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Commitment Phobia

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Old 12th January 2006, 6:31 PM   #76
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it is not too easy to define yourself "diseased"?


I've been reading a lot of all this interesting posts about commitment-phobia. Thank you, it's very helpful.

But there is something that I still don't get...

Reading, I felt sometimes that I could have behaved as a CP, although I actually came to this forum because I've been confronted with a couple of sad men who seem to have this problem, but not for me..!
I'm trying to say that most of the people who wrote "oh I just discovered that I am a CP, so my behaviour got a name and I'm not alone", should maybe not be so simplistic... I mean when you hurt someone, it's kinda easy to just say "I'm sorry but there's nothing i can really do... I'm sick".
To love is not an easy thing and I believe that nobody has "a way to love", the same way with everyone, but rather that love is made at "two" and can be always a different deal in relation to the other person, and to many other things all around...

What if the problem was only that the person IS NOT IN LOVE, so he feels the need to stop the relationship?
Of course it's not a nice thing to realise, personally when it happens to me, when I have to leave someone, I always live it as a failure... And it's sad. So, of course confused or even superficial people can feel the need to argue and justify their behaviour just to look better in front of the mirror, first of all, and to have noble reasons to face the talk (if there is one...) with their partner... I've seen it many times now: gorgeous scenarios and long stories about their previous love affairs, their difficulties to live, their complicate personality, their stress about the career.... everything comes just to make you say "oh poor guy, it must be hard for him, he's just feeling to hard to bear..."
Yeah yeah, a bastard is a bastard and *he has to change*.

I don't want to offend anyone, and I'm not even angry with those who have left and hurted me. I feel pain for them. I just don't like the idea of these persons not taking their responsibility and not seeing how things really are.

Is this CP a real disease, as other terrible effects of our times, just like anorexia, depression or suicide?? If so, why lots among you said that there is no cure, no way to CHANGE something?

Life sucks for EVERYONE, I don't accept those who think they are the only ones who suffer, because they are oh so complicated, deep, sensitive, wrong, confused and faked up. The others cannot even UNDERSTAND them... Are they god or what?

If one cannot accept that life is not simple, is not black and white, is just FULL of colours and shades, with as many good moments as black holes, and REQUIRES a constant effort to evolve and become a better person... well, if so, of course he will never ever be able to love and to face life.

Dear CPs, I wish you to be less egoistic, to think more (but not always!!! When you're in love, if you really are, you should not spent all the time thinking.... this is not normal! be in love, be naive, be light and enjoy!!!)
Don't you feel like you're loosing something?

With love. LG
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