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Perceptions on Seperation


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 6th November 2017, 5:17 AM   #1
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Perceptions on Seperation

So whats your perception on Seperation as whole. What can you do vs What you cannot do?


For me. Even though I am single. If I was Married and my wife said she wanted to separate. We are either going to live apart and re-court each other. Or we go straight to divorce. No dating anyone while we are seperated. No exceptions.

Once the paper work and court date are set going to divorce. Thats fine. Either party can Divorce.

What do you all think?
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Old 6th November 2017, 8:00 AM   #2
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I've thought about this since joining LS. And I agree, if you are legally married, there is no other relationships, lest it be infidelity. But, I am really thinking the whole "re-court" thing is an anathema to me. If a marriage goes the way of separation, what is there to re-court? To me, when either side of injured parties separate. It is to prepare themselves for being single. I just don't understand that separating, what was supposed to be wholesome and one, ends up doing anything good. Of course for me, this is unexplored territory and wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I am a guy that likes to see where I am walking. Being in the dark is a sure way to fall down and get hurt....
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Old 6th November 2017, 8:20 AM   #3
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Some Facts:

When separated spouses are free to date and not be
guilty of adultery.

Being separated does nothing to fix the marriage.

The person asking for the separation is quite often taking
the indirect approach to ending the relationship. Though
not always.

When a wife asks for a separation it is due to ninety nine
percent of the time that she is having an affair and having
a husband/BH is cramping her style. She wants the BH put
into storage as her back up plan in case her romping with
the OM 24/7 is not all that she thought it would be.

So she goes back to her BH. And, if her BH finds out about
the OM and claims WW had an affair the WW counter claims
it was not an affair for they were separated.

Then when the BH can find out the affair started before the
separation the WW will claim/lie that it was not a PA before
the separation.

Married people do not date others.

Being separated still means that you are married.

Which brings us back to that married people do not date
others until they are divorced.
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Old 6th November 2017, 1:53 PM   #4
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my understand on this is you need to get separated first before you can divorce. i guess its the courts way of curbing too many couples who get into fights and wanting to divorce off the bat. my understanding is before you can divorce you need to show that you really mean it. so you need to be separated for about 12 months. during separation you could do whatever you want as you are not living or sleeping with your spouse. but given that you are trying to get over a bad marriage and re-find yourself and find how you can move on with your life, i would think mature people should be able to control their animal instincts and be able to hang in for 12 months before the divorce papers are through. thats what i would do anyways. i would not want to get into a relationship or sleep with someone before my divorce is through and i am ready to move on with my life.
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Old 6th November 2017, 2:20 PM   #5
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Either we fight to save it as a couple, or we go out separate ways.

I have never understood moving out then trying to fix things.

If we can't sleep in the same bed every night, I think things are probably over.
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Old 6th November 2017, 2:30 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jjgitties View Post
my understand on this is you need to get separated first before you can divorce. i guess its the courts way of curbing too many couples who get into fights and wanting to divorce off the bat. my understanding is before you can divorce you need to show that you really mean it. so you need to be separated for about 12 months. .
It varies by state. California for instance has no such requirement.
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Old 6th November 2017, 5:05 PM   #7
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Where I live, you need to be separated for a year before you can divorce.

My experience: when I separated from my ex-h, I hit the ground running. I ended up meeting and moving in with my now partner of 25 years while still technically married.

The fact that I was still married did not concern me one bit. My new partner wasn't worried either. No way was I going to miss out on a year of fun because of a bit of paper.
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Old 6th November 2017, 8:50 PM   #8
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The way that I see it. Its almost feels like everyone in the world feels that if you don't get into a Romantic Relationship right away. You may lose your chance of ever having one.

No one can take one yr off from relationship to relationship. Its like break up and find another one right away.

Once again. Its like why even commit to anyone. Just have fun with no strings attached. I don't understand why date while your seprated. If it was me. Unless I am at month 10 an the papers are going to be filled at the on yr mark of seperation. Why bother dating. I know that if I met a woman that was seperating from her husband. I would be very weary of getting involved with her. No bio kids or living together between us, until the Divorce is final or at least officially on the court dockets.

I guess I am different.
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Old 6th November 2017, 9:06 PM   #9
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Eh... Some people monkey branch from one long term thing to another....

But there is also casual dating. Sometimes it's nothing more than friendship and sex.

Personally, I wouldn't ever want to go a year without sex.
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Old 6th November 2017, 9:30 PM   #10
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I have been single since 2012. My thing is that I don't see women that gung ho about getting their needs met. My buddy S broke up with his wife in Jan 2017. He has a new GF now. I can't imagine his wife starving for sex. The guy that gets her is going to have to court her. This is after being with S for 29 yrs. With 19 of them being married.
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Old 6th November 2017, 10:21 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Mysterio View Post
The way that I see it. Its almost feels like everyone in the world feels that if you don't get into a Romantic Relationship right away. You may lose your chance of ever having one.

No one can take one yr off from relationship to relationship. Its like break up and find another one right away.
For what it's worth, I wasn't looking for a relationship. My now partner started out as a one night stand. But he turned out to be a great guy who was interested in a relationship, and I'm not one to pass on something good.
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Old 8th November 2017, 5:01 AM   #12
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My exwife and I separated late in summer and by December already had Christmas cards with OM and all 4 kids combined to mail out. This is on top of "together" social media posts.. I don't know because I don't look. She specifically put in a "dating" clause in some googled agreement for us to use as a separation. That's when I told her to get the he// out. Divorce was final on a Friday and she announced an engagement on Saturday. That's just looney af to me.
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Old 9th November 2017, 5:15 AM   #13
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Ton. Your Ex has been planning this for a while. You just caught on to it. Accept the Divorce. Take the rest of this yr off from love/dating and begin anew Next year.
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Old 9th November 2017, 8:14 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mysterio View Post
So whats your perception on Separation as whole....What do you all think?
it depends on when you started and the length: if you married/dated exclusively at a young age (high school/college), the kids are in (or are about to enter) college and (obviously then) you have been together for 18+ years --- it makes more sense for a stale/troubled relationship to separate for a period of time to find one self as more than likely both of you have been 'parents' and not 'lovers'. so a break then re-courting can reinvigorate a stale marriage. many of us (inadvertently) do the same: i am in weekly golf league and coach ice hockey for a high school team. during these hours i think of nothing but the task at hand: some 'me time'. this also means having separate friends (a/k/a girls night out) is a good thing.

but as you reduce the years it becomes more obvious the one suggesting it is preparing the other for D.
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Old 9th November 2017, 3:43 PM   #15
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With today's world. I can't imagine having a one night stand with any woman. She would have to be someone I am aquinted with somehow. Not some woman I met at a bar. I don't care how great looking she is.

So a woman at the Gym or my work and that woman would have to pour on the charm. Even then. If a woman wants to get me into bed. She is going to have to work for it.
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