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Fiancée and mother of child broke up with me and left


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 19th September 2017, 3:04 PM   #46
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Just be prepared to find out what is actually going on with her...

Just be prepared to find out what is actually going on with her...

BTW, honestly man, just leave her be and start living your life. I am almost certain that this is not going to work out for you in the long run.

I hope I am wrong, but almost sure that I am not.

Start living your life and see what happens...
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Old 21st September 2017, 11:01 AM   #47
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Something worth noting happened today

I took my kid to hers and we had breakfast. There was a box on the table and I asked what it was. She told me to open it and inside was a book which she asked me to read. It was blank pages. I asked her what it's for and she said I bought that book the day you proposed to me to plan our wedding but you never bothered and wanted to wait forever and buy property first etc etc.

I felt genuinely crap about it. Told her I was sorry and I never realised she had wanted to get married sooner than we had sort of discussed. She said I was selfish and didn't think of what she wanted.. she was probably right.. I told her again I was sorry and that I was committed to her and didn't see a lot of my mistakes until now. She said she didn't wish to discuss further and feel pressured so I left.

That's the first time she has opened up to me in a long time. We didn't argue, it was constructive and I left understanding if nothing more.
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Old 31st October 2017, 7:13 AM   #48
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Update

Things have been up and down. Still both living our lives and doing stuff as a family most weeks. There's been a lot of punishing from her and a few arguments but gradually we're getting a lot better. Last weekend I went for dinner at hers and put our kid to bed. She then cuddled up to me on the sofa and we ended up having Sex for the first time in a long time. It was really good Sex!! I left afterwards and the next day she went a bit cold. Still v friendly and we're getting a long much better, but she said it's a one off and doesn't mean she going to come running back to me. I agreed that it's not right yet and we need time etc. But things are better between us and I hole that we can work towards being a family again in time ?

She is clearly very confused about what she wants, she wants contact daily and we both love our family and daughter a lot. We both have set boundaries that once someone else is involved we draw the line. I'm terrified of this happening but have to accept it le liklybsomehwen if we don't get back together ?! I'm being kind, strong and trying to do my own thing. The more I pull away the more she's chases me but after we slept together the next day I went to hug her goodbye and she pulled away and said it's too much for her and she's not ready ?! It feels like she won't realise until it's too late ? In turmoil still as to what to do but I really love her and my family and I want to reunite if it's possible. Been separated 5 long months now.. intimacy was a big part of the problem so I'm hoping that we can have sex again in time and gradually rebuild our bond up. She's asked if I will spend Xmas with her and talked about a holiday for next year.. but I'm just taking one day at a time.
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Old 1st January 2018, 7:25 PM   #49
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UPDATE

Happy new year to you all

So weve had lots of progress and changes since i last posted

She had been to see her GP prior to us having sex again for the first time in over a year. The GP told her to come off her birth control pill and it had an instant effect apparently. After the "one off" we slept together again twice more soon afterwards and have probably had sex 12-15 times since. She is gradually more and more affectionate with me and im learning to never have any expectations or inititate and let her have the control for now, its def a pursuer distancer situation re physical touch.

Weve had a weekend away together twice, both have been good and we seem to be slowly re connecting albeit at her pace and by her rules for now. Shes very protective of her emotions and any talk of getting back together or moving in is viewed as pressure which is very difficult obviously- but im learning to cope as i go. I now stay at hers a few days a week with her and our kid which is amazing and its great that she is often affectionate with me in front of our daughter again. The next wall to break down is going to be the hardest- commitment and eventually living under a roof as a family again. She talks about stuff and makes lots of hints but nothing concrete as of yet. Financially it makes obvious sense and our kid def would prefer one home and both parents as would i (and hopefully she too in time?!)

Its now been 6 months- Im hoping a few more and we can fully reconcile but Im kindve in this for the long haul now.

We had a great xmas all together, shes comfortable with us all at her place and regularly cooks nice dinners and we enjoy films and a bottle together like the old times. I have never stopped trying and believing we will reconcile, She told me she loved me last week for the first time since the split, it felt really good to hear it again after so long. Wish me luck for the final home straight, no matter what the end result I gave this my all for her and my kid and ill know I did everything I could

Heres to a better 2018!!!

jman
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Old 3rd January 2018, 3:24 AM   #50
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Hi jman, great news! Keep up the good work and I am sure things will work out for both of you. Let your SO keep calling the shots for now and keep taking things at her pace. Since i5 is the New Year it is a time for new beginnings and I am sure hood things are in store for the two of you. Happy New year and Warm wishes to you and your family.
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