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Hurting So Bad...Husband wants to separate


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 30th March 2017, 11:15 PM   #61
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Originally Posted by Snow7 View Post
Hi!

I just wanted to reach out as I'm going through something similar. I'm a few year older (early 40's) and I'm the one moving out. But he has not wanted me as a wife, in any way, for years. After years of me fighting and begging to address our marriage (he refused), I have decided to leave while there is still a part of me left to salvage. I break down and start crying at the oddest moments. Why did he give up on us so easily? Why did I stay so long....all those years! And now I have to start over.

Anyway, I am thinking about the same things: child custody, going back to work etc.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't think anyone ever imagines in their life they would be going through a divorce and dealing with this. I never thought it would happen. If he is not making you happy, then you are better off without him. But I know easier said than done. Sending you hugs.
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Old 2nd April 2017, 9:29 PM   #62
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I was alone this weekend, and I kept busy, but man it stung to see him today, and it just hits me again like how is this happening? It just makes me remember times where we'd argue and I'd be upset and feel like we had to worry about our marriage, and he'd just hug me after and say we can get through anything, we're always good. And it's just not that anymore. I haven't talked to him much, but I was just able to get out of him that he's not happy right now, but it's like he is the one who wanted this. I didn't say that, I just said well you'll be happy eventually. He thinks I'm handling it so well, but I'm really hurting still inside.

Then it upsets me that he feels like he has to work and give me all his money. I'm not some money hungry wife trying to bleed him dry. I have the kids to take care of, I still have to pay the mortgage, I still pay our bills like I always was in charge of. Even when I do work when my daughter's in kindergarten, he doesn't want me working something where I'm not home in the summers with them because he doesn't want anyone else watching them. But he acted annoyed today like he has to work overtime, and he gives me all his money.
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Old 2nd April 2017, 10:00 PM   #63
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The thing is, he made his decision...

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Originally Posted by Momof3littleones View Post
I was alone this weekend, and I kept busy, but man it stung to see him today, and it just hits me again like how is this happening? It just makes me remember times where we'd argue and I'd be upset and feel like we had to worry about our marriage, and he'd just hug me after and say we can get through anything, we're always good. And it's just not that anymore. I haven't talked to him much, but I was just able to get out of him that he's not happy right now, but it's like he is the one who wanted this. I didn't say that, I just said well you'll be happy eventually. He thinks I'm handling it so well, but I'm really hurting still inside.

Then it upsets me that he feels like he has to work and give me all his money. I'm not some money hungry wife trying to bleed him dry. I have the kids to take care of, I still have to pay the mortgage, I still pay our bills like I always was in charge of. Even when I do work when my daughter's in kindergarten, he doesn't want me working something where I'm not home in the summers with them because he doesn't want anyone else watching them. But he acted annoyed today like he has to work overtime, and he gives me all his money.
The thing is, he made his decision... and he has to live with it.

You need to focus on yourself and your kids. He does not get to make those decisions about whether you work or not, he is really not part of the family unit any more, as hard as that sounds.

You have to make the decisions for yourself and your children.

Hang in there...
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Old 4th April 2017, 12:51 PM   #64
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I am just so full of anger today. My daughter was sick today throwing up, and I had to get my other kids to school. I had to miss an appointment with a new therapist today in which I was just looking so forward to unloading everything because friends don't want to hear it all the time I'm sure. I just felt so mad like my ex would have been home if he were here because he works later today, and I'm dealing with this all on my own. I really needed that appointment today because I just wanted to get out all those emotions with someone. I feel like I have the weight of everything on my shoulders.
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Old 4th April 2017, 1:22 PM   #65
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Momof3littleones View Post
I am just so full of anger today. My daughter was sick today throwing up, and I had to get my other kids to school. I had to miss an appointment with a new therapist today in which I was just looking so forward to unloading everything because friends don't want to hear it all the time I'm sure. I just felt so mad like my ex would have been home if he were here because he works later today, and I'm dealing with this all on my own. I really needed that appointment today because I just wanted to get out all those emotions with someone. I feel like I have the weight of everything on my shoulders.
Some therapists will do telephone/Skype/email consultations.
That may suit you better sometimes, if getting away from home is going to be a problem.
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Old 5th April 2017, 10:46 PM   #66
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Thanks, I actually did get to meet with the therapist today.

Just a bad day today. For some reason, it was hitting me worse today as if it was the first day I found out. Why does it still shock me sometimes? I hope tomorrow is better.
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Old 6th April 2017, 9:38 PM   #67
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I moved out last weekend. I guess I've been too busy to be sad. Moved from 5000 square feet to 1000. I do love my little house. I'm good at interior decorating so I've been busy making it look nice. Plus I have the kid this weekend. I have only been away from him for one day.
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Old 7th April 2017, 10:56 PM   #68
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That's good you're making your place look nice and being busy!

I have been really busy, but to the point of exhaustion. I pretty much take care of them the majority of the time from wake up to bedtime, I had a sick daughter who wasn't sleeping most nights this week so then that means I'm not sleeping, I'm getting sick, I had PMS (sorry but hormones really screw with your head), and I'm starting to work from home trying to learn what I need to do, and it's not a good busy right now, it's an I'm so tired busy. But I know it's temporary, and I'll get back into the flow of things, my energy is just so low from being sick I think.

Today I had to be around my ex, and he was talking about renting space for something, and it just hit me again that this is really happening, and as soon as he left later, I let out all the tears, and I cried so much because I haven't really cried in awhile. He actually called the other night in the middle of the night and sounded so regretful and upset and then I think there's a chance that he'll work at things. But nope, it ends up being another day where things aren't changing, and it'll never be the same, and it's just so sad.
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Old 9th April 2017, 11:13 PM   #69
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I need to vent. I had so much anger this past weekend, and I know I acted irrationally and now that's it, I have to move on and cut the cord. No being nice and acting like we can be friends. He's been claiming he's not seeing anyone, that he's so depressed, whatever. First he rented space for his boat now instead of keeping it here like always which is pretty final. Then I saw on his calendar through google because I was still connected that he was going to some event with 2 tickets with her going that it actually showed her name and email for something in 2 weeks. My assumption is that she ordered the tickets, sent him the email and it automatically went in the calendar.

So I texted him the screenshot of it and just said I don't know why this is ciming up. And he was like I don't know either, see this is what I mean, it never ends, you don't trust me. I basically just said we are done, you're cut out of my life, not the kids. Then this morning because her email came up on the calendar, I emailed her. I said i won't be talking to him anymore so can you please give him a message? Please tell him to stop trying to sleep with me when he sees me because I was with him last month because I was confused. I said it must be more of an emotional connection that he has with you because when he was drunk (he did say that), he told me the sex actually sucked. So please pass that message on. (He did try to get physical like 2 weeks ago and then he was saying stuff on the phone the other night to FaceTime at like 1am but I said no).

And that is the last I can have contact. I know it was immature, irrational and making me seem like a crazy ex-wife. But I just had that anger, I felt it, I had to lash out because it was like discovering it the first time all over again, and now I have to heal and move on. As I told him after seeing he's going to some expensive hipster thing like he's 25 years old, I don't know him anymore and I don't want to know him.

Last edited by Momof3littleones; 9th April 2017 at 11:15 PM..
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Old 10th April 2017, 11:04 PM   #70
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I get angry too. Trying to move on....

The day before I moved out, I discovered an OLD account. Well, he moved on fast. I guess it's not my business anymore. Settling into my new reality. The issue is that no one knows so I have to pretend everything is fine.
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Old 11th April 2017, 8:57 PM   #71
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How is drinking?
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Old 11th April 2017, 11:38 PM   #72
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How is drinking?
I think it's the same. No doubt he is probably doing whatever with this girl sober. But I have no doubt when he started getting close to her, he was probably drunk. Not an excuse but basically she's getting a crappy version of him. When he has long shifts at work, he goes without drinking. But if he's off, then he's most likely drinking.
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Old 11th April 2017, 11:40 PM   #73
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I get angry too. Trying to move on....

The day before I moved out, I discovered an OLD account. Well, he moved on fast. I guess it's not my business anymore. Settling into my new reality. The issue is that no one knows so I have to pretend everything is fine.
It's so hard to pretend everything is fine. it's like a punch in the gut every time someone asks about him. Some people know but no school parents.
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Old 12th April 2017, 1:22 AM   #74
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Originally Posted by Momof3littleones View Post
I need to vent. I had so much anger this past weekend, and I know I acted irrationally and now that's it, I have to move on and cut the cord. No being nice and acting like we can be friends. He's been claiming he's not seeing anyone, that he's so depressed, whatever. First he rented space for his boat now instead of keeping it here like always which is pretty final. Then I saw on his calendar through google because I was still connected that he was going to some event with 2 tickets with her going that it actually showed her name and email for something in 2 weeks. My assumption is that she ordered the tickets, sent him the email and it automatically went in the calendar.

So I texted him the screenshot of it and just said I don't know why this is ciming up. And he was like I don't know either, see this is what I mean, it never ends, you don't trust me. I basically just said we are done, you're cut out of my life, not the kids. Then this morning because her email came up on the calendar, I emailed her. I said i won't be talking to him anymore so can you please give him a message? Please tell him to stop trying to sleep with me when he sees me because I was with him last month because I was confused. I said it must be more of an emotional connection that he has with you because when he was drunk (he did say that), he told me the sex actually sucked. So please pass that message on. (He did try to get physical like 2 weeks ago and then he was saying stuff on the phone the other night to FaceTime at like 1am but I said no).

And that is the last I can have contact. I know it was immature, irrational and making me seem like a crazy ex-wife. But I just had that anger, I felt it, I had to lash out because it was like discovering it the first time all over again, and now I have to heal and move on. As I told him after seeing he's going to some expensive hipster thing like he's 25 years old, I don't know him anymore and I don't want to know him.
Good for you. Not like you were lying right?

Best thing for him will be to lay in the bed he has made. Don't respond to any more of his stuff unless it's kid related. Don't answer his calls I. The middle of the night. Or at all. There's nothing that you need to hear his voice for. Email and text will do so you have time to think of your replies---but remember, don't reply unless it's kid related. Turn off your read receipts. Don't answer him right away to make him think your desperate waiting by the phone for him.

Turn off your phone at night. Is he still in the house? Get a lock on your bedroom door. Even if it's just one of those bolt ones your screw to the top of the door.

Let him lie in his bed.
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Old 13th April 2017, 3:36 AM   #75
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First of all, don't take a decision without out the proper considerations. This not only happens you. Basically am working in law firm. So, this kind of cases i have seen more in my life. The most of peoples coming for separation with confusions and without knowing "how the separation process going on".

Better way, when your husband is normal and free mode, you need to talk with him. No need to argue. If he is argue with you, better way is to don't speak on that time. Think about your children's. If your life goes like this, then you take the decisions. And save your children by financially.

If you need any help or regarding free advice on your family matters, you just consult with area family advisors/ lawyers.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 13th April 2017 at 7:18 AM..
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