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I Challenge the No Contact Theory


moneyneversleeps

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moneyneversleeps

So here it is.

In the art of courtship, no contact obviously doesn't work.

Limited contact does, and then this is slowly increased.

 

Now let me tell you. I wish i didn't contact my ex after our break up. Your vision is foggy. Your game is off. They have mulled over this for a while, prepared. They are logically and emotionally conditioned. So, put your pride aside and revisit this battle another day. Prepare. Get your winning attitude back and make your plan.

 

Now, here is where i stuffed up. I wish i knew then what i knew now.

After a while, their dumper will get lonely, less angry and you will have your chance to swoop. I swooped, we kissed, had a great time, went to dinner and had sex.

You would think it would be in the bag now right? WRONG!

 

Don't tell them you are/were seeing someone else. This will F**k it up.

DO NOT. Let them know you are active, having fun, but DO NOT tell them you were or are seeing someone else. I did this and she took revenge and went out banging. (ouch).

 

Also, do not tell them you want them back.. I assumed this would work, for some reason it doesn't..

 

Now i am back in no contact, after turning her down from one last time at 'sex' for one last time at dinner, etc etc. I suspected she was stringing me along.

 

Fact of the matter.

You need to get a grip emotionally. The no contact will only work to get yourself back on game. Then you have to bring it to the table.

If I was prepared, I could have won her back when the attraction was escalating.

Well i did stuff it up, said some things that were a little nasty and hurtful.

Its been 28 days NC. I think its time to bring back the game..

Otherwise how else can you show you have changed unless you play the game of courtship and DO CHANGE?

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cinta_satu

Interesting. What if your ex has a new bf in the picture? In my case after 2.5 years she moved on in 2 months. And my ex is the type that dates for marriage not for fun so I'm assuming she has found the 'one'.

 

So I wouldn't really feel right trying to claw my way back into her life because I still love her and want whats best for her.

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Courtship = The art or wooing another.

 

Why would I want to try and woo someone that dumped me? Especially in your case when she's told you she's not in love with you anymore.

 

I may quote this incorrectly but I read this on someone's signature:

 

"It isn't the dumpee's job to get the dumper back. It's the dumper's job to make the dumpee want them back."

 

All you're doing is trying to sell yourself by going back every 30 days trying to portray a newer shinier version of yourself hoping one day she'll be interested and fork out a twenty and buy. And change doesn't happen in 28 days.

 

Too much game playing to make someone want you again. I would just keep going on with my life, and if I was of value enough to the other, they'd realize and come for you on their own accord.

Edited by Zahara
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moneyneversleeps

When you are picking up, you don't rely on the woman to approach you- this is a very rare case.

You show off, create attraction..

Then comfort.

 

The reason why the relationships fail, is because you got too comfortable, stale.

Guys like myself, we either stay sharp or get sloppy.

So I'm going to do what I have always done. I'm going to trust my own instincts.

I'm going to go out and take whatever I want. What's mine.

I'll report back the results.

You can't just think they are happy.

You have to think I can offer more than what anyone else can.

 

I think it's back to basics.

 

Hey maybe I'm wrong and I appeal to a broader range of women by doing so, but hey.. I guess this is what I choose.

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Mme. Chaucer

I believe the point of "no contact" is to enable a person to move on from a break up.

 

Not sure why you're "challenging" it. I'm not sure what your goal was with this woman, but it seems like it was NOT to emotionally move on.

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you cant create a marketing plan for someone to fall in love with you... it doesnt work that way, ppl leave relationships for a reason. Would you be with a person you fell out of love with??? the harsh reality is that sometimes the one you love may fall out of love with you.... nothings wrong with tryin but if the second time around it didnt work stop giving yourself hope... if its meant to be in the future it'll be. RELAX and move on

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No Contact isn't a theory. It is a practical way for heartbroken individuals to give themselves the time and space to grieve, heal, and move on with their lives. That's it.

 

No Contact is not a master plan for winning an ex back, nor is it a game or strategy, though sometimes people use it this way. It is not, in fact, about the ex. It is about the self.

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Simon Phoenix

So you are challenging No Contact but are in No Contact because your breaking of No Contact didn't work? I'm confused.

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So here it is.

In the art of courtship, no contact obviously doesn't work.

Limited contact does, and then this is slowly increased.

 

Well obviously no contact doesn't work in the art of courtship. Can you 'court' a woman without having contact with her?

 

 

 

NC is not a ploy or a mechanism to get your ex back. And to be perfectly honest, for me, it's not a tool for courting either. It's an act; a process; that one goes through to move on and heal from a previous relationship - out of sight, out of mind. I really don't see how your 'challenging' the no contact theory because quite frankly it seems like you're not trying to move on.

 

And honestly - if I may ask, in very respectful terms - what are you trying to achieve by playing these mind games?

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TaraMaiden

I'm laughing so hard now....

I'm sorry, I shouldn't be laughing, really, right?

 

No, really.

I shouldn't laugh.

 

But see, laughing stops me beating my head against the wall and pulling my hair out.....

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TaraMaiden

3 things guaranteed to get TaraMaiden all heated up under the collar:

 

  • AAARGH! I Broke No Contact!!
     
  • No Contact didn't work - they didn't come back!
     
  • Karma will kick you in the @ss!

 

Other than that, I'm jus' fine, folks!!

 

:D

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moneyneversleeps

Ok.

So Tara, i have heard it before. No contact.

Get over it, move on.

 

But let me entertain you for a second..

 

When i meet a woman. I wine, dine, etc etc. If we have an amazing time, and i just stop contacting her, well nothing happens. If i continue to pursue her (in a reasonable, attractive, charming manner) i will certainly get her naked, aroused and screaming my name.

 

Humans are not an exact science. But i have mastered a science that almost certainly works every time. (it will need to be tailored to individuals obviously)

 

Why can this not be applied in the same manner to an ex girlfriend?

 

Furthermore, i obviously do not want to move on. If i did i would be doing that.

Therefore, i am left with no choice but to challenge the 'theory'.

 

manipulation and games are not dishonest, if it gets your foot in the door, allows you to show them you have changed and inevitably have a better impact on their life.

So essentially, you are doing them a favour.

Opinions are welcomed.

I think it is time to break NC

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Simon Phoenix
Ok.

So Tara, i have heard it before. No contact.

Get over it, move on.

 

But let me entertain you for a second..

 

When i meet a woman. I wine, dine, etc etc. If we have an amazing time, and i just stop contacting her, well nothing happens. If i continue to pursue her (in a reasonable, attractive, charming manner) i will certainly get her naked, aroused and screaming my name.

 

Humans are not an exact science. But i have mastered a science that almost certainly works every time. (it will need to be tailored to individuals obviously)

 

Why can this not be applied in the same manner to an ex girlfriend?

 

Furthermore, i obviously do not want to move on. If i did i would be doing that.

Therefore, i am left with no choice but to challenge the 'theory'.

 

manipulation and games are not dishonest, if it gets your foot in the door, allows you to show them you have changed and inevitably have a better impact on their life.

So essentially, you are doing them a favour.

Opinions are welcomed.

I think it is time to break NC

 

If I'm reading your first post correctly, you already broke NC after a short period and failed. Why would you repeat that?

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TaraMaiden
Ok.

So Tara, i have heard it before. No contact.

Get over it, move on.

 

But let me entertain you for a second..

 

When i meet a woman. I wine, dine, etc etc. If we have an amazing time, and i just stop contacting her, well nothing happens. If i continue to pursue her (in a reasonable, attractive, charming manner) i will certainly get her naked, aroused and screaming my name.

 

Humans are not an exact science. But i have mastered a science that almost certainly works every time. (it will need to be tailored to individuals obviously)

 

Why can this not be applied in the same manner to an ex girlfriend?

 

Furthermore, i obviously do not want to move on. If i did i would be doing that.

Therefore, i am left with no choice but to challenge the 'theory'.

 

manipulation and games are not dishonest, if it gets your foot in the door, allows you to show them you have changed and inevitably have a better impact on their life.

So essentially, you are doing them a favour.

Opinions are welcomed.

I think it is time to break NC

 

carry on.

When you fail, let us know.

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I actually appreciate this entertainment on a slow Friday at the office. Please do carry on.

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BustedUpInside

When i meet a woman. I wine, dine, etc etc. If we have an amazing time, and i just stop contacting her, well nothing happens. If i continue to pursue her (in a reasonable, attractive, charming manner) i will certainly get her naked, aroused and screaming my name.

 

Ummm, if all the ladies want you so bad, why are you on LS on a Friday night?:rolleyes::sick:

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moneyneversleeps

The time difference in sydney, is obviously a little different to where you are from..

The ladies don't want me so bad. what i am saying is i always have had to put in the hard yards. I have never waited for anything to come to me. This is the only way i have had success.. If you wait around and things just fall on your lap, well then i guess you are lucky.

I did go out, i had a great time. ended up back at someones house. I didn't have sex, because i am a broken soul.

At 2.30am, while she was asleep next to me i opened the mac and decided to type away.

When i type my pain seems to subside temporarily, not much else helps.

today is also my second day sober in 2 months *clap* *clap* lol

Its Saturday night tonight. I have been invited over to a ladies house.

I'd prefer to sit at home in sorrow though. Maybe at around midnight tonight ill go out drinking with some mates and my cycle will repeat itself..

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simplyamazing
Isn't it just? We all need some funny in our lives!:laugh:

 

 

Yup! I love that the OP wants to challenge something that isn't a theory at all! It's so misguided! NC as we know, is about US, not getting an ex back!

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When you are picking up, you don't rely on the woman to approach you- this is a very rare case.

You show off, create attraction..

Then comfort.

 

The reason why the relationships fail, is because you got too comfortable, stale.

Guys like myself, we either stay sharp or get sloppy.

So I'm going to do what I have always done. I'm going to trust my own instincts.

 

I'm going to go out and take whatever I want. What's mine.

 

I'll report back the results.

 

You can't just think they are happy.

You have to think I can offer more than what anyone else can.

 

I think it's back to basics.

 

Hey maybe I'm wrong and I appeal to a broader range of women by doing so, but hey.. I guess this is what I choose.

 

I vaguely understand your thinking when it comes to your first points here. But this part I find somewhat disturbing. :confused:

 

 

I'm going to go out and take whatever I want. What's mine.

 

By all means try again with this woman, and if you decide to, I wish you the best of luck. :)

 

However, it seems to me that you would be better off moving on. As that way you have the chance to meet someone who is more compatible with you, and thus won't break up with you like she did.

 

But ultimately your ex is not "your's" to have.

 

Maybe if you play your cards right, she may ... MAY.. be interested in trying again with you... but she is free to make that choice.

 

So either she will choose you or she won't. And so far she hasn't chosen you.

 

Also, I may be wrong, but I suspect you telling her about the other women you've been seeing since your break up may have strengthened her resolve to move on from you herself. Although that may partly depend on the reason(s) did she gave for ending the relationship in the first place?

 

Either way, even if you use a myriad of manipulation plays and mind games, its only going to take you so far, and may eventually blow up in your face if she grows tired of it.

 

Wouldn't you rather try to move on from her, so that you have a chance to meet someone who is a better match?

Edited by Xinreeki
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TaraMaiden

And the bigger your try, the harder your fall.....

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simplyamazing
Yep. Of course NC as a manipulation tactic to win back your ex doesn't work. Who'd have thunk it! You can't manipulate someone to be with you! Lol

 

Part of me hopes the OP realizes that breaking NC every 28 days is just like ripping a scab off. It hurts, then it bleeds. Then it starts to scab again, only to get ripped off again.

 

But the cynical person in me hopes otherwise :bunny:

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