1 Month post BU and NC [update]

[triniechu]

Well today marks 2 weeks that we've broken up and 1 week NC. Today I woke up with a very heavy heart. Missing him more than ever. I woke up with thoughts running in my head, my heart racing and just wanting to contact him and telling him I love him so much. That we can still fix things.

 

Then I stepped back, we did have our arguments which could've been an easy fix. Then I remembered what he said " I love you like a friend, more like a brother." I was crushed. But for some reason I feel he is lying. Feelings can't change that fast...or can they?? I mean is it normal to feel this way, deep inside I feel he still loves me. How do I even cope with this? I'm here at work and just thinking of him. I mean I know what I have to do, keep busy and think of the bad things why he left me. But I just have this gutt feeling that this whole break up doesn't feel right.

 

What should I do? Any advice would be great for my heart is still aching :*(

[newenglandkid]

I'm not really in any position to give advice but I'll try to give it a go. I'm 1 month post BU (heres the story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/478720-i-want-her-back) and the first two weeks were EXTREMELY DIFFICULT. I know exactly what you mean, I had anxiety, waiting for her to text me, email me, whatever. The reason she broke up with me didn't really make sense, we talked about a lot of long term plans together and seemingly just went out the window with the BU. However right now I've been LC with my ex (she's initiated most, if not all contact) and she appears to be really confused with this decision and unsure if this was right.

 

I would say, your ex sounds a lot like mine, she wants to explore other aspects of life. His feelings probably never changed, he just became curious and wanted to explore on his own. I'm sure that in a few weeks, if not days, you might hear from him asking how you're doing and starting to initiate contact. It actually sounds like he might have G.I.G.S, but again I'm no expert.

 

I would say just try to keep yourself busy all the time, thats what I've been doing and it helps. There are definitely times when I miss her and think about her, but like I said just keep busy and try to get happy again. He'll be back sooner or later.

[triniechu]

I mean how do you feel? Would you want your ex back? He said he loves me more as a friend but I feel that was a lie. That's exactly what he said too, he wants to explore and see what else is out there. Like as of now it doesn't make sense to me yet.

 

I know I need to give myself more time. It's just so hard to stop missing them. I told everyone I won't take him back but my heart says otherwise.

[newenglandkid]

I mean how do you feel? Would you want your ex back? He said he loves me more as a friend but I feel that was a lie. That's exactly what he said too, he wants to explore and see what else is out there. Like as of now it doesn't make sense to me yet.

 

I know I need to give myself more time. It's just so hard to stop missing them. I told everyone I won't take him back but my heart says otherwise.

 

 

I'm not gonna lie, I still miss her and love her and feel the exact way I did before we broke up (as pathetic as that sounds). And I do want to get back together with her more than anything, but in order to do so I need to let her know how I feel and what needs to change in order for this to work out.

 

I mean were both in our early 20s so I kind of understand where she's coming from, although I am still complexed because I treated her like a queen basically. But yeah through friends and a little therapy I have gotten to the point where I miss her but am trying to do other things to take my mind off of her, with the goal/hope that she will come around sooner rather than later.

 

In the end do what you feel is best, if your heart is saying yes but your head is saying no, see if there is any common ground they could make (compromises with your ex). If not, you just have to walk away. No sense in getting hurt again.

[triniechu]

Yeah I totally agree! I think I really do need more time to think. I really want him to come back and be happy again.

 

I'm just so confused. He says he doesn't want to be with me then he tells my best friend he wants me back?? So of course my best friend tells me. I just feel that if he really did TRULY love me, he would have contacted me already. If he were to come back, he's going to have to work to get my love and trust back. I'm still hurt from the BU

[newenglandkid]

Yeah I totally agree! I think I really do need more time to think. I really want him to come back and be happy again.

 

I'm just so confused. He says he doesn't want to be with me then he tells my best friend he wants me back?? So of course my best friend tells me. I just feel that if he really did TRULY love me, he would have contacted me already. If he were to come back, he's going to have to work to get my love and trust back. I'm still hurt from the BU

 

 

So it definitely sounds like GIGS. He wants you but is hesitant to come back because he wants to see whatever is out there. I can bet he'll come back sooner rather than later and then it'll be on you whether you take him back or not. Like I've said though just try to get yourself happy first.

[triniechu]

What does GIGS stand for?

[PachucaSunrise]

Well today marks 2 weeks that we've broken up and 1 week NC. Today I woke up with a very heavy heart. Missing him more than ever. I woke up with thoughts running in my head, my heart racing and just wanting to contact him and telling him I love him so much. That we can still fix things.

 

Then I stepped back, we did have our arguments which could've been an easy fix. Then I remembered what he said " I love you like a friend, more like a brother." I was crushed. But for some reason I feel he is lying. Feelings can't change that fast...or can they?? I mean is it normal to feel this way, deep inside I feel he still loves me. How do I even cope with this? I'm here at work and just thinking of him. I mean I know what I have to do, keep busy and think of the bad things why he left me. But I just have this gutt feeling that this whole break up doesn't feel right.

 

What should I do? Any advice would be great for my heart is still aching :*(

 

I didn't know what GIGS stood for either, but apparently, it means "The Grass is Greener" Syndrome. Makes all the sense in the world now that I know. Hopefully it does the same for you. I guess we both learned something new today.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/251986-grass-greener-syndrome ...Definitely check it out!

 

I'm sorry you're going through such a painful time. I know how much it sucks, how much it feels as though it's NEVER going to get better, and how hard it is to keep those 'what if' thoughts at bay. I truly feel for you.

 

"I love you like a friend, more like a brother." I've been there and know how gut-wrenching it feels to be told those words. It's plain awful. But, as much as it hurts to think about those words, I also think it's important for you to remember them every time you feel the urge to reach out to him. I'm sure he still cares for you, but reverse the situation and ask yourself an honest (but difficult) question - would you ever tell someone those words if you still wanted to be with them? If you still loved them and wanted things to work out? I know I definitely wouldn't. That's almost as bad as, "It's not you - it's me." I hope that doesn't come off too harsh, because I know you're hurting, but it's also super important for you to see things exactly how they are in THE PRESENT, and to be honest with yourself. Trust me, I know it's anything but easy.

 

Just as you have, I often question if feelings could change so quickly overnight. I highly doubt it... But... We're not mind readers, so who knows what's going through someone's head when they give us the boot. As difficult as it is not to obsess over THEIR thoughts, it's something that we have to learn how to do. Now is the time for us to focus on OUR thoughts and what we can do to be kind to ourselves while we're going through such a S$itty time. It's tough, I know. I'm going through a massive heartbreak myself. So, if it's any consolation, you're definitely not alone in your sadness.

 

It's TOTALLY normal to feel the way you're feeling. I think it's only natural and part of the healing process. Just as you do, deep inside, I believe that my guy still loves me. But it's incredibly hard to accept the fact that I'm sitting here with a broken heart while he's out having the time of his life (or so I think). It's certainly not fair, but unfortunately, it's reality.

 

And remember - actions speak louder than words (I'm learning that as well). If my guy wanted to contact me, he has several ways in which he could do so, but he hasn't, and that tells me everything I need to know. I would definitely love to hear from him, but I don't want his pity, either. I will not beg or plead out of desperation for someone who wants me only half as much as I want him. I've gained enough self-respect to know that there are bigger and better things out there for me, and I know the same is true for you.

 

So, as much as you're hurting now, I can promise that you're not going to feel this way forever. It DOES get better. In my case, I honestly never thought it would, but it has. The time has gone by so unbelievably sloooooow, but I'm beginning to feel somewhat better with every passing day, and I know you will too.

 

Be good to yourself, and yes, you're right - STAY BUSY. Take this time to focus on you. Hang out with your friends, exercise (MAN, does that help), maybe even take up a new hobby. Oh, and pin away on Pinterest. That's been such a huge help for me - there are TONS of helpful quotes and ideas that have given me a sense of hope once again. When I'm feeling REALLY down in the dumps, I either go there or come here. Both places are positive outlets.

 

You're a beautiful girl. Keep that chin up and know that there is someone out there who is MUCH more deserving of all you have to offer. And he'll be appreciative, and care for you enough to WANT to work through any issues you may have. He's definitely out there. Until you find him (or he finds YOU), keep up with the good work and come here when you need the support. You will get through this and come out on top, it just takes time.

 

I wish you all the best!

[Michael 93]

 

And remember - actions speak louder than words (I'm learning that as well). If my guy wanted to contact me, he has several ways in which he could do so, but he hasn't, and that tells me everything I need to know. I would definitely love to hear from him, but I don't want his pity, either. I will not beg or plead out of desperation for someone who wants me only half as much as I want him. I've gained enough self-respect to know that there are bigger and better things out there for me, and I know the same is true for you.

 

So, as much as you're hurting now, I can promise that you're not going to feel this way forever. It DOES get better. In my case, I honestly never thought it would, but it has. The time has gone by so unbelievably sloooooow, but I'm beginning to feel somewhat better with every passing day, and I know you will too.

 

Be good to yourself, and yes, you're right - STAY BUSY. Take this time to focus on you. Hang out with your friends, exercise (MAN, does that help), maybe even take up a new hobby. Oh, and pin away on Pinterest. That's been such a huge help for me - there are TONS of helpful quotes and ideas that have given me a sense of hope once again. When I'm feeling REALLY down in the dumps, I either go there or come here. Both places are positive outlets.

 

 

 

 

Spoke volumes to me Thank you

[triniechu]

Thank you so much for the kind words guys! I can definitely see what you guys are saying. It's definitely painful but you guys are slowly easing my pain! If he really wanted to work things out, he would've contacted me by now. But he hasn't. I see things in a different light. I just hope me missing him will go away soon. I think I just really miss all the special times we had together and it hurts so much that he just threw it away. We didn't even see each other in person, he broke up with me through FaceTime.

 

Thank you for giving me hope guys. Hope that I can move on and move forward and leave him behind. I know there will be days where I will be weak, I just have to take this day by day.

[triniechu]

I agree, coming to this forum is very up lifting. That I'm not the only one going through this and we are all helping each other out through the tough times. This forum is just filled with so much positivity and hope for all the broke hearted!

[h86]

I hope you are feeling better.

 

Your story really resonated with me since my ex-gf (of 3.5 years) broke up with me a month ago and I'm struggling everyday. She was my best friend, traveling buddy and my support during the passing of a family member.

 

She gave me the "it's not you its me" aka "I love you but I'm not in love with you" it came as surprise to me since I thought we were going fine but apparently she had been thinking about it for a couple of months. She felt something wasn't right and didn't want to string me along.

 

I don't want to bore you with my story but here are some things that are helping me through this tough time besides all the general stuff e.g. exercise, keeping busy

 

Write things down (thoughts/feelings/things from the internet/uplifting quotes), talk to friends/family/support, you might feel that it is only happening to you and others in your world can't relate but reading these forums lets you know you are not alone.

 

Just take it one day at a time, don't look too far forward and that this time next week you will feel better than you feel now which is probably better than how you felt last week and the week before that.

 

If you ever feel like you need someone to talk but no one is around, feel free to let me know

[triniechu]

I hope you are feeling better.

 

Your story really resonated with me since my ex-gf (of 3.5 years) broke up with me a month ago and I'm struggling everyday. She was my best friend, traveling buddy and my support during the passing of a family member.

 

She gave me the "it's not you its me" aka "I love you but I'm not in love with you" it came as surprise to me since I thought we were going fine but apparently she had been thinking about it for a couple of months. She felt something wasn't right and didn't want to string me along.

 

I don't want to bore you with my story but here are some things that are helping me through this tough time besides all the general stuff e.g. exercise, keeping busy

 

Write things down (thoughts/feelings/things from the internet/uplifting quotes), talk to friends/family/support, you might feel that it is only happening to you and others in your world can't relate but reading these forums lets you know you are not alone.

 

Just take it one day at a time, don't look too far forward and that this time next week you will feel better than you feel now which is probably better than how you felt last week and the week before that.

 

If you ever feel like you need someone to talk but no one is around, feel free to let me know

 

Thanks so much for that! Yeah im hanging in there. This week I was ok, I mean i stayed strong for the past few days and then driving home from work and ten i started to cry. I guess its ok to cry here and there. But im definitely way better than 2 1/2 weeks ago. Feeling somewhat stronger and kinda letting go. I just have this gutt feeling that he is gonna come back.

 

Right now I actually write how i feel in my journal. It feels good after i write everything down! Same here!! feel free to contact me [email protected]

[triniechu]

If you guys haven't read my post about my breakup..here it is.

Such a breakup...

 

Well today marks 3 weeks. I have definitely accepted the breakup and I know for sure this is a blessing in disguise. That God definitely has another plan for me/someone else for me. Either way, I decided to take the step and just to finally leave the past behind. Is it hard to let go? YES....VERY MUCH SO!! Especially when you have strong feelings for that person and invested so much time and love in that person. YES IT'S VERY HARD. But you have to believe that the breakup happened for a reason and that there is something/someone else out there. Breakups are never EVER easy...I've only been in 2 relationships my entire life and I'm definitely coping differently with this break up than my last.

 

My last breakup was with my ex of 12 years and fell out of love. What did I do? I bottled up, I never turned to my friends and family for comfort, I wanted EVERYONE to leave me alone, and I turned to online dating 3 days after the BU.....hoping was someone to sweep me off my feet to take the pain away. WRONG DONT EVER DO THAT!! You need to heal, love yourself more and learn from the the last relationship. I know now that you need to grieve over a relationship. I wanted to show everyone how strong I was, so i never cried about it.

 

With this current BU...I'm doing things differently this time around. I wanted to do it the healthy way. I CRIED every time I needed to, i turned to my best friends, family, and even this forum. I journaled every single thing I was feeling. I read self help books to help me understand what im going through. Also keeping busy, cut down on social media (except twitter :-P), exercising, meeting new friends. Life has so much to offer!!!

 

Don't get me wrong, I still get sad at times and cry a few tears here and there. But it's not bad as when the breakup happened 3 weeks ago. All I can say is definitely grieve when you need to, be depressed because a breakup is equivalent to losing someone....just DON'T stay there for too long. Don't let the breakup control you and keep you from things that you really want to do. My ex always wanted the best for me, always wanted to make me into a stronger, a more independent woman....I can see now this is my time to do that. Not for HIM, but for me. And as much as it stings a bit...I'm still thankful for him and that the breakup happened.

 

SO STAY POSITIVE GUYS!! CONTINUE NC, its definitely helping me!! Surround yourself with family and friends!! I know I have a long road ahead of me and a lot of soul searching to do. This time around I'm going to sit back, relax and enjoy life's ride.

Edited June 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[lime87]

That's great to hear . It sounds like you're really being strong and recognise that while you'll have really awful days and "doing better" days, you're on the path to being stronger and healed.

 

I'm quite envious! , well done!

 

You're right, life has a lot to offer and I'm glad you're making the most of it.

[triniechu]

That's great to hear . It sounds like you're really being strong and recognise that while you'll have really awful days and "doing better" days, you're on the path to being stronger and healed.

 

I'm quite envious! , well done!

 

You're right, life has a lot to offer and I'm glad you're making the most of it.

 

Yes , it does!!

 

And don't be envious! It's different for everyone. I feel all breakups have different intensities as well. Moving forward is a commitment and it's definitely not an easy one. But you can get there! Baby steps!

[triniechu]

Well, this coming SUNDAY marks a month that we have broken up. I havent contacted him approximately for 3 1/2 weeks. I thought I was going to be ok, but it's still been an emotional roller coaster. A few days ago a friend contacted me and said he was telling everyone how I WAS VERY CLINGY and made it seem like that was the main reason why we broke up. I was LIVID! I mean he HAD MANY FLAWS which I only discussed with my closest friends and I know it wont get back to him because they aren't close or friends with him. I just feel like he is bad mouthing me now, that I was nothing but a clingy girlfriend.

 

The main reason we broke up was he said he didn't have the same feelings anymore, Loved me more as a friend (was that a lie?). Did he just say that so I wont come running after him? Also mentioned he wanted to explore. So thats what I've been telling everyone who asks about us. I just couldnt believe he's been telling everyone that. Also when I did talk to his friends I was very considerate of what I say and his feelings incase it did get back to him. I mean I'm sure he was venting to his friends and my friends. But still....I'm a little hurt by this.

 

I ALMOST BROKE NC GUYS!!! But i didnt, i cried it out, vented to my friends and I let it go. Right about now, I don't want him back. I wish he was more considerate of my feelings as well. I mean he told a friend of MINE, did he not think it was going to get back to me????

[Zahara]

It would be best for you to tell your friends to refrain from providing you any information about your ex. It's the basis of NC. Removing all triggers and reminders that may set you back. This one just did and you nearly caved.

 

If you want to vent to them, that's fine and if they are loyal and things don't go back and forth. But under no circumstance should they be feeding you with gossip and drama.

[triniechu]

YESSS I TOTALLY AGREE! I mean i understand he was venting to my friends but i didnt need to hear it. If i do hear anything else, Im just going to ignore it this time around

[triniechu]

Honestly, it's still the toughest thing when you're still in love with your ex and you can't talk to them. Letting go is VERY hard. But I am definitely coping much better than before. I've actually made new friends on this forum and we've kept in touch and help each other get through it all when we are sad and alone.

 

Even though i'm still heartbroken, I have a lot of strength in my heart and soul to keep on pushing forward. There are some days when I do get sad and cry. Some days are much harder than others. But I need to positive and I am pushing myself so hard to learn from my past relationship. As far as dating and "hooking up"...NAHHHH not for me. Dating will be NON-EXISTENT for awhile until I am ready and 120% over my ex. I would never want to date someone else and have my ex in my head..it just wouldn't be fair for the other person. I'm not the type to hook up just to get over an EX either.

 

Just keep busy and surround yourself with friends/family. I will also be doing a lot more traveling and exploring new places! New things that I've never done before. Also focus a lot on my career. Just really enjoying what life has to offer. People also ask me "Will I be scared to love again?" My answer is NO, I won't be scared if it does come my way and I will embrace it when it does come. Don't get me wrong either, it's so much easier said than done, I know this will be a bumpy road for me. KEEP PUSHING FORWARD GUYS!!

Edited June 28, 2014 by triniechu

[newenglandkid]

thats it! I think we have about the same timeline (BU about a month ago), and I agree with everything in your post. It is SOOOOO hard to let go, it was even harder for me to learn that my ex already "met" somebody! But like you said I've been keeping busy almost everyday and try not to think about her as much as possible. Its incredibly hard, but each day gets a little easier. I'm still holding hope that she comes to her senses soon, but I'm not going to wait on her. I'm living my life, and whatever happens, happens!

 

Hope everyone has a great night!

[Icydescent]

I've seen your posts around triniechu, & you're just a doll. One month is still quite fresh, but you're going to be just fine. Keep your head up, keep focusing on you, & enjoy everyday. Big hugs. <3

[triniechu]

thats it! I think we have about the same timeline (BU about a month ago), and I agree with everything in your post. It is SOOOOO hard to let go, it was even harder for me to learn that my ex already "met" somebody! But like you said I've been keeping busy almost everyday and try not to think about her as much as possible. Its incredibly hard, but each day gets a little easier. I'm still holding hope that she comes to her senses soon, but I'm not going to wait on her. I'm living my life, and whatever happens, happens!

 

Hope everyone has a great night!

 

Yeah I feel the same exact way. I'm still having a hard time letting and I have to drill it in my head that he isn't coming back. I really do love him and want to wait for him BUT if I wait I feel like he is just stringing me around...you know. He wants to "explore" and I respect his decision. Of course there will be consequences, depending when he comes back I may take him back or my feeling changed, moved on and already let the past behind. Ultimately I want to move on because if our love was "strong" this wouldn't have happened. Here's to living life though. It does get easier each that passes.

[triniechu]

I've seen your posts around triniechu, & you're just a doll. One month is still quite fresh, but you're going to be just fine. Keep your head up, keep focusing on you, & enjoy everyday. Big hugs. <3

 

Awwww thanks so much. It is very fresh, sometimes it feels like it just happened yesterday. *sigh* Still missing him and love him each day that passes. But I will stay strong an continue NC. I know for sure that NC is making me a stronger person and is helping me move on. It's also good I blocked his number on my phone, so I won't receive any type of contact from him.

[Icydescent]

Awwww thanks so much. It is very fresh, sometimes it feels like it just happened yesterday. *sigh* Still missing him and love him each day that passes. But I will stay strong an continue NC. I know for sure that NC is making me a stronger person and is helping me move on. It's also good I blocked his number on my phone, so I won't receive any type of contact from him.

 

I really do admire your strength. I first came to LS 5 years ago (name was different back then).

I still think of my ex & even feel like I miss him, but I've got to keep telling myself I can't miss him because I don't know him anymore. I miss what we had & who he was. As much pain as I was in, I cannot believe how much I've learned & matured since then.

 

I can already tell you're going to be much better off & happier in the end. You've got an amazing attitude, a sweet personality, & you're gorgeous! Really & truly, his loss. I'm glad to see you're doing so well, keep it up.