Sawce Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 My friend and I of ten plus years are some what involved in a relationship. Well...we dated for a few months...broke up cuz I did something stupid...but now we are dating again but without a title. We often talk about marriage and we even spend outtings with each other's kids. But recently she booked a vacation to go to virginia...and days before she actually goes she reveals to me that another man paid for her plane ticket and that the same man spanks her when they meet up!!! I was thrown back...she said that she visits him every couple of months and that he is in his 40s (we r in our mid 20s) and that the spankings r completely non sexual. Her and this guy don't do anything sexual but she said that he is a role model for her to look up to because her father was never involved in her life. She said that she needs to be disciplined or she acts out (parties a lot, won't do her school work, etc). She said that she spends at least a week there and that nothing sexual happens not even a kiss. She's also said that she talks to him about me a lot...but this is the first time I'm hearing about him! Has anyone ever heard of this? Should I support her through this and if so...how do I do that?? She's down there visiting now as I type this post...she said it's no problem for me to call or text while she is there w him, in fact she has called and text me but I haven't responded.....help!!! Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 You want to be part of this? I wouldn't. This deal is a little too weird for me. How about you? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
hoping2heal Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 What do you want help with exactly? Link to post Share on other sites
marcjb Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 She has some serious problems. The question is, do you want them? Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Completely non-sexual my ass! This post is so funny. If this isn't some crazy bs, then I find it really hard to believe that a guy flies her in to spend time just so he can spank her and not go find somebody local that would be into that kind of fetish. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 You may need to learn more about the D/s lifestyle. For some a spanking is sexual. I wouldn't be comfortable with this arrangement at all but if you two are to get past this & make your relationship work you will have to forge a path together. You will need to talk to her about why she needs these spankings & you will have to find out if that's something you can give her. I think Carrie T on here is into the lifestyle. You may want to reach out for her. If I'm wrong about the member that knows about this stuff, I apologize to Carrie for naming her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyLady13 Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Hold on...I'm still trying to get past the total W.T.F. going through my head... You're friends 10 years and just found out about this guy? Not sure how that happened. You said you're dating without a label? I'm thinking you've misinterpreted your relationship with her and I've seen women like this with my friends and it always ended badly. Sounds like she pulled a little trickle truth to see your reaction to see what she can get away with. Did she outright say you two are dating? Do you not have rules of your relationship set out? You called her your girlfriend but I don't think she actually is, dear. If you're not okay with the open relationship kind of situation where other men spank your girlfriend, you need to find someone else! She doesn't have sex with this guy but he spanks her and she looks up to him? I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you too! She's not serious, monogamous relationship material, Sawce. Being you've known her 10 years, you already knew this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sawce Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 Well honestly I don't sleep with her...I do sleep with other ppl and she knows that I do...so if it were anything sexual I'm sure she would admit it knowing that I'm having sex w other ppl. We don't have sex because I'm a sex addict and she's still workin on trusting me again... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sawce Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 Thanx I'll do that...I have done some research on this and read that there r quite a few couples with this type of arrangement...I guess I need to ask her some questions before I can really decide where to go from there Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyLady13 Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Well honestly I don't sleep with her...I do sleep with other ppl and she knows that I do...so if it were anything sexual I'm sure she would admit it knowing that I'm having sex w other ppl. We don't have sex because I'm a sex addict and she's still workin on trusting me again... Is she under the impression you'll be out of this relationship if she is with other guys? Possibly? I can totally see her thinking though if you're having sex with other people, she can too so hey, why not? But, did you give her a reason to think you wouldn't be okay with her sleeping with other guys? Link to post Share on other sites
leavesonautumn Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 I'm confused about what you're looking for with this woman? If you're not even exclusive, what's the issue here? You're allowed to sleep with other women but you have an issue with her "friendship"? Also, you're a sex addict having sex with other women but at the same time working on building trust with this woman? I don't... what. She doesn't have serious problems. Sounds like you both might though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sawce Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 Honestly I told her it wouldn't matter if she did because technically we aren't together...I just put GF in the title of the post to simplify things...at any rate she doesn't just have sex with anyone...nor would she be into having sex or being sexual with a man twice her age. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sawce Posted July 30, 2014 Author Share Posted July 30, 2014 I can totally see her thinking though if you're having sex with other people, she can too so hey, why not? But, did you give her a reason to think you wouldn't be okay with her sleeping with other guys? Also we already did the break up thing, didn't speak for about a month and she decided to come back (and no I didn't beg or plead her to do so) so if she wanted to drive me away with this she would have just remained broken up w me from before. But like I said she told me it's non sexual... Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 I suggest that both of you work on yourselves some more before considering a relationship. All the other posters have point out what's wrong with the picture. There are kids involved you know... Link to post Share on other sites
Dork Vader Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 This is a major red flag. No doubt about it. Could the relationship be platonic and nothing more come of it? Sure.. But that's not the issue. The issue is that she does not know how to set up boundaries with other people. I myself just got out of a relationship with a woman who could not do this. She would constantly defend and justify what ever the issue was. Claiming she would never get physical. That's all well and fine but the simple truth is she is putting herself into a toxic situation. No matter the motives no matter the intentions the simple truth is it is sexual. Where will she draw the line? I'd bet money if you asked she'd say something a long the lines of it getting physical (intimate). But the truth is it's ALREADY PHYSICAL. I highly doubt it will stop either. If she really likes you she might put a halt to it. That is fine.. But the problem I've run into in these situations is you're going to constantly run into these things. Mostly because these types simply do not understand relationships. They do not understand that sexual is sexual it does not matter whether it's joking, friendship, what ever spin they put on it. IT IS. If you want to continue to explore things with her go for it. But do so with a guard up. Keep an eye out to see if she is capable of setting up boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Well honestly I don't sleep with her...I do sleep with other ppl and she knows that I do...so if it were anything sexual I'm sure she would admit it knowing that I'm having sex w other ppl. We don't have sex because I'm a sex addict and she's still workin on trusting me again... If you're big into sex then you'll realize spanking is very much a sexual turn on for quite a few people. Yes this older guy is definitely getting his rocks off spanking your lady friend, and its probably with her bent over his knee with her skirt up and panties down, with her telling him what a bad girl she's been. I'm sure she is getting off on the spankings too. Its sexual just no intercourse...well so she says. Look it just might be this lower libido guy's main sexual kink and their is no sex...but its sexual for sure. She spends a week at this other guy's place and you don't find that perturbing. Just because she said you can call or txt anytime means jack shyte in terms of making this okay imo. Hey look it might be all above board apart from the spanking, but how many gfs are going to be happy with you spending the week at a milfs house and she gives you sensual massages...oh but you don't screw her & gf can txt you anytime, so its all cool. Anyway if you are not sexing her then whats the problem in her getting some from this older guy...like you are doing with others? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Lol, she needs soemone to look up to...a father figure...so she chooses some older guy that pays young girls to let him spank them. Great choice in role models she has. Winning You both have children. I seriously suggest therapy in the hopes that you can sort yourselves out, and be the best parents to those children as possible. Focus on yourselves and your children...neither of you sound like you are able to have a happy, healthy relationship. Children and your own mental health first...make this a priority, or your children will suffer in immesurable ways. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Smilecharmer Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 This thread is very confusing, OP. You aren't dating exclusively, right? You aren't having sex? You have sexual addiction so she doesn't trust you as a man? She has a platonic D/s relationship with a father figure which she claims isn't sexual but she likes due to daddy issues? She can do whatever she wants if you aren't dating or having sex and you are free to do whatever you want. You two sound like flirty friends so I'm not sure what you want from her. Get professional help with your addiction. Stop having vague relationships with women if it stresses you out because you feel shortchanged. Stop trying to make drama from friendships that are obviously just one step up from flirty exchanges. Link to post Share on other sites
somecamel Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Well honestly I don't sleep with her...I do sleep with other ppl and she knows that I do...so if it were anything sexual I'm sure she would admit it knowing that I'm having sex w other ppl. We don't have sex because I'm a sex addict and she's still workin on trusting me again... You lost me here:) Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 Confession: This whole thread confuses me, creeps me out and kinda turns me on - all at the same time. It is the thread equivalent of an episode of "Girls". Just saying. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
morrowrd Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 It's sexual, don't let her fool you. I personally couldn't live with it. Link to post Share on other sites
rewl Posted July 30, 2014 Share Posted July 30, 2014 That kind of behaviour needs punishment. Spank her over the knee. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TXGuy Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 You might want to restate the title of your post. That woman is not your girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 My friend is into this and she did have someone where it was non-sexual... for her... NOT for him and then the next one she got together for 'spanking' was married (he told his partner it was non-sexual) they have been having an affair for 3 years now!... I reckon it prob is non sexual for her but I dont think it is for him but then is that any different to lap dancers, strippers, sex workers they dont get anything but cash out of it but the client finds it sexual x Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted July 31, 2014 Share Posted July 31, 2014 My friend is into this and she did have someone where it was non-sexual... for her... NOT for him and then the next one she got together for 'spanking' was married (he told his partner it was non-sexual) they have been having an affair for 3 years now!... I reckon it prob is non sexual for her but I dont think it is for him but then is that any different to lap dancers, strippers, sex workers they dont get anything but cash out of it but the client finds it sexual x Got to ask...if its non sexual for her then why is she into this? They pay her, otherwise I'd day she gets turned on. Don't know if too many wives would be cool for their man spanking another woman, despite him saying its all cool, I'm not having sex with her, she keeps her school uniform on. Link to post Share on other sites
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