Research shows that people that have children are unhappier than those without

[Eternal Sunshine]

To me this makes perfect sense of course. Having children is an endless string of household chores, energy and money drain etc. Exception to that would probably be people that are rich enough to have a live in nanny to take care of all the dullest chores which most of us aren't. Interestingly, the same research showed that getting married increases overall happiness not only in the first year of marriage but for years after.

 

Here is an excerpt:

 

Using data sets from Europe and America, numerous scholars have found some evidence that, on aggregate, parents often report statistically significantly lower levels of happiness (Alesina et al., 2004), life satisfaction (Di Tella et al., 2003), marital satisfaction (Twenge et al., 2003), and mental well-being (Clark & Oswald, 2002) compared with non-parents. There is also evidence that the strains associated with parenthood are not only limited to the period during which children are physically and economically dependent. For example, Glenn and McLanahan (1981) found those older parents whose children have left home report the same or slightly less happiness than non-parents of similar age and status. Thus, what these results are suggesting is something very controversial – that having children does not bring joy to our lives.

 

 

Full link here:

https://thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/volume-22/edition-4/think-having-children-will-make-you-happy

 

 

I am especially interested in any research that shows otherwise.

[autumnnight]

One badly performed research study does not a rule make. Some people will be happier, some won't.

 

However, I fully expect certain types of people to cling to this as some sign of superiority.

[carhill]

While experience varies widely, one perspective, for those people who chose to have children and wanted them, whether prior to or after the stork arrived, is that they can have a similar perspective on children they have to any passion or pursuit in life which they love.

 

Heh, I remember one particular moment of clarity as a child, when I was in the middle of a spate of really hateful behaviors, where my primary parent opined that raising me was the most difficult job she'd never be paid for. That was an exclamation point of disappointment in an otherwise passionate job of parenting. The clarity was that she had long experience working and doing things she enjoyed and chose to forego that when I came along and focus that passion on parenting. Some people love it; some people do it; some people hate it; some people opt out. Experience varies widely, as does happiness. Myself, I took a long hard look at it for many years, mindful of those words from my mother, before focusing on it, unsuccessfully, with my exW.

 

Heh, no peer-reviewed research to share, sorry about that, rather some reflections from the other end of life.

[warrenorabbits]

The statement implies that some sort of average is taken across all people studied, which leads to a pointless conclusion because it assumes all people are average. It can't possibly take into account different personalities, priorities, etc. It's like saying "Human beings in general prefer Frosted Flakes to Wheaties" because 55% of those polled liked Frosted Flakes better. There's literally no accounting for taste.

 

My mother had me (her first) at 35 after she'd already travelled and lived life as a twentysomething all she wanted. She had children only when it was a priority of hers and so she was happy. I, on the other hand, don't want kids anytime soon -- if at all -- and so I don't cheap out when it comes to condoms. Still others my age (25) already have families and are perfectly content, because they've already done everything they wanted. So as children go, the "right" path to take is just a matter of personal preference.

[xxoo]

Being a parent didn't make me happier, but I was already generally happy before becoming a parent. I didn't have children to become happier. I had children because I wanted the experience and relationships that having children offers.

 

For someone who isn't happy, then I certainly do not think that having children would make them happier. Probably the opposite.

 

From the article:

 

Although not originally written with the aim of testing for the effects of focusing illusion on happiness in mind, Clark and colleagues (2008) did just that. In their seminal paper that examines the long-run dynamics of life satisfaction across changes in different life events, they found that there is a significant increase in life satisfaction for both males and females one year before the birth of their child – which is also present at the year of child’s birth – before dropping beyond zero within one year of the new arrival. Both males and females then go on to experience significant unhappiness for the next four years before being ‘just’ content about parenthood – they become no less happier than when they were childless all those years ago.

 

 

 

That sounds about right to me. I call those first 4 years the "heavy lifting" years, and it's a very stressful time. The demands are constant. Now that my children are beyond those years, life is as happy as it was before kids, just with the addition of more family to love and share life with.

[writergal]

People's happiness -- whether childless or not -- depends on them, not some research study. I would still like to be a parent someday but the opportunity hasn't presented itself to me. Am I happy being childless as a single woman? Nope, not really. I know some single people who enjoy being childless and some like me who wish they had children and a partner to create a family with.

 

I love what research can accomplish as far as scientific, medical or educational discoveries that benefit society; but I don't trust it even when it claims to be objective. Even objective research is subjective, because it involves the writer formulating a thesis, and then using outside sources to support that thesis. It's biased even when it claims not to be biased because objective research utilizes multiple opinions and opinions are subjective.

[lollipopspot]

I think some of it depends on the kids that you end up with - either because of how you raised them or some inherent issue. A kid with oppositional defiant disorder or severe autism or something like that would be very challenging and put a lot of stress on the family.

[waterwoman]

My children have filled my life with joy. Also much effort, tiredness, expense and stress. Much like any other thing that is worth doing. Without them my life would have been easier but also less rich.

[sandylee1]

Not being able to have kids would have made me unhappy. I'd have tried to adopt though, but it's not exactly the same.

 

Having kids isn't for everyone. You need to be patient , tolerant and selfless. Plus a whole lot more.

 

I'd have more money if I didn't have kids, but there's a whole lot of pleasure in being a mother for me.

 

I know people who want but don't have kids and it's been hard for them. This is more women though , because time is against them .

 

If I couldn't have kids, then I'd accept that and be even closer to my nieces and nephews if possible, as we're already very close.

[RedRobin]

I think it is super important that people only have kids if they REALLY want them, not because they feel pressured to have them.

 

 

Some of these studies might have some historical precedence in that the people who were having kids might only be having them because of societal pressure. Yea, I can imagine parents in that situation being VERY unhappy.

 

 

People who truly wanted kids will talk a lot about how much work it is, but think it was worth it. Much like I can talk about how much work it was to get a PhD, but I loved it.

 

 

Also wish people would stop pitting the 'has kids' against the 'doesn't have kids'. I think we are all better off when ONLY those who want them, have them... I don't believe those who have kids are intrinsically more selfless or more altruistic or necessarily more patient either. There are lots of ways to give back to society that don't involve procreating.... and given the number of people already on the planet who are struggling to survive... perhaps procreating isn't necessarily the best idea for lots of people.

[kilgore]

I think it is super important that people only have kids if they REALLY want them, not because they feel pressured to have them.

 

 

Some of these studies might have some historical precedence in that the people who were having kids might only be having them because of societal pressure. Yea, I can imagine parents in that situation being VERY unhappy.

 

 

People who truly wanted kids will talk a lot about how much work it is, but think it was worth it. Much like I can talk about how much work it was to get a PhD, but I loved it.

 

 

Also wish people would stop pitting the 'has kids' against the 'doesn't have kids'. I think we are all better off when ONLY those who want them, have them... I don't believe those who have kids are intrinsically more selfless or more altruistic or necessarily more patient either. There are lots of ways to give back to society that don't involve procreating.... and given the number of people already on the planet who are struggling to survive... perhaps procreating isn't necessarily the best idea for lots of people.

 

Agree. Having kids is a ton of work. If you don't want them taking on the responsibility will make you bitter. I love having kids but that is because I wanted to have them. And because they're awesome - mine, anyway

[Els]

I personally feel that I would be happier without children, so I currently have no plans to have them. And I agree that many couples are unhappy due to the stress of raising children.

 

But the problem is, if everyone thought this way, nobody would reproduce. And we have not yet reached the point wherehuman race can be continued without reproduction.

 

So I'm glad that not everyone feels the same way that I do about having children. They can be the ones bearing the burden of continuing the human race while I get to be off the hook.

[casey.lives]

External factors are irrelevant if you are a happy/content individual. I can't see how this could be true ..... at all..

[kilgore]

External factors are irrelevant if you are a happy/content individual. I can't see how this could be true ..... at all..

 

But if someone is happy without kids and feels societal pressure to have a kid even though he/she doesn't want one, doesn't it make sense thatvtheybwoiodnbe unhappy?

[lollipopspot]

I personally feel that I would be happier without children, so I currently have no plans to have them. And I agree that many couples are unhappy due to the stress of raising children.

 

But the problem is, if everyone thought this way, nobody would reproduce. And we have not yet reached the point wherehuman race can be continued without reproduction.

 

So I'm glad that not everyone feels the same way that I do about having children. They can be the ones bearing the burden of continuing the human race while I get to be off the hook.

 

I don't think there would be a "problem" if no one wanted to reproduce. A species doesn't care whether or not it survives. A species is a concept.

 

Regardless, there are over 7 billion of us. No one needs to be thankful that people are reproducing themselves like crazy, in fact, they ought to be encouraged to curb it. We live on a finite planet.

Edited September 5, 2015 by lollipopspot

[Els]

I don't think there would be a "problem" if no one wanted to reproduce. A species doesn't care whether or not it survives. A species is a concept.

 

Regardless, there are over 7 billion of us. No one needs to be thankful that people are reproducing themselves like crazy, in fact, they ought to be encouraged to curb it. We live on a finite planet.

 

A species isn't just a concept, it is a distinct entity that is proven to exist. I absolutely want the human race to continue on, even if I don't plan on producing offspring. If you don't share that desire, fine, but don't fault people who do.

 

If literally everyone stopped reproducing completely at the same time, it doesn't matter how many humans we have at the moment. In a hundred years the species will be extinct. I have never once said that people should reproduce 'like crazy', btw. Nor have I said that people should be pressured to have children if they don't want to - we can all contribute in different ways. All I have said is that I am glad not everyone has decided not to reproduce at all.

 

As for your last sentence, that is why renewable and clean energy and developments in space travel are so important.

Edited September 5, 2015 by Elswyth

[lollipopspot]

A species isn't just a concept, it is a distinct entity that is proven to exist. I absolutely want the human race to continue on, even if I don't plan on producing offspring. If you don't share that desire, fine, but don't fault people who do.

 

A "species" doesn't have feelings or wants. A species is merely a category.

 

If literally everyone stopped reproducing completely at the same time, it doesn't matter how many humans we have at the moment. In a hundred years the species will be extinct.

 

Like that's going to happen. Humans have never had a problem breeding like rabbits.

 

As for your last sentence, that is why renewable and clean energy and developments in space travel are so important.

 

We can't technologize our way out of overpopulation.

 

People should certainly do what they want. But we're nowhere close to the stage of needing to be grateful that someone is willing to carry the torch and bring forth the next generation. There's no shortage of people doing that. There are too many of us for the world as it is right now to sustain. It's actually cruel to many of those who are being born to keep dumping them onto a planet where their lives can't be sustained.

[RedRobin]

I'm not shy about stating that those who require government support to raise their children or those who have had their children taken away for whatever reason be required to be on birth control in order to receive their support money... at least they won't be having any more kids that can't be supported.

 

 

As much as people hate the one child policy in China, it was very effective at curbing their starvation and poverty problem.

 

 

As for the other folks... 2 kids is 'replacement' and zero positive impact. Any more than that, and they are contributing to the environmental damage that is threatening the planet.

 

 

OTOH, go ahead and keep reproducing like deer on an island. Our species will either die from famine or disease or war. Not pretty.

 

 

What does that have to do with people being happy about having kids? Well, I'm pretty sure that those who have a hard time supporting them are not happy. Those who have tons of resources probably find it very fulfilling...

Edited September 5, 2015 by RedRobin

[Els]

A "species" doesn't have feelings or wants. A species is merely a category.

 

 

 

Like that's going to happen. Humans have never had a problem breeding like rabbits.

 

 

 

We can't technologize our way out of overpopulation.

 

People should certainly do what they want. But we're nowhere close to the stage of needing to be grateful that someone is willing to carry the torch and bring forth the next generation. There's no shortage of people doing that. There are too many of us for the world as it is right now to sustain. It's actually cruel to many of those who are being born to keep dumping them onto a planet where their lives can't be sustained.

 

I'm not really sure why you insist on taking one sentence out of my post to the OP and making it the focus of a very long and irrelevant spiel as an argument against things that I have not said in the first place. All I said was that I am glad not EVERYONE feels the same way I do about having children, otherwise the human race would go extinct - a fact that you have not denied. Nobody is advocating pushing out 20 children that you can't take care of for chrissakes. Why do you keep bringing that up?

 

And yes we can 'technologize' our way out of overpopulation. If you notice, the countries contributing the most to overpopulation are the poorer countries where the masses have little access to modern contraception and education. In developed countries the growth rate is much slower and in some we are approaching 1:1, which is a pretty good ratio IMO.

 

That is all I'm going to say about this subject. Not interested in derailing ES's thread further.

[Shepp]

I don't need no fancy scientist with letters after his name to tell me that the happiest folk in life are the ones that don't need a research paper to tell them whether they're happy or not!

[central]

Yes, they may be less happy - I think that is a sound result.

 

However, having children does not mean they are UNhappy. There are many people who would be even less happy if they did NOT have children.

 

Also, not everything worth doing makes you happier. Having children may provide satisfaction or a sense of accomplishment even if you'd have been happier without them.

 

Bottom line: it's a personal choice about your priorities in life and balancing of things that make you happy or not.

[lollipopspot]

...All I said was that I am glad not EVERYONE feels the same way I do about having children, otherwise the human race would go extinct - a fact that you have not denied...

 

And yes we can 'technologize' our way out of overpopulation. If you notice, the countries contributing the most to overpopulation are the poorer countries where the masses have little access to modern contraception and education. In developed countries the growth rate is much slower and in some we are approaching 1:1, which is a pretty good ratio IMO.

 

I commented because you expressed what seemed like fear of humans going extinct and being glad that some people were willing to reproduce, which struck me. It's the furthest thing from reality. We're going to extinct ourselves by over-reproducing and destroying our resources, not by everyone deciding that they don't want to have kids. Humans push out kids no matter how dire their situation.

 

If the "technology" you're referring to is birth control, and people will use it, o.k. But what is meant is that people can't reproduce at exponential rates and just hope that technology will provide the means to feed everyone, deal with their pollution, provide enough limited resources, etc.

[Cymbeline]

It depends to some extent what you mean by happy. I have read similar studies. Reported happiness among parents is lowest while children are teenagers and rises as children leave home.

 

However,, the same studies also show that parents describe their lives as having greater meaning than non-parents. I feel that meaning and purpose, while stressful, add happiness to the sum of one's life.

[Shepp]

What does that have to do with people being happy about having kids? Well, I'm pretty sure that those who have a hard time supporting them are not happy. Those who have tons of resources probably find it very fulfilling...

really?

 

Nah! Having kids is like the one key thing that should show you how unimportant collecting money and all the other BS they tell you you need on the television or shiny billboards.

 

Food on the table and a roof over your head and you can be blissfully happy and endlessly fulfilled with your family. But the same ain't true for the 40 year old guy living all alone, he's the one that needs resources, shiney cars, designer labels. He's the one that has a gap to fill!

[Shepp]

It depends to some extent what you mean by happy. I have read similar studies. Reported happiness among parents is lowest while children are teenagers and rises as children leave home.

 

However,, the same studies also show that parents describe their lives as having greater meaning than non-parents. I feel that meaning and purpose, while stressful, add happiness to the sum of one's life.

 

^ we could all live in a box where nothing ever happens to you and everything stays the same!

But there's a difference between existing and living.