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Dad was accused of having an affair with mom's best friend. Denies it.


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Old 21st September 2017, 6:51 PM   #16
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I've text with the friend about it, but haven't met with her, when I asked for the proof she said "there's some things you don't need to see." I hadn't thought of her identifying things ab his body, obviously, that's something my mom would have to do.

Today she was holding my baby and started talking about how much he looks like my brother did. She said some times she's pretends he's him. She said she still does that with me, imagining him. Creepy, but I kind of understand.
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Old 21st September 2017, 7:04 PM   #17
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I've text with the friend about it, but haven't met with her, when I asked for the proof she said "there's some things you don't need to see."
I couldn't understand why she would not just give "proof" but I now I get it. The things that she could show you that would categorically prove they were in an affair and not just good friends are not stuff she would like to show to you or your mother... especially if the affair was more about sex than "love".
But even if it was all about "love", then she maybe feels that you or your mother do not need to see your father professing his undying love FOR HER.
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Old 21st September 2017, 10:10 PM   #18
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I think your dad indeed cheated. Judging from the reactions of your mother. I think a woman will know deep down if her hubby cheats or not.
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Old 21st September 2017, 10:36 PM   #19
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What little she said led your mother to attempt suicide. Maybe she doesn’t want to reveal everything and that lead to a successful suicide attempt. Maybe the woman doesn’t want that on her hands.

Not showing doesn’t mean she has no proof.

Or it could mean she’s a vindictive home wrecker.

The most important thing at this point is stabilizing your mother. I don’t know how you get there, but you all need to reach a point where suicide is not an option. No matter what happens.

After that, your parents can work on how to repair or end their marriage.

There’s just too much morbidity in the air now surrounding your mother and deceased brother. I’d try to find a way to handle that. Then move on.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 4:43 PM   #20
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What little she said led your mother to attempt suicide.
Oh, she said a lot. Very mean and untrue things were said about her as a person. The things she said about my dad and her were just disgusting if true, affair or not. Things like what they've done together would put anything that's happened in their marriage to shame, and he's in love with her, not my mom, and she has pictures of them together and of him, and texts from him.

My mom wanted to see some of those things and she refused. My mom has made in clear if she's so in love with him and would give her proof that this stuffs happening, they'd get divorced and she could have him. One would think that would be good enough for her...
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Old 22nd September 2017, 6:11 PM   #21
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My mom has made in clear if she's so in love with him and would give her proof that this stuffs happening, they'd get divorced and she could have him. One would think that would be good enough for her...
I doubt that any person would consider suicide on a "maybe", I guess she knows it is true, whether there is definitive proof or not...
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Old 23rd September 2017, 4:36 AM   #22
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I hope your mom doesn't kill herself over this. I hope she learns to value herself more than to the extent some man loves her. And yes, her marriage is ruined because there was something going on. She will still live but she'd be better off divorcing him.
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Old 23rd September 2017, 9:45 AM   #23
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This woman not being willing to show any proof is rather suspicious but your mom's extreme reaction to a simple unfounded accusation is also rather odd. Have you discussed this with your mom and asked her why she believes this woman over your father? I think she knows her friend and your father better than you do and that she likely has good reasons for not believing your dad.

For one thing your dad said that this woman has been obsessed with him for years and that she's been attempting to be with him for a long time and he always rejected her, yet you saw texts he sent to her on his phone. That is mighty suspicious. Why would he keep texting an obsessed woman? Why would he not have a discussion with your mom about her crazy obsessed friend? Why did she become obsessed with him in the first place?

I think your dad did have an affair with this woman. To avoid detection they probably both regularly purged any evidence of the affair, like call history, romantic texts and pictures. Then something happened. Something along the lines of your dad growing tired of the affair and ending it, or something along the lines of him not following through on his promise to this OW to leave your mom for her. That's when this woman lost her sh$t and blew up their marriage.

If your dad is innocent then he will allow your mom to do a thorough investigation. Turn over all phone records going back years, recover deleted texts, show all his financial transactions, etc. If I were your mom I would want to see everything he has done over the past several years.
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Old 23rd September 2017, 12:07 PM   #24
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It's more common for someone to deny they're cheating than for someone to lie and say they're having an affair. Just sayin'. Even assuming the worst, that your mother's friend is a complete delusional or evil person and is just pulling this out of her butt, she has nothing to gain by it unless something encouraging is going on with your father. Unless she's certifiably nuts, which your mother would know if she was, she feels she can get your dad if your mom is out of the way, and he has admitted they communicate.

No one ever admits all of what they're doing. They admit the minimum amount they hope can be proven. You're the child, so they're not supposed to even be talking about any of this to you, so you can just assume you're not getting the true version from any of them.

This is your mother's so-called best friend, so she's devastated because both people closest to her have betrayed her. You need to give your mom support and it's fine if you don't take sides, but your mother needs support right now. She's destroyed.
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Old 24th September 2017, 5:39 PM   #25
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I am sorry to hear that you are having to go through this. I used to work on a counselling hotline and let me tell you, there were a lot of women calling these hotlines with fantasies about their best friends husbands and when they made moves and were rejected by them were hell bent on destroying the marriage as they couldn't get what they wanted. Some women when they don't get what they want can be pure evil.
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Old 25th September 2017, 11:23 PM   #26
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My dad came over really late Saturday night and spent the night. When I found them together that morning, that was the happiest I've seen her in weeks. They were just snuggling on my couch.

I know she went through his credit card transactions and their phone records and nothing came up, and I mentioned the text recovery thing to her, so now she wants him to do that.

When I brought my son out to see my dad, they both bawled over how much he looks like my brother. My moms been saying that she regrets not having one more kid.
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Old 26th September 2017, 2:36 AM   #27
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This is a horrible place to be. . I am so sorry.

The only advice I have to offer is that maybe your dad take her to get some help and counseling. Committing suicide is not a realistic reaction to cheating. Being angry is for sure, being hurt, acting out in some ways is going to happen, but if someone has tried to commit suicide they need help from professionals and possibly medication.

I hope this gets better and solves it, maybe you can convince your parents to go to couples counseling, as well as your mother see a psychiatrist.
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Old 27th September 2017, 2:49 AM   #28
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The thing is, when she's asked to show the proof she supposedly has she makes excuses for not showing it. It's like ok either put up or shut up. She's saying she has texts and pictures, but is empty handed when it comes down to it.

she still has enough regard for her friend that already cut herself. that's why she doesn't want to show more proof.

i think your dad is fibbing. at the very least something went on, my guess would be an emotional affair. otherwise why does he have messages in his phone saying that he loves his wife??

texting your wife's bff crosses a line. he crossed a line. and your mom knows it.

follow the money. find evidence another way and support your mother with the knowledge that whatever happens, she's still got assets. a house, a bank account, pension. ect. nothing can cheer up a middle age woman more than knowing whatever happens she's gonna have assets and an income.

p.s. she raised you right and kuddos for all the support and love you are showing her.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 7:02 AM   #29
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When I was with my ex husband, I went through something similar. My best friend was telling him that I was cheating on him. I wasn't. She wanted him to leave me, for her. So, as much as people think it is unlikely that mom's bestie is lying, and dad is cheating, it is possible. I went through almost a year of misery because my friend was lying to my husband behind my back every chance she got. In the end he hated her for her deception, so she lost "the man of her dreams".

Never underestimate what someone will do when you are with the person the think that they are in love with.

If the best friend doesn't show someone definitive proof of an affair, her toxic behavior needs to be removed from all of your lives.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 3:23 PM   #30
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I think its really sad that your mother would automatically believe her friend over her husband. Im not saying he didnt cheat, he may have; but he may not have either. I find it really unusual that she says she has proof but wont show it. The husband has had nothing show up that would indicate he is cheating.

No one knows the motivation of the other woman. She may well just want him for herself, and figures this is the best way to do it. Its rare that there is an affair with absolutely no proof whatsoever.
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