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First 100-Days Of No Contact - Day-By-Day Progress


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 7th February 2018, 10:34 PM   #1
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First 100-Days Of No Contact - Day-By-Day Progress

Day 1:

As relationships end I have realized that many do not have the strength to immediately go into NC, myself included. After periods of time avoiding communication entirely, 10-days being the longest thus far, I have succumbed to responding to what is commonly referred to as breadcrumbs. These responses have been met with high hopes, but each time have resulted in more pain.

Today I have made the decision to no longer respond to these crumbs, while requesting that all communication on her part be terminated unless the contact is with an openness to rekindle a relationship, for now the third time, maybe third time would really be a charm.

I am going to use this thread to hold me accountable for the following:

- Staying true to my word and not breaking NC

- Give an insight to the healing process for those currently and in the future experiencing heartbreak

Over the next 100-days I will post each day with a brief summary of how I am feeling, as well as include any temptations that I may have had to break my promise to myself of no contact.

I am going to let go of hope entirely that I will be reached out to; however, if that scenario were to occur I will add the incident to this 100-day journal.

I hope that by the end of this that I will have not only healed and became a better man, but that this will also be a piece of writing that can help others through a hard time.
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Old 7th February 2018, 10:52 PM   #2
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Sounds like a good plan...

Except, I think it's a bad idea to leave communication open with the vague possibility that you might hear from her if she wants to rekindle. I think it will slow down your healing process as some part of the back of your mind will be holding on to that hope that you hear from her (which you've already indicated you're hoping for in your post). Letting go of that hope completely will speed up the recovery. I would suggest you block her.

For me it's been almost 3 months since my breakup. She was hugely torn about leaving, and for most of that 3 months I got lots of breadcrumbs hinting at a return. I had lots of 1 - 2 week no contact periods with contact in between. Always her breaking the NC, not me. She even managed to circumvent me blocking her at one point by using an app I forgot I had installed.

I'm now 16 days NC and this time I don't even have her phone number. She normally would have broken NC by now, but she hasn't. I feel like this NC is "the one" and knowing that has really helped me in my healing process.

I say all that just to reiterate that I think it really helps to have some finality. Rather than holding on to lingering hopes.

Best of luck and I look forward to seeing your updates!
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Old 7th February 2018, 11:44 PM   #3
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sdraw108,

Congratulations on making it 16-days so far, that's awesome to hear, and it must have been a difficult time for you to have to deal with the variations of leaving you with breadcrumbs.

I understand what you are saying as well, regarding letting go of all hope; however, at this time the way I am feeling has me holding on to some type of hope. Not that I want things to pick off where they where, I know that relationship is over, but that if God's plan is to bring us back together than it will happen in the future and only if she truly pursues me without the breadcrumb game.

I'm sure that as these 100-days go by my outlook on the situation will begin to change, but as for the moment I just want to feel through all of my emotions and stay strong and true to my promises.

Last edited by JP2015; 7th February 2018 at 11:48 PM..
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Old 8th February 2018, 3:48 PM   #4
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Day 2:

Throughout this process I have realized that being my own boss is a curse for breakups, it is far too easy to lose focus and dwell on emotions or constantly search the web for answers and hope. Each day this has become easier, maybe because I am running out of threads, but it has not been without conscious effort.

Everyone seems to also give the same advice, to focus on YOU, which I believe to be the best solution; however, this is far easier said than done. Today I decided to take action in order to force myself into this habit. I am a list-making type of person so maybe this will help others whom set goals for themselves this way.

Before I explain what I have done I want to state that I am not doing this in an effort to 'win' back the ex, but rather to be a better prepared individual for my next relationship. I thought for a few hours about everything that my ex would complain about or actions taken by me that lead to disagreements; I developed a 4-point list:

- Relationship Skills (communication, etc.)
- Insecurities (neediness, etc.)
- Laziness (stopped trying to grow my business)
- Physical Appearance (dressing down and stopped working out)

During this 100-day journal I am going to force myself to spend a minimum of 1-hour per day addressing each of the points. I can't see anything except progression coming from this additional dedication and can feel my focus moving from the breakup towards becoming a better partner.
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Old 9th February 2018, 9:45 AM   #5
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Before I explain what I have done I want to state that I am not doing this in an effort to 'win' back the ex, but rather to be a better prepared individual for my next relationship. I thought for a few hours about everything that my ex would complain about or actions taken by me that lead to disagreements; I developed a 4-point list:

- Relationship Skills (communication, etc.)
- Insecurities (neediness, etc.)
- Laziness (stopped trying to grow my business)
- Physical Appearance (dressing down and stopped working out)

Having been in your position a few months ago and seeing that you see the importance of actually implementing changes rather than just thinking about them, is so good! For me, it was the moment when i started to feel more and more indifferent. Of course, I still miss her. But the energy and time i am putting into myself so i can primarily be a better me and achieve my goals, but also be a better partner in the future is so rewarding.
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Old 9th February 2018, 3:30 PM   #6
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Day 3:

I am catching myself thinking about her more and more frequently, this always seemed to happen the first few days I went NC, and I know that it will pass.

On a positive note I am also starting to see more and more that although I had issues; I was really good to her and her daughter, and truly put their happiness and needs before my own on a regular basis.

Maybe in time this will be more recognized and appreciated by my ex or maybe it won't, but today I can at least smile and have less regrets than before.
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Old 10th February 2018, 8:57 PM   #7
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Day 4:

Stayed busy with friends and really haven’t thought about everything much. This is the first day in as long as I can remember where even if I do think about her I can do so without hurting.
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Old 11th February 2018, 4:16 PM   #8
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Day 5:

Ended up waking up today sad and missing her a lot. At the moment I kind of wish I played along friendly with the breadcrumbs received, just to have some sort of contact from her. However, I realize this would only be bargaining and it’s not aligned at all with what I want.

Letting go of people you love is brutal, but I know I need to stay strong and not break NC, heal completely, and just let time run it’s course whatever that outcome may be.
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Old 12th February 2018, 11:35 AM   #9
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Day 6:

The first week is almost here, and that always feels like an accomplishment. Just for the record the official ending was Jan 1. I'm glad I decided to use this thread because I still 'research' reconciliations and you can always find ones that suggest a variety of timetables to break NC.

No matter what experts are suggesting, I really believe that for them to be successful the dumper needs to make the first move (unless people by chance run into each other) and both people need to have moved on entirely as well as grown as a people for an actual fresh start. This mindset has been putting me in a better place realizing that even if we were to jump back into things it would not be lasting and would fairly quickly lead to the same result.

Hope everyone reading this has a great start to the week, take care.
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Old 13th February 2018, 1:14 PM   #10
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Day 7:

Really looking for a reason to reach out today and hoping people on here can help me stick to no contact. Valentine’s Day is making this difficult.
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Old 13th February 2018, 1:39 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JP2015 View Post
Day 7:

Really looking for a reason to reach out today and hoping people on here can help me stick to no contact. Valentineís Day is making this difficult.


Well, what would you say?
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Old 13th February 2018, 1:41 PM   #12
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Just that I am thinking about you today and that I hope everything is going well.
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Old 13th February 2018, 1:47 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JP2015 View Post
Just that I am thinking about you today and that I hope everything is going well.


so, just a text to see if you get a reaction.


No. Just no.
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Old 13th February 2018, 1:58 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by CantTakeMySmile View Post
so, just a text to see if you get a reaction.


No. Just no.
Iím going to stick with no contact, and keep the 100-day promise to myself, but my question would be, if ever, what would be the right reason to contact?
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Old 13th February 2018, 2:02 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JP2015 View Post
Iím going to stick with no contact, and keep the 100-day promise to myself, but my question would be, if ever, what would be the right reason to contact?


Worry about that after the 100 days. Not now.
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