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Feelings for female coworker!


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Old 7th April 2007, 8:01 PM   #181
JCD
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For me, the only thing that helped me was her quitting her job. If she stayed then I would be going thru the rollercoaster ride everyday. She was constantly on my mind and I couldn't do anything else. I went like this for a year and only now that she's not working with me anymore can I finally start to feel less obsessed with her. I didn't care about her having sex with other men but I cared about her having feelings for them. I wanted her and many times I imagined what sex with her would be like. I was physically attracted to her but also emotionally and when we first started to work we clicked right away. There was this understanding that I thought we shared and we were basically almost the same. I too couldn't quit my job. Many times when she had mood swings I became worried about her and I became emotional because of her. I thought I was going crazy. This limerence really explains it perfectly what I felt like. Thank god she works in a different department now, one that I don't go into at all. But when I sometimes see her when our paths cross, all the feelings come flowing back and I can't concentrate on my work. I can't seem to fall in love with any other girl either. She is slowly leaving my mind and I feel that in a year's time I will find another but this time I make sure her love is reciprocated and if not I will quit loving her right away.
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Old 8th April 2007, 5:14 PM   #182
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new..

new developments Uplooker80, welcome to one of the worst days of my life re. my situation with the boss. Due to a major disagreement between the boss and I, I am no longer working for him. I am devastated, yes, but it is for the best as I am hoping it will help me overcome being in love with him. Plus now I won't be seeing him on a regular basis either. Today I am grieving not only the loss of my job, but someone I loved alot.
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Old 8th April 2007, 7:46 PM   #183
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Hugs for you Blueberry.

Hopefully, eventually it will be a blessing for you...but it has to be extremely painful for you now. Your job and your limerent object together. Ouch.

I think I can appreciate how you feel, but I haven't myself reached that depth of despair yet.

I wish I could find the right words to give you some comfort.

I hope your family is able to give you the support you need, even though they don't know the full extent of your secret hurting.

More hugs........
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Old 9th April 2007, 3:27 AM   #184
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Update!

Uplooker80, what a rollercoaster! We overcame our differences and I'm back at work. I can't tell you what kind of business this is because it would give me away too much, but it is sometimes a high pressure one.
To the brink and back, I think I'm back to stay for the long haul! And I am so glad! It is a small office, and I'm definitely his right hand again. I can live with that, because having a short time away was pure hell, and I don't think I would've ever recovered completely! Keep in touch, and thanks for your kind words. Keep me posted re. your planned get together!
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Old 11th April 2007, 12:53 PM   #185
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Give this a shot

Hey UpLooker80, here is what I think you should do, and it sounds radical, but trust me on this one.
What you need to do is learn more about this woman. You are not in love with her as much as you are in love with the fantasy of her.
I would encourage you to continue to talk to her. Not lovey-duvy stuff or hints at getting together, but all else you can.
Infatuation doesnt last forever for any couple. Just the way it is.
Meet her husband, talk about your families, fantasize about her privately, etc. The more you resist, the more you want it.

Find out her beliefs (political, religeos, etc). They will be different from yours and help damage the image.

Dont tell your wife. You didnt do anything. When this thing passes, you would have caused pain for nothing.
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Old 11th April 2007, 2:31 PM   #186
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Directx, I think that's some good advice you're giving there. Definitely different from the usual stuff that gets said to folks on LS with Uplooker's prob, but I think there's much merit to what you've suggested.

For instance, I had these kind of feelings about a person I know (limerence). Recently spent quite a bit of time with that person on a business trip, and it took some of the "shine" off the person for me. Took away some of the fantasy, if you know what I mean. But one has to be careful to keep their actions in check if you are going to give this a try. Just my experience. Might not work for everyone.
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Old 11th April 2007, 3:15 PM   #187
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Thanks Mustang

Thanks Mustang. Its nice to have some support with my response to give it credibility, since it is a radical approach.
Id be interested to see how similar my experience is to yours.

Let us know what you think uplooker
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Old 13th April 2007, 7:04 AM   #188
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Cool Drink the coolade

Quote:
Originally Posted by directx View Post
Thanks Mustang. Its nice to have some support with my response to give it credibility, since it is a radical approach.
Id be interested to see how similar my experience is to yours.

DirectX: That advice would only make things worse for the OP. To flog this dead horse once more, Uplooker is experiencing limerence. Limerence has been defined ad nauseum in this thread.

Your situation was entirely different. You encouraged - and willingly engaged in - an emotional affair. You even took that one step further and co-habited with her:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t95970/
http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t97246/

A limerent would want to smell her perfume; you wanted to sniff her seat (ewww).

I think I understand where you are coming from, and were it a crush or infatuation, I would agree. I spend time with a lot of limerents, and many of them have plenty of access to their LOs. It only makes it worse, believe me. What they crave is reciprocation; plenty of time with the LO just gives lots of ambiguity, lots of the rollercoaster of emotions. It hooks them in even more - there is an element of addiction to it. Lack of contact is one of the few things that diminishes limerence.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mustang Sally View Post
Directx, I think that's some good advice you're giving there. Definitely different from the usual stuff that gets said to folks on LS with Uplooker's prob, but I think there's much merit to what you've suggested.
Definitely different from the usual stuff, and I like the energy of that. But not good advice because his situation does not match. I think this is one of the major problems here on LS - people hand out advice like Pez, but so often they don't have a life experience that matches the topic. And when they do, it often turns out that they didn't resolve their own crisis successfully or healthily.

LS would be an infinitely better place if its residents would empathise rather than advise.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Mustang Sally View Post
For instance, I had these kind of feelings about a person I know (limerence). Recently spent quite a bit of time with that person on a business trip, and it took some of the "shine" off the person for me. Took away some of the fantasy, if you know what I mean. But one has to be careful to keep their actions in check if you are going to give this a try. Just my experience. Might not work for everyone.
Sally, I don't know enough about your situation to know whether this was truly limerence or not. All I can say is that it doesn't usually diminish in this fashion. What kills it eventually is rejection (the death of hope) or prolonged loss of contact.
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Old 13th April 2007, 10:22 AM   #189
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Ok...

I guess I don't really know what "limerence" is, then. I have been trying to keep up with this topic, and research this phenomenon, because I thought it might apply to me, but, admittedly, I'm only an amateur.

I will relegate myself to wholeheartedly empathising, then, and keep my advice and opinions to myself.

At least in this thread.

Good luck to all you limerents! Seems like a tough place to be.
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Old 19th April 2007, 8:01 PM   #190
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How goes...

How goes the battle Uplooker80? Just wondering if you had gone through with the family get-together you had planned with your co-worker and her husband?! I am basically in the same situation as before. After a big disagreement with my boss, I am back working alongside him. It is still just as difficult as ever, but the alternative, after being away a couple of days from him, is worse. My feelings for him are as strong as ever, and I feel quite pathetic and upset when I think I am not getting as much attention from him as I think I should. He passes along compliments to people in general, he's that type, which makes me wonder if I'm any different to him just because he has said so many nice things to me. And I want to be special to him, so badly. I know it's wrong because we're both married, but I have never felt this strongly about any man in my life before. Although I want him to be a bit more flirty with me all the time, rather than just some of the time, I don't actually want him to take it too far. If he did, I would be like putty in his hands.
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Old 19th April 2007, 8:21 PM   #191
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Hey Blueberry!

Check my post in your thread.

I wish we could compare notes.
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