes in those first few seconds then she will observe him and how he carries himself and check out his strong points and weak points. Every man has both but it is just a matter of degree.

 

In her mind she is thinking that the guy has to have balls and take risks and asking her out is one of those expressions. If he doesn't ask her out and if she knows he likes her then that is a sign of weakness to her and the longer he takes to ask her out the more turned off she gets. Which means there will come a time when she is no longer interested and close the door and think to herself that it no longer matters whether or not he musters up the courage to ask me out because I am not interested anymore.

 

In her mind if a guy has no courage to ask her out then how can she trust him to be strong in other major areas if they marry and have children? Asking her out is such a small thing. So if he is weak in the small areas then how can he show strength in bigger things?

 

Perhaps the guy is really courageous in other areas of his life. He may be a courageous Military man who is not afraid to die for his country. He may have risked his life before in combat. But when it comes to women he gets nervous and doesn't ask out the women he likes and hopes they make the first move. That doesn't matter to her as she still needs proof early on in meeting that he is a man of strength and courage and conviction. Here's the thing. Until he asks her out she doesn't know him that well and has very little to go by to evaluate whether he is a man to take risks or not.

 

So that's my theory. What do you think?

[oberkeat]

I agree that women are attracted to assertive guys, but I don't think waiting for a man to make a move is some kind of proof or test for that. I just think that women take the ego-bruising of rejection a lot harder than men do; they value 'saving face,' for lack of a better term, more than men do. So it's more convenient for them to wait for some guy to approach and take the risk of rejection.

[PegNosePete]

I think ober's theory is much more likely.

[Boyka555]

I agree, women are biologically more attracted to confident men due to them wanting to have guy, who knows what he wants. But I do have to say that women create those kind of "tests" on men more than people think. Even women sometimes don't notice it.

[Redhead14]

If a man, assertive, confident, shy, nervous, etc. is really interested in a woman, they will ask her out Period.

 

I've had assertive men and shy men ask me out. There styles were different, but bottomline, they were interested in me enough to ask. If I had enough interest in them, I accept. I do not make any assumptions about "who" they are before I've spoken to or spent time with them.

 

I do not test men or anybody for that matter.

[Redhead14]

Women rarely ask men out because they are deathly scared of rejection. Period. That's all the theory you need to know.

 

That may be true for some women. Women do not ask men out usually because they aren't really that interested.

 

If I were really interested in a man and he had not approached me, I'd strike up a conversation with him and suggest going out. Rarely do they accept. I'm not going to assume they don't accept because I approached them. Although, some men don't like that. By the same token, their are some men who do. If they don't like that you approached them, then you two probably aren't on the same page at least about that subject. If that's why they don't accept, so be it.

 

Men and women run the same risk of rejection. If you are afraid of rejection, don't be dating. There will be tons more "rejection" than acceptance for sure.

 

A person cannot reject you if they don't know you. All that's happening is that you/they are not initially attracted to you (superficially), or they are already seeing someone or they are not dating at the moment, or 100 other possible reasons. So what. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[Andy_K]

If a man, assertive, confident, shy, nervous, etc. is really interested in a woman, they will ask her out Period.

 

I disagree. For every shy guy who eventually plucked up the courage to ask you out, there were 20 who never did. Not even every assertive guy will ask you out, depending on how you interact with them.

[PegNosePete]

I'm not going to assume they don't accept because I approached them. Although, some boys don't like that.

Fixed for you

 

No mature, secure man would be put off by a woman approaching him rather than vice versa.

[Redhead14]

I disagree. For every shy guy who eventually plucked up the courage to ask you out, there were 20 who never did. Not even every assertive guy will ask you out, depending on how you interact with them.

 

 

Those 20 who never did, simply were'nt attracted enough. Same is true for the assertive guys.

 

And, frankly, if a shy guy had that much attraction to assuage his shyness, he's a lot stronger than he appears. I am currently dating a guy who was very shy in approaching me, he is assertive in just about every other aspect of his life.

 

I also dated an assertive guy, who didn't have the assertiveness to tell me he wasn't going to date me anymore. He faded away into the sunset. I didn't watch him go either or try to follow.

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm simply a lot more attracted, feel more like the woman counterbalancing the man, when I'm with a man who approaches and takes charge in general. There's no point in a woman being with a man who's not revved up about her, and him approaching and taking the reins during dating shows that he is.

[Redhead14]

Fixed for you

 

No mature, secure man would be put off by a woman approaching him rather than vice versa.

 

So PegNose, what are you doing tonight?

[Phoe]

I agree I prefer men to do the asking, but I dont "expect" them to or put any obligation on men to do so, nor is there anything wrong with women doing the approaching.

 

All my approaches have been rejected, so I just don't like approaching. Silly, but true.

[truth_seeker]

I agree that women are attracted to assertive guys, but I don't think waiting for a man to make a move is some kind of proof or test for that. I just think that women take the ego-bruising of rejection a lot harder than men do; they value 'saving face,' for lack of a better term, more than men do. So it's more convenient for them to wait for some guy to approach and take the risk of rejection.

 

Women definitely take rejection harder. Don't believe me? Ignore a woman or act like you lost interest in her... you will feel her wrath.

[truth_seeker]

All my approaches have been rejected, so I just don't like approaching. Silly, but true.

 

You've been rejected by guys all the time? This can't be true. There will always be a guy just ready to pounce on a female who gives him time of day.

[Redhead14]

Women definitely take rejection harder. Don't believe me? Ignore a woman or act like you lost interest in her... you will feel her wrath.

 

A woman who unleashes wrath when a man ignores her or acts like he's lost interest, shouldn't be dating.

[Phoe]

Women definitely take rejection harder. Don't believe me? Ignore a woman or act like you lost interest in her... you will feel her wrath.

 

Not if she's a reasonable person. Lose interest or ignore me, I'll just calmly walk away.

 

You've been rejected by guys all the time? This can't be true. There will always be a guy just ready to pounce on a female who gives him time of day.

 

It's not like I approach men regularly, it was just a handful of times, but each one was a rejection. I might have succeeded if I tried a little more often.

[soph-walker]

Those 20 who never did, simply were'nt attracted enough. Same is true for the assertive guys.

 

And, frankly, if a shy guy had that much attraction to assuage his shyness, he's a lot stronger than he appears. I am currently dating a guy who was very shy in approaching me, he is assertive in just about every other aspect of his life.

 

I also dated an assertive guy, who didn't have the assertiveness to tell me he wasn't going to date me anymore. He faded away into the sunset. I didn't watch him go either or try to follow.

 

I agree with the points made here. I think it sucks if you approach a guy/show interest and they do not reciprocate. It could be that they aren't interested and don't feel the need to let you know in normal terms.

 

I think everyone, whether male or female likes to be approached - who couldn't like it? It's an ego massage whether you find the person doing the asking attractive or not.

 

I think the myth of women preferring men to approach is perpetuated by men not approaching women for fear of rejection and in turn the woman not approaching for fear of the same.

 

Kind of like a vicious circle?

[Woggle]

Men are not afraid of rejection but if you ask the wrong woman out you get accused of harassment. I could deal with rejection but being looked at like you are scum is not something most guys want to risk.

[Redhead14]

Men are not afraid of rejection but if you ask the wrong woman out you get accused of harassment. I could deal with rejection but being looked at like you are scum is not something most guys want to risk.

 

 

That type of response is a one-off. If you're being accused of harrassment, it's about the way you are approaching them and/or they have some other issues to deal with. I would not, not approach a woman because of a fear of that.

 

If they look at you like you are scum . . . they are not nice women. You wouldn't want to date them anyway.

 

If a man approaches a woman in a friendly, respectful, fun way and she's not interested, she should treat him with respect and respectfully decline. If a man approaches a woman in a disrespectful, cocky, arrogant way, and she is not interested, she should treat him with respect and respectfully decline. Do not stoop to a like level of response.

[IronZ]

Fixed for you

 

No mature, secure man would be put off by a woman approaching him rather than vice versa.

 

I agree. We live in a society of equality. If women want to be treated equally, they should start acting like they're equals in every aspect, including dating. Society deems that a man has to make the first move and I've heard a lot of girls describe themselves as old fashioned and that they want the man to make the first move and to chase them.

 

For me, it's just as exciting when a woman chases me. I don't feel put off by it in any way. I think a real woman has enough confidence to put herself out there and see just what it's like for most men in the dating world and what we have to go through each and every time we make an effort.

[Imported]

I agree. We live in a society of equality. If women want to be treated equally, they should start acting like they're equals in every aspect, including dating. Society deems that a man has to make the first move and I've heard a lot of girls describe themselves as old fashioned and that they want the man to make the first move and to chase them.

 

 

Men and women are free and equal to approach or not approach.

 

How that works out for you is your own personal problem.

[IronZ]

Men and women are free and equal to approach or not approach.

 

How that works out for you is your own personal problem.

 

All I was saying was there's this societal aspect that should change. I know everyone's free to do what they want. I'm just saying it would be nice if things were a little more even.

[Gloria25]

Putting arguments of gender, tradition, biology, courage/weakness aside...

 

What person male or female - would sit around "forever" waiting on someone to make a move? Especially when the person waiting has already made their interest clear to the male or female - yet that male or female just spends time sneaking glances at them and sits around coming up with 10 reasons why person wouldn't like them - w/o even chatting up that person.

 

I mean, we aren't even talking about dating...we are talking about the initial stages of attraction (i.e. "Hi, my name is John, you're cute...would you like to join me for a coffee sometime").

 

So, if it takes you months, years to just get to the initial point of asking a chick out for a coffee, then God help that poor chick (well, by then she might have bf and/or is engaged to some other dude).

 

So, I believe - and I'm sure many people will agree with me - that when someone's not making a move (male or female), we're not gonna sit here and throw stones at them and call them weak. We're gonna assume "he/she's just not that into me" and we move on to the next prospect. PERIOD.

[Gloria25]

Putting arguments of gender, tradition, biology, courage/weakness aside...

 

What person male or female - would sit around "forever" waiting on someone to make a move? Especially when the person waiting has already made their interest clear to the male or female - yet that male or female just spends time sneaking glances at them and sits around coming up with 10 reasons why person wouldn't like them - w/o even chatting up that person.

 

I mean, we aren't even talking about dating...we are talking about the initial stages of attraction (i.e. "Hi, my name is John, you're cute...would you like to join me for a coffee sometime").

 

So, if it takes you months, years to just get to the initial point of asking a chick out for a coffee, then God help that poor chick (well, by then she might have bf and/or is engaged to some other dude).

 

So, I believe - and I'm sure many people will agree with me - that when someone's not making a move (male or female), we're not gonna sit here and throw stones at them and call them weak. We're gonna assume "he/she's just not that into me" and we move on to the next prospect. PERIOD.

 

Oh, and I forgot to add....

 

"If and only if" by the time you finally ask her out she lost interest and/or moved on to someone else, then her attraction/interest in you wasn't strong enough and thank God Almighty you dodged that bullet!!!

[Tayken]

It's simple really...the one that is being pursued, dictates where things go from there on. However, if the pursuer has a hidden agenda, then it doesn't really matter once 3rd base has been reached.