Darren2013 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 How soon should I tell a woman upfront that I am 20 pounds overweight? I'm not talking about someone that has already met me in person but rather someone I am talking to online and thinking about meeting. Should I put in my online dating profile that I am 20 pounds overweight so they can know what to expect should they decide to meet me and it won't take then by surprise to see that I have a little tumny sticking out? Just like with the marriage and kids thing I think this is also important information to tell a date early and upfront. A guy who is in shape is an important thing for some women as it gives her a general idea of how well he takes care of his body. She may not want to date someone who is at increased risk of dying from a heart attack in his late 30s or early 40s. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 You should be putting an updated picture of yourself online and I'm sure they have a classification for the weight that you can choose from (i.e. average, athletic, a few extra pounds). What does it matter to you any ways? You said you don't want sex with the woman you plan to date, so why should your body be an issue with her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darren2013 Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 I still have a need to feel attractive just to prove something to myself. Once I get the proof I need then I will back off and take down my profile. I do have an updated picture but the camera doesn't show the accurate weight of a person. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 I still have a need to feel attractive just to prove something to myself. Once I get the proof I need then I will back off and take down my profile. I do have an updated picture but the camera doesn't show the accurate weight of a person. Well, if you're looking for validation, there are websites where people rate each other's pics. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darren2013 Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 The validation comes if they accept a 2nd date. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 The validation comes if they accept a 2nd date. No it doesn't. Cuz, what if you two don't click? Just cuz someone doesn't ask for a 2nd date doesn't mean it's all cuz of you. Not everyone is a match for you. And, I'm sure you've had women you've turned down cuz you weren't fond of that woman. I've met men OLD who you'd think would be a "catch", but there was no connection. That's just the way it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Ok, so tell me...from your question to me in another thread,... Are you my crush in "disguise" here on this forum? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Don't tell her or you'll start sounding insecure and under-confident. Just post the recent photo that shows your overall look top to bottom. It doesn't have to be up close or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darren2013 Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 How about posting 2 photos showing myself head to toe and then 2 more photos showing just my abdominal area? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darren2013 Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 Ok, so tell me...from your question to me in another thread,... Are you my crush in "disguise" here on this forum? No I'm not. However if your suspicions are correct about him concealing his feelings for you then all I can say is that he and I have one thing in common as far as how we handle feelings. I don't know much about your story. I don't know if this is a workplace crush you have but in my situation the fact that I work with this lady is a big justifiable reason in itself to conceal my attraction for her. If this wasn't a workplace crush would I have revealed things sooner and asked her out? Maybe or maybe not because there's other reasons running through my mind. But overall it is usually not a good idea to open up doors for workplace dating regardless if she feels the same way towards me or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 No I'm not. However if your suspicions are correct about him concealing his feelings for you then all I can say is that he and I have one thing in common as far as how we handle feelings. I don't know much about your story. I don't know if this is a workplace crush you have but in my situation the fact that I work with this lady is a big justifiable reason in itself to conceal my attraction for her. If this wasn't a workplace crush would I have revealed things sooner and asked her out? Maybe or maybe not because there's other reasons running through my mind. But overall it is usually not a good idea to open up doors for workplace dating regardless if she feels the same way towards me or not. I am not in a workplace situation...he lives near me. So, all your posts about hiding a crush is about this woman you work with? I find that odd cuz your posts seem to generalize that no or low contact, hiding feelings, lying, etc. are to be done with ANY woman you become attracted to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darren2013 Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 (edited) I am not in a workplace situation...he lives near me. So, all your posts about hiding a crush is about this woman you work with? I find that odd cuz your posts seem to generalize that no or low contact, hiding feelings, lying, etc. are to be done with ANY woman you become attracted to. Well that's generally my point of view but especially it becomes more justified when it is a crush on someone I have worked with for the last 12 years. I haven't always felt this way towards her. For a long time I just saw her as a friend and good team working together. Then it was about 3 weeks ago when my feelings started progressing for her unexpectedly. I just couldn't believe it and it is scary. Now I am trying to date other women casually in the hopes of getting my mind off of her and distracting myself. Edited August 31, 2014 by Darren2013 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Well that's generally my point of view but especially it becomes more justified when it is a crush on someone I have worked with for the last 12 years. Well, again, since you and my crush appear to have similar ways of showing attraction/interaction with women...you should read my posts here, cuz you will learn the mind bending and pain you cause another person who has done nothing to you but simply have an interest in you...Which I hope will make you understand that you should consider changing your mentality. Where do I begin? For one, I'm not stupid, I'm observant. When I see what I think is my crush checking me out - only to be told he's not doing that (cuz he's possibly surprising his desire for me) How does that leave me? Well, it makes me wonder if "I" am making this all up in my head or if he is playing games with me. So, again, all this "suppressing crushes" and lying, and what not is not cool. I have insecurities, we all do. But to push away someone you don't even know cuz you're scared might leave you missing out on something....but to each is their own. I mean, I'm scared too. I'm scared to let people get close. But once I trust someone, that's it. I'm not going anywhere. I mean, people have said that once I warm up to them, I'm pretty cool. But, you don't seem to be like that. You have that wall up where no one can even try to speak to you. But again, if you are terminally ill, I don't see how you want to spend your last days pushing people away. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Well that's generally my point of view but especially it becomes more justified when it is a crush on someone I have worked with for the last 12 years. I haven't always felt this way towards her. For a long time I just saw her as a friend and good team working together. Then it was about 3 weeks ago when my feelings started progressing for her unexpectedly. I just couldn't believe it and it is scary. Now I am trying to date other women casually in the hopes of getting my mind off of her and distracting myself. Well, I'm just curious.... What changed in the past 3 weeks to make your feelings change? I mean, you've been working with her for 12 years? Also, you want to date women casually to distance yourself from her? Ok? But you don't want sex with anyone, so not sure how you're gonna get that distance that you crave. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darren2013 Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 Give me a link to some of of your posts on your story and I will read them with am open mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted August 31, 2014 Share Posted August 31, 2014 Give me a link to some of of your posts on your story and I will read them with am open mind. And here some are: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/485864-how-do-i-handle http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/490512-just-friendly http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/491161-hot-cold http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/491831-face-slap Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darren2013 Posted August 31, 2014 Author Share Posted August 31, 2014 Well, I'm just curious.... What changed in the past 3 weeks to make your feelings change? I mean, you've been working with her for 12 years? Also, you want to date women casually to distance yourself from her? Ok? But you don't want sex with anyone, so not sure how you're gonna get that distance that you crave. As far as what changed 3 weeks ago? I'm not sure. Maybe I just appreciate her more now than I did in the past and perhaps my feelings were slowly growing for her for awhile but I wasn't aware on a conscious level. I remember last year around Christmas time I just felt on a whim to buy her a big container of ice cream. Didn't know what her favorite flavor was. Took a wild guess and it turned out I did indeed pick one of her favorites. The thought wasn't even my mind at that time to get with her romantically or anything like that. Link to post Share on other sites
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