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Huge dilemma, brother picked same wedding date as me


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Old 16th February 2017, 6:52 PM   #16
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Two weddings in the same month sounds pretty stressful. Since your brother announced his wedding first and you're not even engaged yet I think your brother should get priority for picking his wedding date. Remember it's not only him you're asking to change the date of the wedding. He has a fiancÚ and if she has her heart set on September he will want to accomadate her over you.

Since there is no obvious right answer to this dilemma then I think the win just has to be given to the person who got engaged and announced their wedding first, regardless of who's selfish and who's has the most marriages.
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Old 17th February 2017, 4:30 AM   #17
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And he knew the date I picked
I get the part that you had already announced your actual date for your marriage ceremony, yet he went ahead and planned his for the exact same day. (It doesn't matter who got engaged first, only who announced the day/date first.)

On the other hand, early-September still gives you the weather that you mention as your priority for why you are choosing that time of year altogether.

You can go ahead and stick to your date, and he sticks to his, and you split up your family that way. Another option may be to speak with your future sister-in-law to discuss the possibility of a double wedding.
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Old 17th February 2017, 10:47 AM   #18
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I get that and figure we probably have to change our date. It just sucks because they had Sept 9th planned, that was the date. They had that actual vacation, booked hotels planned since last Sept., a year out, then after I tell them my date, then they change it. Why? Why when you have been planning the first week in Sept this whole time, right after I tell you my date you change it? Anyways, we will probably have to change ours but I heard my brother was mad just because I was getting married too and it is taking attention off them and no matter what I decide, he is going to probably make it difficult.
There were reasons I didn't choose Oct. It gets cold then and my wedding date from my previous marriage was in Oct. It is just weird and I really don't want to do it in Oct. If we do it before, they said my brother will be pissed because he proposed first, they should be getting married first.


It just sucks because neither of us really knew what was going on and and we were planning things and had ideas in our head but just not telling anyone. And btw, even though he said they are engaged, they are keeping it secret from everyone else because she doesn't even have a ring yet. Same thing with us so we are basically all in the same boat.
It just hurts he picked a date, heard my date and then changed it to the same day. Very prick move.
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Old 17th February 2017, 11:53 AM   #19
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they had Sept 9th planned, that was the date. They had that actual vacation, booked hotels planned since last Sept., a year out,
startinganew777,
Given that you already knew that there was a family wedding planned for a mere three weeks before the date you picked, I would say that was a move that might have reasonably been thought to potentially pose some problems -- logistical, financial and emotional -- for members of your family.

Why not do as your brother did, and give your family a year to plan -- so that they can invest in your wedding the same time, emotions and interest and excitement?
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Old 17th February 2017, 12:07 PM   #20
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startinganew777,
Given that you already knew that there was a family wedding planned for a mere three weeks before the date you picked, I would say that was a move that might have reasonably been thought to potentially pose some problems -- logistical, financial and emotional -- for members of your family.

Why not do as your brother did, and give your family a year to plan -- so that they can invest in your wedding the same time, emotions and interest and excitement?


No, I didn't know that was their wedding date. They had the family vacation planned that far out. He just proposed last weekend and told us the family vacation is now going to be their wedding. No one had any idea about the wedding until last weekend. No one. What Im saying is I knew about the vacation for them. But they just get engaged and decided they might as well do the wedding there, on vacation, last weekend. This is all new news for everyone.


He is not giving anyone anytime to plan. The vacation was booked the first week of Sept. Now everyone has to cancel their hotels and change everything around for them and book the last week of Sept.

Last edited by startinganew777; 17th February 2017 at 12:10 PM..
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Old 17th February 2017, 12:27 PM   #21
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No, I didn't know that was their wedding date. <snip> I knew about the vacation for them. But they just get engaged and decided they might as well do the wedding there, on vacation, last weekend.
Oh - I get it now. Sorry for my mistake and misinterpretation.

But...so, I'm still confused because wasn't that vacation planned for September 9th? That is, have they changed the entire vacation to the 29th? And, if so,
are the people you want at your wedding going to make the trip to attend their 'destination wedding'? If not -- if all the people that you want at your wedding
are still going to be available to attend your wedding, then just go ahead with your own plans and let him do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. .

If they will be attending his wedding -- which, I get all the reasons that they might want to do that -- then your only alternatives are either to change your date to
early in September or to get married on September 29, knowing that some or many of your loved ones will not be able to attend.

(Not saying that this was cool of your brother to do; but, he has done it...so, now you can only ensure your own inner peace and happiness around
planning your own wedding.)
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Old 17th February 2017, 12:41 PM   #22
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Yes, I know it is confusing. LOL Ok, so my parents and my brother, his now fiancÚ and her two kids all went on vacation last year in the first week of Sept. to Florida. They decided to do it again this year so booked the same condo, the same week, first week from the 2nd until the 8th. We all knew that. They planned it last year.


So then, they get engaged last weekend, he then tells us it would just be easiest to get married down on the beach and since they are already there this Sept. why not extend the vacation a couple days and get married on that Sat. the 9th. Then my brother and his fiancÚ would fly out on the 10th to go on a honeymoon.


So he texted us yesterday and said it would be too expensive to do anything the beginning of Sept. They decided it do it the last weekend in Sept. So now my parents have to change their vacation dates at work, change the dates they stay at the condo down there, IF it is available. My brother has to cancel his stay at the condo that first week and find another place to stay too.
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Old 17th February 2017, 12:59 PM   #23
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So now my parents have to change their vacation dates at work, change the dates they stay at the condo down there, IF it is available. My brother has to cancel his stay at the condo that first week and find another place to stay too.
Thanks for the clarification...I really think I got it, this time. .
Since he has to basically re-book everything, anyway, have you considered taking him out for dinner or something equally friendly and congenial,
to ask if he is willing to consider changing it to the weekend after 29 September?

Failing that, there still remains only the two options that I mentioned. Unfortunately.
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Old 17th February 2017, 2:22 PM   #24
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I don't know. He is so stubborn and hard headed, he basically told me that him and his fiancÚs wedding is more important because this is their first and this would be my second and that he is going to do what is best for them and not even worry about me. That really hurt. He knew my date and didn't give a crap about me or my fiancÚ and changed his anyways.
I really don't want to talk to him at all. His is up in the air still so now we have to wait around until he gets a firm date to even start scheduling and planning ours. In his mind, he comes first with no consideration to anyone else. He is probably the most selfish, inconsiderate person I have ever met.
So probably going to have to change my date so my parents can make both of them. I may have to do it before their wedding which will probably piss them off but I don't care anymore. If I have to move my date to accomadate them, I'm going to do it when I want. He can't dictate my wedding plans or when I'm going to do it just because he thinks mine isn't as important as his.
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Old 18th February 2017, 3:52 AM   #25
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This is awesome are your parents that desperate to get your brother married that they fear he will live in their basement forever if he doesn't take this once in a life time opportunity on your behalf? Haha Just jokes
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Old 18th February 2017, 8:22 AM   #26
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If it were me I would probably just cut the brother off. I've done that in the past with relatives with whom continued contact just became too stressful and were adding nothing to my life. I wouldn't make a big deal of it - just detach.

As for your second wedding, I am getting the sense that it is a smaller affair. So, only to avoid your family from having to make an awkward choice, you might just wait to see how things settle out.

Or you can just go ahead with your plans and refuse to discuss them. It's really nobody's business when you get married, except in the sense that they can decide whether it's convenient for them to attend.
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Old 19th February 2017, 12:55 PM   #27
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You can't do it on Sept. 29 because your brother announced that date before you did. He can't have your ring, and you can't have his wedding date.
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Old 20th February 2017, 10:59 AM   #28
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Actually, no. He announced the wedding was going to be sept. 9th and I announced mine was going to be sept. 29th. Then he changed it to the 29th after he heard mine was going to be then.
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Old 20th February 2017, 11:05 AM   #29
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Well turns they can't get the house they want sept. 29th weekend so they had to change it to the 16th.

But I have exciting news and my boyfriend proposed to me this weekend!!!

But now my brother won't talk to me. He is mad because they are keeping it a secret because she doesn't have a ring yet and something having to do with his business and finances. But of course we aren't keeping it a secret because we are excited! And now my brother said I'm making it all about me. I'm excited! Why should I keep it a secret just because they are? Craziness. I don't even care anymore. If he can't be happy for me, oh well. Not putting my life and exciting news on hold because of him and his issues.
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Old 20th February 2017, 1:03 PM   #30
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@startinganew777 ~ Congratulations! Glad to hear that you get to stick to your original date.

Ignore your brother, he is the one turning it into some competition and making it all about him. Changing it from the 9th, to the 29th and then to the 16th.. such a mess, don't be surprised if it changes again.
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