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[UPDATE]How do I tell my roommate, an elderly lady, she eventually needs to move out.


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Old 16th September 2017, 3:40 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by Purrrfect View Post
I keep reminding myself on a quote Tony Robbins said.
Oh gosh, you're not a Tony Robbins zealot are you?

Your post reminds me of why i work hard, so that nobody can ever kick me out in my old age.

The only way you're going to be able to 'remain friends' with her is if you're kind about her circumstances, whilst you carry out your decision, which you have already made.

I wonder if you'll get bored and lonely again in 2018, and then 'decide' you want a new housemate? Just saying..
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Old 19th September 2017, 9:28 PM   #17
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Iím not a TR zealot actually I heard that quote on the radios

I will not be getting a roommate again unless I run into a financial diasaster. Iíve paid off my car, credit card and furniture balance. No more debt and I will budget and pay stuff ahead.

Trust me had I known she was a heavy smoker and worked 2 days a month I would not have let her move in. I have ZERO privacy. This woman is in my house 22 hours a day. She pays below market rent. Even if she paid more I have to have some privacy. Itís not worth it to me to never gave this house to myself ever. Do you know what thatís like? She also smells like an ashtray. Smokers should not be answering roommate ads of non smokers. She approached me in a desperate situation and I felt bad for her. At this point Iím willing to risk the friendship I cannot continue to live like this. Never alone in my own home.




Quote:
Originally Posted by Soak View Post
Oh gosh, you're not a Tony Robbins zealot are you?

Your post reminds me of why i work hard, so that nobody can ever kick me out in my old age.

The only way you're going to be able to 'remain friends' with her is if you're kind about her circumstances, whilst you carry out your decision, which you have already made.

I wonder if you'll get bored and lonely again in 2018, and then 'decide' you want a new housemate? Just saying..
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Old 19th September 2017, 9:36 PM   #18
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Of course I like her but sheís in my house 22-23 hours per day. Itís weird dating and having anyone over whe sheís home all the time. I pay 80% of the bills. Sheís home and gets the house to herself all day. I never get the same courtesy. I should have asked her exactly how much she works. This is why nobody wants to rent a room to a retiree, disabled or someone whoís home 24/7. Giving her 3.5 months notice is my goal and very reasonable I think. Could you live with someone you were not related too or married too and they were home 22/7? I donít think anyone would. Trust me had I known how much she smiles and how little she works I would have told her no.


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Right, so when you were lonely or needed the money, it was okay to socialise with her, eg, you said you've spent many nights with her, just talking. Why didn't the smoke bother you then?

It sounds like you're going to ask her to leavem which all LANDLORDS have the RIGHT to do. Just make sure you're kind to her, eg, maybe give her three months notice period. She's 69, it can't be that easy for her.
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Old 20th September 2017, 9:51 AM   #19
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I'm a single mom who works who has a roommate renting from me. It has worked out great but I was very picky about who I let rent my room, since I didn't need a renter in the first place. Still, I'm not sure how long I will continue to do this.

As a side note, one thing that I have picked up along the way is to only rent to working professionals and to state explicitly that there is no smoking, no drug use, and no over-night guests.

Last edited by Popsicle; 20th September 2017 at 9:53 AM..
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Old 20th September 2017, 1:42 PM   #20
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OP, this woman is not your mother or a relative. She is someone who is paying you rent, and it has already gone on longer than you intended. All this guilt-mongering is silly. You are not her Social Services representative.

Just make it simple. You will need the full use of your house by x date. You have enjoyed getting to know her. You wish her good luck. This idea that you are dumping her into life cruelly is just stupid.
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Old 21st September 2017, 1:23 AM   #21
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You don't have to justify to anyone why you don't want another adult living with your family anymore.

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Giving her 3.5 months notice is my goal and very reasonable I think.
It is very reasonable. But for some reason, a lot of tenants feel like they can stop paying rent when they're given notice to move out. So be prepared for the possibility that she won't pay for her last couple of months after you give her notice. What will you do then? Will you begin eviction proceedings? Do you know how to do that?

Have you figured out what wording you'll need to use when you give her the initial (written!) notice to move out?

My advice is to plan for every possible scenario so you won't be surprised or caught off guard by anything. I believe that my state's Apartment Association provides wording for documents and contracts, if you're a member and pay dues. I have no idea how much it might cost, but it may be worth it to you. You should probably look into it, or other low cost legal resources. This is a pretty common situation since it happens all the time, so it shouldn't be too hard to get some basic legal help on this. Don't just rely on googling things and taking the advice from random people online, including me.
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Old 27th September 2017, 5:20 PM   #22
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If she doesnít pay she will get a 30 day notice. I will make it clear to her she cannot stay here for free while I work my ass off. I find it unlikely she will do this. She has health issues that will flare up with stress. If by some chance she tries to pull this I have a couple things I will do that will likely make her leave
Sooner. One is I will turn off her internet. Iím hoping to bE civil and not go that route. She has her second surgery tomorrow. Iím aiming to tell her next week.

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You don't have to justify to anyone why you don't want another adult living with your family anymore.



It is very reasonable. But for some reason, a lot of tenants feel like they can stop paying rent when they're given notice to move out. So be prepared for the possibility that she won't pay for her last couple of months after you give her notice. What will you do then? Will you begin eviction proceedings? Do you know how to do that?

Have you figured out what wording you'll need to use when you give her the initial (written!) notice to move out?

My advice is to plan for every possible scenario so you won't be surprised or caught off guard by anything. I believe that my state's Apartment Association provides wording for documents and contracts, if you're a member and pay dues. I have no idea how much it might cost, but it may be worth it to you. You should probably look into it, or other low cost legal resources. This is a pretty common situation since it happens all the time, so it shouldn't be too hard to get some basic legal help on this. Don't just rely on googling things and taking the advice from random people online, including me.
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Old 27th September 2017, 6:22 PM   #23
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If she doesn’t pay she will get a 30 day notice.
This is where you need to make sure you know your tenant law of the state you are in.

In my state if they don't want to go you can't throw them out, you have to legally evict them and in my state if they know how to file the appeals and their rights they can stay for more than 6 months without ever paying anything.

Most people however would just go when given 30 day notice but if she hasn't any place to go and knows her rights and tenant law you are screwed.
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Old 27th September 2017, 9:43 PM   #24
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Just the fact that you're a non-smoker and she's a smoker is enough reason. It stinks and they just can't smell it, and when they imply that you're some sort of nit-picker because you object to the smell of a dirty ashtray wafting around you it can really rub you up the wrong way. Walk into your garage and you get hit with that smell, in your own home. It's disrespectful, even if unintentional, and you must be repressing a fair bit of anger, so it's no wonder you're stressed.........she may be a nice little old lady but she's taking advantage of your kindness.
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Old 27th September 2017, 10:48 PM   #25
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OP: You should take this as a lesson learned the hard way. I personally would never mix business with friends. You can of course be on friendly terms with your tenant, or become friends. But you pretty much took it upon yourself to help her with her living situation from the beginning. Also, why a mother of two small kids would allow a smoker to move into her house is beyond me.
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Old 19th October 2017, 4:51 PM   #26
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Update. I told her last week and she took it much better than I thought she agreed itís time to move on. Iím giving her until Jan 30. I told her I would waive 30 days of rent. So she has to be out by the last day of the month either Dec or Jan with 30 days notice. I had her sign this.

At this point I just want her out. Moving around the holidays isnít convenient for me but I canít risk being stuck with her. We are still civil and friendly and Iím hoping for a drama free transition.
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Old 19th October 2017, 5:38 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Purrrfect View Post
Update. I told her last week and she took it much better than I thought she agreed itís time to move on. Iím giving her until Jan 30. I told her I would waive 30 days of rent. So she has to be out by the last day of the month either Dec or Jan with 30 days notice. I had her sign this.

At this point I just want her out. Moving around the holidays isnít convenient for me but I canít risk being stuck with her. We are still civil and friendly and Iím hoping for a drama free transition.
Really good news, Purrrfect.
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Old 20th October 2017, 12:43 AM   #28
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Update. I told her last week and she took it much better than I thought she agreed itís time to move on. Iím giving her until Jan 30. I told her I would waive 30 days of rent. So she has to be out by the last day of the month either Dec or Jan with 30 days notice. I had her sign this.

At this point I just want her out. Moving around the holidays isnít convenient for me but I canít risk being stuck with her. We are still civil and friendly and Iím hoping for a drama free transition.
I think you're being very generous. She's fortunate to have you as a landlord. I'm glad she took it well. I hope the rest goes smoothly. Thanks for the update.
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