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Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 29th July 2017, 2:08 PM   #61
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Anyway, things are ok.

I still dream about her every night, but at this point, I think it is just the residue...the grieving from a loss, the scar from being hurt badly.

It is who I am, the type of person I am that makes me feel the hurt so deeply. My personality is of the type that finds it very hard to let go of anything.

That is why I wish I could change. If I were a different person, more balanced, more social, more involved, I believe it would ease some of the grief hangover.

But it's not like I haven't tried it. It's just not me.

I don't like much, but when I do, it seems to be pretty deep.

Whatever.
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Old 29th July 2017, 2:19 PM   #62
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The pain fades a bit.

Thank God.

I am so relieved. It really is wonderful to look back and to be so grateful that I no longer feel such acute pain.

If you feel that pain now, please trust me. I would not lie about this. If you can just hang in--which I'm pretty sure most people are capable of--if you can just hang in there, you will feel better. I don't think it ever goes away, but as bad as I still feel sometimes, it is nowhere as severe as it was.

If you can consider the relationship as trashed as soon as they give you the talk, you will profit. Do not communicate with them unless absolutely necessary; and then, be as professional as you can.

Being angry helped me. Thankfully, I never acted on it, but knowing that I was angry, and that I kinda hate her now did help.

I'm also very grateful that I didn't beg, I didn't stalk her, or text her. It was good to basically just walk away. If there was the slightest chance in the world that she had a change of heart, she certainly knew how to find me.

Last edited by Tuesday After; 29th July 2017 at 2:58 PM..
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Old 29th July 2017, 3:10 PM   #63
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I've been through this before, so I know eventually I'll stop drinking and eating so much pizza. I wish I could rebuild things faster, but I can't force it.

So, I don't want to wallow too much. It is what it is, and I'll do what I can to muddle along. My best to anyone reading this.
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Old 29th July 2017, 11:16 PM   #64
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I'm happy you've moved in a forward direction... that's great!

Can you cut back the drinking? That can't be good for you and your future.

If needed, see a counselor to work through the pain instead of drinking to avoid the feelings.
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Old 30th July 2017, 12:14 AM   #65
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Glad to hear your moving along T.
Great job with the condo , kinda wishing l just bought a unit or something which i very weird for me we always had small acreage but l'm just a bit over renovating and house bs. It'd be nice to wake up and live life or do what l want instead of having to work on the house.
Glad you got off those damn antidepressants , heard a lot of sh@t about them and if they ain't working why bother.
l was thinking hell man , try a few drinks, so what, who cares , not gonna kill ya any quicker than a body full of those damn things.
Same with pizza.

As l was reading your attraction thing , yeah, know all about it. l'm not out of the box either and l was an artist 12yrs, totally different to most my age, don't look it,feel it, live it, l'd freak them out.
But don't worry about it, just wait until you meet her, she'll just be whatever she is, you'll just like her whether she be older younger or who ever , that'll all take care of itself , and probably what you least expected.

Anyway , soldier on brother , it'll all work out and find it's own way for ya. Been through it all, nearly 5yrs now.
Good luck.
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Old 30th July 2017, 4:14 AM   #66
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That was one of the saddest yet beautiful threads I've read on here. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. PS Did she read Eat, Pray, Love? A lot of girls read that then head off to India in search of who knows what. They come back with Delhi belly and little else.
It's great to hear you're doing so well one-year on
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Old 2nd August 2017, 10:19 AM   #67
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PS Did she read Eat, Pray, Love?
I thought of the same thing. It makes me hate a book I've never read.
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Old 7th August 2017, 1:12 PM   #68
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Quote:
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I went to the doctor today.

I couldn't even get the words out. I just kept stuttering 'my wife lef...my wife lef.....my...'

He had to finish it for me.

He put me on 150 mg Effexor...Supposed to be for treatment-resistant depression.

I feel pathetic for breaking down like that. But I need help.

I checked my penis at the reception desk and went home and cried like a little girl.

nothing about your story if funny - but this line cracked me up. Your sense of humor is a lot like mine, I can tell. I'm so sorry for what you're going through...I'm in a similar boat and it's been an absolute nightmare. I'm so sorry.
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Old 7th August 2017, 1:51 PM   #69
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you sound a lot like me...I agree there is something "wrong" with us...that's why I'm scheduling a 2 hour therapy session tomorrow afternoon...but on the other hand, maybe we just appreciate/prefer a simpler life? People these days need excitement, to spend money, to live life on the edge...etc...I prefer to stay in between the lines...be responsible, mature...future focused...maybe we're not so "off"...maybe the people we surround ourselves with are broken in a different way?
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Old 7th August 2017, 2:16 PM   #70
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It's been about three weeks without drinking at all. I still can't say that I am feeling any better from the Effexor. And I feel a little worse for not having that little bit of social activity and that little relief buzz.

I guess I'll give it a few more weeks and see where I'm at.

She wanted a dog. A big hairy dog. You hate big hairy dogs. Her mother has big hairy dogs and every time you left the house you had big hairy dog hair on you for a week.

And who would probably wind up taking care of the big hairy dog, while she flitted onto the next thing, hmm?

And what would have happened if you would have knuckled under and had kids? You would have been taking care of chickens, big hairy dogs and kids, while she traipses off to Southern Bosnia, or some crap.

I am very lucky. I keep trying to remind myself.

man...I'm cracking up - not because it's funny but you sound SO much like me...my gosh
my husband (I called him a princess) wanted kids too and I took care of EVERYTHING....kids would have just been one more thing for me to handle...no help from him
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Old 7th August 2017, 2:18 PM   #71
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She offered to put on a pair of gloves and dispose of her so I didn't have to see her. My wife knows how I am.

I told her absolutely not, I wanted to bury her.

I couldn't stop crying, I told my wife how sorry I was. My wife said not to blame myself. The other chickens seemed fine, and she knew that I certainly didn't do it intentionally.

I told my wife to leave and I rushed home.

I found our chicken underneath the watering system. She had been trying to cool herself down.

I picked her up and hugged her, and stroked her and kissed her. I kept telling her how sorry I was. I held her for a long time. She was still so soft, just beginning to get a little stiff.

I dug a hole underneath one of our pecan trees and I buried her.

Then, I went to hike the mountain.

( heartbreaking...I'm so, so sorry
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Old 24th August 2017, 3:01 PM   #72
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I've been reading others stories on here for almost 3 years and there is something about how you write that grabbed my attention right away. I am an avid reader so I just have to tell you that definitely have a talent for writing and drawing someone into your story. Unfortunately your story isn't fiction and it was heartbreaking to read.

I have my own terrible break-up story, like most others do, which is what drew me to this website almost 3 years ago. What made me relate to your story a bit more than some others that I have read is that I also make my partner the center of my life. He is my best friend, confidante, tv binge watching partner and the person I trust most above all others. When your best friend suddenly doesn't want to love or be with you, who do you turn to?

I've never trusted any "friends" with any of my deep feelings or emotions unless I've had too many drinks, I couldn't talk to anyone about it. I have had many acquaintances in my life but only a couple of true friends. People just don't stick to me for very long maybe because I'm just not capable of being a good friend, who knows. It is just encouraging to know (although I'm sorry that you had to deal with it too) that someone else understands that when your partner truly is your best and only friend, it makes it that much harder to get over when they leave you.

I've also tried to change my pattern with my current relationship and not depend on the person so much but I've fallen into the same relationship trap that I set for myself. Although I think there is a small part of me that will always be reminded that this can be ripped away at any moment, so maybe I'm more protected this time. I hope you will be too.

You will find someone again.. I understand the age thing as well. Although I've never dated anyone significantly older/younger than me, I don't like men my exact age or older.. I'm always attracted to a few years younger, it's something that can't be helped. Good luck to you and please post on here again
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Old 18th September 2017, 5:47 PM   #73
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Beautiful

I loved reading this and I was sad reading this...I never read things from start to finish on here, but your posts grabbed hold of my attention and did not let go. Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing!
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Old 19th September 2017, 12:46 PM   #74
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I would buy this book..

Wish I would have found this particular thread during my divorce.
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