Always Wrong Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 (edited) OK, here goes. I have a friend of 30 years. We drink a lot and always have a great time. We have mutual friends who come over to his house for these weekend partys that can go on for days especially through the hollidays. His house is huge, we're musicians, there is a full band, plus some, on most occasions. After the evening is done we stop playing and drink heavily. There is this one sad sak who has no girlfriends, no other friends in the world I guess. I have always talked and joked with him when noone else would. We all passed out where we sat and as they came to, would figure out who was the soberest and go home. I always stayed and cleaned up afterward. I am using past tence because I don't believe it's ever going to happen again. Anyway, I laid back down about 4am and went to sleep on the couch. About 5am the sterio came on at a deafening volume. I don't wake up well to rude people. I got up turned it back down and laid down again, at which point he cranked it back up. Words were exchanged, blows were exchanged, the owner of the house came running out and broke it up. I left and don't think I will ever go back again. Am I overreacting? My eye is swollen shut, thats the worst of my damage. He was having a hard time moving his mouth to talk. I may have broken his jaw. I cried a good long while over it, tried to get some more sleep, no go. Now I'm trying to decide if I should apologise even when I don't think I should. Should I just write that one off as a costly experience. Thirty years is a long friendship to walk away from. What should I do? I'm at a total loss. My brain just refuses to supply any ideas. Please give me some help...please. Edited December 31, 2007 by Always Wrong The title didn'display properly Link to post Share on other sites
Author Always Wrong Posted December 31, 2007 Author Share Posted December 31, 2007 OK, maybe the please give me some help...please, sounded desperate. I'm sorry. Any suggestions or thoughts will be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance for your support. Link to post Share on other sites
Zolie Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 I'm thinking time will ease this feeling you have. After a bit, the incident will cease to be as traumatic as it is right now. Time has a way of doing that. Apologies are always the right thing to do. Even though he "started it" so to speak, and he may never apologize, you can be the bigger man and apologize for your part, which was hitting him. It will make you feel better. Time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Always Wrong Posted December 31, 2007 Author Share Posted December 31, 2007 Thank you Zolie, solid advise. Link to post Share on other sites
elyse Posted January 1, 2008 Share Posted January 1, 2008 of course you don't walk away from a 30 year friendship over a stupid fight. c'mon now... you'll get over it soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 1, 2008 Share Posted January 1, 2008 Thank you Zolie, solid advise. Can't agree more with that . You may also want to consider apologizing to the host, and any others who were present or involved...it could have caused them a bit of discomfort or embarrassment, as well. If your friend's inconsiderate behaviour is out of the norm, maybe he was just having a bad trip or dealing with some other, unrelated bad thing in his life? --possibly there is room for some understanding &/or forgiveness, from this perspective? Wishing you and all a happy and prosperous 2008! Link to post Share on other sites
Florida Posted January 1, 2008 Share Posted January 1, 2008 Why would you consider the friendship over? You sound like you were so incoherent and out of it you can't even recall the details, I'm guessing same with your friend. Apologize, he will too, it sounds like you were both too drunk and things got out of hand, then escalated quickly into a fight. You'll be friends again, let us know how it goes. You could admit you don't know what came over you, he probably will say the same. Unless there is more brewing under the surface you haven't mentioned, it is very fixable. Guys fight and become friends again a lot, like siblings. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted January 1, 2008 Share Posted January 1, 2008 a 30 year old friendship over this incident seems minor to me. I think you two should meet and apologize to each other. Seems like you two just had some temporary insanity and was just a bad day. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 Was someone having a bad drug reaction? Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 Why did he crank the stereo at 5 am? Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 Why did he crank the stereo at 5 am? There was booze involved Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 There was booze involved When I'm drunk (which is often) and being stupid, I usually get reckless with my dialing or texting fingers, but that's about the extent of it. Occasional drunk-myspacing occurs too. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 When I'm drunk (which is often) and being stupid, I usually get reckless with my dialing or texting fingers, but that's about the extent of it. Occasional drunk-myspacing occurs too. :lmao: First time I have heard of drunk-myspacing... I have to put a drunk comment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Always Wrong Posted January 2, 2008 Author Share Posted January 2, 2008 I appreciate all the good advice. Each one of you have a valid point. No drugs were involved that I am aware of. I was sober, just mad about the sterio... I was sitting in front of one of the speakers on the recliner. A little time will tell if appologies can be accomplished. The guy lives in Arkansas. I'm going to be hard put to appologise for something I didn't start.. Thanks again for all your support. I will rehearse an appology, get it said, and leave it at that. Thanks again, Always Wrong Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 (edited) I'm going to be hard put to appologise for something I didn't start.. You don't have to apologize for anything you didn't do. You're not apologizing for creating the incident. But 30-year friends don't generally break each others' jaws, so there's something you can narrow in on and genuinely apologize for. Did you turn the stereo on first? No. Did you turn it on the second time? No. Should you "have to" apologize first? Probably not, but going ahead and doing it may open the door enough for him to respond. He may well be really embarrassed about it... If you give him a "face saving" (no pun intended) opening, he may welcome the opportunity to patch things up with you, and he may really step up and take his share of the responsibility. Hey, I'm really sorry about your jaw, man... Friends don't do that to each other, and I'm sorry... What the heck happened that night, anyway? To give him the best chance of responding with some contrition, don't make your opening sound accusatory, like "What the hell did you do that for?", because then he may well get defensive and the walls will go up. Rather, do it in a way that opens the floor for a safe discussion without putting him on the defensive, more like "What the hell happened between us that night?" Make it about "us." It's worth a try, even if you have to bow down a little first, even if you didn't start it. Just focus a sincere apology on your small part. If you do that and he responds back with a sincere apology, and maybe admits that he started it or whatever, wouldn't that help out a lot? On the other hand, if he is a dick about it, gets defensive, and puts the blame on you and won't own up to his part in it, then you still have the option of distancing yourself from him if you can't patch things up, but even if your honest try fails, you are still no worse off than if you had just walked away from the friendship forever without trying... Edited January 2, 2008 by Trimmer Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 No matter how short or long-term your friendship is, you have to decide how worthwhile your friendship has been. If you're only friends due to circumstances, is he really the type of person you want in your life? If the answer is yes, then do apologize and as per Trimmer, see if he's man enough to own up to his own portion of the fight. If he's not, he's probably not the friend you want to keep around. Btw, don't you think that this might be a sign that it's time to ease off the booze a bit? Link to post Share on other sites
johnnyj Posted January 2, 2008 Share Posted January 2, 2008 (edited) I would probably apologize to the owner of the house for fighting. As far as the other guy, I wouldn't feel too bad as he clearly instigated it. Anyone who cranks up a stereo like that in the early hours of the morning is clearly a dick. If you were sitting next to the speaker, that just emphasizes how much of a jerk he is. Yeah, in a way it sounds like a dumb thing to throw away 30 years of friendship over a volume issue. But a real friend wouldn't end up throwing punches over something stupid he instigated at 5am, even if someone told him off because of it. Clearly the guy has a major attitude problem and sounds like an a-hole, so screw him. If you really want to say anything, you can tell him "sorry we had to fight over this". I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of a personal apology though, and I'm glad you broke his jaw. Edited January 2, 2008 by johnnyj Link to post Share on other sites
Author Always Wrong Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 Brians been putting up with Steves cr*p since childhood. It's Brians house. I personally don't care to have Steves drunk, obnoxious company to look forward to anymore. It's always been a struggle. Hes been a complete embarrasment in public before. I've bailed him out, paid off bar owners not to call the cops, and then get punched for my troubles. I appreciate everyones support. Your words made me feel a lot better. I'm going to cut my losses and focus on happier things. Thanks all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Always Wrong Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 (edited) I know I implied I was going to let this go and cut my losses, but WTF. I haven't recieved so much as a thirty second phone call saying Brian's sorry for what Steve did. I refuse to appologize to Brian for being assaulted by HIS childhood friend and defending myself in his house. If one of MY friends were physically harmed in MY home, especially considering how far back Brian and I go, and there has NEVER been so much as harsh words, let alone blows thrown between us, I would consider it my responsibility to make sure an attempt was made to smooth everything over. When you're in MY home, I'll protect you with everything at my disposal. Brian and I didn't just get along. We were very close... at least I sure thought we were. It seems as though I seriously overestimated things. Brian ALWAYS called me to party on the weekends. I ALWAYS brought more than ample, "Scooby Snacks", If you catch my drift. Steves the guy who comes over with "NOTHING" and slams down half your brand new bottle of scotch or burbon or whatever is on the bar while your back is turned! I swear to G*D! No sh*t! Many times he's done that. How pathetic is that? I really need to difuse this anger. But give me a break! I guess my friendship didn't mean as much to Brian as his did to me. There's that emotionally bulletproof behavior I wish I had more of. Oh well, maybe they have some gay thing going on I wasn't aware of. Thats cool... maybe thats what it is... something I just don't understand, thats all. Edited January 6, 2008 by Always Wrong No paragraphs... sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 Men should be able to come to blows and then shake hands ane be friends again. It's how real conduct themselves with each other. The one unforgivabe sin is betrayal or doing something that will harm the other for the longterm. A swollen eye will heal and in ten years the guys can sit around and laugh about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Always Wrong Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 Hey Trimmer... the jaw belonged to the jerk I don't care anything about, Steve. Brian is my 30 year friend with whom I've never had a problem. Steve and Brian went to grade school together, and from what I can tell, Steve is always the embarrasing drunk. I've helped Steve when Brian would have left him there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Always Wrong Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 I guess I expect way too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Always Wrong Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 I've never understood that Woggle. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 6, 2008 Share Posted January 6, 2008 I've never understood that Woggle. Understood what? A fist in the face is better than a knife in the back. Remember that and your friendship should be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Always Wrong Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 (edited) I've never understood why blows are thrown when words would do. I've never thrown a punch in anger. Only after I've been hit first. After that plateau has been reached, I'm done with them. Brian and I didn't come to blows. Steve and I did. I couldn't care less if I ever see Steve again. He's worthless. It's Brians lack of concern I don't understand. Edited January 6, 2008 by Always Wrong misspelling Link to post Share on other sites
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