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When should an online dating profile come down?


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Old 7th July 2008, 2:21 PM   #1
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When should an online dating profile come down?

When do you all think an on line dating profile should come down?

Is that before you have sex or agree to be exclusive, or after one or two dates?

What do you all think?

(I ask because I took everyone's advice about the younger man and decided to give him a go. I took my ad down last week for different reasons, but his is still up there).
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Old 7th July 2008, 2:38 PM   #2
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After you two are exclusive, which hopefully should come before sex.
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Old 7th July 2008, 2:41 PM   #3
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Okay thanks. Thats what I thought too. I know I shouldnt be bothered he still has it up.

Do I just tell him oh by the way, if we have sex tonight, your ad comes down first? ha ha
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Old 7th July 2008, 2:43 PM   #4
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I think when you decide to be exclusive. This board gets littered with stories of women upset their guys wont take down their ads, so be sure this is understood before going too far with him. Hopefully he will want to.

And FWIW, Im glad youre giving the young tyke a chance. He may surprise you!
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Old 7th July 2008, 2:45 PM   #5
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Not sure why you put your ad down when two are not exclusive, but I would put it back up if I were you (unless you have a good reason to not).

Also, just because his ad comes down, it doesn't mean you two are exclusive. You should have a sit-down discussion about your relationship and whether you two are exclusive first before having sex. And also make sure he is sincere and you do see a future with him and he feels the same way first...at least if this is what you are going after in dating him. Unless you are into casual sex but I dont think you are judging from your post.
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Old 7th July 2008, 3:01 PM   #6
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Talk about gender differences: many women precipitously remove their online profile after only 2 dates; many men doggedly maintain their online profile after 200 dates.

Online dating is one huge sexual shopping spree for guys. For women, it's a mate selection tool. Guys believe that there's always someone out there in cyberspace, a mere mouse click away, who's prettier, hotter, and worth more than what they "have" now. For many men, that "bird" in hand is most definitely not worth more than the 1000 "birds" sitting on that online "cyber-bush."

So what's a women to do? Charm him off the site. If that fails, dump him. There are many more where he came from.
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Old 7th July 2008, 5:13 PM   #7
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Grogster - do you then believe that all men that are online are only looking for as many women they can get? You seem to think that all men online are looking for a hook-up and nothing more.
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Old 7th July 2008, 5:15 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by gummybear View Post
Not sure why you put your ad down when two are not exclusive, but I would put it back up if I were you (unless you have a good reason to not).
I took it down because separate from him, I didn't like the responses I was getting. I took it down when we had an issue last week and before we decided to meet. It was more in response to being fed up with the site than anything.

He is still on there tho.
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Old 7th July 2008, 5:16 PM   #9
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To me the profile comes down when you become exclusive and have had the talk about exclusivity.

When I met my wife I took mine down after we had sex.. she did the same..
With me when I have sex with a woman I will not date another till I play it out with this one..
I'm kinda a one woman guy and always have been..

I didn't expect my wife to take hers down till we had the talk though.. just because I felt exclusive after we had sex doesn't mean that she did.. until the talk we were not on the same page.
I also didn't tell her that I felt we were exclusive until we talked about it.. again since we weren't on the same page yet I couldn't make the assumption that she was feeling the same way that I was..
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Old 7th July 2008, 5:18 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by Art_Critic View Post
To me the profile comes down when you become exclusive and have had the talk about exclusivity.

When I met my wife I took mine down after we had sex.. she did the same..
With me when I have sex with a woman I will not date another till I play it out with this one..
I'm kinda a one woman guy and always have been..

I didn't expect my wife to take hers down till we had the talk though.. just becuase I felt exclusive after we had sex doesn't mean that she did.. until the talk we were not on the same page.
Yes that's very true, thank you Art.

I definitely plan on laying out my expectations about this before we get intimate. We have already had numerous conversations about what we are both looking for as far as dating/relationships, and he has repeated many times that he is a one-woman man and doesn't date or sleep around.
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Old 7th July 2008, 6:25 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alpha Female View Post
Grogster - do you then believe that all men that are online are only looking for as many women they can get? You seem to think that all men online are looking for a hook-up and nothing more.
I'm not cynical about male online dating motivations; I'm realistic.
The male disinclination to "commit" after a few dates is magnified online when the potential exists for more beneficial encounters.

We see on LS many threads initiated by women complaining about an early lack of online symmetry: after a few dates or sex she removes her online profile; he does not.

The woman is flummoxed by the male inertia 9or sexual opportunism). Being a guy, I understand his reluctance to commit all of his resources to one woman when the cyber-possibility exists of his finding someone better. Unless he's expressly committed to removing his profile, and has breached that promise, he's within his rights to keep digging for cyber-babes.

That's life in the online mating world.
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Old 7th July 2008, 6:34 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by grogster View Post
I'm not cynical about male online dating motivations; I'm realistic.
While I agree with you, Grog, that a lot of guys online are trolling for P, I think a lot of them are sincerely relationship-minded. I know a lot of couples that have met and hooked up all kinds of sites. I have friends who met on AFF, and are now living together! And yes, committed and monogomously. So, I don't think all guys online are just out to see how many notches they can get. I think it just adds another dimension and level to dating.
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Old 7th July 2008, 8:21 PM   #13
 
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Hey Alpha Female, I agree with everybody else; that is after exclusivity is discussed and agreed. However, sometimes after having sex, feelings may start to get involved and it may be disturbing to see someone whom you had sex yesterday, was online "in the past 1 hour".

I had this one guy who pulled down his profile the day we were supposed to have our first date. He said he considered it "cheating" to have his profile up there, while he's on a date with me! That was too much I think, and completely turn me off. Anyway, I guess I must have turned him off too in a way, because he never contacted me again, and his profile was back on the next day..
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Old 7th July 2008, 8:24 PM   #14
 
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Quote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jilly Bean View Post
While I agree with you, Grog, that a lot of guys online are trolling for P, I think a lot of them are sincerely relationship-minded. I know a lot of couples that have met and hooked up all kinds of sites. I have friends who met on AFF, and are now living together! And yes, committed and monogomously. So, I don't think all guys online are just out to see how many notches they can get. I think it just adds another dimension and level to dating.
Most of the serious relationships I have had recently were from online dating. I have met very interesting guys I would have never have met in real life I think.
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Old 7th July 2008, 8:26 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Shygirl15 View Post
Most of the serious relationships I have had recently were from online dating. I have met very interesting guys I would have never have met in real life I think.
I agree. My last two bfs were awesome guys, nice and good people. You just have to learn how to pick the good ones from the bad ones and don't give yourself away until you know they are good. It takes experience, patience, and sometimes a bit of luck helps too.
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