d0nnivain Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 A large group of us are going to an out of town wedding. There's a thread on FB talking about the various activities. One of the women is begging people to share a hotel room with her because otherwise she can't afford to go. One couple already has a single woman in with them so they don't want a fourth person. Other women are leaving their husbands home & sharing. DH & I have our own room & we want to keep it that way but now people are calling me selfish & mean because I haven't offered to let this woman stay with us. Bear a few things in mind: 1. I have never met this woman! 2. The hotel room is $115 per night. The airfare is the killer here ($300 when I bought our tickets; closer to $500 now) 3. I think it would be unbelievably awkward to have another woman in the room I was sharing with my husband. Everybody would have to get changed in the bathroom. I have no interest in being inconvenienced by a stranger. I firmly believe that if this woman can't afford the hotel room she ought to just stay home. That said, I'm kind of annoyed that other mutual friends are trying to make this my problem and I have said so. LS, please assure me that I am not the one who is off in this situation. FWIW, everybody in this equation is over 40. We're not taking about broke college kids here, although several people are the parents of broke college kids lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I agree with you completely. No way i would share our room with another person we don't know. Don't let others make you feel badly about the decision that is the right one for you...and don't back down on your principles! It is not your problem that someone else cannot afford to go....and it is not your responsibility to fix it for them. Go and have a wonderful time with your husband! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 How weird! No freaking way! Duh, you're married. It's a wedding. Hotel sex. What are these people thinking? 9 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Who is calling you selfish? Those are the people you should avoiding entirely... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Those people are morons to judge you..... If they feel so bad for her, then get organized,take up a collection and pay for a room for this woman.. End of story.. TFY 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0nnivain Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 Those people are morons to judge you..... If they feel so bad for her, then get organized,take up a collection and pay for a room for this woman.. I didn't say that but I would chip in $20 or so to help her but I suspect that it wouldn't help because she wants to come for the whole thing -- 5 days -- not just fly in, stay over for the wedding & leave. People have known about this out of town wedding for almost 18 months. The hotel block was confirmed & announced via the wedding website in September. Yes, destination weddings are expensive for the guests but its not like this expense was a surprise to the woman who is now begging. I also don't understand why she hadn't been looking for a roommate before now. Poor planning on her part is not my crisis. Carrie they didn't actually say I'm selfish but they are encouraging me to do this. Help out. It's the right thing to do. We're all friends. It's only for a few days. Etc. I'm getting this from the other people who are already sharing rooms. The do the share thing a lot to save money To most I pointed out that even when I was single & would go away with them I always got & paid for my own room because I value privacy. If I had a standard room to myself I probably would give in & let this woman share with just me. But not with my husband & I. I'm flabbergasted that people don't see the difference. One of the women who is sharing is having problems with her BF. I can't help but think that if they didn't have a 3rd person in their room that their relationship might improve. Not my place to interject my opinion into her business. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Carrie they didn't actually say I'm selfish but they are encouraging me to do this. Help out. It's the right thing to do. We're all friends. It's only for a few days. Etc. I'm getting this from the other people who are already sharing rooms. The do the share thing a lot to save money To most I pointed out that even when I was single & would go away with them I always got & paid for my own room because I value privacy. If I had a standard room to myself I probably would give in & let this woman share with just me. But not with my husband & I. I'm flabbergasted that people don't see the difference. So bizarre. Stand firm. Tell them you've been looking forward to this mini vacation with your husband. Especially when it is DAYS with friends (or family), I really need the down time alone with my partner at night. That's when we talk about all the stuff that happened all day that we could talk about with all those people around 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 You're not in the wrong at all!!!!! That's her issue, not yours. You and your husband have every right to your privacy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 It's for five days? No, I don't think so. You don't even know her. What else would she think she's entitled to that's yours? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 YANBU, When I was single, I have shared a room with a couple before, to save money, for 1 night. These were good friends and even that was a bit awkward. I wouldn't want to do it for more than 1 night. Just tell these people "no sorry I don't want to share my room with someone I don't know". If they don't accept that then they are no friends of yours. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 That is sop weird that people are even asking you to do this. The only person I have ever shared a hotel room with when I was with my husband is our daughter. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Whoever else has decided to share with a third, presumably, that was their choice. What - you're not allowed to make a different choice? "d0nninvain, you can choose to do whatever you like - as long as you choose the way we did. And if you don't we'll guilt-trip you so hard...." No, stand your ground, and don't be made to feel bad. If they try to make you feel bad, that's their problem, and they're not really being very nice about it..... Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 They are clearly in the wrong for putting you on the spot! She WANTS to come for five days but can't afford it??? Seriously? I second the idea of suggesting a collection to maybe get her a day or two. If the bride and groom invited her knowing that she probably couldn't afford it then it would seem to me that the onus would be on them to help out, not other guests. It's very rude to ask you to share a hotel room. Why not suggest on that page that all the sharers get together and bunk in one room? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Harold of Andraste Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 One couple already has a single woman in with them so they don't want a fourth person. Could that woman get a room with the one you're talking about? There has to be a way to split things up so that the single women are in their own room that way the couples don't have to share. Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0nnivain Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 Could that woman get a room with the one you're talking about? There has to be a way to split things up so that the single women are in their own room that way the couples don't have to share. That seems like a good solution to me but the couple & the woman in their room are happy to save money by only having to pay 1/3 each. Those 3 people have shared a room in the past on other trips. Which is fine for them. I just don't want to be a part of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Noooo! Just tell them that your husband gets really randy when drunk and you don't want her to witness anything! I would not want to share with a couple if I didn't know them very well if not at all no way! She should have booked earlier. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 The suggestion is outrageous and TBH sounds a bit creepy to me. You don't know this person so for all you know they could be someone who snores like a grizzly bear and has to get up 4 times a night for a pee. Apart from the weirdness of the arrangement I think you'll find that most hotels have a policy about maximum occupancy ie only 2 people in a double/twin etc. Put your foot down on this and to heck with what they think. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I once stayed in a hotel room at a wedding with a couple I didn't know, but the difference was that they were themselves looking for someone to share the room with to save costs. I think the rooms were closer to $350, and a lot of us were flying across the country for it. My friend, the groom, approached me about it and said we'd all get along, and there was no pressure. So it does happen, but if you're not comfortable with it, I wouldn't do it. Also, I know we all have different financial situations, but if the rooms were $115 at the time, I would have gotten my own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 That seems like a good solution to me but the couple & the woman in their room are happy to save money by only having to pay 1/3 each. Those 3 people have shared a room in the past on other trips. Which is fine for them. I just don't want to be a part of it. Maybe they have an "arrangement" [winkwinknudgenudge] Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I have shared many hotel rooms in my life, many with complete strangers I'd never met before. But, even in the convention scene, where this kind of sharing arrangements are common, it is very rare that couples share their room. For one night, maybe, but usually they tend to want the privacy. Can she not share with the other women? Or are there already too many of them in the room? Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0nnivain Posted February 27, 2015 Author Share Posted February 27, 2015 Maybe they have an "arrangement" [winkwinknudgenudge] They don't. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Just tell them that your husband gets really randy when drunk and you don't want her to witness anything! Haha, this is definitely the best suggestion! Nobody could argue with that one. Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 That's a really weird request. I would be happy to have a friend stay in a room with my boyfriend and I, I'm sure we can keep away from each other in bed for one night! But no way would I share what's supposed to be my own hotel room with a random person. I like a bolt hole and some privacy. I would feel really suffocated and pressured with a stranger there, and if I were this woman in question there's no way I'd inflict myself on a random couple I don't even know! We are staying in a hostel in a few weeks actually, it's the only affordable option in the city we are spending a night in, it's a double bed in a room for 18 people which should be interesting, there is a curtain around the bed though for a sense of privacy. I don't mind as it's a cheap place to get some sleep for the night and I'll be back late and up and gone early, but choosing to use a hostel is fine, having a stranger in your own personal room is another. Can she not find a hostel bed for a few nights? I would stand my ground here. If you will enjoy your holiday less with her in your room then you have every right not to. Plus some people might understandable feel a little uncomfortable at the idea of their husband seeing another woman in her nightwear/underwear and vice versa! Finally, you don't even know this woman or who she is, whether she is going to get blind drunk, maybe she snores like hell, maybe she will try bring a guy back to the room. Just no. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
badpenny Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Haha, this is definitely the best suggestion! Nobody could argue with that one. it could backfire if they suggest a threesome.... d0nninvain, when is the wedding, exactly....? Just curious as to whether this woman could, in the interim at least make an effort to borrow some money to pay for her own room? Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Ah, the rare unanimous LS verdict ! Nay here as well ! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts