newenglandkid Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 So me and my girlfriend of a year and a half just broke up last week. Please take a moment to read this and help me get her back! So we've been together for a year and a half, and I feel we were in sync most, if not all the time. We spent almost any free time we had with each other, although we did not move in together because I just graduated from grad school. During our relationship we loved each others company. We fought like all couples do, albeit about the littlest of things, we would make up in the matter of hours. Anyway, she went to Cali about a month ago for business and when she told me when she came back things didn't feel right with us. Now I'm 99% sure she didn't cheat or whatever because I don't believe she's that kind of girl. I think she just got a taste of being alone and not me by her side so much and maybe she wants more of that. So last week she says we need to talk, and she wants to break up. I initially begged her to reconsider but she said that she still cared about me and all that, but her feelings had changed due to the arguments. I've also seen in the past few days she started talking with male co-workers that are single, and I've become a little jealous. So now a week later after I have cried more than I ever have about anything, I still want her back even after making me so upset. I've read about doing no contact for at least a month, and then try to begin talking with her. So if anybody has either advice or encouraging words for me to try and win her over I would REALLY appreciate it. I still love this girl and I want her back.
redbaron005 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I encourage you to step far back and leave her alone. Respect her wishes, it's that simple and that hard. 1
Marco Valerio Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 You should accept her decision, you can't change how people feel about you, so don't try, it will just be an ilusion. If she wants to be with you...she will fight for you. 1
RDawg Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 You're young. You'll be ok. It sucks but there's very little you can do. You're probably in for a good couple of months of pain. It does get better and eventually you will accept it, learn some lessons and move on. If you absiolutely must reach out try and give it as much time as possible. At least 2 months. Don't beg her anymore, just go ghost. 2 months at least. 1
Author newenglandkid Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 That's my plan right now, NC started yesterday at noon. So far so good. There are times when I feel I need to text her or check her social media sites, but slowly I'm starting to wane off doing that. Along with going NC, I'm gonna go ghost like others have suggested and stay off my social media sites for a while (maybe a month or more). Also going to start enjoying life and do new exciting things. Hopefully this gets her curious about what I've been up too, and she contacts me. If she sees that I've changed and grew, I'm sure she'll have some thoughts about if her choice to break up with me is right. Am I right, or way off here guys?
RDawg Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 You're right in my opinion. You really don't have much other choice at this point. The reality is this: she has made the decision not to be with you, no amount of begging or arguing or convincing is going to change her mind. I know this hurts but it sounds like you have the right mind set. Tough it out. Stick with it. All is happening as it should.
soccerrprp Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 If she sees that I've changed and grew... Do yo need to change? Grow? How? I didn't get the sense that neither of those things were needed or responsible for the break-up. Are you certain your relations was as good as YOU make it out to be? We fought like all couples do, albeit about the littlest of things, we would make up in the matter of hours. I was married, I didn't fight about the littlest things that required hours to make up for. She even expressed concern and reason for break-up b/c of the arguments. It could be her way of saying to you that there were other reasons, but she did mention the arguments that you seem to think were not so important. Yeah, go NC.
Author newenglandkid Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 Do yo need to change? Grow? How? I didn't get the sense that neither of those things were needed or responsible for the break-up. Are you certain your relations was as good as YOU make it out to be? I was married, I didn't fight about the littlest things that required hours to make up for. She even expressed concern and reason for break-up b/c of the arguments. It could be her way of saying to you that there were other reasons, but she did mention the arguments that you seem to think were not so important. Yeah, go NC. I feel I need to change little things about myself that she may have wished I had. For example, she likes to go out and stay out late etc. but when we went out I would always be hesitant to stay out super late because I'm just not that into staying out past like midnight or whatever. So like that I want to change and be more willing to stay out and continue having a good time. In the past week I've seen her been out with friends from work (including males), so I think she really does like that aspect that maybe I did not give her. Other than maybe not worrying about little things, I don't think I need to change as much because while we were together I treated her like a queen (eg. DD when we went out, going out shopping with her, seeing her movies, just being as supportive as I could). So hopefully with a few minor changes, and NC she will realize that I've changed a bit and come around after some time. Thoughts?
ariesgirl-328 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I know NC is hard...took me half a year to finally implement it. But looking back I wish I had done it right away. YOU HAVE TO DO NC IF YOU WANT TO EITHER MOVE ON/EVEN HAVE A SLIGHT CHANCE AT GETTING HER BACK. When you are away from her, your pain will dull(I PROMISE), you will see everything more clearly and not as clouded by emotion, and especially if you don't look desperate and move on with your life and improve yourself, she might notice and see what she lost and come back. But if you keep contacting her, I guarantee she will thinking you are annoying and desperate and clingy and never want to be with you again. Your goal here should be to move on and forget(Basically you should just try going to the gym, hanging out with people, etc) and get better. There is an off chance that in the future like 6 months down the road she will see how great you were and come back. This is the only advise that everyone here will give you. Don't expect anything different except that you have to go NC and move on to ever even possibly have a chance. I know its hard but we all struggle through it. You have to as well. Goodluck. (:
jt27 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Sorry you're going through this pain. You aren't alone. Trust me. I am 2 months post BU and still cry over her. Let all these emotions and feelings run through you. Accept them. Avoiding them will just delay your healing. Unfortunately there is no universal remedy to getting your ex back. If there was there would be far less of us posting here. She has to want to come back to you. Use this time to work on yourself. Prove to yourself that she is missing out on someone great. Because she is. NC is extremely hard for obvious reasons. Most everyone on here has broken and most times the results were not good. In all honesty, you will probably break it too. And that's ok. If you do, don't beat yourself over it. I did something really silly that probably killed my chances but I don't regret doing it. Just do your best to better yourself. If you ever want your ex back, you have to move on first. The relationship you once had is now dead. If you reconciled it would have to be a completely new relationship. Spend time doing something, anything to keep yourself from dwelling and moping. Good luck buddy, we're here for ya.
damien201 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I feel I need to change little things about myself that she may have wished I had. For example, she likes to go out and stay out late etc. but when we went out I would always be hesitant to stay out super late because I'm just not that into staying out past like midnight or whatever. So like that I want to change and be more willing to stay out and continue having a good time. In the past week I've seen her been out with friends from work (including males), so I think she really does like that aspect that maybe I did not give her. Other than maybe not worrying about little things, I don't think I need to change as much because while we were together I treated her like a queen (eg. DD when we went out, going out shopping with her, seeing her movies, just being as supportive as I could). So hopefully with a few minor changes, and NC she will realize that I've changed a bit and come around after some time. Thoughts? You can't try to get her back. You have to wait for her to make the decision to come back to you on her own, understanding she might not. She's probably been building to this for awhile; each argument that you thought was just a bump in the road was a nail in the coffin for her. It sounds like you wore her out with negativity and general incompatibility. Have you ever gotten to the point with someone, friend or romantic interest, that you dreaded seeing their name come up on your phone because you knew you'd end up dealing with bulls#it? It seems like you pushed her that far. Once that has happened reaching out to her and pushing contact will only bother her more because she'll feel like you're trying to force her back in to the relationship. People do not like to be forced in to these things.
RDawg Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 The problem is that by the time comes that you realise what you're doing to harm the relationship the ship has already sailed. Even if you do acknowledge what you perceive to be as faults that you are working on it is very difficult to convince the other person that things will change. And I agree with the previous poster that there might be some fundamental incompatibility here. You sound like you might be a bit neurotic and she's more keen for a party and happy go lucky. Or maybe I'm just projecting my own issues and most recent experience..
Author newenglandkid Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 I'm not sure if I can agree with the incompatibility you guys are suggesting. While we did have little petty fights, we were generally very happy together IMO. I honestly feel that she made some adjustments to her own self in order to please me but eventually got sick of making all those adjustments and now is enjoying being herself again (in terms of partying and being single). I wanna think that if I can make some adjustments as well (such as being more open to going out and having a good time, like she does) that she may come back around. There was real chemistry between us, but I fear she became bored with me. If I make some small changes, what do you think the chances of her wanting to try again?
LifeGoesOnMan Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/brea...-guide-updated http://www.loveshack.org/forums/brea...second-chances http://www.loveshack.org/forums/brea...want-them-back this is all you can do man. no seriously. that's it.
Author newenglandkid Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 Thanks everyone, today will be day 2 of NC and day 2 of no social media posts (I haven't had it in me to block her so instead I'm taking 30 days off twitter/Instagram etc).With work it is a bit easier to get through the day (although I do check my emails frequently bc we always emailed each other during the work day). I'm trying to stay busy during the evenings with various activities and what not. Trying to just take it hour by hour and keep reminding myself that everything will work out like it's suppose to.
Author newenglandkid Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 Jt27 thanks for that reply, I'm going day 2 of NC and no social media posts on my behalf (can't block her, so instead trying not to post anything). It is a bit easier during the week with work to not think about her, but it's still no walk in the park. There are times when I want to text or email her. Jt27, if you don't mind could you DM me your stupid story because I have one that I'm kind of embarassed about and want to get your thoughts on it. Thanks buddy
flight E Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 You treated her like a queen. Nice. Coupled with the fact that you need to start keeping late nights because this is what she likes. There you have it that's the reason for the breakup. You behaved as if she was doing you a favour dating you. As hard as it may seem, treat the BU as if it is forever and the NC as if she is dead. Heal and move on. That's the only time you can stand the slightest chance of getting her back. Also read more about women and don't subscribe to the orthodox view; the one shown in movies. Women don't want to be treated like queens. They want a guy who makes them treat him like a king. If you don't do that, you will lose the girl like 1 + 1 equals 2. It's a certainty. Now go on and live you life. If she calls she calls. If she doesn't, her loss; that's the mindset that makes women come back. I know it's not eazy but if you want her back, follow this like a creed
Author newenglandkid Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 Thanks for that, it sucks because on one hand I know I treated her WAY better than she treated me most times. I'm starting to realize those little fights we had were started because I was tired of always doing what she wanted. There were some things that I did (or did not) want to do and her stubbornness would start the fights. Honestly NC has been really hard but it's only been 2 days. I'm starting to realize though that I am in love with this girl still, but the only way I could take her back is if she gave me more respect and listened to me. I think if that happened the fights would be few and far between. Day 2 of NC begins now, gotta stay strong... Thanks guys for all your advice! They are really keeping me positive in such a negative time for me.
sumathi Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I feel sorry for you, but you cannot force anyone to love you. If your girl friend feels that there is nothing for her in the relationship, it means she has completely deviated from you. You should accept it and stay away from her. If you force yourself on her, she will further deviate from you. It is always better to break away from a relationship where there is no hope for it to survive. You will find a better girl who is stable and firm in her love.
jt27 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Hey newengland. I tried sending you a PM but you are not a subscribed member so you are unable to receive it.
Author newenglandkid Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 Oh okay, trying to figure that out. I added you as a contact but idk if that helped.
Author newenglandkid Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 Thank you sumathi, I'm starting to understand and believe that if she truly wants me and this relationship it is on her to come back since she dumped me. It is extremely tough to do, letting her go, but I realize I can't overwhelm her. I need to let her find herself and if she realizes the importance of me in her life, then she'll be in contact. Thanks again guys you are making each day a little easier
jt27 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 Nah, you have to pay or get a like 250 posts or something. Anyway, you don't need to be embarassed by what you did. There are plenty of crazy stories here on LS. You won't be judged. Mine...about a month after my BU, I decided that I really did want to marry this girl, so I went out and bought the engagement ring she liked most (we were shopping for them right up to the BU) and went to her house the next day to propose. She didnt even answer the door. She did however send me a text 10 minutes late telling me how inappropriate it was. It hurt a lot that she didnt have enough respect for me to answer the door to tell me to leave. I dont regret it but it probably pushed her away further. I still love her. It will be while before I get over her but I have accepted that.
Author newenglandkid Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 Oh jeez ok, ya I'll just tell it here: So like I said broke up last Sunday (5/18). So over the Memorial Day weekend we end up at the same bar, but we don't talk or even acknowledge each other. So we both end up leaving late, and both of us are pretty drunk, so she sends me a drunk text saying that she wants Taco Bell and she hates sleeping alone (we always went to Taco Bell when one of us was drinking) anyway I tell her I could spend the night, and she says no ill wake up her parents. I tell her no I won't, and head over there. Once my bro drops me off in her driveway she texts me saying get the **** out of here. I was so confused, but the next day she texted me, and I apologized for doing that. She said maybe we shouldn't talk anymore and I said alright I understand but if you ever want to I'll be here. Tht was the last time I talked to her, so now it's been two days of NC. Idk what to make of that I am just really confused about what she truly wants.
jt27 Posted May 28, 2014 Posted May 28, 2014 I am just really confused about what she truly wants. This says it all. I definitely think she doesn't know what she wants. I am guessing you are pretty young but unfortunately it doesn't always change as they get older. My ex is almost 28 and BU with me with "maybes". She obviously didn't know what she wanted either. She was in the middle of a career change, under a lot stress and pretty much decided that her life would be easier/better without me in it and she didn't want to work on our 3 year relationship. She would say in the weeks just prior to ending it "I want to marry you" "I like thinking about our future" "me, you and the dog are a family" "more years to come" (after our anniversary just prior). I could go on and on. It confused the hell out of me. Still does. But she never reached out to me since. I was the one reaching out to her. I have now stopped. 4wks NC. Your ex was drunk, so don't put too much stock in what she said. She was drunk and alone and probably feeling vulnerable when she texted you. It seems she just wanted attention. The only thing you can make of it is to take her at her word to not contact her. You did the right thing by saying you understand. If she wants to talk to you, she will reach out but make sure they aren't breadcrumbs. If she reaches out and you want to work it out, then tell her that and don't accept anything less. Otherwise, it's just like the drunk text she sent you...attention grabbing. For now, start moving on or at least make an effort to. If you two were in love, it's going to be a rollercoaster...
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