PhillyDude Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 This some crazy sh*t. Every time I call him at home his wife interrupts how conversation about sports and then he ends the conversation. So now the only way he talks to me is if he is out on the road driving from work because he knows that once he gets home he can't talk. So this is what happens when a guy gets married? he can't talk to his friends? This makes absolutely no sense at all. I decided not to call him anymore because I can't deal with this. I will just talk if he calls me. I can't believe a grown a$$ man can't talk on the phone because DINNER is ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Hahahahaha. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 I'd like to laugh, but i've seen this before. They get a gf/wife and all of the sudden she decides to cut off all of her friends. What she does is called passive agressive [the phone bit] and she is slowly alienating your friend from his circle of friends, from those he knows. Be sure that the moment your buddy notices you call him less she will tell him 'if he were a true friend he would like to be around you more', followed by gradual shift into 'i thought it was odd that he did/thought xxxx when you'. I feel sorry for your friend. PS: Happens to women too ... some messed up ppl out there. And they hide it before a relationship gets serious sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Think of it this way. His wife and his kids are the primary relationship. The most important relationship. They have very limited time together. He works full time, and has just a few hours at night to catch up with and spend time with his kids and his wife. That is very limited and valuable family time. Family dinnertime is also a very important family bonding time where the family catches up with each other on what happened that day. Do you really think it's reasonable to expect him to miss that time with his family and have his dinner late and alone so that he can talk sports longer with a friend? He has to give the wife and kids the priority, and you need to understand that they always will be his priority, above his friends and other relatives. It's nothing personal against you. It's not a slight to you. That's just the way families prioritize their time. Do you really expect that you should be given the priority in his life? It doesn't work that way when you are married with children. My sister, when she was single, used to call me at night and want to talk for long periods, but I realized that it's not fair to my family (husband and kids) that their dinner was late because I was talking to my sister on the phone, or I missed out on dinner with them altogether because I was on the phone with my sister. With the limited amount of time I have to spend with my family after they get home from work, I need to give them the attention they deserve. So I take my sister's calls during the day instead, and make them brief if she calls at night. It would not be fair to my family if I were spending a lot of time at night talking to others when that time is supposed to be family time. You need to accept that friends don't have the priority in a man's life that his family does, and that is the way it should be. You should not feel slighted if he has to end the call when dinner is served, or that he prefers to make calls to friends during daytime hours. You shouldn't hold it against him. He has his priorities straight. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 I can't believe a grown a$$ man can't talk on the phone because DINNER is ready. WHO continues to talk on the phone when their SO has a meal prepared and waiting for them? RUDE PEOPLE. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Well at least you don't have to listen to this song every day after work on the drive home... But seriously, If his wife is making dinner and it's ready you've got to go...she wants you to appreciate it and he wants her to continue making dinner, so It's best he goes lest he resorts to hot pockets. Most SO will find it rude If you don't come and eat when It's ready and hot. However If he never gets to talk to you at home...while that's married life, with wife and kids everything else just kinda gets put on the backburner, free/extra time is a luxury...I've never been a family man but I'd imagine I wouldn't have much of a choice, I only talk to one of my good friends when he drives home from work as well or the off-chance he has a day to do something...they don't call it the ball and chain for nothing But there are good parts of it as well that you don't see. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 PhillyDude, you really never have any luck with anyone on the phone, let alone women, do you? See, the common denominator in all these phone calls... is you! I'd avoid phones from now on....! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 I can't believe a grown a$$ man can't talk on the phone because DINNER is ready. It's impolite to call people around lunchtime or dinner time. I tend to make my calls in the afternoon or if I really know the person well, after 9pm. If he is your friend, you must know his/their eating habits. Why do you call when they are likely to be having dinner? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 He can't help it. When it comes to using the 'phone, he's jinxed.... Link to post Share on other sites
irin Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 im not married or in relationship or a man. but when im with my family and its dinner time or any family time i dont talk on the phone to anyone, its simple manners. why do you assume that his wife tells him to stop talking maybe he gets home from a hard day of work he just wants to spend time with them and talk to his kids and wife. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 I can't believe a grown a$$ man can't talk on the phone because DINNER is ready. Don't call him at DINNER time! Glad I could help. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 If she has a "rule" against him using the phone, yes that would be odd, but it sounds like he just said goodbye when dinner was ready, which is what normal people do. If Hubby cooks dinner, I stop what I'm doing, including ending any calls, and go eat dinner when it's ready. That's just what polite people do, as someone said above. Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Priorities change when you are married with kids. Why would he continue to talk to you on the phone when he can have dinner with her?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PhillyDude Posted May 11, 2012 Author Share Posted May 11, 2012 It's impolite to call people around lunchtime or dinner time. I tend to make my calls in the afternoon or if I really know the person well, after 9pm. If he is your friend, you must know his/their eating habits. Why do you call when they are likely to be having dinner? It's not even about dinner time. Whenever i talk to him when he's home, she always manages to interrupt the conversation no matter what time it is. And I only call him once every 2 weeks which is like twice a month. She seems to be kind of controlling. Just like 2 years ago when me and him planned a trip to an amusement park with 4 other friends, she came along too. WHY??? Ruined the entire trip Link to post Share on other sites
maybealone Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Most women marry to share their lives with a man, but some marry to emasculate him. I know people like your friend who are kept on a very short leash. In the worst cases, they literally have to do things to "earn" time spent with friends. I think in some cases it is because the woman is controlling, but in others it is because she is insecure. It's really unfortunate, as I think having friends helps keep us well-rounded, and gives us things to talk about with our spouses. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Seems several people in this thread failed to read with comprehension, OP. You clearly said that many times you speak to your friend on the phone, that his wife interrupts. You then gave an example with the dinner time story, but obviously this isnt the only time it happens...at least its obvious to people who read your post correctly without trying to jump down your throat right away. OP, I think you have a legit gripe. Ive seen my friends get whipped and stop doing man stuff when they got into relationships. Hell, theres a running joke amongst my friends that whenever our one buddy is single, we can expect him to wanna hang out excessively all of a sudden...even though he was no where to be found when in his past relationships. Just gotta make friends with men who keep their balls outside their lady's purse. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Hmm. No. We don't lack comprehension, but some of us do have insight as to what it's like to be in a long-term relationship/marriage with children. Single friends simply don't matter as much anymore by that point. Sorry. It's just the way it is. And when I was a young single girl, I simply couldn't understand either. Priorities change and it's nothing personal. It doesn't mean he's whipped, it means he doesn't care what your single perception of how he should behave and interact with his wife is. This is why many people get different friends with thy get married and especially when they have kids. You perceive it as being "whipped', the friend may perceive it as the way life is for him. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Friends are friends nonetheless...regardless of females...especially if shes someone youve known a lot less longer than your buddies. If things are ever rocky your bros will be there, so many dudes know its good to keep that network of bros. Maybe me and some of my friends are different, but I dont make a woman more important than bros Ive known for years longer, even if she becomes my wife. My best friends will always have great importance in my life and not be neglected. Thats just me though. I really many people care more about whos sleeping with them than who will be there if things dont work out. And a man who cannot ever speak to his friends on the phone without his woman saying something, is indeed whipped and has his balls in that womans purse. Hes not a teenager. Its one thing for your priorities to change...its another thing when the woman starts telling you when you can speak to your friends and is constantly interrupting your conversations. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Hell, theres a running joke amongst my friends that whenever our one buddy is single, we can expect him to wanna hang out excessively all of a sudden...even though he was no where to be found when in his past relationships. Probably because he wanted to spend his time with his gf. That's what happens when you get hot and heavy. Wonder what happens when the wife is on the phone, and if he interrupts her the same way.... Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Well, it's best for you to never get married then if you put your bros ahead of your wife, you obviously aren't ready for a wife and kids. You are clearly younger, probably in your 20's. Like in your teens, a single person in their 20's will put friends first. As time goes on, your priorities change, and your spouse, kids, and family should always come first. I don't think the OP is "wrong" for how he feels, but it is obvious to me that he (and you) can't possibly see this from the other side of the coin. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 I think it's important for guys to maintain their friendships with their buddies, but not at the expense of their SO or children. The husband should have been allowed to spend male bonding time at the amusement park without her tagging along. It has to be a balance. People do need relationships with others and not exclude other important people from their life. But it is true that, once a spouse, kids, or girlfriend comes along, they are given the priority, and that is how it should be. If you are having lengthy phone calls at night with your friend, then you need to make those shorter, and respect the fact that evenings are family time for married folks. But you may have a point that she is not allowing him to have his relationship with his guy friends. You could tell him that you would like to hang out sometime with him as just a guy thing, so he realizes not to bring the wife. But do respect that evenings are family time for married men, so keep the phone calls shorter in the evening, and not at dinner time. If he prefers to talk to you during the day instead, then that's a good thing. I don't know why you don't want to accept the daytime phone calls. Link to post Share on other sites
bean1 Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Yes, maintaining friends is important. One thing I find odd, is that they went to an amusement park and she came too. She 'RUINED' the trip by coming? Really? I would never invite my friends to such a fun activity without our husbands if they were available to come. Why wouldn't you? Baby shower, clothes shopping, sure, we'd leave them at home, what man would want to go to that? Likewise, when mine has his "Call of Duty" parties, I bring nachos and beer down to the basement and get out as soon as I can. But it sounds like OP isn't able to understand that married couples like to share mutual activities together. Honestly, if my husband went to something like an amusement park and told me not to come, I'd wonder what the hell he was really up to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Seems several people in this thread failed to read with comprehension, OP. No, I think none of us have faith in the OP that he wouldn't make some social blunder like always calling at mealtime. He hasn't given any other reason why the wife interrupts Link to post Share on other sites
maybealone Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 Yes, families are a priority, but I don't see how that requires not spending any evening time talking with friends. There are some interests that not all married people share, and there are some activities that people prefer to do with their friends. I don't see any wives afraid to spend their weeknights doing Zumba without their husbands, just like I don't see many husbands bringing their wives along to a pickup basketball game. It's healthy, IMO, to do some things with your friends as long as it isn't cutting too much into your family time. I know people my age (mid-40s) who are now regretting not nurturing their friendships, because the kids are starting to head off to college and they now don't have friends they can call to go shopping or play poker. And I know people my age and older who are happy they nurtured their friendships, because those are the people that are there for you when your spouse gets really sick or you lose your job. Link to post Share on other sites
maybealone Posted May 11, 2012 Share Posted May 11, 2012 One thing I find odd, is that they went to an amusement park and she came too. She 'RUINED' the trip by coming? Really? I would never invite my friends to such a fun activity without our husbands if they were available to come. I'm guessing not all of the six guys that went are in relationships or married. And yes, I think when one spouse tags along to a guys or girls day out, it does prevent you from talking about the guy and girl stuff you really want to talk about. Or doing what you want to do -- with one woman alone, the guys would have had to accommodate what she wanted to do which might not have been even remotely similar to the rides and activities they wanted to do. And sometimes not all five of your friends will adore your spouse the way you do, and not necessarily want to spend an entire day with them. I think for that outing, the husband should have declined to go if he could not go without his spouse. He could have gone to the park with her as a couple/family activity and let the guys have their day together. Link to post Share on other sites
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