D-Lish Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I've had more than a few dates with someone I thought had potential. Last night was our first real 'go to dinner, come back to my place, watch a movie with a planned sleepover' date. Now, I've mentioned before that he's very thoughtful. He's surprised me by bring over groceries and cooking me dinner because he doesn't think I eat healthy (I don't- the stress of my job has made me terribly thin). He checks in with me during the day and usually calls before bed to chat, tells me to make I sure I get my rest. All of this is fine, I don't mind it- but last night sort of turned into a strange nightmare. He showed up with all these vitamins for me- and a detailed plan on how to take them. I thought was was going a little overboard (even though I know he's trying to be helpful). The thing is- as much as he does these nice things for me, he doesn't stop talking about himself or his opinion on things. I think I got in maybe 200 words in the last 16 hours we spent together. He just talks non-stop, about his business ventures, plans for the future, all the famous people he's met, all his accomplishments, etc, etc. Barely a break in "his conversation" since he showed up last night until we parted ways about an hour ago. He talked and talked and talked until 6am this morning as we were lying in bed. I drifted off a couple of times to wake up to him still talking. At one point earlier this morning, I went to say something and he interrupted and kept talking. I put my hand over his mouth and asked "can I actually a word in edgewise???"... I was able to say a few things until the conversation got turned back onto him. I don't know if this is just what he's like, whether or not he feels the need to impress me, whether ot not it's been a long time since he had someone to talk to.... But I am exhausted. He does take notice of things I say- and he includes talking "about me" in his conversations, ie: his insight into me, but I don't feel included in those conversations- it's just him talking at me, about me. Talked and talked and talked.... And he's animated when he speaks...It was too much to take in for 16 hours. I don't know how long he kept talking before he realized I was alseep this morning. I don't know what to do, I liked him initially, but this last date turned me off. Anyone ever met someone like this? Link to post Share on other sites
Cypress25 Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WhiteChocolate Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver. ROFL :lmao: Anyways, I'm so sorry that happened. Maybe he's just a talker. Maybe he's trying to impress you. Maybe he's kind of nervous and tends to talk when he's nervous. Either way, it is surprising he didn't shut up when you put your hand over his mouth and asked if you could even get a word in. Also surprising he didn't stop when you fell asleep. :lmao: I don't know. I would be completely turned off too. Maybe go on 1-2 more dates just in case. And if it doesn't change...well it's not like you are going to change him. Just tell him you are incompatible, not feeling chemistry, blah blah blah. I wouldn't be able to live with it; I'd probably start going crazy, punch a hole in the wall and jump out a window. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Sounds like he is on drugs or something. Is he taking anti depressants, stimulants, or something like that? And too bad about the date, hope you got some sleep. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Is he a Gemini or does he have Gemini rising? Those people love the sound of their own voices. Great to have at parties but they do tend to rattle on a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Anyone ever met someone like this? Oh, yeah, plenty, but I don't have sex with them; I just talk them to death Seriously, he sounds a bit over the top. The combination of 'checking on you' and overt interest in your well being combined with his apparent incessant preoccupation with himself in conversation strikes me as a potential social or psychological issue. Too much of a good thing (care for others and self-disclosure) can still be too much. Did you determine his relationship history? That might give some clues..... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Did he talk thru the mustache ride too Did he talk like that on the previous dates D-lish ? If not then he may have taken something that made him wired.. Being around someone that never shuts up can be very tiring.. I'm a bit of a talker..not like your date but still I can talk.. My wife asks me to be quiet every now and then if I get to her.. You might have a very frank conversation with him about it and tell him what's going on in your head.. See what he has to say.. If you couldn't wait for him to leave, then that isn't a good sign of a budding growing relationship IMO and it seems this last date put an expiration date on things.. Link to post Share on other sites
Pasttense Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Tape record the next date? Send him a copy explaining how he talks too much? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 The combination of 'checking on you' and overt interest in your well being Like Carhill said too.... the checking on you, coupled with the vitamins is a bit over the top.. that seems like overcompensation or something else brewing there... Link to post Share on other sites
WhiteChocolate Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Is he a Gemini or does he have Gemini rising? Those people love the sound of their own voices. Great to have at parties but they do tend to rattle on a bit. I'm a Gemini...:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
eerie_reverie Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 I know people who act this way... they're usually on drugs. Any chance he might be a coke user or abusing prescribed stimulants? Link to post Share on other sites
laotzu Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 If it's the first time he's been this way, don't stress over it too much - give'em another shot. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Is he a Gemini or does he have Gemini rising? Those people love the sound of their own voices. Great to have at parties but they do tend to rattle on a bit. ... I'm a Gemini... Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 The vitamins/diet thing: shows a lack of respect. He thinks his values and habits are superior to yours, and also that you're ready to change for him. Vitamins aren't cheap, by the way, so he's even making a bit of an investment in you. Think of yourself like a project. The talking thing: I've never been a great talker, so I don't understand this. But he obviously has a lot more regard for his own thoughts and opinions than yours. Eerie is right that you should try again with him, but guessing it won't be long before you find yourself throwing him out on his ass. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 (edited) Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver. D-Lish, my current boyfriend was like this initially. He was (and still is) also very attentive and sweet and thoughtful in his actions too. BUT SEVERAL TIMES I FELL ASLEEP AND WOULD WAKE UP TO HIM STILL TALKING TOO LOL. And he was usually oblivious! My gosh. Even though I'm rather introverted and used to listening to people, it eventually overwhelmed me and put me off too I doubt I handled it the best, but I actually withdrew from him and when he contacted me and asked me why, I just laid it all out. Part of the issue was what he chose to monologue endlessly about --- and the other part was that it was just endless He told me it was because he was nervous and extremely attracted to me and just didn't know what to do, but that he felt like he had to take the lead anyway (he just apologized when I brought to his attention that even when I tried to speak he'd shut me down). For us it was something that was worked out, granted after we'd been together for a few months (we've been together for a few years now and he's since been the ear to many of my rants and babbles ) I think it's really important that you communicate your feelings to him nonetheless. I agree with others that it's worth finding out his response to your concerns (and or spending more time with him and seeing if it's a pattern --- perhaps that it was the first planned dinner + sleep over he was especially nervous/excited). Edited October 16, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall Link to post Share on other sites
brokendreamz Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Hey - If you're cool with the attentiveness and all the things he does for you then I'd say give him another chance or two. Sounds from your previous thread like you feel something for this guy so it'd be a shame to bin him off straight away. Like some of the others said, it might have been nerves, I've been with a couple of girls who had verbal dihorea (spelling?!) but chilled after a couple more dates. To be fair, if he literally didn't stop for 16 hrs I think you should ask him if he'd taken something. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
OliveOyl Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Could he be bipolar? Sometimes people on the upper end of the mood swing can't stop talking. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver. :lmao: I'm going to stash that one away... D: I've come to learn that many men advertise (without prompting, and sometimes at length), whereas many women share (upon prompting, and usually not as lengthy). IME, IF it's going to lighten up on his end, it happens after 4-5 dates. So, perhaps it's worth one more shot... see if he exhausts himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 ROFL :lmao: Anyways, I'm so sorry that happened. Maybe he's just a talker. Maybe he's trying to impress you. Maybe he's kind of nervous and tends to talk when he's nervous. Either way, it is surprising he didn't shut up when you put your hand over his mouth and asked if you could even get a word in. Also surprising he didn't stop when you fell asleep. :lmao: I don't know. I would be completely turned off too. Maybe go on 1-2 more dates just in case. And if it doesn't change...well it's not like you are going to change him. Just tell him you are incompatible, not feeling chemistry, blah blah blah. I wouldn't be able to live with it; I'd probably start going crazy, punch a hole in the wall and jump out a window. He did talk a lot the first few dates, him probably a little more than me, but more or less equal. I tell good stories, and he seemed to like to listen and laugh. When he first came over and brought groceries to make me dinner- he did talk a lot that night, mostly about ways for me to de-stress, eat healthier, sleep better, etc. But I realized after, he was talking "at" me by giving me advice. I took it as him caring about me (and I think he does in his own way)... But I think he gets a lot of validation out of "being right". We haven't had sex or anything. I'm starting to wonder if he is a Narcissist. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 How much cocaine was involved? Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 Hey - If you're cool with the attentiveness and all the things he does for you then I'd say give him another chance or two. Sounds from your previous thread like you feel something for this guy so it'd be a shame to bin him off straight away. Like some of the others said, it might have been nerves, I've been with a couple of girls who had verbal dihorea (spelling?!) but chilled after a couple more dates. To be fair, if he literally didn't stop for 16 hrs I think you should ask him if he'd taken something. Good luck I know he didn't take anything, he doesn't drink, he's a health nut, only eats organic food, and is very anti-drugs. He knows I take Wellbutrin and Clonozepam, so he went and did a whole bunch of research about it so he could talk to me about it. He doesn't drink or do drugs and he's careful about what he eats. I'm still going to go out with him again. He is very smart and that's attractive to me. Could he be bipolar? Sometimes people on the upper end of the mood swing can't stop talking. I don't know much about bi-polar. I can say he's coherent when he speaks, he just speaks A LOT. :lmao: I'm going to stash that one away... D: I've come to learn that many men advertise (without prompting, and sometimes at length), whereas many women share (upon prompting, and usually not as lengthy). IME, IF it's going to lighten up on his end, it happens after 4-5 dates. So, perhaps it's worth one more shot... see if he exhausts himself. Yes, I'm going to see him Wednesday, one "bad" date doesn't negate the former dates. I'm going to give it another shot, and I think I'm going to address the issue with him. I think he can handle being confronted on it. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 How much cocaine was involved? Lol. The drug use speculation is worthwhile... although being attracted to someone (and especially the chemical euphoria of early "love") can produce similar effects. Some drugs are intended to simulate such natural feelings --- not the other way around. My current boyfriend rattled on insanely through the night (more than one of them) and the most he's done is taken over-the-counter drugs... he hasn't even smoked anything before ... nevertheless, drug use is still a possibility As is narcissism... but that may be too difficult to currently truly identify. Something to probably keep in mind though... Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted October 16, 2011 Author Share Posted October 16, 2011 How much cocaine was involved? None, believe me, I know. I couldn't fart for 16 hours because he was right beside me the entire time, and I live in a closet. I kept trying to slip out to take the dogs for a walk when he went pee and he'd stop me and come with me every single time. I didn't have a moment without him being 10 feet away from me. Even at the restaurant, I thought I'd find a moment in the bathroom to myself, but the bathroom was full of girls and I'm not a fan of public farting. We went for breakfast and as soon as he dropped me off I was waving good-bye as he pulled away from the curb, and well... I've never felt such relief in my life! If he'd taken something, I'd have known. Link to post Share on other sites
eerie_reverie Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 None, believe me, I know. I couldn't fart for 16 hours because he was right beside me the entire time, and I live in a closet. I kept trying to slip out to take the dogs for a walk when he went pee and he'd stop me and come with me every single time. I didn't have a moment without him being 10 feet away from me. Even at the restaurant, I thought I'd find a moment in the bathroom to myself, but the bathroom was full of girls and I'm not a fan of public farting. We went for breakfast and as soon as he dropped me off I was waving good-bye as he pulled away from the curb, and well... I've never felt such relief in my life! If he'd taken something, I'd have known. He could have gone to the bathroom to pop an Adderall pill. Those have the same effects as cocaine. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted October 16, 2011 Share Posted October 16, 2011 Oh, D-Lish I am so sorry... I would be honest and up front with him - maybe give him another shot - and see if the dialogue changes at all. And I'm a Gemini and talk all the time as well... But the guy I'm dating is ALSO a Gemini so we just talk and talk and talk... :o:o Link to post Share on other sites
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