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How important is physical attraction in a relationship?


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Old 5th December 2003, 11:09 AM   #1
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How important is physical attraction in a relationship?

So Iíve known this guy for well over a year now and I think he is super cool and I love his personality. Since the day we met weíve clicked unbelievable, we talk on the phone for hours like everyday and I love his voice and the way he thinks. This may sound crazy but there have been times where Iíve felt like I even love him in some weird way.

When I met him I was off & on w/ my X and he was always there for me. He helped, counseled and consoled me though break-ups and reconciliationís. All the while he made it clear to me that he liked me as more than just a friend but was willing to settle for a friendship if it was all he can have with me. He was always there for me even though he hated my X and new he was bad for me, still he backed me in all I did.

Well now itís been over 6 months since my X and I have been officially over for good and Iím beginning to wonder if I should give this guy a chance. Thing is that Iím not physically attracted to him. Other than the physical attraction Iím attracted to him in every other way. Mentally & emotionally I love this guy but I just canít get past the physical and itís not like he is ugly, itís just that he is not my type.

My friends keep telling me Iím dumb and I should go for it, they think he is attractive on top of being a great guy.

I feel so shallow for not being able to look past the physical but then I think that I deserve someone that I will be attracted to in all aspects. Why can't I have it all?

I fear that Iíd get w/ him and then constantly be looking at the next guy cause Iím not attracted to the one Iím with.

I donít want to ruin the friendship, Iíve never clicked like this with any other guy.
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Old 5th December 2003, 11:13 AM   #2
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If there is absolutley no physical attraction then I don't think you should go for him. I think there has to be some physical chemistry for both people to make it work. Your wandering eye won't just go away if you start dating him.
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Old 5th December 2003, 11:21 AM   #3
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I've never had a wondering eye, I've never cheated on a guy or anything of the sort before and I would never do that but I'd hate to dump him after giving the long awaited chance he's wanted.

We have kissed b4 and it was nice, we flirt all the time and I'm ok with that.

So let me ask this, can you grow more physically attracted to someone in time?
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Old 5th December 2003, 11:26 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally posted by AGirlsView
I fear that Iíd get w/ him and then constantly be looking at the next guy cause Iím not attracted to the one Iím with
This sounds like a wandering eye to me... I don't mean to be cynical, but my opinion is that you should get into relationships that begin with the notion: "I am going to make this person as happy as possible no matter what unless they betray me."

Of course physical attraction can grow too... if you do decide to go forward with the relationship, just be cautious with his emotions because he might be very attracted to you...
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Old 5th December 2003, 11:35 AM   #5
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Thanks for your response.

He is very attracted to me in all ways. About the wondering eye, again I said I wouldn't want to be that way b/c I've never been like that.

I just don't know what to do, I get mad when I see him w/ other girls and I know it's wrong.....it's like "I want my cake and eat too".

I just don't want to hurt him or our freindship but I do want to try, I know he'd make me happy I'd just have to take the physical part REAL slow I guess.
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Old 5th December 2003, 11:48 AM   #6
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I say go for it.

You obviously care about this person. That's really the most important thing. Looks fade, but love lasts. And if you love someone, they will always be beautiful in your eyes. (And yes, that can increase over time.)

You may need to be careful of that wandering eye, though. Lots of men (most? all?) enjoy looking at other people. But most of us can manage to remain faithful to our beloved. I would think there are quite a few women who do the same.
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Old 5th December 2003, 11:52 AM   #7
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I agree with shakesperefan... As long as there is some phyiscal attraction, I say go for it. If there is zero physical attraction, I would advise against it. There will always be someone beautiful out there to look at, but as long as you can control yourself, I think you can make it work.
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Old 5th December 2003, 12:02 PM   #8
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Thanks guys.

It's true there will always be better looking people out there and for sure I can control my self, like I said I've never cheated on anyone. I'm not the type to go for a guy just b/c he is handsome anyway to me it's all about the "whole package" and if a guy is handsome but not smart, respecfull and so on then I wouldn't date him either.
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Old 5th December 2003, 12:36 PM   #9
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We have kissed b4 and it was nice

This is a good sign. If you kissed and it was like kissing a fish, then there may not be hope. However, if you enjoyed kissing him, that's a good sign that you could develop more physical attraction for him. Yes, it will grow, and love tends to intensify attraction. If he's that great and if you care about him, by all means go for it.
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Old 5th December 2003, 12:37 PM   #10
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Hey (Name of the Day!).....

I was in a similar position. I know relationships end up being all about friendship, being comfortable, sharing humor and interests..... But before I get to THAT phase of my relationship....I want some HOT SEX for a nice period of time. I don't know if I could do that with someone I didn't look at and think , at least to ME, he was handsome and sexy.

It would feel like settling for the wrong new car......
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Old 5th December 2003, 1:03 PM   #11
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By the way.....what's with the SEXY pic?? Or did you get LS confused with MatchDating.com?? LAMO!

Just kidding....I love the pic!
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Old 5th December 2003, 1:10 PM   #12
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Quote:
can you grow more physically attracted to someone in time?
Not likely. Think about it: This guy has been in your life for 6 months and there's no physical attraction. None. Nada. Zip.

New relationships almost always have healthy doses of desire, attraction and lust. Here you are telling us that this guy just does not light your fire.

I don't believe that physical attraction can be willed, nor should the lack of physical attraction be ignored. This guy sounds like a great friend candidate, not a lover.

I would look elsewhere.
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Old 5th December 2003, 1:10 PM   #13
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Hey! LOL don't pick on my new avatar I thought maybe this new sexy one would keep me from being booted....LMAO

Thanks for all the advice guys, I'm glad it's not that I'm shallow or something.
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Old 5th December 2003, 1:15 PM   #14
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Not likely. Think about it: This guy has been in your life for 6 months and there's no physical attraction. None. Nada. Zip.
I beg to differ, Bark. I think people's responses to these questions depend on their relationship/love styles. People who grow in love out of friendship often start out without physical attraction. In those cases, the lust comes from the passionate love; the love causes the lust rather than the other way around.

I've been in relationships with initial attraction and ones which grew out of love. Frankly, the latter were more satisfying ultimately. However, I suppose this might not be the case for everyone - but to say it is never possible to develop lust over time is incorrect.
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Old 5th December 2003, 1:29 PM   #15
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You are probably right Moimeme....that each person has different criterias regarding their initial attraction.

However, the initial sexual attraction doesn't necessarily have to be about the way a person looks. It can be a variety of things about someone which makes you feel all warm and fuzzy. HOWEVER, that warm fuzzy feeling (yes, we can call it a type of LUST)...has to be in place in some capacity. If it's NOT, then how would you be "honestly intimate"??
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