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First bread crumb since break up: respond or ignore?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 14th December 2017, 4:53 AM   #16
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Your asking if its rude to not respond to someone who DUMPED you????
Kinda like after I caught my ex cheating she wanted to still be" friends"
With me because she "cared" for me.
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Old 14th December 2017, 4:56 AM   #17
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You've got to get stronger! Avoid him, quit texting him. Its true what they say, if you want them to miss you, you have to ignore them! You're giving him every ounce of power you have by going over there and texting him.. I know its incredibly hard not to, but you must get stronger and make it happen. I promise girl, thats the ONLY thing that will help.
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Old 14th December 2017, 5:01 AM   #18
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Being in similar shoes as you, and having received similar, LAME, bread crumbs...

Respond once and keep it short. "Thanks we had a good time."

THATS IT. If he asks another question after that, ignore. Give him his single bread crumb back but don't fall for it.
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Old 14th December 2017, 5:57 AM   #19
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Being in similar shoes as you, and having received similar, LAME, bread crumbs...

Respond once and keep it short. "Thanks we had a good time."

THATS IT. If he asks another question after that, ignore. Give him his single bread crumb back but don't fall for it.
Disagree. Do not respond.
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Old 14th December 2017, 9:06 AM   #20
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His alcoholism & fledgling attempts to get sober are coloring every aspect of this.

AA tells people to not start or try to fix romantic relationships until they have at least one year of sobriety under their belts. Recovering alcoholics are recommended to sever all contact with anybody who was part of their drunken life because those people -- even if not alcoholics themselves, like you -- are part of a pattern of drinking behavior.

I would not respond to the BF's lame text. I would go to an Al-Anon meeting to learn about how you as the GF end up enabling the alcoholic.
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Old 14th December 2017, 12:19 PM   #21
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OP here. I did respond early this morning (EST), with a cheerful message that asked no questions. He has not responded (it's been four hours), which I suppose speaks volumes.

Seriously, what is the point of him reaching out at all?
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Old 14th December 2017, 12:33 PM   #22
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OP here. I did respond early this morning (EST), with a cheerful message that asked no questions. He has not responded (it's been four hours), which I suppose speaks volumes.

Seriously, what is the point of him reaching out at all?
Control, now he knows you’re weak enough to respond he can keep you at arms length should he get bored.
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Old 14th December 2017, 1:30 PM   #23
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Control, now he knows you’re weak enough to respond he can keep you at arms length should he get bored.
Is it really so dark? Seriously. I've never wanted an ex back before but have stayed in touch and for sure wouldn't have been aware of how long it took them to respond. I waited almost twelve hours to respond btw.
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Old 14th December 2017, 1:47 PM   #24
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OP here. I did respond early this morning (EST), with a cheerful message that asked no questions. He has not responded (it's been four hours), which I suppose speaks volumes.

Seriously, what is the point of him reaching out at all?
Nothing more than a boost for his ego.
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Old 14th December 2017, 5:59 PM   #25
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Is it really so dark? Seriously. I've never wanted an ex back before but have stayed in touch and for sure wouldn't have been aware of how long it took them to respond. I waited almost twelve hours to respond btw.
Now you know next time to flat ignore. I give one chance to be civil. Even weirdly. But now you need to block his #or just 100% ignore everything he says.
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Old 17th December 2017, 12:02 AM   #26
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I really need to go NC. Once he texted me all my will went out the window and I initiated texts, calls, got jealous, accused him of ****, and almost just broke down on the phone as we rehashed the breakup.

I am trying to tell myself I can be low contact, I'm cool with the break up etc but it's a lie. A lie! I love him so much and I miss him so much it hurts. I'm upset it didn't work out.

How do you get the strength to do it? I just suggested it on the phone and he said that's not what he wants to do. He wants to be friends (whatever the hell that is). Just ugh.


Help!
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Old 17th December 2017, 12:16 AM   #27
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I really need to go NC. Once he texted me all my will went out the window and I initiated texts, calls, got jealous, accused him of ****, and almost just broke down on the phone as we rehashed the breakup.

I am trying to tell myself I can be low contact, I'm cool with the break up etc but it's a lie. A lie! I love him so much and I miss him so much it hurts. I'm upset it didn't work out.

How do you get the strength to do it? I just suggested it on the phone and he said that's not what he wants to do. He wants to be friends (whatever the hell that is). Just ugh.


Help!
Its near impossible to do whatever 'low contact' is supposed to be when you're in your shoes. You miss him, you are hurting. Theres nothing that'll make it better at this point, but there is a lot that can make it worse. I.E. breaking down to him, texting, accusing.. etc

My X said the same thing.. 'i don't want to stop talking to you' yet he didn't want me back either, bc he was with his rebound chick then. He wanted to keep me on the line!! You've got to see it for what it is, and quit contacting him. If you don't want to block his number, I understand, but let the messages roll in...and don't feed into it. Keep up the NC. If you're not strong enough to not text him back, block his number! Then you won't know if/when he reaches out.
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Old 25th December 2017, 8:59 PM   #28
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OP here. Just wanted to update.

I wasn't ready to accept the truth. I wanted to believe that my ex was too busy working on himself, or needed to focus on work, or was heartbroken too, but that he cared about me and would be back. I would go NC until I couldn't (which doesn't really count, does it?) and then, once I broke the seal, so to speak,had NO self-control - would text and call nonstop.

In my opinion, God doesn't make mistakes. Last week I found out I was pregnant - I've since had a very early miscarriage - but by telling him the news I got all of the information I needed to know.

When I told him, on Thursday, he said - among many other things - that we are not meant to be together and that this is not what he wants for his life. He told me I'd better completely forget about ever getting back together, even if we have a kid together. Then, he didn't call or text AT ALL until this morning, when he wished me a Merry Christmas. Really dude?

He's now totally verbalized his true feelings. It DOESN'T MATTER how strongly he pursued me in the beginning - those days are over. He's tossing me breadcrumbs and I am completely, totally over it. This is how a grown man responds to pregnancy news? No. Just no.

So I am committing to NC 100%. Clearly he was only staying involved for the attention/easy sex/ego/options, and I am not interested in being someone's backup. **** that guy.
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Old 25th December 2017, 9:31 PM   #29
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Very sorry to hear that.

What a pathetic excuse for a man.

((HUGS))
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Old 25th December 2017, 9:42 PM   #30
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Very sorry to hear that.

What a pathetic excuse for a man.

((HUGS))


Thank you so much. I am at peace and feel strong. It's going to be okay.
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