berniev Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 How did you do it? I can't seem to make the move. Some said that I want separation so that I can be free to sleep around. That is probably true but I don't know if I can continue the status quo. For my background story, you can read it here. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/530672-should-i-stay-should-i-leave http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/532197-why-am-i-still-so-miserable Link to post Share on other sites
Naturebox Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 You're a male looking for a divorce. Protect your assets before you initiate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Mine was a vivid moment of clarity , not indifference or anger, but pure clarity that enough was enough and it was time to put the matter to rest. We ended it amicably and made the best of such a sad decision. Lets face it, the marriage fails...and to some extent we must hold ourselves accountable for that failure. You owe each other that much to end it in a mature way. So few though know how to do that.... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 The decision to leave was instant. The timing is what mattered. There were complications and domestic matters which needed settling, and tying up the loose ends was necessary. But the decision was easy-peasy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author berniev Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 The decision to leave was instant. The timing is what mattered. There were complications and domestic matters which needed settling, and tying up the loose ends was necessary. But the decision was easy-peasy. How did you come to the decision? How did you manage the timing? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 How did you come to the decision? How did you manage the timing? I came to the decision that I was not going to be treated the way I was being treated, and that I deserved more respect, affection and consideration. That momentous decision made, I shut down completely, and lived alongside my ex almost as a room-mate. The timing was more to do with where the children were at, with regard to schooling, etc. But I always knew it would come. Link to post Share on other sites
Male3133 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 (edited) Read your story and I have a little different take on this. Been through the discussions... Took maybe 3-5 years to get through. Our relationship did have much more sex and intimacy than yours though. Anyway - also came to a head with the panic of midlife - "is this all there is? Am I not going to ever have this in my life?" So I get that and the real heartache. I went to a sex therapist because I was feeling emotions - not typical for me as I am pretty normal guy - and they included feelings that the marriage was worse than I objectively knew it was. I was aware that cheaters often recast the marriage and their partners in a negative light and rewrite history. So I was concerned that this might be happening. Went and didn't tell spouse. Was very interesting... Ended up going back with my wife. Learned that wife really did have strong feelings for me and that what I thought was a desire for more sex was actually a need for emotional connection. Also that since I (and oat men) emotionally connect through sex, that the lack of sex appeared to be a lack of love / caring for me from my wife. Learned about the ways women and men differ - yeah we all know the cliches but came to understand that her not initiating didn't actually mean anything. Anyway - we are working on this and having sex daily - to establish that as a fact of our relationship. Has really made a huge difference for both of us. I would suggest you have her read "His Needs, Her Needs". It breaks down sex as the typically #1 priority for men and why and says a failure to meet this will likely result in an affair. I think the way it is presented explained to my wife what I couldn't communicate for years. You may be further gone... But maybe she has love that you don't recognize and if that's the case, it might alleviate the resentment that has built up if you understand her better and she takes responsibility for her part of the marriage. You might find where you are lacking as well. In any event, it will drive out the affair discussion which will move you guys more decisively in one direction or another and solve your problem. [edit] I never cheated... But thought I might be behaving similarly due to building resentment. Edited July 2, 2015 by Male3133 Clarification Link to post Share on other sites
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