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Unwanted Advances at Work


Business and Professional Relationships Networking and maintaining a positive environment in the work place is important! Surviving the 9-to-5 within.

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Old 19th August 2016, 5:50 PM   #16
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I do agree with you guys but I'm trying to figure out the most effective way to report this.

The company has a pretty large Hispanic workforce in this area. Calling in a complaint about a Hispanic guy whose name I don't know won't do a lot of help because they are very similar in their physical descriptions and there are many guys working around here. I plan to find out who the employer of them is and call in a complaint first. They maintain the grounds of a large area so that's partly why I don't know who hires them or the company name. It's not my company. They don't seem to park cars here so I don't know what the guy's car looks like or anything like that.

This is why I was leaning towards approaching our internal maintenance guy as he should be able to give me some information about who employs these guys and such. Going through their office first I would think would be more productive. I talked to him and he's going to make a complain with them for me. Though I still need to watch out over this next week or so in case he acts up or escalates.

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I don't care if he's from another culture/language group where that's acceptable.
The reason I mentioned he was from Mexico was because I knew someone who used to sell in Mexico. I remember several stories he told me about the men there and how they think no means pursue a woman harder. I don't mean to apply I was going to excuse him. I was hoping if anyone had any insight to what women there do/say in this situation in Mexico I would like to try that too before getting more drastic such as getting violent or bringing in the police. It may be more effective to give him the brush off he's used to.

Last edited by Miss Peach; 19th August 2016 at 6:05 PM..
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Old 19th August 2016, 7:55 PM   #17
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Ever thought about just snapping his photo with your smartphone. For one thing, if he saw you, it might scare him. Or not. But then you'd have a photo.
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Old 23rd August 2016, 5:56 PM   #18
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I worked with someone in my company who interfaces with the companies on-site here to identify him. The company he worked for supposedly talked to him but he was waiting for me to come into work this morning. When I saw him in the parking lot I backed my car into reverse and was going to park somewhere else.

One of my coworkers who I had told was leaving for a smoking break and saw the whole thing and also reported it. We talked about it today and he told me that the guy was 'hunting'. He was just sitting there waiting for me. It's gone up pretty high in my company and they are going to put more pressure on the other company to keep him away from our building.

We'll see how this plays out but so far not too well. I'm making sure there's someone around now when I leave the building. Luckily he doesn't have access to my work area.
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Old 23rd August 2016, 5:58 PM   #19
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The company he worked for supposedly talked to him
How did that come about Peaches?
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Old 23rd August 2016, 6:04 PM   #20
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On a different topic I've been a little disappointed at my BF's response to this. (Been dating 15 months.) He simply said 'Let me know if you need anything'. My coworkers have offered to escort me, one guy gave me the number to campus security, my friends are texting me to make sure I'm safe when I get to work, one friend offered to talk to him in Spanish for me, etc. I guess I was hoping he would give me some advice or make sure I was OK or something.

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How did that come about Peaches?
I reported him to the guy at my company who has the relationship with out property manager. I also told my boss. One of my coworkers also reported it to the guy who isn't my boss. Doesn't look like it did much since we was waiting for me this morning. I told the guy who was handling it plus my boss about it. The guy who witnessed the guy waiting for me told my boss since we work in the same department. My boss is pretty high up and they seem to be taking it very seriously.
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Old 23rd August 2016, 6:17 PM   #21
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I reported him to the guy at my company who has the relationship with out property manager. I also told my boss. One of my coworkers also reported it to the guy who isn't my boss. Doesn't look like it did much since we was waiting for me this morning. I told the guy who was handling it plus my boss about it. The guy who witnessed the guy waiting for me told my boss since we work in the same department. My boss is pretty high up and they seem to be taking it very seriously.
Ok good. (Good that you ran it up the chain, not that it's not resolved yet.) At this point tho you have to take the lack of practical action as unacceptable, as well as continue to aggressively report anymore incidents like him waiting for you when you get to work. At the very least it's incumbent upon your employer to provide for its employees' basic safety, and right now they're not doing that sufficiently. I don't want you to get into a tangle w work on top of everything else but you really can't accept 'general danger' as a basic living condition, so pls insist they do sth about it, and if they refuse or say their hands are tied or w/e, file a complaint w the police instead.

Anything less and this creeper will just continue to keep you on the defensive.

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On a different topic I've been a little disappointed at my BF's response to this.
I don't mean to pile on but when I first read that I was disappointed too. :-/
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Old 23rd August 2016, 6:39 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by Miss Peach View Post
I worked with someone in my company who interfaces with the companies on-site here to identify him. The company he worked for supposedly talked to him but he was waiting for me to come into work this morning. When I saw him in the parking lot I backed my car into reverse and was going to park somewhere else.

One of my coworkers who I had told was leaving for a smoking break and saw the whole thing and also reported it. We talked about it today and he told me that the guy was 'hunting'. He was just sitting there waiting for me. It's gone up pretty high in my company and they are going to put more pressure on the other company to keep him away from our building.

We'll see how this plays out but so far not too well. I'm making sure there's someone around now when I leave the building. Luckily he doesn't have access to my work area.
If they can't contain him, it's time to call the police.
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Old 23rd August 2016, 6:40 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by Miss Peach View Post
On a different topic I've been a little disappointed at my BF's response to this. (Been dating 15 months.) He simply said 'Let me know if you need anything'. My coworkers have offered to escort me, one guy gave me the number to campus security, my friends are texting me to make sure I'm safe when I get to work, one friend offered to talk to him in Spanish for me, etc. I guess I was hoping he would give me some advice or make sure I was OK or something.



I reported him to the guy at my company who has the relationship with out property manager. I also told my boss. One of my coworkers also reported it to the guy who isn't my boss. Doesn't look like it did much since we was waiting for me this morning. I told the guy who was handling it plus my boss about it. The guy who witnessed the guy waiting for me told my boss since we work in the same department. My boss is pretty high up and they seem to be taking it very seriously.
Your bf doesn't want to think he needs to go fight him, probably. But he should come see you home and to work for awhile.
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Old 23rd August 2016, 7:47 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by jen1447 View Post
I don't want you to get into a tangle w work on top of everything else but you really can't accept 'general danger' as a basic living condition, so pls insist they do sth about it, and if they refuse or say their hands are tied or w/e, file a complaint w the police instead.

Anything less and this creeper will just continue to keep you on the defensive.
Totally agree. They do seem to be taking it seriously and have told me some of the things they plan to do. The good news is previously he has gone to other places like to work gym or when I go to lunch. I didn't see him this time.

The coworker who reported him this morning told me 'he looked like he was hunting' so I'll continue to keep my eyes open and go in populated areas as much as possible.

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Originally Posted by jen1447 View Post
I don't mean to pile on but when I first read that I was disappointed too. :-/
Thanks for the confirmation. He's usually good in so many areas but in some he really sucks. I work in an all male department in a male dominated industry. It just sucks when your coworkers do more for you than your BF in a situation like this.

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Your bf doesn't want to think he needs to go fight him, probably. But he should come see you home and to work for awhile.
I don't want him to go fight the guy or anything. But I would have felt better if he did something. Even if it was just text me to make sure I got into work OK. My ex bought me pepper spray back when we were dating because he wanted to make sure I was safe.
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Last edited by Miss Peach; 23rd August 2016 at 7:52 PM..
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Old 23rd August 2016, 8:15 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Peach View Post
On a different topic I've been a little disappointed at my BF's response to this. (Been dating 15 months.) He simply said 'Let me know if you need anything'. My coworkers have offered to escort me, one guy gave me the number to campus security, my friends are texting me to make sure I'm safe when I get to work, one friend offered to talk to him in Spanish for me, etc. I guess I was hoping he would give me some advice or make sure I was OK or something.
I've come across a lot of your posts and my perception of you is that you're an amazing GF. You seem extremely nice. You accomodate your BF and are very considerate of his feelings. You not only consider his feelings but seem to put effort in to understanding where he comes from on certain matters even though his views may not totally align with yours. It's really disappointing to read that he has not shown you as much care as you might have anticipated with regard to this issue you're having at work.

I'd probably talk to him about it. If it's going to bother you, it'd be better to not bottle up. I'm almost certain he'd get defensive, but know that people can get like that even when they realize they screwed up somewhere. So don't think that just because he gets defensive it does not mean he won't reflect on it after the discussion and realize he came up short here. I think the key is to express that you felt that his level of concern did not match up with how scared you felt. If you do talk to him about it, I'd probably leave the fact that your coworkers expressed more concern out of it. He probably won't respond well to being compared. Just make it about you and him. I know you did not ask for this advice, but bottling it up may not be the best thing.
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Old 23rd August 2016, 8:19 PM   #26
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Totally agree. They do seem to be taking it seriously and have told me some of the things they plan to do. The good news is previously he has gone to other places like to work gym or when I go to lunch. I didn't see him this time.

The coworker who reported him this morning told me 'he looked like he was hunting' so I'll continue to keep my eyes open and go in populated areas as much as possible.
Is it possible to be w other ppl at most times, at least in the office area? Work should offer an escort in and out if need be, or accommodate you if you ask for one. Otherwise good job - sounds like whatever's gonna happen is in process. That's way better than just hoping for the best.
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Old 24th August 2016, 7:02 PM   #27
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I've come across a lot of your posts and my perception of you is that you're an amazing GF. You seem extremely nice. You accomodate your BF and are very considerate of his feelings. You not only consider his feelings but seem to put effort in to understanding where he comes from on certain matters even though his views may not totally align with yours. It's really disappointing to read that he has not shown you as much care as you might have anticipated with regard to this issue you're having at work.

I'd probably talk to him about it. If it's going to bother you, it'd be better to not bottle up. I'm almost certain he'd get defensive, but know that people can get like that even when they realize they screwed up somewhere. So don't think that just because he gets defensive it does not mean he won't reflect on it after the discussion and realize he came up short here. I think the key is to express that you felt that his level of concern did not match up with how scared you felt. If you do talk to him about it, I'd probably leave the fact that your coworkers expressed more concern out of it. He probably won't respond well to being compared. Just make it about you and him. I know you did not ask for this advice, but bottling it up may not be the best thing.
Thank you for the kind words S_A. It did happen to come up last night. He really shut me out last night over something pretty small. Then he got more defensive because he thought I didn't care. When I asked he told me about a work issue so I tried to not take it personally. As we discussed this I had a good opportunity to bring up. I told him it was disappointing to me not to take more of an interest in what happened to me and how I want to feel like we are a team. I also brought up a few things he did recently but he typically doesn't do that made me feel more like part of his daily life. The team part isn't the first time I've brought that up. He seems to hear it but now we'll see what he does.

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Is it possible to be w other ppl at most times, at least in the office area? Work should offer an escort in and out if need be, or accommodate you if you ask for one.
I don't worry too much about work since he doesn't have access to my area. It's when leaving my area. Some of my coworkers have offered to escort me and I have the number to security so I have some options there. Even though I'm not a huge fan of working out while the gym is busy I've been doing that too.

Last edited by Miss Peach; 24th August 2016 at 7:05 PM..
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Old 24th August 2016, 7:21 PM   #28
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I don't worry too much about work since he doesn't have access to my area. It's when leaving my area. Some of my coworkers have offered to escort me and I have the number to security so I have some options there. Even though I'm not a huge fan of working out while the gym is busy I've been doing that too.
If there's a security service there they should def escort you. I mean that's what they're there for.
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Old 25th August 2016, 12:06 PM   #29
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I think what you're describing does qualify as stalking - as in the crime of stalking. You're taking the right steps with your workplace but I think you should go beyond that to consider the police level.

I'm not saying you should go to police just yet, but try to document everything you can remember that's happened with this guy - dates, descriptions of what he did/said, etc. Continue to do so if things continue (I hope they don't but have a feeling they might.)

Also, assuming this guy probably knows your name, I would keep your social media presence on lockdown for a while. Make all your accounts super private, if not disable them for a bit.

This is an issue of your personal security. You need layers of protection beyond your workplace.
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Old 25th August 2016, 1:05 PM   #30
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BF was upset at me for a bunch of really small things. I had asked him what was wrong and he told me work. When he continued to be upset with me I told him how disappointed I was at him and how I want someone I can be a team with and feel like I have a partner. I told him I've been dealing with a ton of stuff including a guy who has been trying to stalk and assault me and he hasn't expressed any concerns about it or my safety. He can't even ask about my day. I have to impose this stuff into the conversation. He admitted he's been selfish and he seems to be stepping up a lot more than I've seen him. Something has really been bothering me with him and I was having trouble putting my finger on it because all the normal motions were there but I think that's it. I'm glad I put it out there.

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This is an issue of your personal security. You need layers of protection beyond your workplace.
Good suggestion. I've never seen him outside of my workplace but I have been keeping my eyes open for people following me and such. I have no idea what car he drives. He does know mine but other than getting information from my plates I don't see how he could get my information. The people I'm close to at work all know what is going on and who he is. He doesn't work at my company so has no access to our systems or my work area; just common areas. I also started carrying my pepper spray with me (even to work) so that's something too.

He only knows my first name. Even looking up my name and workplace wouldn't give him any hits but it is possible. I don't use my workplace name anywhere with my name. My first name is common enough and I have things vague enough and locked down I really doubt he could find me on social media. I don't even post pictures of myself on my social media accounts.

The thing is security is I haven't found them too interested or reliable. When I do see them around they just watch videos on their phones. I do have their number on my phone if I need them. I've been more reliant on my coworkers most of the time.

The good news is I've been looking and I haven't even seen a glimpse of him after that last incident. But I don't put it past him to be pissed that it went to his employer.

Last edited by Miss Peach; 25th August 2016 at 1:13 PM..
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