The female "I want to live alone" alumni

[kenmore]

Okay ladies, please don't deny this. This disturbing trend is painfully obvious and I am very curious.

 

What is it about women these days that many of them would rather just live alone than be with a spouse or mate of some kind? As me, I can't imagine being truly happy, living out the remainder of my life by myself. It is not about insecurity or being needy, it's more that I choose not to spend the rest of my days on this Earth not having good companionship, good sex nor someone to take care of and to take care of me.

 

And make no mistake, as you age sex will stop as will the companionship. Not trying to be rude, it's just a fact.

 

So, counting them in my life: I know seven ladies who have decided they never want to date, marry or have a man in their lives other than casual friendship for the rest of it, compared with the one man who wanted a relationship but gave up on having one because no woman was up to his standards. These are possibly skewed statistics since they have only one thing in common, and that's knowing me, but the numbers are too obvious to ignore, especially when added to the fact that I have noticed other men saying the same thing, and ladies here who feel that way too.

 

So, please be honest. What's up?

 

Ken

[BunHeadLA]

For me the bad parts of relstionships outweigh the good. I have been way too hurt in the past and have met the right one and we broke up in a horrible way and it does pain me. I would rather be alone than go through that pain again or to have someone cheating or being controlling.

 

I have been single more than I have been coupled and I can't have kids due to a heart condition so my chances of finding someone my age that doesn't want a family gets even lower. I'm bisexual too . Different people fullfilldifferent things that I need and want and close friends etc fill the better than one.

 

I'm really curious why it matters to other people whether or not someone dates? How does it effect their life personally? If someone is happy with decisions they made why does it matter? Do I ask my coupled friends or friends with kids why they are not single? Maybe they're making a horrible decision? Why don't they need to explain their decisions to me but I have to explain mine to them?

Edited March 23, 2015 by BunHeadLA
Typo!

[anika99]

I'm almost 50. I wouldn't say that I've decided with absolute certainty to be alone forever but right now I am pretty happy being single.

 

I've had three long term relationships and all of them drained me emotionally, mentally and financially. I'm sure that the reason for that is because I made poor choices in men due to my issues but that's another story. Basically I just don't have good memories or warm feelings associated with serious relationships.

 

I love my life as it is right now. I don't feel lonely. I have family, grandkids and pets as well as my work and hobbies. I'm also introverted so I don't mind time spent alone. I agree with the previous poster in that everyone is free to live their lives however they wish. If the single life is not for you then don't be single. No need to judge those who don't feel as you do.

[Popsicle]

I'm female and definitely do not want to live the rest of my life alone.

[kenmore]

For me the bad parts of relstionships outweigh the good. I have been way too hurt in the past and have met the right one and we broke up in a horrible way and it does pain me. I would rather be alone than go through that pain again or to have someone cheating or being controlling.

 

I have been single more than I have been coupled and I can't have kids due to a heart condition so my chances of finding someone my age that doesn't want a family gets even lower. I'm bisexual too . Different people fullfilldifferent things that I need and want and close friends etc fill the better than one.

 

I'm really curious why it matters to other people whether or not someone dates? How does it effect their life personally? If someone is happy with decisions they made why does it matter? Do I ask my coupled friends or friends with kids why they are not single? Maybe they're making a horrible decision? Why don't they need to explain their decisions to me but I have to explain mine to them?

 

Wow, BHLA, you said so much in one post, I truly thank you!

 

I'll start by doing you as you did me and answer your question. After my wife is gone, I really won't care whatsoever what she does. It took me a long time to get to this stage and I'm not really sure I am, but I think so. If you look in the "post here rather than talking to them" thread, you will see I am in Earnest. I really wish people the best. No matter whom; unless they are truly evil, and she's not.

 

I am just trying to understand the mentality. Trying to understand why women are so different than men in this regard.

 

Your post gave me insight into your situation, but yours makes sense somewhat. I have not stalked you so don't know why you broke up if you said. Since you pointed out you don't want infidelity nor being controlled, I can assume those are not the reasons (I don't want those either.) Breaking up is painful BS, and I get that. I'm not going to try to sway you, I just want some insight into these (your?) women's feelings. They don't make sense to me.

 

Someone hurt us. I wish to go on with a new relationship; you don't. I respect your feelings, but wish to understand. Why? Why would you not just look for better? Do you feel hopeless? Are you hurt so much you just can't?

 

I'm not trying to hurt you, I just wish information. I hope you and others in your mindset can give it to me.

 

Ok, it's more than curiosity. Like you, I don't wish to be hurt again. I want information so next time I can look for warning signs I probably should have picked up this time, but did not know to look for. Anything you have would be helpful.

 

 

Ken

[fireflywy]

Men in MGTOW movment talk about this phenomenon. I think they even stated that 70% of American women find current American men undesireable which is based on them wanting to find this " perfect", handsome, wealthy mate as currently being projected to a crazy degree in Hollywood.

 

I also think, after reading many articles post break up, that there is this stress on playing harder and harder to get and maintaining a massive degree of independence from males and playing the field. Hell, I read an article in the Huffington post I believe, about an upcoming book about a woman who asked for a year off her marriage to sleep with multiple partners because her husband didn't want kids (she knew this going in) and her sexual liberation.

 

Crazy stuff. And no, I'm not assigning these values to all women but the 70% figure is crazy.

[fireflywy]

Actually its "Modern women find only 10% of men attractive."

 

Good lord I hope its not that bad. If it is, I'm moving to a church bell tower. Lol

[kenmore]

I'm almost 50. I wouldn't say that I've decided with absolute certainty to be alone forever but right now I am pretty happy being single.

 

I've had three long term relationships and all of them drained me emotionally, mentally and financially. I'm sure that the reason for that is because I made poor choices in men due to my issues but that's another story. Basically I just don't have good memories or warm feelings associated with serious relationships.

 

I love my life as it is right now. I don't feel lonely. I have family, grandkids and pets as well as my work and hobbies. I'm also introverted so I don't mind time spent alone. I agree with the previous poster in that everyone is free to live their lives however they wish. If the single life is not for you then don't be single. No need to judge those who don't feel as you do.

 

Anika, I do wish you well. So sorry, I was replying to BHLA, and several posts came in before I finished lol.

 

I am not trying to make you feel badly, but I wonder as I said how you may feel in the future when men are not beating down your door anymore. Let me tell you about my dating experience with current wife:

 

I went on Yahoo.com (where I will likely go next since it worked out so well )

 

I sent messages to SO many women! Almost every one ignored me. That's how it works for men. But, several messaged me! I responded to those I liked, ended up with a pool of about eight over time.

 

Dated most. Most were hot (sorry to admit, I won't date one I wasn't attracted to), and had fun! Some were hotter than their photo suggested, some less. Bottom line, half rejected me.

 

A few did not, and I married one. Another wanted to be with me but I had to let her go to be with current wife...big mistake!

 

As you, I made my choices. I stand by them (what else can I do?) I am not "judging you", I thought I said that. I just wish to hear your opinions and understand why you made your decisions. You avoided the question by saying "you made some poor choices" and that's fine if you don't wish to share. It may make you feel better, up to you. Either way, I really wish you the best, and hope you are truly happy alone. I never could be! Please don't judge me for that!

 

Hugs!

 

Ken

[kenmore]

I'm female and definitely do not want to live the rest of my life alone.

 

Popsicle, you won't! I have read your posts and you are a lovely woman! The only way you would be alone for the rest of your life is if you join this club, which my wife joined. It's as bad as a man learning his wife wants to be homosexual because he drove her to that LOL! Not saying that happened BHLA.

 

Really, how would you feel to learn your spouse wished to be alone more than to be with you? I still have not decided if that's worse or better than them saying they would rather be with another person!

 

If someone really wishes to be alone, then why would they marry someone in the first place? In my wife's case, I believe it's just because she loved my dick. Plain and simple. She put up with "me" to get "it". She finally reached a point where it wasn't equitable anymore, meaning she no longer wanted to sacrifice______

 

That's what I'm trying to learn in this post...please help me! Fill in the blank.

 

Ken

[kenmore]

Actually its "Modern women find only 10% of men attractive."

 

Good lord I hope its not that bad. If it is, I'm moving to a church bell tower. Lol

 

fireflywy, Geez! I don't think so!

 

Let me tell you: I know women who find me attractive, and some are young beautiful women, some are old. Many are fat, but you know what? I think it's awesome! I also feel so many of them are too.

 

Potential mates? At my age? Not as many. Don't care! I need one good mate and I will find her through other channels (Yahoo?)

 

Also, I don't believe the MEOW numbers (LOL.) Do you know what women find attractive? It's not an awesome body nor face like men do. It's not a beard, chest hair nor lack of it (Gloria), nor any other hair, it's two things:

 

Money!

 

Balls!

 

If you have those things, you're gold. If you lack either one, you're a sack of sh*t and will end up by the highway unless you have the former.

 

I'm working hard to get my income where I need it. That's my priority now. A woman is a second, but not so distant. Give me a year. Not that long considering I still have four months until D.

 

Take care my friend!

 

Ken

[darkbloom]

Alright Ken,

 

I have not made a decision to be alone forever. I am thinking that is more than likely going to be my fate. I know I am still young, however, the pool of men that I have actually even considered dating is very small. I don't trust most people and all of experiences with men have been with the lying/cheating ones. I can't fathom that there are nice dudes out there that do not want to lie and would be okay with a crazy independent girl like me. I literally have never met one. Nor do I know a single person in my life in what I would consider to be a good relationship. (That scares me the most)

[fireflywy]

fireflywy, Geez! I don't think so!

 

Let me tell you: I know women who find me attractive, and some are young beautiful women, some are old. Many are fat, but you know what? I think it's awesome! I also feel so many of them are too.

 

Potential mates? At my age? Not as many. Don't care! I need one good mate and I will find her through other channels (Yahoo?)

 

Also, I don't believe the MEOW numbers (LOL.) Do you know what women find attractive? It's not an awesome body nor face like men do. It's not a beard, chest hair nor lack of it (Gloria), nor any other hair, it's two things:

 

Money!

 

Balls!

 

If you have those things, you're gold. If you lack either one, you're a sack of sh*t and will end up by the highway unless you have the former.

 

I'm working hard to get my income where I need it. That's my priority now. A woman is a second, but not so distant. Give me a year. Not that long considering I still have four months until D.

 

Take care my friend!

 

Ken

 

Well, if a woman is simplh after money, they can keep on walking. That's something else these MGTOW guys are stressing about modern women. Personally, I'm worth more then just that. Lol

[loveweary11]

This topic interests me as well.

 

I've been hurt, but I lived to love again.

 

Why are so many incapable of dusting themselves off and going in for another round?

 

Maybe it's personality type? I'm also an entrepreneur, adventurer and traveler. Willing to try and fail only to learn and try differently next time.

[LYNNLH]

I have never been single literally all my life..jumping from one relationship to another since I was 21. Been divorced after 10 years together and recently been betrayed, abandoned and dumped by a piece of **** after 7 years together.

I am going to be 42 very soon..I think its time that I give myself a break from relationships. I know most of my issues stem from the fact I have low self esteem and have never loved myself all these years..I think its time I start doing that..

I have fear as I deem I wil face a lonely, scary and bleak future ahead..but seriously..I need to start to learn to love myself. At my age, if I don't..i will keep failing and I really don't have much time left..

[loveweary11]

We all picked the wrong people. I could write a huge complaint about my marriage too, but I've wasted enough energy on her already. It was torture quite frequently.

 

But I learned from it. Learned what not to do. Learned that I chose the wrong person.

Edited March 23, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Response to wall of text redacted and quote deleted

[Toodaloo]

 

So, please be honest. What's up?

 

Ken

 

Whats up - is that we are tired, fed up of being shat upon at every opportunity and having our kindness, generosity and understanding being used and abused by men who then go and rip our hearts out and leave us as carrion for the crows.

 

Its pain.

 

Like you I would love to have someone to look after and be looked after. I want to grow old with someone special to me. I want to roll my eyes in exasperation, I want to make tea on a Sunday morning. I want to scrub his back and massage his feet. God I miss sex!

 

Yes I take responsibility for choosing the wrong men. However I do not take responsibility for their self centred and egotistical actions which have left me damaged. I did nothing to deserve this.

 

I am not broken. I am fed up of pain and lets face it would you rather have a head ache or take an aspirin?

 

Every relationship I have had over the last 20 years they have all said the same thing "You deserve better". Yet not one has got off their backsides and been better.

 

I am borderline. But I have to say I am very much in favour of staying single and getting some more dogs instead of a man.

[carhill]

OP, here's my take as an old fart:

 

This 'want' is nothing new. The main difference is that now women have the social and financial freedom to go their own way. It's both affordable and socially acceptable. Women of my mother's generation generally did not have the economic opportunities to live alone for life and were under social pressure to be coupled and mothering offspring. I came to understand this due to her being outlier, working and living alone and not marrying until well into her 30's at a time when her sisters (she had eight of them) were getting married at 17-21.

 

Times have changed. That said, the vast majority of women I know in my personal social circle are married. The remainder, save for a very few, maybe counted on one hand, are in live-in relationships.

 

Interestingly, the lady who introduced me to women going their own way did in fact herself never live with another man, nor date one, after her husband died. Her opinion was that she had loved the man she wanted to for his life and the rest of her life was hers. At the time (nearly 30 years ago now) I thought that to be odd but came to understand better as I got older, most poignantly after my divorce. Unfortunately, by that time she was demented and subsequently died so I could never say a proper thank you to her for helping with understanding of such matters.

[No Limit]

For me the bad parts of relstionships outweigh the good.

 

This. I haven't been in a relationship yet with almost 19 years but let me put it this way, I've been hurt enough by people to stay away from relationships; and those people didn't even know that much about me like a SO would. I also don't want children so in the way I want my life to progress there's also no need for a relationship. And with my intended career a husband can also do too much financial damage when he replaces me around the 40-years-mark.

 

No thanks.

[writergal]

Whats up - is that we are tired, fed up of being shat upon at every opportunity and having our kindness, generosity and understanding being used and abused by men who then go and rip our hearts out and leave us as carrion for the crows.

 

Its pain.

 

Like you I would love to have someone to look after and be looked after. I want to grow old with someone special to me. I want to roll my eyes in exasperation, I want to make tea on a Sunday morning. I want to scrub his back and massage his feet. God I miss sex!

 

Yes I take responsibility for choosing the wrong men. However I do not take responsibility for their self centred and egotistical actions which have left me damaged. I did nothing to deserve this.

 

I am not broken. I am fed up of pain and lets face it would you rather have a head ache or take an aspirin?

 

Every relationship I have had over the last 20 years they have all said the same thing "You deserve better". Yet not one has got off their backsides and been better.

 

I am borderline. But I have to say I am very much in favour of staying single and getting some more dogs instead of a man.

 

Toods you took the words right out of my mouth! Great minds think alike!

[Auspecial]

I would prefer living with a man in a committed relationship, but after many mis-fires, I have accepted this may never happen. I don't live alone, though. I have occasional housemates and that has worked out very well.

[writergal]

I certainly didn't think I'd still be single at my age. I figured I would have had a husband and children by now. Life doesn't always work out the way that we plan it. Out of 24 years of dating, only 4 -- that's right 4 -- men came close to being 'the one,' but turned out not to be for various reasons.

 

I still want to meet 'the one' but haven't yet. And since I refuse to do online dating, I accept responsibility for how the limits my dating pool of eligible bachelors. But I'm ok with that. I gave online dating a 5 year effort with the only yield being men who were not emotionally available for a long-term commitment.

 

Just because a woman is single, doesn't mean she subscribes to "Lonely Weekly" and crochets sweaters for her 27 cats, while moderating a forum for "Recipes for Spinsters: Get Hot With Your Crockpot!"

 

I don't know any single gals who *want* to be single. Companionship and being loved by someone is what we all deserve and strive for, isn't it?

[Toodaloo]

Toods you took the words right out of my mouth! Great minds think alike!

 

I am just sick of it.

 

I am tired of having to constantly be on guard and protect myself from men who are quite frankly the pits.

 

I don't hate men. I adore men. I would love to have a supportive, fun, guy in my life. I have no problem with farts or belches, trips to the pub or a collection of motorbikes... Sadly the ones I know like that are either my brother or my boss

 

OK not quite that bad but you get my point.

 

Why bother with all the pain and heart break when you are perfectly capable of paying your bills and enjoying life with out. For goodness sake I can even make my own orgasms...

 

There is a big difference between wanting a man and needing a man. I need a roof over my head, food and security. I provide the first two myself and the third only ever gets put under threat when a bloke is on the scene...

 

I live alone in the back of beyond. I love it.

[Toodaloo]

I certainly didn't think I'd still be single at my age. I figured I would have had a husband and children by now. Life doesn't always work out the way that we plan it. Out of 24 years of dating, only 4 -- that's right 4 -- men came close to being 'the one,' but turned out not to be for various reasons.

 

Lucky you to get 4... There have only been two that have come close for me.

 

Admit it you have recently started a collection of purple hats...!

[writergal]

I am just sick of it.

 

I am tired of having to constantly be on guard and protect myself from men who are quite frankly the pits.

 

I don't hate men. I adore men. I would love to have a supportive, fun, guy in my life. I have no problem with farts or belches, trips to the pub or a collection of motorbikes... Sadly the ones I know like that are either my brother or my boss

 

OK not quite that bad but you get my point.

 

Why bother with all the pain and heart break when you are perfectly capable of paying your bills and enjoying life with out. For goodness sake I can even make my own orgasms...

 

There is a big difference between wanting a man and needing a man. I need a roof over my head, food and security. I provide the first two myself and the third only ever gets put under threat when a bloke is on the scene...

 

I live alone in the back of beyond. I love it.

 

Ok, you NEED to write a Sally Single novel and title it "Back of Beyond." You are so entertaining to read! I can't believe someone like you is still single!

 

And yes, there is a difference between wanting a man and needing a man. I agree with you 100%!

[stillafool]

Okay ladies, please don't deny this. This disturbing trend is painfully obvious and I am very curious.

 

What is it about women these days that many of them would rather just live alone than be with a spouse or mate of some kind? As me, I can't imagine being truly happy, living out the remainder of my life by myself. It is not about insecurity or being needy, it's more that I choose not to spend the rest of my days on this Earth not having good companionship, good sex nor someone to take care of and to take care of me.

 

And make no mistake, as you age sex will stop as will the companionship. Not trying to be rude, it's just a fact.

 

So, counting them in my life: I know seven ladies who have decided they never want to date, marry or have a man in their lives other than casual friendship for the rest of it, compared with the one man who wanted a relationship but gave up on having one because no woman was up to his standards. These are possibly skewed statistics since they have only one thing in common, and that's knowing me, but the numbers are too obvious to ignore, especially when added to the fact that I have noticed other men saying the same thing, and ladies here who feel that way too.

 

So, please be honest. What's up?

 

Ken

 

Sorry I have not read any of the other responses to this thread but just wanted to tell you how I felt before I married and was single. I loved living alone because I could do whatever I wanted. I could decorate my place the way I wanted, spend my money on what I wanted, go out any time I wanted, go on vacations with my gfs who were single any time we wanted, sleep in my beautiful bed as long as I wanted. It was wonderful I can't deny but; I wouldn't trade life with my husband for anything in this world.