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Not coping . . .


Raven1845

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Why? Why can't I get him out of my head? Why do I keep typing text messages and emails? (only to delete them . . . at least I'm not sending them).

 

The feeling of wanting to be with him is so overwhelming. I feel like I'm going to go mad if I don't get to see him or hear his voice. I'm not a crazy person. Why am I feeling so tormented? Does it ever get any easier or does it just keep getting harder?

 

As I mentioned in a previous thread, I saw him last Thursday night:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t82281/

 

I keep hoping that he had come in specifically to see me. Why else would he have arrived so late? His nose was broken, so I doubt he was out scoping for chicks. Our is it just wishful thinking on my part?

 

I feel so crazy in saying that I'd actually prefer to die than to continue feeling like this. (not a suicide threat, I would NEVER hurt myself . . . just so much in agony over missing him that I don't want to feel like this anymore).

 

I keep thinking if I don't contact him, he will eventually contact me. He knows that I plan on moving back north to my home city. I did send him an email that told him my cell number would be changing soon to a number where I'm moving to and asked that if he wanted to know it to please let me know. I'm hoping he wouldn't want me to move away without getting to talk to me. I know I shouldn't care, but I do. I can't help it. At least I asked "if" he wanted my number to let me know. I didn't just give it to him. I guess I shouldn't have done anything ,though.

 

I know he's very surprised that I didn't chase after him on Thursday. I know him . . . it was evident.

 

I want the upper hand, and if I wait long enough I might get it. Even if I don't get back together with him, I want him to want to. He didn't really want to stop seeing me . . . he just wanted to be able to see other people. Which, I tell myself if he really cared, he wouldn't have wanted that, but he is so different and difficult to explain. What seems to apply to "normal" people just doesn't apply to him. I don't know. He's just a contradiction.

 

I also sent him a text message on Friday that read, "How ever you got hurt, I hope you're okay."

 

I know I wasn't suppose to, but I didn't think it was "mushy" or anything. Just genuine concern for another person. (though, I know inside it was more than that, I didn't convey it in writing). I would have felt like a total ass if I had not wished him well after he had been in an accident.

 

I miss him sooooooo much. I miss him so much, it hurts, and I feel like it's never going to go away.

 

I didn't think it was possible to feel this kind of pain.

 

Why did he come up to me Thursday? I would have never known he was there. I know he wasn't there for long, because I would have seen him. Maybe he did come to see me, or to show me that he had been hurt and to see if I'd run after him.

 

I'm so angry with myself. I feel like I should have run after him, and asked him if he was okay.

 

I'm also beginning to wonder if I should have just continued seeing him on "his terms." At least I'd get to see him.

 

I know that sounds so stupid, but I can't help it. Maybe if I can continue this NC, he will eventually come into contact with me. I know he's finding it hard to believe I haven't been bothering him. It's not like me . . . especially to have been speechless on Thursday. I would have normally followed him out and wanted to be with him.

 

NC is driving me insane. I know I've broke it a couple of times, but I didn't do the, "I miss and love you and am miserable without you" thing.

 

God, I just want it to go away.

 

Thanks for letting me rant. I just miss him so much, and being away from him is like torture. I just want it to stop.:(

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thats just like me right now.. i cant seem to get ever my girl.. it seems like i need to stalk her everytime and know her every move since were no longer together.. i still want her.. she was the one who broke up with me.. and i finally realized how it felt to get my heart broken and torn into pieces just like i did to her many times.. she was the strong one in the relationship and the emotional one too.. at the end i became more of an emotional person.. i cry everytime i get a chance when im alone.. i feel like the world as come to an end.. i have no more hopes.. and i cant seem to do anything.. i decided to not contact her for awhile because i wanted to get over her.. but the truth is i cant resist her voice, her smiles, and her beautiful personality.. so i decided to be friends with her since yesterday.. even though it hurts that i will never have a chance to be with her.. im positive that being her friend will make her happy instead of not being friends and her being unhappy. it really hurts me that we can only be friends when i wanted a future with her.. im young but i was soo positive that i'll truly be happy with her.. i knew that we'll live everlastingly.. but now that wont happen.. and i was devasted that it had to come to an end.. the reason why i cant let her go is because i had soooo many dreams and plans with her.. she was my first in everything.. the memories we shared were so priceless.. she did whatever i did, and i did whatever she did.. i guess our bond was really strong and i thought nothing can ever break it.. i cant get over her because i know shes the only one for me and no other girl can ever compare.. so that is why im her friend now.. it hurts but at least shes happy.. well.. i just had to write this even though it didnt help.. im still in the process of getting used to being friends with her.. i love her and doing this will hopefully make me happy in the future..

 

 

im sorry if that didnt help.. im just relating to how you feel.. and im just gettin it all out.. or maybe i just wanted to talk about my girl and how special she is in my life.. haha... i miss her.....

 

we'll all i can say is be friends.. cos thats what im doing right now.. other ppl may say let him go.. but he may still have strong feelings for you.. so dont give up.. my girl never gave up after countless times of me breakin up with her.. and now i want her more than anything is this world.. well.. im sorry if i didnt help.. but i'll pray for you. i wana wish you the very best. take care and God Bless!

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Brittanyjean06

This is normal thinking on your part, after breaking up. You have uncontrollable urges to talk to him...anyone would! but a break up is a break up..and I'ts not over..till its over!

 

I feel like things get worse before they get better.

I always was against people saying oh it gets better and better!...It takes time..you might be feeling better than how you probally did the minute ya'll broke up, like you can get out of bed or something.

 

but it takes a while, and deep down in your heart you know it will take some time...

 

This is my first time, its been 7 months..One day im fine....one day I'm feeling the heart ache..and i feel hazy.. No, suicide my friend is not an option! Good lord, parents lose their children...think of the pain of that! there is always someone worse...

 

You are strong, you will be strong...and I know you want the upper hand...but what you will have to come to terms with is....It's a break up....and you need to let go of this" I want the upper hand..."...give it some time.. distanced your self from him...thats the best way to go! Promise

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It's okay to feel this way; a lot of us have gone through this. Seeing him just makes it worse, so it's nor surprise that it affected you so much.

 

Remember that there are many, many people out there with whom you could have a wonderful life but, as long as you're hanging on to the threads of this relationship, you're going to keep feeling like this. You make think that's easy for me to say, but its not; I still have a daily fight to keep from bursting into tears at work, while driving, in line at the grocery store... you name it.

 

And, no matter, what, no one is worth hurting yourself. It may not feel like it right now, but there are people who would be devastated if anything happened to you.

 

It gets better. I promise.

 

Also, in regards to being friends: unlike a lot of people, I really do believe that its possible to be friends with your ex. BUT, not immediately. You need some time and distance; you need not to feel jealous, or angry, and you especially need to rid yourself of that longing to speak to him, under any circumstances. So, friends? Maybe. But not yet. And emailing, text messaging - these are just ways to get his attention. You need to stop that, for you. It's like quitting smoking - the longer you go, the easier it gets, until one day these feelings will no longer have any power over you.

 

You're worth more. Take care.

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